Ep 25: From Chaos to Peace: A Journey to Becoming a Great Stepdad

Ep 25: From Chaos to Peace: A Journey to Becoming a Great Stepdad

What if the most qualified stepdad in the room is the one who almost didn't make it out alive? Andrew Adams didn't plan on becoming a parent. He didn't plan 12 years of opiate addiction, multiple overdoses, or a near-fatal car accident on a highway at 75 miles per hour. But today, Andrew is stepfather to three kids, engaged to the man he loves, and one of the most grounded human beings I've had the privilege of sitting across from. Key Takeaways: * Why the sudden loss of structure at age 11 became the catalyst for Andrew's years-long addiction spiral * How a neurodivergent brain chasing relief through drugs becomes a 12-year trap. * Why "neutrality" is not indifference and how it became Andrew's superpower as a stepdad * The danger of entering parenthood to "fix" something in yourself and the resentment it breeds * How eight-plus years of deep personal work across 12-step programs, yoga, and spiritual practice transformed Andrew into the partner and father figure he is today * Why Andrew never tries to discipline Dylan's kids and what he does instead * The two-lane framework Andrew uses with children (and coaching clients alike): vision or fear, pick a direction * How to let your relationship with stepchildren build organically without pressure * Why kids who feel like a burden are usually carrying energy their parents chose to put on them * The single best piece of advice for anyone stepping into a stepparent role: take it slow, and let them come to you This is a fatherhood podcast episode about what it actually takes to show for yourself first, and then for the family that finds its way to your door. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Andrew on knowing — or not — you want kids 01:28 Tony introduces Andrew's full story 02:37 Childhood, a pastor dad, and sudden freedom at 11 05:02 Why drugs worked: silencing a neurodivergent brain 06:02 The escalation to opiates and heroin 08:54 Twelve years on and off — what that loop looked like 11:34 The car accident that finally broke through 13:15 What it takes to get a real wake-up call 15:14 Eight years of rebuilding across every modality 17:10 Forging peace through lived experience 18:44 Peace is a choice — and a remembrance 20:36 Consciousness, ego, and leading with love 22:01 Meeting Dylan — and the three kids in the package 23:28 Why "neutral" scared Dylan at first 25:45 Loving people through what they believe is an obstacle 28:30 Entering stepparenting with no force, only presence 30:40 Two choices, always — how Andrew guides children 31:26 Getting to be the fun one (and what that's built on) 33:24 The cool uncle role: someone to talk to who isn't mom or dad 35:51 Kids add to a full life — they don't complete it 38:06 When parents hold a belief that kids are taking something from them 40:01 Advice for anyone stepping into stepparenting 42:12 Tony closes the conversation

Ep 24: The Dad Who Chose to Break a Family Legacy of Alcoholism Forever

What does it take for a father to stare down rock bottom and choose his children? I sat down with visual artist, author, and winemaker Jermaine Dante Burs for one of the most honest, raw, and redemptive conversations I've ever had on this fatherhood podcast. Jermaine grew up watching addiction ripple through three generations of his family. He became a young father at 23, all while fighting his own battle with alcoholism that eventually landed him on life support in the hospital. What followed is a story of extraordinary transformation. Key Takeaways: * Why the pressure of being a young father accelerated Jermaine's addiction and what finally broke the cycle * How unlearning the inability to receive love was foundational to becoming a present father * The power of coaching your kids' sports and the emotional rollercoaster of watching them choose their own path * Breaking generational trauma: when addiction runs three generations deep, becoming sober is an act of fatherhood * The moment Jermaine's father told him "I'll always be your dad" and why he now says the same thing to his own kids * Why fathers teach their children most powerfully in the moments they aren't trying to teach anything at all * How 14 years of sobriety unlocked Jermaine's career as a celebrated visual artist, a gift his kids now get to witness * The courage it takes to apologize to your own children and what it teaches them about accountability * Why society consistently undervalues fathers, and what dads can do about it * What it means to be "the only man on the planet who wants you to do better than me" This is a parenting podcast for the dad who's willing to do the work: on himself, for his family, and for the generations that come after. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com [dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com]. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/] 00:00 Cold open: 14 years sober, no looking back 01:10 Tony introduces Jermaine Dante Burs 03:27 Jermaine's kids: Natalia (22) and Jordan (17) 05:04 Why receiving love was so hard to learn 08:14 Addiction forms quietly — a compounding interest 10:14 Becoming a young dad and altering reality 12:19 Showing up: assistant coach for Jordan's varsity team 14:34 The emotional rollercoaster of coaching your own son 17:17 Using his father's parenting as a mirror 18:12 What it was like growing up with a father who was both 20:33 "I'll always be your dad" — the lesson that landed twice 23:11 Ask first: do you want to listen, or do you want advice? 25:32 Teaching your son to sit in discomfort 27:06 Why Jermaine apologizes to his kids — often 30:04 Generational addiction: grandfather, father, Jermaine 32:53 Watching his father relapse after 13 years of sobriety 35:13 Living a double life while Natalia visited 37:14 What alcoholism actually does to your body 40:26 Highly functional — and still a father — through addiction 41:00 The pros and cons list of who he wanted to be as a dad 43:08 Rock bottom: life support and the audit that followed 45:58 Art is rediscovered after leaving the hospital 48:19 15 years away from the paintbrush — then sobriety changed it 50:28 Sugar Ray Leonard and Anthony Anderson — moments made possible by sobriety 52:22 "I'm the only man on the planet who wants you to do better than me" 55:42 Watching Jordan win the league championship — and leaking 57:42 Dad won't always be here: lessons in supply and demand 58:21 Mother's Day vs. Father's Day: the hospitality truth 1:01:07 Fathers play a massive role — and deserve to be praised 1:03:11 Tony closes: gratitude, love, and until next time

Ep 23: Before the Birth: A Surgeon Prepares to Become a Father

What happens inside a man when he finds out he's going to be a dad — and he's still months away? Vascular surgeon and expectant father Lucas Ferrer joins Tony Cooper for a candid conversation about what life looks like at 25 weeks pregnant. Lucas opens up about the in-between feeling of impending fatherhood — the moments of disconnection at work and the gut-punch of feeling Santiago kick for the first time. Together, Tony and Lucas explore generational patterns, the fear culture Lucas grew up with in Puerto Rico, and the powerful model his grandfather set. This is a rare, honest look inside the heart and mind of a man preparing to become a dad. Key Takeaways: * The emotional reality of expectant fatherhood often oscillates between disconnection and profound shock * Becoming a parent heightens awareness of unconscious patterns and generational trauma * Growing up around self-aware role models can shape a man's approach to fatherhood long before he becomes a father * Fear of risk is a learned behavior — and it can be unlearned * Being present as a father starts as an intention you set before the baby arrives * A man's relationship with support and community matters as much as his individual inner work * Finding a men's group or support network can be transformational, especially in the transition to fatherhood * Shifting priorities away from career and toward family requires intentional planning, not just good intentions * Speaking to your child before birth — in Lucas's case, in Spanish — is a simple, powerful act of early connection * Fatherhood, at its core, is a call to become the best version of yourself If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com [dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com]. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/] 00:00 Intro & cold open 01:00 Meet Lucas Ferrer, expectant father at 25 weeks 02:10 A vascular surgeon's approach to pregnancy 03:03 Why "What to Expect" can do more harm than good 04:05 Presence and disconnection during the work day 05:12 Fatherhood as a call to your best self 06:01 Breaking unconscious patterns before the baby arrives 07:32 Growing up in Puerto Rico: family, memory, and roots 09:21 Fear culture and tall poppy syndrome 10:44 Gabor Maté: big T and little T trauma 11:19 Lucas's grandfather: a model of grounded masculinity 13:25 The qualities Lucas wants to carry into fatherhood 15:07 Unlearning fear and choosing adventure 17:01 Allowing failure as a father and mentor 18:48 How the pregnancy happened: intentional and unplanned 20:56 Biology, purpose, and something bigger at play 23:46 Witnessing Courtney's transformation 25:06 Being the rock: emotional steadiness under pressure 26:47 Inner work and patterns Lucas is actively breaking 28:40 Men's groups, community, and being supportable 33:05 Due date, wedding week, and planning for presence 36:56 Final words: fully present is the North Star

Ep 22: From Lemonade Stands to MBA: A Father's Guide to Raising Lions

What if the most powerful classroom for your kids was the breakfast table every single morning? Tony sits down with Jay Bourgana — entrepreneur, turnaround consultant, and founder of the Raising Lions community — to explore a radically intentional approach to fatherhood. Jay shares how daily two-hour morning conversations with his 10 and 12-year-old children have become the engine behind one of the most active and engaged communities in the parenting podcast space. From lemonade stands to product-market fit, from ikigai to the theory of constraints, Jay packages adult-level wisdom into real, actionable experiences for kids — and for the dads raising them. Key Takeaways: * Why getting involved from day one of fatherhood is non-negotiable — and why you can't re-engage later if you disengage early * How to teach children the three non-negotiables: health, wealth, and relationships — and why "wealth" isn't about money, it's about freedom * The three types of capital every dad can transfer to his kids: financial, intellectual, and relational — and why relational capital matters most * Why autonomy, mastery, and purpose (Daniel Pink's Drive) are the real motivators for children — and how to use them * How to identify every child's natural "superpower" and channel it toward entrepreneurship and value creation * Why small business ventures teach responsibility better than almost anything else — and how to sequence those lessons as kids grow * The four business profiles kids fall into (leader, salesperson, product manager, systems manager) — and how knowing them builds teamwork and self-awareness * How to build a kids' business school from scratch: goal-setting, conversion rates, product-market fit — explained to a 10-year-old * Why dads must step into leadership the moment their child is born — not wait until the kid can "talk" * The concept of raising value creators, not consumers — and why that distinction changes everything about how kids show up in the world If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com [dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com]. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/] 00:00 Intro & Jay's opening lesson 01:37 About Jay's kids & Raising Lions 03:53 Morning rituals: 7–9am with the kids 06:11 Entrepreneurship: nature vs. nurture 08:51 Lemonade stands & creating incentives 10:33 Health, wealth & relationships framework 12:41 Packaging adult concepts for kids 14:49 Autonomy, mastery & purpose (Daniel Pink) 17:30 Responsibility earns freedom 19:58 Visualizing responsibility for kids 21:35 How quickly kids connect to purpose 23:20 Teaching cost of goods & unit economics 25:19 Product-market fit as a kids' lesson 27:15 From gross margin to capacity planning 30:00 Jay's background: Morocco to Morocco to M&A 35:03 The entrepreneur's real freedom 36:00 Three types of capital to pass down 38:18 Pour into kids early: beat the clock 40:41 Raising givers, not takers 42:01 Rethinking education post-Covid 44:00 Ikigai & finding a child's superpower 46:00 The four business profiles in kids 47:56 The kids' business school explained 51:00 Setting goals, conversion rates & action 54:53 What 30 years of entrepreneurship taught 56:11 Purpose as protection from trauma 58:18 Paper bills, grocery runs & real money 1:01:03 Advice for brand new dads 1:05:25 Wrap-up & how to find Jay

Ep 21: What Boarding School Taught Me About Being a Better Father

What does a British boarding school, a bucket of talcum powder, and men's work have to do with becoming a great dad? Tony sits down with Steven Fielding — father of two teenage sons, men's work facilitator, and someone who has done the deep interior work to understand how his past shaped his parenting. Steven opens up about growing up with an absent father, being sent to boarding school at 10, navigating divorce while keeping his boys at the center, and why intentional fatherhood starts long before your first child arrives. Key Takeaways: * Early hands-on involvement — diapering, feeding, swaddling — pays real dividends in your relationship with your kids years later * The psychological imprint of childhood separation, including "boarding school syndrome," can follow men well into adulthood * Teenage boys need a father who is stepping back strategically, not battling them — your job shifts from protecting to supporting * It's never too late to take responsibility and apologize to your kids for moments you could have handled better * Co-regulation and nervous system awareness are practical parenting tools, not just therapy concepts * Men's work and brotherhood aren't just personal development — they make you a better father * Devices and screen time are a real challenge; the answer isn't panic, it's redirecting focus to what you can control in your own household * Separation and divorce don't end your job as an intentional father — how you show up after matters just as much * Communicating your needs without neediness is a skill — and one worth developing before you're in crisis * Start the interior work early. Create a list of intentions before you become a dad. Lead. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com [dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com]. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/] * (00:00) - – Cold open: Boarding school * (00:20) - – Tony introduces Stephen Fielding * (01:22) - – Steven's two sons: Nick (18) and Max (16) * (02:48) - – Fathering teenagers: patience and letting go * (04:39) - – The men you want them to become * (05:56) - – Being hands-on from day one * (07:36) - – Growing up: absent father, affectionate mother * (09:02) - – Sent to boarding school at age 10 * (11:07) - – The headmaster: most influential male figure * (12:22) - – The lasting echo of homesickness * (13:03) - – Bullying, standing up, and the lesson it taught * (14:27) - – Boarding school syndrome * (16:05) - – Men's work and the capacity for brotherhood * (19:09) - – Leadership, giving what you want to receive * (19:54) - – Did he always know he wanted to be a dad? * (21:29) - – Nick's birth: capturing the first breath * (23:57) - – The moment responsibility lands * (25:08) - – Happiest Baby on the Block & swaddling * (27:50) - – What shifted in his marriage after kids * (29:44) - – No More Mr. Nice Guy and owning your patterns * (31:29) - – Communicating needs without neediness * (33:00) - – The Middle Passage and rediscovering your partner * (34:30) - – The talcum powder story * (36:47) - – The 30 minutes it took to settle Nick down * (37:52) - – Breath work, nervous system, and co-regulation * (38:45) - – Going back to apologize: it's never too late * (39:49) - – His father's advice: always keep the family together * (40:53) - – Advice to first-time dads * (43:26) - – Start the interior work early. Be intentional. * (44:16) - – Tony closes out with Steven