7. The Unseen Work of Recovery: Embracing the Process

Don't Confuse Your Sight With Your Vision

Its September 27th and its Sickle Cell Shades Day! A day dedicated to bringing awareness on one the effects of my condition: Sickle Retinopathy. A condition that cost me my left eye in 2022. I tell my story and the leadership lessons I learned from it in this post. As we close out the last few days of Sickle Cell Awareness month- I’m especially thankful for all the advocacy work to bring awareness and health equity. I’m also excited to use this story to kick off a series on the vital and critical leadership quality we all need - Vision. Have you ever faced a moment when the clarity you relied on—both literally and figuratively—suddenly blurred, leaving you uncertain of the next step? In January 2020, my view was expansive. I was in Bali, basking in the anticipation of the adventures ahead, excited about the work I had done to prepare for the projects and opportunities that would unfold in the new year. Fast forward to March 2020, and that view had drastically changed. In front of me, clients were on the verge of canceling. They were unsure of the future and asking me for direction. Around me, my support staff sought clarity on priorities, while above me, company leadership pressured me to figure out how to retain client revenue. Everything was shifting, and it felt like the walls were closing in. By June 2020, my view became even more literal. One day, I noticed a blur on the periphery of my left eye. At first, I dismissed it—there was so much else to focus on. But as the days passed, my eyesight began to change, and eventually, all I could see was directly in front of me. Everything above, below, and around was completely obscured, a fog surrounding my vision. Out of annoyance, I finally made an appointment with the eye doctor, expecting nothing more than a routine checkup. But within a minute of being seen, they called a specialist—immediately. My heart sank. A deep breath. I took an Uber to the specialist, and after a series of tests, he delivered the news: my retina was detached. My response? “My what is detached?”His response? He calmly unpacked the details, explaining the situation and its implications. My response? “Okay.” I took a deep breath, smiled, nodded, and thought to myself: “Don’t panic, don’t worry. The sign on the door says 'retina specialist.' I fully trust that he’ll know what to do next.” So, I said, “Fix it.” His response? “Well, not quite. In its current state, we’re not sure what the best options are or what forward looks like.” My response? “Mr. Specialist, what direction can you provide at this time?” His response? “Stabilize—and wait. Wait and see… no pun intended, of course.” My world felt even more uncertain. I was angry. It’s this man’s job to tell me what to do, what my options are, and where to go next. But there were no clear answers. Over the next few weeks, I spent hours consulting "Uncle Google" and reflecting on the irony of it all. The timing. The vision. The loss of clarity—both in my work and in my literal eyesight. I decided to take a break. I needed space. I went to the safest place I could think of: my parents’ house. One day, while sitting with my mom, the weight of everything hit me, and for the first time, I burst into tears. I told her how I felt like my greatest strength as a leader—my vision—had become my greatest weakness. My mother, with her usual calm wisdom, responded, "Natou, don’t confuse your sight with your vision." The Distinction Between Sight and Vision That was the first lesson I had to learn: sight and vision are not the same. Sight is what we see in front of us, but vision is deeper. Vision is insight, intuition, and faith in what lies ahead, even when it’s unclear. Lesson 1: Take a Break, but Don’t Escape It’s okay to take a break when things feel overwhelming, but don’t use it as an escape. Be present with the situation, even when it’s ambiguous. Having honest conversations with friends, colleagues, and even yourself about uncertainty is critical. It’s okay to say, "I don’t know yet." There is no shame in sitting with the discomfort of not having immediate answers. Lesson 2: Direction Comes from Insight, Not Sight When my physical sight was compromised, I realized that true direction comes from a deeper place—insight. In times of uncertainty, the priority is not just stability but also tapping into that inner knowing. It’s about going deep, connecting with your intuition, and trusting yourself. This is a quality that, frankly, isn’t emphasized enough in leadership. But in those moments, I knew that through my spiritual nature, I was already connected to the right answers and the inspiration I needed. Lesson 3: Let Go of Attachments to Specific Outcomes No matter how much technology, data, or planning we have, the human experience will always have blind spots. In this situation, I had to accept my limited view, trust the wisdom of others, and let go of any attachment to specific outcomes. As circumstances shifted, I learned to rely on faith and seize unforeseen opportunities with quiet confidence and a flexible spirit. Looking back, my mother’s words echo even louder: “Don’t confuse your sight with your vision.” Life’s most significant lessons come when we lose the clarity we thought we had. But it’s in those moments, when sight is lost, that vision—true vision—emerges. And in that vision, we find the strength to move forward, not just seeing the path but trusting in it. So, I ask you again: Have you ever faced a moment when the clarity you relied on—both literally and figuratively—suddenly blurred, leaving you uncertain of the next step? How did you find your way forward? Thanks for reading Warrior to Leader! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit warriorstoleaders.substack.com [https://warriorstoleaders.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

8. “People have chronic conditions because they are lazy”

“People have chronic conditions because they are lazy”  These were the words directly out of the mouth of a Dr. I heard speak this past weekend. I literally froze. I couldn’t believe that in the year of our lord 2024 a supposedly esteemed physician whose mission is to optimize people’s health would look at me in the eye directly and answer my question with these words.  Thanks for reading Warrior to Leader! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. I was livid. It took me a good day to process what happened. Here I am attending workshops with people from various backgrounds looking for resources and expert advice from industry professionals on how to optimize health. This physician - who held nothing back about his success including being ‘world renowned’ had the audacity to say - verbatim- that people have chronic conditions because they are lazy.  First off - in spite of asking for introductions from everyone, it was obvious he did not know his audience - cause his whole presentation was directed towards physicians. He made no distinction or adjustments to be inclusive in any way. Nevertheless his offering was very interesting and I raised my had and with a hopeful expression asked “ Can you explain the impact this could have on people who have a chronic condition? “and then he looked down at me, paused for a moment, and said “ first of all - people have chronic conditions because they are lazy” .  Then he went on to point out that staying on top of your health is a job, and pointed to a body building professional in the back row and said “look at her- she prioritizes her health, she probably spends 3 hrs in the gym”.  Finally I interrupted him and said  “I’m not lazy, I have sickle cell, and I have benefited from solutions like yours, and other health practices that have allowed me to travel the world and be successful at what I do”. He interrupts me then and is like ‘ well that’s different, I’m talking about other conditions”and proceeds to go on and on about  how in order to see him a person has to be “above and beyond” committed to their health.  The man reflects everything I stand against. The lack of emotional intelligence, empathy, and most importantly - curiosity. Given that I was a layman in the audience of his presentation - the appropriate response would have been “ Could you please clarify what you mean? “. Not some blanket statement about people who live with chronic conditions are suffering because of laziness.  I would go so far as to say the HE is the lazy one. Clearly - does not understand that humans are complex beings and have multiple layers and more obviously that there are people who ( like myself) who are born with chronic conditions. Not to mention that an estimate 129M people almost 1/2 the US population have at least one chronic condition. And 5/10 leading causes of death are due to a chronic condition.  But my anger ran deep because I’m on mission is to elevate those living with chronic conditions, and I know the struggle for many of us is the feeling that because of the limitations in our capacity that we are not enough, that we aren’t doing enough, that we can’t do more.  I also know for fact that where people are coming from MATTERS. It’s not black and white, and the development and definition of chronic conditions is growing exponentially, and the tools- especially the MINDSET is the most important factor in navigating its challenges. No amount of tools will help if the prevailing attitudes and mindsets and stigma is that a person is at fault and even lazy due to it. Who does that serve? How does that help? Where is the leadership from this so called expert? Where is the responsibility to do no harm that he’s committed too?  His words were - harmful.  As a former body builder - the audacity he had to point out that the person in the room who is a PRO bodybuilder is the representation of health and hard work? Clearly this guy has no understanding of the sport. Most body builders will tell you that the journey to getting that pro card to looking that lean is NOT healthy. 3 hours in the gym daily is NOT healthy. The irony isa - this guys specializes in hormones- and is praising a woman who more than likely has sacrificed her hormonal health to get that lean and on to the stage to earn the highest achievement  in the sport- her pro card.  Again -where is the leadership?? Not to mention that there were other physicians in the room who were there because they are disenchanted with ‘traditional’  medicine - and looking for ways to serve their community of patients outside the system. Exploring tools and resources that allow for them to offer services ad generate insights that really get beyond the paradigm they were culturally immersed in.  The sad part for me was watching how the culture- the beliefs, mindsets  that uphold those very systems was now being presented as a way out - as Peter Drucker says ‘ Culture will eat strategy for breakfast ‘  Luckily - most of the people in the room stopped listening after he said the things he said. No amount of confidence will cover up the fact that you’ve acted like a jerk and a fool.  Sadly there probably was a time when I could’ve agreed with some of his sentiments - but it came from a place of self loathing and, hatred, and even resentment over my own condition. Not. Any. More.  My whole experience this weekend only serves to reinforce the need for this community and that of “The Nourished Leader [http://nourishedleader.substack.com]”.   The desperate need for human centered leadership skills. The skills that allow us to engage with the whole person, honor our intersectional identities, and most importantly to leverage our diverse capacities.  Until next time, This publication is dedicated to professionals across all fields who navigate the challenges of chronic illness. Balancing our careers and financial well-being is a responsibility we carry, and living with a chronic condition adds a unique layer. My mission is to empower and amplify our leadership, ensuring that we can thrive despite the cards we’ve been dealt. While this publication specifically supports those with chronic conditions, its insights and strategies are designed to benefit everyone, offering valuable perspectives on resilience, leadership, and well-being. If you know anyone living with a chronic condition—or anyone who could benefit from this message—please forward this publication to them today! Thanks for reading Warrior to Leader! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit warriorstoleaders.substack.com [https://warriorstoleaders.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

7. The Unseen Work of Recovery: Embracing the Process

How do you approach recovery after a challenging experience, especially when your body and mind are telling you to keep pushing forward? * San Diego, California USA 🇺🇸 * Johannesburg, South Africa 🇿🇦 2x.  * Toronto, Canada 🇨🇦 * Manchester, UK🇬🇧 * Singapore🇸🇬 * Weybridge, UK🇬🇧 * Prague, Czech Republic 🇨🇿  * Atlanta, Georgia 🇺🇸  * Madrid, Spain  🇪🇸  * Malaga, Spain 🇪🇸  * Mexico City, Mexico 🇲🇽  Twelve trips, 11 locations, seven different countries since January 1st of 2024. It’s been six weeks since I’ve been on a plane. Being a professional in any field is a lot of work. We spend most of our time - working. Its always been a core value of mine to actually LIKE what I do. Has it been easy ? Absolutely not.  A career has many ups downs and sometimes outs. I’ve been fortunate to have may could and good experiences.  Let’s talk about - Recovery.  Every single time I come off a plane after a trip my first two actions are 1) Therapy and 2) Training with my personal trainer. The intensity and stress of travel plus the work on the ground is a lot on my body. It’s my way of ensuring I prioritize recovery. Frankly- I don’t like it.  I’m usually coming off high adrenaline from the work, and I’m well aware that that there is a plethora of emotions that I’m experiencing and need to process. I also need to process the emotions that come with flare ups that often happen while in the field. In addition - my body hurts and needs movement, and having a trainer is more about me getting back up after the long trip and APPROPRIATELY moving my body. Again -coming off adrenaline- I need to slow down. My trainer paces me back into a routine, reconnects me with my body’s capacities, and the workout is a great contradiction to what extreme feeling I’m having in the moment. It reminds me that im still strong, and that nothing was loss as a result of the intense work/flying. It reminds me that a different capacity isn’t failure, just different. It reminds me that I can  and should still move - even though all I want to do is sleep for a week.  I’ve never ever liked recovery. When I get a flare up, or in my case specifically a crisis [https://nlegrand.substack.com/p/special-edition-2-what-is-a-crisis]. It’s enough to survive it. That’s like the storm. I just want to get back out and do the next thing as if I didn’t just go through a crisis [https://nlegrand.substack.com/p/special-edition-2-what-is-a-crisis]. From a work standpoint - it’s as if I didn’t just travel through 7 different  timezones, and delivering work with in 24 hours of landing. This affects mood, and hunger, and hormones. It’s chaos. Not only - I feel pain as a result. I’m finding that my intake of pain meds is higher to keep a crisis [https://nlegrand.substack.com/p/special-edition-2-what-is-a-crisis] at bay.  Why is recovery so hard for those of us with chronic illnesses? * Our focus is on recovery being an event vs process- We often fall into the mental trap that recovery is an event. A flare up or in my case a crisis [https://nlegrand.substack.com/p/special-edition-2-what-is-a-crisis] - is often an event. It can last a bit, but ultimately it peaks, then its is officially in the past. The worst of it is over. That’s it. Just the worst of it. In the world of sickle cell - it’s said for every one day in the hospital - you need 3 days recovery. During a flare up of any sort - you’re fighting for your life, and then you need to recover from all the energy expended in that fight. In reality- recovery is a process, and quite frankly - it’s work.  Recovery is a Process not an Event. * Intense feelings of guilt - in one session with my therapist I told her of a recent trip where the 72 hour buffer I had before starting my work was spent managing a crisis [https://nlegrand.substack.com/p/special-edition-2-what-is-a-crisis]. I was looking forward to being able to have some time to prep for my sessions, and instead I spent those 3 days guzzling vitamin c, drinking copious amounts of water, and watching TV. All in efforts to keep my body from flaring up, as I started to feel the onset of a cold. She asked me - what was the emotion underneath that anger? Turns out it was guilt. I felt guilty for using that time that way. It sounds crazy but it feels like you have to sometimes have permission to recover. You get angry that the crisis/flare up has already taken up enough space, why does recovery need to take up more? She responded with - “Well people feel guilty when the feel like they did something wrong. Did you do anything wrong?”. No. I didn’t. I took care of number one- me. I did all I could do in those 3 days so that I CAN show up for the work. In these situations one MUST lean on the principles of self compassion. I’m reminded of this by this quote by Pema Chodron: The most difficult times for any of us are the ones we give our selves -Pema Chödrön * Our resistance to “ taking it easy” and “taking it slow” - On a recent jog I was listening to the coach talk about the need for the run to be easy. He made the point that for most runners the easy run is most associated with the recovery run. Most importantly - Easy is an effort NOT a pace. Recovery is about effort - not pace. Pace is the speed in which you go. The reality is - the world is moving fast around . You JUST took time off for a crisis and now you need to spend more time recovering?? Will you ever catch up? The struggle is 100% mental. Easy is not - well easy. It’s. uncomfortable, creates anxiety amongst other things. Therefore we naturally just want to ‘speed’ it up. What I took away from this coach is that 1) EVERYONE’s ability to give a fast or hard effort is rooted in - easy efforts. 2) Our conditioning to ‘ go hard’ all the time is truly at our own peril.  There are surely many more! Feel free to leave a comment others you struggle with. All in all in took 4 weeks before I felt like myself again. Four weeks before my digestive system felt semi-normal, before my sleep felt regular. It took a lot of intentional - effort. It took consciousness to go easy, show myself grace and compassion. Ask for help. And most importantly the ability to simply …trust the process.   For reflection:  * How do you perceive the relationship between recovery and productivity in your own life?Reflect on how recovery impacts your ability to perform at your best. Do you see recovery as a necessary part of maintaining productivity, or do you feel it hinders your momentum? * What emotions arise for you when you think about taking time for recovery, and how do these emotions influence your actions?Consider the guilt or resistance you may feel when prioritizing recovery. How do these emotions shape your approach to self-care after a physically or emotionally demanding experience? * How can you shift your mindset from viewing recovery as a setback to seeing it as a vital part of your overall well-being?Explore ways you can reframe recovery as an essential process rather than a disruption. How might this shift in perspective help you embrace recovery with less resistance? This publication is dedicated to professionals across all fields who navigate the challenges of chronic illness. Balancing our careers and financial well-being is a responsibility we carry, and living with a chronic condition adds a unique layer. My mission is to empower and amplify our leadership, ensuring that we can thrive despite the cards we’ve been dealt. While this publication specifically supports those with chronic conditions, its insights and strategies are designed to benefit everyone, offering valuable perspectives on resilience, leadership, and well-being. If you know anyone living with a chronic condition—or anyone who could benefit from this message—please forward this publication to them today! Till next time… This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit warriorstoleaders.substack.com [https://warriorstoleaders.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Special Edition 2: What is a “Crisis”

When was the last time you felt like your world was suddenly thrown into chaos, demanding all your energy and attention to just make it through? In my posts - I will often use the word crisis . I do mean this metaphorically and physically. I love metaphors.  The most common and distressing symptom of my disease are the episodes of pain known as - sickle cell crises.  What happens when a person with sickle cell disease is having a ‘crisis’ ?  Physically ( and simplistically)  speaking:  Blood vessels are being blocked, obstructing the oxygen supply to the body’s cells. This lack of oxygen can cause the cells to become damaged or die - this leads to inflammation. When the blood vessels are blocked and oxygen can't reach the cells, it's like the cells are suffocating - they aren't getting the oxygen they need to work properly. This "suffocation" causes them to send out distress signals, which the body interprets as pain. For the 5 year old in us…another way to understand it is -  Imagine your blood is like a river, and your red blood cells are like boats that carry oxygen to all the parts of your body. Usually, these boats are nice and round, so they can flow smoothly through the river. But sometimes, if someone has sickle cell disease, some of their boats turn into funny shapes, like bananas. These funny-shaped boats can get stuck in the river and cause a traffic jam.  When that happens, it can be really painful for the person because the oxygen isn’t getting to where it needs to go, and parts of their body start to hurt. This is called a sickle cell crisis, and doctors help by giving medicine to try and clear up the traffic jam so the person can feel better. There’s really no words to describe the pain. It’s excruciating, escalates quickly, and demands immediate attention.  Not unlike how most of us understand the word ‘crisis’.  Metaphorically speaking … We’ve all had moments where something just ‘flares’ up, out of our control. It threatens our very own lives, makes us feel like we can’t breathe, and demands our immediate uncompromising attention. The only goal is to get it under control- get through it. Quickly.  Luckily for most of us these experiences are few and far in between. The job crisis, the financial crisis, even the health crisis. It’s difficult, unforgettable , and it does eventually end. Another way to see it understands it is like a storm in calm waters- just like a storm suddenly disrupts a peaceful sea, a crisis disrupts a ‘normal’ life. Creating chaos and urgent action.  Interestingly enough my life as a sickle cell warrior has taught me 1) to prevent and expect the crisis, 2) how to handle a crisis  and most importantly - 3) how to recover from one. It’s an essential life skill. Its leadership.  This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit warriorstoleaders.substack.com [https://warriorstoleaders.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

5. Thank.Your.Body

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit warriorstoleaders.substack.com [https://warriorstoleaders.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]