Your Secret Is Safe With Me

222: Dating for the First Time in a Long Time

The fear of dating again after a long period of not dating is definitely a factor that keeps some people from thinking clearly about what they want to do about their infidelity situation. In this episode, I'm addressing the terror and dislike many people have about contending with the world of dating, especially when they've been in committed relationships for years and find themselves navigating infidelity. I work with clients who are convinced the stakes of their infidelity situation are very high because if both of their relationships didn't work out, they would end up being single and having to deal with the dating scene. This seems like a very dire scenario for a lot of people who haven't dated for a long time. The truth is, unaddressed fears can keep us stuck in all sorts of weird and undesirable ways, and the fear of dating again is one of those fears that can keep us stuck in our infidelity situation for longer than we would like to be. Tune in this week to hear my insights on dating for the first time in a long time. You'll learn how to get clear on what you want out of the experience of dating, why having vague intentions gets you vague results, and how this applies whether you're using dating apps, meeting people the old-fashioned way, or trying any other approach to connecting with new humans. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/222 [https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/222] If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one [https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one]

221: Why I Work with Affair Couples as Individuals

Working with couples separately might seem counterintuitive when challenges arise. The dominant cultural narrative tells us that relationship problems require both partners in the same room with a therapist, working through issues together. But what if this approach actually reinforces the very dynamics that create unnecessary suffering in relationships? I regularly get asked if I work with affair couples, and the answer is absolutely yes - but not in the traditional couples counseling format. Instead, I work with affair partners concurrently but separately. This approach has nothing to do with the affair component of the relationship and everything to do with creating lasting change in relationship dynamics. Join me this week as I explain why I work with affair couples as individuals, and why this approach might be exactly what your relationship needs. You'll learn why your partner's actions aren't actually causing your feelings (even though it really seems like they are), the four options you have when your partner does something you don't like, and why taking radical responsibility for your own experience changes everything. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/221 [https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/221] If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one [https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one]

220: Vacillating Between Two Relationships

Going back and forth between two relationships can feel like being trapped in an endless ping-pong match. One moment you're certain about choosing your spouse, the next you're convinced your affair partner is the one. This exhausting cycle of changing your mind (sometimes within hours or even minutes) can leave you wondering if there's something fundamentally wrong with you. When you're caught between two people you genuinely care about, the act of choosing becomes surprisingly complex. I work with many clients who know they want to be in just one relationship, but they're struggling because they value both partners for very different reasons. They've done extensive comparisons, recognized they're choosing between two good options, and still can't seem to make a decision stick. Here's what most people don't understand: there's nothing wrong with you if you're struggling to choose. But you may need to completely shift how you're thinking about this decision. Tune in this week to learn why you're vacillating between two relationships, and how to break free from this pattern. You'll hear why your brain will probably throw a tantrum about having to make a decision, and the secret to making your chosen relationship thrive. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/220 [https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/220]

219: Thriving After Infidelity: Michael's Story

Maybe you're in the midst of an affair, paralyzed by guilt and uncertainty. Maybe you're losing sleep, watching your health decline, and feeling like there's no good way out. Today, I want to share a remarkable story that might change how you see what's possible. The guilt was unbearable. Michael couldn't sleep, his health was declining, and he felt trapped between two worlds - a marriage that had become a roommate situation and memories of an affair that had awakened something he'd been missing for years. This week, I'm joined by my client Michael, who courageously shares his journey of wrestling with his infidelity situation. What emerged from our work together transformed not just Michael's romantic life, but his entire approach to decision-making and relationships. Join us today to discover why being "stuck" is often more damaging than taking action, how to make difficult decisions without having all the answers, the importance of being faithful to yourself, and how Michael created a positive post-divorce relationships. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/219 [https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/219]

218: Creating the Future vs. Predicting the Future

You're already making plans for tomorrow without knowing if the internet will crash, your dog will have an emergency, or an earthquake will hit. You're creating your future every single day, despite life's fundamental uncertainty. Yet when it comes to your infidelity situation, you might be waiting for a crystal ball to show you exactly how things will turn out before making any moves. So many people tell me they need to know what divorce feels like before deciding to get divorced, or they need 90% certainty their decision will work out well. They're looking for guarantees that life simply doesn't offer. Meanwhile, these same people confidently plan vacations, have children, and make career moves without any promise of how things will unfold. Join me this week to learn the difference between actively creating your future versus trying to predict it. You'll hear how you're creating your future every single day through your choices, both big and small, and how you already possess the power to deliberately shape your future. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/218 [https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/218]