Mom Guilt Isn't a You Problem. It's a Culture Problem.

Mom Guilt Isn't a You Problem. It's a Culture Problem.

The Myths of Motherhood: Why "Good Mother" Has Never Meant One Thing ft. Dr. Shari Thurer What if everything you think you know about what makes a "good mother" isn't instinct, isn't biology — it's just the story our culture happens to be telling right now? In this episode of That Mom, I talk with Dr. Shari Thurer, a psychoanalytically trained psychologist and author of The Myths of Motherhood: How Culture Reinvents the Good Mother. Dr. Thurer wrote the book nearly three decades ago, driven by her own fear (common among working mothers of her generation) that having a career might somehow damage her daughter. That fear sent her on a deep historical and cross-cultural dive — and what she found was that the definition of a "good mother" has never been fixed. It's changed dramatically across history and across cultures, which means the standard we're measuring ourselves against today isn't truth. It's a moment-in-time, culturally constructed myth. We talk about where mom guilt actually comes from (hint: an impossible ideal, not a personal failing), whether maternal instinct is even real, and the relief that comes from understanding that "good enough" — a term coined by psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott — really is good enough. What We Cover: * Why Dr. Turner started researching motherhood: her own fear that working would harm her daughter * The history of "good mother" standards — and how dramatically they've shifted over time * The frightening psychological theories of the past (like the "schizophrenogenic mother") * Whether maternal instinct is biological or culturally learned * Where mom guilt actually originates: an impossible, unattainable ideal About the Guest: Dr. Shari Thurer is a psychoanalytically trained psychologist based in Boston and the author of The Myths of Motherhood: How Culture Reinvents the Good Mother. She has practiced psychotherapy for decades and continues to see patients in Boston today. Links + Resources: * The Myths of Motherhood by Dr. Shari Thurer — available wherever books are sold and amazon [https://a.co/d/02qQ6OVK] * Follow ThatMom: Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/thatmomco/] * Join the ThatMom Community: EMAIL [https://thatmom.kit.com/intentionalmom] * Learn more: That Mom Website [https://riverside.com/www.thatmompodcast.com] Maria's Style Pick: One thing helping me simplify life as a working mom? Renting instead of buying. This episode's outfit is from Rent the Runway. Try it here with 50% off [https://www.renttherunway.com/shares/348658e8c64b418606e46da3bad0d763a38ededa-payPerSwap-publicLink-1780441571100?utm_source=web&utm_medium=referral_share&utm_campaign=rtr_referral_program] If this episode resonated, share it with a mom who has been carrying too much for too long. And if you're enjoying these conversations, follow That Mom for more thoughtful discussions about motherhood, identity, ambition, happiness, emotional well-being, and building a life that feels aligned with what matters most. *

Why Moms Are Wired to Worry More (Pt. 2 with Dr. Risa Weisberg)

Anxiety, Identity, and Becoming Who You Actually Want to Be (Part 2) ft. Dr. Risa Weisberg In Part 2 of my conversation with behavioral scientist Dr. Risa Weisberg, we shift from goals and motivation into something almost every mom feels but rarely understands: anxiety. Risa breaks down why anxiety isn't a flaw to eliminate but an alarm system that's actually doing its job — and why motherhood itself rewires the brain to make that alarm louder. We also dig into identity: why it feels so unsettled in motherhood, how much of who we think we are was actually decided for us in childhood through social comparison, and how — encouragingly — identity isn't fixed. You can change it through your behavior, not just the other way around. Risa shares her own experience traveling for work while raising two daughters, the fear of the story her kids might tell about her absence, and what she learned instead. We close with her advice for busy moms: pick what you really care about, and let the rest go. What We Cover: * Why anxiety exists and why eliminating it isn't actually the goal * The biology of fight-or-flight, and why it feels so wrong for modern, non-physical stress * Why moms are biologically wired to be the more anxious parent — and why that's not a flaw * What "identity" really is, and how much of it was set in early childhood * How identity can change through behavior, not just dictate it * Risa's own story: traveling for work, the fear of her kids' story about her, and what actually happened * Risa's current work, including her new project, Future Self AI About the Guest: Dr. Risa Weisberg is a psychologist, behavioral scientist, former digital health executive, speaker, and professor at Boston University. Her work focuses on behavior change, motivation, decision-making, and identity. She also coaches women through major life transitions and is a founding team member of Future Self AI. Links + Resources: * Connect or Learn more about Dr. Risa Weisberg [https://www.drrisaweisberg.com/] * Follow ThatMom: Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/thatmomco] * Join the ThatMom Community: EMAIL [https://thatmom.kit.com/intentionalmom] * Learn more: That Mom Website [https://riverside.com/www.thatmompodcast.com] Maria's Style Pick: One thing helping me simplify life as a working mom? Renting instead of buying. This episode's outfit is from Rent the Runway. Try it here with 50% off [https://www.renttherunway.com/shares/348658e8c64b418606e46da3bad0d763a38ededa-payPerSwap-publicLink-1780441571100?utm_source=web&utm_medium=referral_share&utm_campaign=rtr_referral_program] If this episode resonated, share it with a mom who has been carrying too much for too long. And if you're enjoying these conversations, follow That Mom for more thoughtful discussions about motherhood, identity, ambition, happiness, emotional well-being, and building a life that feels aligned with what matters most.

Why Smart, Capable Women Can't Stick to Their Goals (Pt. 1)

What if the secret to becoming the person you want to be isn't trying harder — but getting clearer about what actually matters? In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, I sit down with behavioral scientist and psychologist Dr. Risa Weisberg to explore why even the most capable, high-achieving women struggle to follow through on the goals that matter most to them. Risa has spent decades studying how people actually change their behavior — as a psychologist, former digital health executive, and professor. Together, we unpack the hidden reasons so many moms feel stuck, overwhelmed, and pulled in a hundred directions, and what actually creates lasting change. From values clarification and motivation to future-self thinking and the surprising role of disappointment, this episode is full of practical, research-backed tools for making decisions that align with who you actually want to become. What We Cover: * Why knowing what you want isn't enough * The difference between your goals and society's expectations * How to identify what you truly value * Why high-achieving women struggle to do "just fine" * The importance of understanding your deeper motivation * The psychology of your future self * The surprising connection between motherhood and people-pleasing * How learning to disappoint others can help you stop disappointing yourself * Why intentional choices reduce guilt and resentment * How to prioritize what matters in a season of limited time About the Guest: Dr. Risa Weisberg is a psychologist, behavioral scientist, former digital health executive, speaker, and professor at Boston University. Her work focuses on behavior change, motivation, decision-making, and helping people build sustainable habits that align with their values. Links + Resources: * Connect or Learn more about Dr. Risa Weisberg [https://www.drrisaweisberg.com/] * Follow ThatMom: Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/thatmomco] * Join the ThatMom Community: EMAIL [https://thatmom.kit.com/intentionalmom] * Learn more: That Mom Website [https://riverside.com/www.thatmompodcast.com] Maria's Style Pick: One thing helping me simplify life as a working mom? Renting instead of buying. This episode's outfit is from Rent the Runway. Try it here with 50% off [https://www.renttherunway.com/shares/348658e8c64b418606e46da3bad0d763a38ededa-payPerSwap-publicLink-1780441571100?utm_source=web&utm_medium=referral_share&utm_campaign=rtr_referral_program] If this episode resonated, share it with a mom who has been carrying too much for too long. And if you're enjoying these conversations, follow That Mom for more thoughtful discussions about motherhood, identity, ambition, happiness, emotional well-being, and building a life that feels aligned with what matters most.

How to Stop Trying to Do It All — And Start Living Better

WHAT IF THE GOAL ISN'T DOING MORE—BUT DOING WHAT MATTERS MOST? On this special episode of That Mom, the tables are turned as my friend Marissa interviews me about the story behind the podcast, the lessons motherhood has taught me, and why I believe moms deserve more than validation for how hard things are. We talk about the realities of modern motherhood, the impossible standards many women feel pressured to meet, and why conversations about the mental load are only the beginning. Because once we acknowledge what's hard, the next question becomes: Now what? I share the experiences that shaped my perspective—from becoming a first-time mom and realizing I couldn't "achievement" my way through motherhood, to building a podcast dedicated to helping women create lives that feel more joyful, intentional, and aligned with what matters most. If you've ever felt overwhelmed, stretched thin, or unsure how to prioritize yourself alongside everything else you're carrying, this episode is for you. WHAT WE COVER: * Why I started That Mom * The missing piece in today's motherhood conversations * What motherhood taught me about control, achievement, and expectations * Why validation alone isn't enough * The cultural pressures shaping modern motherhood * What ruthless prioritization actually looks like on a Tuesday morning * Why a confident "no" is only possible when you know your real priorities * The 5-minute morning practice that keeps me off the hamster wheel * How to identify what matters most in your current season * Why you don't actually want to do everything * The fear of putting yourself out there—and what happened when I did * How small mindset shifts can create more joy and meaning every day Whether you're navigating young kids, building a career, dreaming about something bigger, or simply trying to enjoy your life a little more, this conversation is an invitation to pause, reflect, and intentionally create a motherhood that feels right for you. ABOUT THE GUEST In this episode, the guest is me. I'm Maria Woods, host of That Mom, brand marketer, anthropologist-at-heart, legally-trained working mom of two, and someone deeply curious about how we can create lives that feel more meaningful, joyful, and aligned with what matters most. LINKS + RESOURCES * Follow ThatMom: Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/thatmom_thepodcast/] * Join the ThatMom Community: EMAIL [https://thatmom.kit.com/intentionalmom] * Learn more: That Mom Website [https://riverside.com/www.thatmompodcast.com] Maria's Style Pick: One thing helping me simplify life as a working mom? Renting instead of buying. This episode's outfit is from Rent the Runway. Try it here with 50% off [https://www.renttherunway.com/shares/348658e8c64b418606e46da3bad0d763a38ededa-payPerSwap-publicLink-1780441571100?utm_source=web&utm_medium=referral_share&utm_campaign=rtr_referral_program] If this episode resonated, share it with a mom who has been carrying too much for too long. And if you're enjoying these conversations, follow That Mom for more thoughtful discussions about motherhood, identity, ambition, happiness, emotional well-being, and building a life that feels aligned with what matters most.

How to Actually Enjoy Your Child's Birthday Party

WHAT IF THE STRESS OF PLANNING CELEBRATIONS HAS LESS TO DO WITH LOGISTICS—AND MORE TO DO WITH LOSING SIGHT OF WHAT ACTUALLY MATTERS? On this episode of That Mom, I sit down with attorney, entrepreneur, and self-described "Party Therapist" Jessica Lerner Halprin, founder of Swanky, a platform designed to simplify event planning and help families celebrate life's meaningful moments. Jessica shares how losing her mother inspired her to build a business centered around connection, celebration, and memory-making. We discuss why so many mothers feel pressure around birthdays and family events, how social media has changed our expectations, and why getting clear on your true intention can completely change the way you plan. Whether you're organizing a birthday party, graduation celebration, holiday gathering, or simply trying to create more joy in everyday life, this conversation offers practical advice for celebrating without the overwhelm. WHAT WE COVER: * Why celebrations matter more than we realize * The hidden pressure mothers feel around hosting * How Pinterest and Instagram can derail your plans * The question every parent should ask before planning a party * Why intention matters more than perfection * How to stop inviting opinions you don't actually want * Practical advice for working with vendors and negotiating contracts ABOUT THE GUEST Jessica Lerner Halprin is an attorney, entrepreneur, and founder of Swanky, a platform that helps families organize events, preserve planning details, and celebrate life's milestones with less stress and more intention. LINKS + RESOURCES * Connect with Jessica on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/getswankeywithjessica/]or LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/jlhalprin/] * Check out Swanky [https://www.swankey.com/celebrate-with-swankey-original?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQPOTM2NjE5NzQzMzkyNDU5AAGnaFJivo6GXz7vMOQKK3zwOAt2iG5-_QvPO64Ew6lGxENjXRucjuq0dC2tcRY_aem_CG2o5eSo1BtHG5wGccNSaw] * Follow ThatMom: Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/thatmom_thepodcast/] * Join the ThatMom Community: EMAIL [https://thatmom.kit.com/intentionalmom] * Learn more: That Mom Website [https://riverside.com/www.thatmompodcast.com] Maria's Style Pick: One thing helping me simplify life as a working mom? Renting instead of buying. This episode's outfit is from Rent the Runway. Try it here with 50% off [https://www.renttherunway.com/shares/348658e8c64b418606e46da3bad0d763a38ededa-payPerSwap-publicLink-1780441571100?utm_source=web&utm_medium=referral_share&utm_campaign=rtr_referral_program] If this episode resonated, share it with a mom who has been carrying too much for too long. And if you're enjoying these conversations, follow That Mom for more thoughtful discussions about motherhood, identity, ambition, happiness, emotional well-being, and building a life that feels aligned with what matters most.