Why 'Self-Care' Doesn't Work for Autism Parents, And What Does with Ricky Du Plessis

Why 'Self-Care' Doesn't Work for Autism Parents, And What Does with Ricky Du Plessis

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome SEND dad and advocate, Ricky Du Plessis, to the show. BIOGRAPHY Ricky Du Plessis is a SEND dad, advocate and podcast host on a mission to support the parents and professionals who care for children with special needs in overcoming the associated chronic stress. His son has level-3 autism and an ongoing ARFID assessment, so he lives the chronic stress he talks about. Unusually, Ricky was deep into metabolic health and the link between metabolic health and our mental resilience, before his son was born and his needs emerged, and that head start is genuinely what has stopped Ricky from burning out under the chronic stress load. He now writes, speaks and hosts a podcast making the case that caring for the caregiver is the most overlooked part of SEND support, but one every family deserves. KEY TAKEAWAYS * The caregiver is the primary intervention – if the parent or carer's wellbeing is compromised, everything that flows to the child is compromised too. * The hardware/software analogy – your mind (software) runs on your body (hardware), so physical health directly shapes mental resilience and capacity to cope. * Metabolic health is central – nutrition, sleep, light and movement all feed into your metabolic health, which underpins both mental and physical wellbeing. * Focus on nourishment, not calories – prioritise essential, bioavailable nutrients (e.g. retinol from liver vs beta-carotene from carrots) rather than counting calories. * Protect your sleep hygiene – wind down screens before bed, dim the lights, and avoid caffeine after midday to let sleep pressure (adenosine) build properly. * Prioritise everyday movement (NEAT) over just gym sessions – being less sedentary throughout the day matters more than a single workout. * Cut back on alcohol – even a small amount interferes with sleep quality. * Find your "logical entry gateway" – pick one area (nutrition, movement or sleep) that resonates with you and aim to improve it a little each day rather than seeking perfection. * Looking after yourself isn't vanity – as the caregiver, your wellbeing is foundational to your capacity to support your child, especially during critical developmental windows. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Brain Energy by Dr. Chris Palmer CONNECT WITH RICKY Learn more about Ricky's guidance and framework in his free substack https://substack.com/@rickyduplessis [https://substack.com/@rickyduplessis] Website - https://www.rickyduplessis.co.uk/ [ https://www.rickyduplessis.co.uk/] LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/ricky-du-plessis/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/ricky-du-plessis/] Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/ricky.du.plessis.85 [https://www.facebook.com/ricky.du.plessis.85] Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/ricky_duplessis/ [https://www.instagram.com/ricky_duplessis/] YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ricky_duplessis [https://www.youtube.com/@ricky_duplessis] CONNECT WITH THE AUTISM MUMS Website – https://theautismmums.com/ [https://theautismmums.com/] Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums [https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums] Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums [https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums] Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums [https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums]

Is School the Only Option? Understanding EOTAS for SEND Families with Lauren Vermeulen

If your child is struggling to attend school, you might be wondering what the options are. In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome back Lauren Vermeulen from Victory-us to talk about EOTAS (Education Otherwise Than At or In School). BIOGRAPHY Lauren is the founder of Victory-us, an independent SEND Teacher - supporting, empowering and providing EOTAS to send children. Lauren has taught in a variety of schools and SEND provisions, leading emotional regulation, behaviour support trainings and PSHE. She has expertise in supporting children with bespoke and tailored learning and mental health support, to ensure children flourish on education otherwise than at school. She now supports children their families who can’t access school and need tailored support. KEY TAKEAWAYS * EOTAS stands for Education Otherwise Than At or In School. It is specifically for children who hold an EHCP - this is what sets it apart from elective home education. When a child has an EHCP and cannot be educated in a school setting, the responsibility for funding and meeting that child's needs sits with the local authority, not the parent. * EOTAS is not the same as home education. If your child has an EHCP and you are educating them at home, the local authority still has a legal duty of care - and that includes funding. The LA must ensure all of Section F is being met. * Getting EOTAS agreed can be a lengthy process. Local authorities are required to work through a list of provisions under Section 61 before EOTAS can be agreed - from mainstream, to resource bases, to specialist and independent schools, to online provision. This is why having a well-written EHCP that accurately reflects your child's needs is so important from the start. * EOTAS is not just a tutor. A proper EOTAS package should address all of Section F - educational, health, and care needs. Emotional regulation, OT, SALT, therapy, and community access can all be part of the package, not just academic learning. * Positive evidence matters. When building a case for EOTAS, it's not just about what isn't working - it's about evidencing what does. Is your child engaging with an online platform? A tutor? An activity based on their special interest? All of this counts. * Section 19 is a different but related route. If your child cannot attend school for health reasons (including emotional school-based avoidance), and has had 15 or more consecutive days out of school, Section 19 may apply - even without an EHCP. It's intended to be temporary, but it can be a valuable window to collect evidence of what works. * The goal of EOTAS is holistic, not just academic. Lauren challenges the idea that education means the national curriculum. Life skills, emotional regulation, self-advocacy, sensory needs, and community access are all valid - and essential - parts of a child's education. * EOTAS can and should be reviewed regularly. Families should expect six-weekly check-ins with the LA, as well as annual review. If the LA identifies a school placement, parents are not obligated to accept it - as long as they can evidence why it would be less suitable than the current provision. * You don't have to figure out the package alone. Lauren works with families to design bespoke EOTAS packages built around the child's interests, needs, and outcomes - starting with what the child loves and working backwards from there. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE MindJam [https://mindjam.org.uk/] — Emotional and SEN support for young people through gaming, game design and digital skills Kiwi STEM Boxes [https://www.kiwico.com/]— subscription-based learning activity boxes referenced in the context of EOTAS packages Lisa Lloyd - ASD with a G&T [https://www.instagram.com/asd_with_a_g_and_t/?hl=en] CONNECT WITH LAUREN Book a free 30 minute call with Lauren via the Calendly link on the bottom right-hand side of her website. Website: www.victory-us.co.uk [http://www.victory-us.co.uk] Instagram: @victoryus.lv [https://www.instagram.com/victoryus.lv] CONNECT WITH THE AUTISM MUMS Website – https://theautismmums.com/ [https://theautismmums.com/] Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums [https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums] Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums [https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums] Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums [https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums]

Your Child's EHCP Isn't Being Followed - Here's What to Do with Lauren Vermeulen

If you've ever felt like your child's Education, Health and Care Plan isn't being properly implemented this episode is for you. In this episode, we're joined by specialist SEND teacher and advocate Lauren Vermeulen, founder of Victory-Us, to break down exactly what parents can do when a school isn't following an EHCP. BIOGRAPHY Lauren is the founder of Victory-us, an independent SEND Teacher - supporting, empowering and providing EOTAS to send children. Lauren has taught in a variety of schools and SEND provisions, leading emotional regulation, behaviour support trainings and PSHE. She has expertise in supporting children with bespoke and tailored learning and mental health support, to ensure children flourish on education otherwise than at school. She now supports children their families who can’t access school and need tailored support. KEY TAKEAWAYS * An EHCP is a legal document - the provision written into Section F must be delivered by the school * If you suspect the EHCP isn't being followed, your first step is to request a meeting with the SENCo and highlight specifically what is missing from Section F * Schools receive funding to implement the EHCP - if they say they don't have the resources, a cost of provision can be requested * If the issue isn't resolved, you can request an emergency annual review and involve the Local Authority * Section E (outcomes) should be reviewed at every annual review and should directly link to the provision in Section F - if they don't reflect your child's current needs, you can request amendments * An EHCP covers education, health, and care - if sensory needs, emotional regulation, or health provisions are being missed, that matters, even if your child appears to be meeting academic targets * You don't need to be an expert to advocate - you know your child best, and it is not your responsibility to spell out how provision should be delivered, that's the school's job * Free support is available via organisations like IPSEA if you need help navigating the process MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE IPSEA (Independent Provider of Special Education Advice) — free legal advice for families: www.ipsea.org.uk [http://www.ipsea.org.uk] CONNECT WITH LAUREN Book a free 30 minute call with Lauren via the Calendly link on the bottom right-hand side of her website. Website: www.victory-us.co.uk [http://www.victory-us.co.uk] Instagram: @victoryus.lv [https://www.instagram.com/victoryus.lv] CONNECT WITH THE AUTISM MUMS Website – https://theautismmums.com/ [https://theautismmums.com/] Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums [https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums] Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums [https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums] Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums [https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums]

ADHD Explained: Signs, Diagnosis & Real Life

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we’re talking about ADHD — what it is, how it’s diagnosed in the UK, the traits parents might notice, and how it can interact with autism in real life. ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects attention regulation, impulse control and activity levels. But beyond the clinical definitions from the NHS and NICE guidance, ADHD is lived — in busy mornings, movement breaks, emotional intensity, creativity and exhaustion. We explore: * What the NHS and NICE say about ADHD * How ADHD is assessed and diagnosed in the UK * The signs of inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity * Why ADHD is often misunderstood as “bad behaviour” * How ADHD and autism can co‑occur * Practical support strategies at home and school We also share our own lived experience navigating assessment, waiting lists and day‑to‑day life because understanding the guidance is one thing, but living it is another. KEY TAKEAWAYS ADHD is neurodevelopmental not a parenting issue. It begins in childhood and relates to how the brain develops and functions. It is not caused by poor discipline or “naughtiness.” Diagnosis in the UK requires a full specialist assessment. ADHD cannot be diagnosed through a single questionnaire or short GP appointment. It involves developmental history, school input and evidence of impairment across settings. Symptoms fall into three main areas. Inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity — though children may present with a combination, and hyperactivity isn’t always physical. ADHD and autism often co‑occur. Executive functioning challenges, sensory needs, routine preferences and impulsivity can interact in complex ways, making everyday life feel layered and exhausting. ADHD also comes with strengths. Creativity, passion, humour, curiosity and energy are often part of the picture. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE NHS [https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/adhd-adults/?utm_source=openai] NICE [https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng87/?utm_source=openai] YoungMinds [https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/adhd/?utm_source=openai] ADHD Foundation [https://www.adhdfoundation.org.uk/?utm_source=openai] CONNECT WITH THE AUTISM MUMS Website – https://theautismmums.com/ [https://theautismmums.com/] Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums [https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums] Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums [https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums] Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums [https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums]

What is Autism? We're Talking About It

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're going back to basics and talking about what autism actually is. We cover what autism is and what it isn't, why the word 'spectrum' is so widely misunderstood, and what it can feel like to hear that word applied to your child for the first time. We also get into some of the phrases that drive every autism parent quietly up the wall and why they matter more than people realise. KEY TAKEAWAYS * Autism is a neurodevelopmental difference - it's about how the brain develops and processes information. It's present from birth and it's lifelong. * The spectrum isn't a straight line. It's more like a colour spectrum - a profile of different strengths, challenges, sensitivities, and support needs that looks different in every person. * Social communication differences don't mean autistic people don't want connection. They mean they may communicate and connect differently. * Repetitive behaviours, strong special interests, a need for predictability, and sensory differences are all part of how autism can present and they can look very different from one child to the next. * Autism can co-occur with anxiety, ADHD, or learning disabilities but autism itself is a neurotype, not an illness. * 'We're all a little bit autistic' is well-meaning but misleading. Being autistic means having a distinct, lifelong neurological framework and phrases like this risk minimising the real challenges many autistic people and their families face. * 'They don't look autistic.' What people often can't see is the masking, the mental exhaustion, and the cost of holding it together. * A diagnosis can bring fear and grief but also relief and validation. Many parents describe a shift from panic to advocacy — from 'what is this?' to 'what can I do?' * Support needs vary widely and can change across different life stages. What works in primary school may not be enough in secondary. Support isn't static. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE National Autistic Society -www.autism.org.uk [http://www.autism.org.uk] Autistic UK www.autisticuk.org [http://www.autisticuk.org] NHS - Autism overview and diagnosis pathways: www.nhs.uk/conditions/autism [http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/autism] CONNECT WITH THE AUTISM MUMS Website – https://theautismmums.com/ [https://theautismmums.com/] Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums [https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums] Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums [https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums] Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums [https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums]