Nobody Taught Us How to Love — Until Now

Nobody Taught Us How to Love — Until Now

What if the biggest problem in your relationship isn't your partner, it's that nobody ever taught you how to be in one? In this episode of Uncoupled and Unfiltered, host Ksenia Muench sits down with Coco Kowal, licensed counselor, relationship educator, and faculty member at the Imago International Training Institute. With over 40 years of experience working with individuals, couples, and families, Coco brings rare depth and wisdom to the patterns that quietly shape and sometimes sabotage our closest relationships. They get into what Imago therapy actually is (and why it's different from traditional couples therapy), why the honeymoon stage ends and what to do about it, and the relationship competencies most people never learn. They also go there on the hard stuff: affairs, divorce, high-conflict personalities, and whether love, once broken, can actually be rebuilt. Whether you're single, coupled, or somewhere in between, this conversation will change how you see yourself in relationships. Key Topics Covered: * What Imago therapy is and how it works * Why most relationships fail — and why it's not your fault * The relationship skills no one teaches you * How to stay curious about your partner long after the honeymoon ends * Adultery: why it happens and whether a relationship can recover * The mirroring technique for de-escalating conflict with a high-conflict partner * Can Imago therapy change the outcome of a divorce? “Within the power struggle is just the growth within us trying to happen, and if we don't learn the tools, people get tired of trying. They get worn out.” - Coco Kowal About Our Guest: Coco Kowal Colleen "Coco" Kowal, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in South Carolina and holds a Master of Counseling from the University of South Carolina. With over 40 years of experience working with individuals, couples, and families, Coco is a Certified Advanced Clinician in Imago Relationship Therapy and a Certified Getting the Love You Want Couples Workshop Presenter.  Her passion for this work began with her own personal transformation through Imago therapy, and she has since become a faculty member of the Imago International Training Institute, where she trains other professionals to become Certified Imago Therapists. She brings both the clinical expertise and the lived experience that make her one of the most trusted voices in the Imago community. Who This Episode Is For: * Couples feeling disconnected or stuck in the same arguments * Anyone who has experienced or is recovering from infidelity * People considering divorce who want to explore every option first * Singles who want to understand their relationship patterns before their next relationship * Anyone curious about therapy but unsure where to start Connect with Coco Kowal: Website: https://www.brauerlawcorp.com/ https://www.hiltonheadislandcounseling.com/ [https://www.hiltonheadislandcounseling.com/]  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hiltonheadislandcounseling/ [https://www.instagram.com/hiltonheadislandcounseling/]  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HHImago [https://www.facebook.com/HHImago]  Connect with Ksenia Muench: Website: https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/ [https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/]  Website: https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/]  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/]  Substack: https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc [https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc]  Email: ksenia@thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com  🎧 Listen, Subscribe & Share Follow Uncoupled and Unfiltered on Spotify, Prime, and Apple Podcasts for weekly conversations about divorce, relationships, dating, and self-discovery. If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share to help others find the show. Want to hear more podcasts like this one? Check out Dear Divorce Diary with Dawn Wiggins- https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/ [https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/] Want to work with Ksenia? The next cohort is forming now- https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]

Infidelity, Addiction & Abuse: What Really Happens Behind Closed Doors

Infidelity, addiction, and abuse don't automatically have to mean the immediate end of a relationship, but building a new version from the wreckage takes immense work. In this episode, a seasoned couples therapist breaks down what really happens behind closed doors, how to spot dangerous patterns, and when it’s worth fighting for your marriage versus walking away. EPISODE SUMMARY  In this raw and revealing episode of Uncoupled & Unfiltered, we sit down with Marina Edelman — Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 20 years of experience — to tackle the relationship topics most people are too afraid to say out loud: infidelity, addiction, and abuse. Can a relationship survive cheating? Is "once a cheater, always a cheater" actually true? Who is most prone to an addictive personality — and how does that destroy a marriage? What does abuse really look like before it escalates? And the hardest question of all: should you stay, leave, or separate? Marina brings compassionate, no-nonsense clinical wisdom to every answer. Whether you're in crisis, healing from betrayal, or simply trying to build something healthier, this episode will change the way you see your relationship — and yourself. Key Topics Covered: * Why infidelity happens — and the warning signs you're likely missing * Is "once a cheater, always a cheater" actually true? * How to know if your relationship can recover from betrayal * Who is most prone to an addictive personality in a partnership * Practical ways to navigate addiction together — or apart * Recognizing the signs of abuse (emotional, physical & beyond) * Stay, leave, or separate? A therapist's honest framework * How to enter a relationship with your eyes wide open “To rebuild trust, it requires full raw transparency” - Marina Edelman ABOUT OUR GUEST: MARINA EDELMAN Marina Edelman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over two decades of experience guiding individuals, couples, and families through life's most complex emotional terrain — from communication breakdowns and infidelity to addiction, abuse, and the difficult question of when to stay or walk away. Known for her candid, compassionate approach, Marina creates a space where the uncomfortable truths about relationships can finally be spoken out loud. Her clinical depth and no-nonsense wisdom have made her a trusted voice for those navigating love, loss, and everything in between. WHO THIS EPISODE IS FOR: * You've suspected infidelity but keep second-guessing — and need clarity on what the real warning signs look like * You're wondering whether your relationship can be saved after a betrayal, or if it's time to let go * You or your partner are struggling with addictive behavior and you don't know whether to fight for the relationship or protect yourself * Something in your relationship feels off but you can't name it — and you want to understand the signs of emotional or physical abuse before it goes further * You're single, dating, or starting over and want to enter your next relationship with your eyes wide open — and never repeat the same patterns again. Connect with Marina Edelman: Website: https://www.brauerlawcorp.com/ https://marinaedelman.com/ [https://marinaedelman.com/]  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/marinaedelmanmft/ [https://www.facebook.com/marinaedelmanmft/]  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marina.on.marriage/ [https://www.instagram.com/marina.on.marriage/]  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/marinaedelman [https://www.linkedin.com/in/marinaedelman]  Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/edelmancounseling/ [https://www.pinterest.com/edelmancounseling/]  Phone: 818-851-1293  Connect with Ksenia Muench: Website: https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/ [https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/]  Website: https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/]  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/]  Substack: https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc [https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc]  Email: ksenia@thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com  🎧 Listen, Subscribe & Share Follow Uncoupled and Unfiltered on Spotify, Prime, and Apple Podcasts for weekly conversations about divorce, relationships, dating, and self-discovery. If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share to help others find the show Want to hear more podcasts like this one? Check out Dear Divorce Diary with Dawn Wiggins- https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/ [https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/] Want to work with Ksenia? The next cohort is forming now- https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]

Rethinking Divorce Mediation: A Better Way Forward with David Fein

Divorce can feel like a battlefield, but mediation can help turn conflict into a constructive path forward. In this episode, hear a mediator who experienced divorce firsthand explain how to create a sustainable, trust-based co-parenting plan. Episode Summary  On this episode of Uncoupled and Unfiltered, I sit down with David Fein, Certified Divorce and Family Law Mediator, founder of Fein Legal Solutions, and father of three. With training from Northwestern University and a law degree from DePaul University College of Law, David helps couples navigate divorce while reducing the financial and emotional strain of the process. We’re taking another deep dive into mediation, but this conversation is different. David’s approach focuses on relationship-building, trust, and creating a future-focused path for families—not just resolving the matter at hand. Tune in to learn how mediation works, why it isn’t limited by state lines, and how David’s approach can help families move through divorce with greater clarity, dignity, and control. Key Topics Covered: * Why relationship-building and trust are key to successful mediation * Taking a future-focused approach when negotiating agreements * How early trust in mediation can shape the entire outcome * Staying neutral when emotions run high, especially with children involved * How parenthood may influence a mediator and maintain professional objectivity * Managing power imbalances, including dominating or bullying behavior * Mediation considerations when abuse allegations are present * Addressing situations where a proposed settlement may be unfair or impractical * Ethical challenges of balancing neutrality with concern for the parties * What sets Fein Legal Solutions apart, and how David’s approach differs from traditional mediation "I believe my clients leave my mediation session with a clear understanding of what we talked about, a clear feeling that they were heard, and a clear picture on what the next steps are...” - David Fein ABOUT OUR GUEST: DAVID FEIN David Fein is a Certified Divorce and Family Law Mediator who guides spouses and families through divorce with a collaborative, respectful approach. As founder of Fein Legal Solutions, LLC, he uses an empathetic and holistic framework to foster constructive dialogue and mutual understanding. Focused on minimizing emotional and financial costs, David serves as a neutral third party, helping individuals reach sustainable agreements that prioritize the family’s well-being. WHO THIS EPISODE IS FOR: * You’re considering divorce and exploring mediation as a healthier alternative to litigation * You’re looking to reduce conflict and protect your family’s future when children are involved * You’re concerned about handling a controlling, intimidating, or high-conflict spouse * You want to understand how trust, communication, and relationships affect divorce outcomes * You’re seeking a process that prioritizes practical solutions, emotional well-being, and long-term stability over simply winning Connect with David Fein: Website: https://www.brauerlawcorp.com/ www.feinlegalsolutions.com [http://www.feinlegalsolutions.com]  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/fein-legal-solutions-llc-dba-the-law-office-of-david-fein/ [https://www.linkedin.com/company/fein-legal-solutions-llc-dba-the-law-office-of-david-fein/]  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61585389850358 [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61585389850358]  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/feindavid312/ [https://www.instagram.com/feindavid312/]  Connect with Ksenia Muench: Website: https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/ [https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/]  Website: https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/]  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/]  Substack: https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc [https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc]  Email: ksenia@thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com  🎧 Listen, Subscribe & Share Follow Uncoupled and Unfiltered on Spotify, Prime, and Apple Podcasts for weekly conversations about divorce, relationships, dating, and self-discovery. If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share to help others find the show.

Complex Shame: Can One Un-Shame It?

In this episode, you’ll learn what complex shame really is, how it fuels codependent and toxic relationships, and what it actually takes to heal it so you can build healthier love and a stronger relationship with yourself. On this episode of Uncoupled and Unfiltered, I’m joined by Dr. Zoe Shaw—licensed psychotherapist, author, speaker, podcast host, relationship coach, and fitness enthusiast—for a powerful conversation about guilt and shame, how they impact our psyche, and the ways they shape our relationships. We dive deep into what Complex Shame really is, the red flags to watch for, and practical ways to manage it while rebuilding yourself from the inside out. Sit back, relax, and enjoy this honest, eye-opening conversation. Key Topics Covered: * What Complex Shame is and the impact it has on relationships * The difference between guilt and shame— which emotion motivates growth, and which makes us want to run and hide * The origins of shame and how it shapes who we become * How shame shows up in toxic and dysfunctional family dynamics and relationships * A common misconception: staying too long in a toxic relationship doesn’t mean you’re weak—often, it means the opposite * How Complex Shame and co-dependency can affect your dating life and influence partner selection * Tools and insights for learning how to be vulnerable with yourself and with a trusted partner * Tips for friends and family who want to support someone experiencing it “If you are not able to verbalize what your part was and the ending of it and the dysfunction that existed, then you're not ready to start a new relationship.” - Dr. Zoe Shaw About Our Guest: Dr. Zoe Shaw Dr. Zoe Shaw is a licensed psychotherapist, author, speaker, podcast host, relationships coach, and fitness lover. She is passionate about helping women who struggle in difficult relationships, especially those with sometimes difficult relationships with themselves, overcome complex shame and co-dependency.  Dr. Zoe is the author of the Ask Dr. Zoe Column in the Grit and Grace Project women’s magazine and the books, A Year Of Self Care and Stronger In The Difficult Places, released by Penguin Randomhouse Waterbrook. She has been featured in the OWN documentary series UNLOCKED,  and published in Oprahmag.com, Recovery Today magazine, Forbes, and Today.com. She writes about helping women overcome shame and co-dependency. You can find her in the media on Instagram: @Drzoeshaw [https://www.instagram.com/drzoeshaw/?hl=tl] and in most social places at the handle DrZoeShaw. Who This Episode Is For: * You’re ready to understand shame without letting it define you or your worth * You recognize that staying in difficult relationships was a survival response—not a personal failure * You want to break unhealthy relationship patterns with awareness, self-trust, and compassion * You’re learning how to practice vulnerability in ways that feel safe, grounded, and empowering * You’re committed to rebuilding self-connection and creating relationships that truly support who you are becoming Connect with Dr. Zoe Shaw: Website: https://www.brauerlawcorp.com/ https://drzoeshaw.com/ [https://drzoeshaw.com/]  Connect with Ksenia Muench: Website: https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/ [https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/]  Website: https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/]  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/]  Substack: https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc [https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc]  Email: ksenia@thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com  🎧 Listen, Subscribe & Share Follow Uncoupled and Unfiltered on Spotify, Prime, and Apple Podcasts for weekly conversations about divorce, relationships, dating, and self-discovery. If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share to help others find the show. Want to hear more podcasts like this one? Check out Dear Divorce Diary with Dawn Wiggins- https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/ [https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/] Want to work with Ksenia? The next cohort is forming now- https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]

Objectified, Rejected, or Done? Healing Trust After Divorce, Abuse & Heartbreak

How do you trust again after betrayal, abuse, or feeling “not enough”? This episode explores rebuilding self-trust, breaking self-abandonment patterns, and opening your heart again. On this episode of Uncoupled & Unfiltered, Dr. Tasha Seiter, PhD, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Heart of the Matter Therapy and Coaching, shares insights on navigating trust after divorce, breakups, and uncoupling, including rebuilding trust in ourselves and others, with a focus on the challenges faced by survivors of intimate partner abuse. Using evidence-based approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Gottman Method, she explores why “beautiful women” often experience loneliness due to objectification, the impact on emotional intimacy, and how to prioritize authenticity over appearance. This honest and nuanced conversation offers guidance for anyone healing from heartbreak and seeking secure, emotionally connected relationships. Key Topics Covered: * How breakups and divorce trigger deep feelings of rejection — whether you were the one who left or the one left behind * Why endings awaken core wounds around “not enough” and unworthiness — and how to begin healing them * The complexity of rebuilding trust, especially after abusive or toxic relationships * The link between abusive dynamics and self-abandonment — plus practical tools to stop abandoning yourself * People-pleasing patterns in unhealthy relationships and how they quietly erode self-trust * The “beautiful woman” syndrome: being perceived as intimidating, objectified, or used * How to avoid the mental trap of seeing yourself as an object — and how to discern genuine interest from someone operating with their own agenda * Practical ways to shift out of a mental funk, rebuild self-confidence, and become your own strongest advocate “The more that you practice taking care of yourself, the more that your nervous system learns it's safe to take care of myself.” - Dr. Tasha Seiter About Our Guest: Dr. Tasha Seiter Dr. Tasha Seiter, PhD, LMFT, is a scientist-practitioner, researcher, therapist, and founder of Heart of the Matter Therapy and Coaching, dedicated to helping people build healthier relationships through evidence-based care. Her work spans research on relationships, mindfulness, and stress physiology, clinical mentorship, EFT community-building, and writing featured in outlets like Forbes, Bustle, Healthline, and Psychology Today. Who This Episode Is For: * You’re navigating life after divorce, breakup, or uncoupling, and struggling with rejection or self-doubt * You left the relationship, but still feel grief, guilt, or confusion * You’re healing from an abusive or toxic relationship and rebuilding self-trust * You notice patterns of self-abandonment or people-pleasing * You question your worth despite success, attractiveness, or external validation * You’ve felt objectified or valued more for appearance than authenticity * You want to recognize genuine interest versus manipulation or hidden agendas * You’re ready to stop overthinking and become your own strongest advocate * You want psychology-backed tools for secure, emotionally healthy relationships Connect with Dr. Tasha Seiter: Website: https://marriage-counseling-fort-collins.com/ [https://marriage-counseling-fort-collins.com/]  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drtashaseiter/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/drtashaseiter/]  Connect with Ksenia Muench: Website: https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/ [https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/]  Website: https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/]  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/]  Substack: https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc [https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc]  Email: ksenia@thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com  🎧 Listen, Subscribe & Share Follow Uncoupled and Unfiltered on Spotify, Prime, and Apple Podcasts for weekly conversations about divorce, relationships, dating, and self-discovery. If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share to help others find the show. Want to hear more podcasts like this one? Check out Dear Divorce Diary with Dawn Wiggins- https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/ [https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/] Want to work with Ksenia? The next cohort is forming now- https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]