Unmasking Shame: Why Men Trade Authenticity for Approval

Unmasking Shame: Why Men Trade Authenticity for Approval

Today, we are pulling back the curtain on a silent epidemic that has been undermining the empowerment of men since the beginning of time and has worsened in today’s multi-media world. Look at how we praise men in our society. We celebrate the builders, the fixers, the high-achievers, and the men who get results at all costs. We are taught from a very young age that our value is entirely tied to what we can produce, what we can buy, and how well we protect our exterior image.  I know for me, my worth was measured through the lens of whether I had the validation and/or approval of the father figures in my life.  And later as I got older, of my larger community.  But if you look closely beneath the surface of all that frantic doing, you will often find an agonizing engine driving the machine for most of us that many of us find it too hard to look at: shame. The underlying fear that we are fundamentally not enough. The terror that if we ever slow down, if we ever stop performing, the world will realize we don’t measure up. We trade our authenticity for approval, and in the process, we lose our souls. Joining me today to unpack how shame drives our need to perform, and how we can break free from the trap of conditional love, is my guest, Charles Sue Wah Sing.

Why Peace Feels Boring

Most people have had some version of volatility in how they were raised and the environment that they grew up in.  We are conditioned to perform - to be praised when we do things well and to be reprimanded or punished when we don’t.  For a lot of people and most of you know the volatile childhood that I had, our version of love and what stable and safe looks like is some kind of intensity or emotional punch and as we’ve grown older, we’ve become conditioned to look for that in our lives and to see it as our version of normal.  The intensity is our version of intimacy - our version of love and attention.  How do we break this cycle?  How do we re-train our nervous systems to value the more ordinary things in life?

Jerry from Ohio: The Richest Man in Scottsdale

* One of the 5 pillars of this show is Radical Authenticity.  To be authentic is underpinned by our ability to be present.   * For me to tune in to who I really am at my core I have needed to learn how to be present.  If I’m not present then I’m getting triggered by the world around me and younger parts of me could be running the show of Michael leaving no room for me to show up as who I authentically am today - * A 58 year old aspiring good human who has the scar tissue to know the version of me that has me feel whole and at peace - the “Authentic me”. * So, how do we get present in a world that seduces us not to be?   * Today, I want to take you with me on a bike ride through the heart of Scottsdale, Arizona. It’s an incredibly affluent place, a bubble of wealth and comfort that for good reasons and not so good reasons, I live in.  * But on this specific morning, underneath a desert pergola, I was stopped in my tracks by a young man who owns next to nothing, yet possesses a spiritual wealth that moved me to weep. * Grab a seat, slow down for a second, and let’s talk about Jerry from Ohio: The Richest Man in Scottsdale

Beyond the Matrix: Reclaiming Your Soul in a World of Noise

We’re coming out of a pandemic that still leaves its’ imprint on what our lives and worlds look like, the middle east is erupting, we’ve had events that have caused us to question our trust for leaders around the world and inside all of it is what’s going on inside us - the pendulum of our masculine and feminine energies, which all of us have, throughout history have swung in polarized ways due to the actions and ways of beings of all the people that inhabit our beautiful planet.  In this episode, my guest Cori Capp, who is a light worker and spiritual guide, talks with me about masculine and feminine energies that are inside all of us and how finding the balance of them in the world and in ourselves will help us grow as people and as a society. You can find more about Cori Capp, my guest today on Instagram at Coach.Cori.

The Defensive Man: Why 'Being Right' Is Costing You Your Relationships

In the spirit of our growth as men, in this episode, I wanted to talk about some of the things that I’ve learned and also a theme that I’ve been hearing from different people in the latest chapter of my life.  * I started reflecting on my own life and how at different times I’ve reacted the same way.  There have definitely been times in my life when people who cared about me were wanting to give me feedback for my own good and I shut down.  Some younger part of me that wanted to be seen as perfect, or solid, or accomplished.  Anything but needing improvement.  * As men, we’re programmed to want to provide, to achieve and so much of our culture measures how well we do financially and have we succeeded in the eyes of our neighbors - our houses, our cars, the kinds of schools our kids go to - you name it. * How do we create a space within ourselves to allow the space for others to express themselves about how they are feeling?  And maybe even how they are feeling about us?  This is so important for our romantic relationships and for those of us with female partners, it’s even more important - they’re so wired to want to express themselves and they do in their female relationships with regularity.