Dates & Mates with Damona Hoffman

DMs from Younger Men & Fairy Tale Reset

You've been married for 29 years. You're newly separated at 52. Your inbox is suddenly full of men in their twenties and thirties. And you're sitting there wondering: what the heck is going on? A listener we call Confused in Coatesville shares: "I'm separated a year in the process of divorce after 29 years of marriage. I'm 52 and I'm told that I look a lot younger. On dating apps, I'm getting hit up by a lot of 30-somethings and even late twenties. I have very little interest in somebody under the age of 40, considering that I have a 30-year-old myself. How do I get matches in my age range that would have an interest in me?" In this episode, we unpack the real reasons younger men are reaching out, and what it actually means to date again after decades of marriage. What You'll Hear: * Why younger men showing up in your inbox isn't random The difference between what you needed at 23 and what actually serves you now * How "I look younger than my age" might be working against your dating goals * Why an age gap hits different at 50 than it does at 25 * The power of being strategic about which apps you use (and tracking your results) * Setting boundaries with matches who aren't aligned with you…without guilt Ready to figure out what's actually working in your dating life? Download the free Date Tracker at damonahoffman.com/datetracker [damonahoffman.com/datetracker] to start tracking where your best matches come from and what patterns are showing up for you. Got a question about dating after divorce, age gaps, or navigating the apps? DM @DamonaHoffman on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave a voicemail or text at 424-246-6255 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

Paradox of Choice & The Endless Swipe

How can you have 50+ matches and still no dates? Every conversation either fizzles out or someone reschedules and disappears. And worst of all, you keep seeing the same faces on every app year after year. A listener named S shares: "I end up with 50-plus matches like within 48 hours, which okay, great. But then I either get too overwhelmed by so many conversations and endless swiping and all the same people, or I narrow it down and end up with just dead conversations. And there's guys having fantastic phone calls, scheduling dates, then asking for a raincheck without suggesting a date. What is going on?" In this episode, we talk about the real problem behind dating app burnout we will cover why the algorithm is working against you in the first two weeks, and explain how to protect your energy from people who are keeping you on the hook with no real plan. What You'll Hear In This Episode: * Is the paradox of choice really what's holding you back from dates? * The dirty little secret about how dating apps *  What happens when you treat matches like coins in a fountain instead of fish on a line * Why "interest" and "intention" are not the same thing * How the one-to-one rule helps you identify who's actually serious * When to end conversations with people who are keeping you on the hook Ready to get better dates (not just more matches)? Grab the Profile Starter Kit at profilestarterkit.com [profilestarterkit.com] to learn how to write a dating profile that attracts the right people. It's $9, and the fastest way to stop wasting time on dead conversations. Got a question about dating apps, burnout, or mixed signals? DM @DamonaHoffman [https://www.instagram.com/damonahoffman/] on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave a voicemail or text at 424-246-6255 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

Family Secret & Holiday Pressure

Ever notice how the holidays have a way of forcing conversations you've been avoiding? When someone you're dating wants to introduce their whole life to yoursbut you've been keeping parts of that life hidden,it's not just awkward timing. It's a moment of truth. A listener named Kayla shares: "I've been dating this guy for 10 months and things are getting serious. He has a five-year-old son from a previous relationship, and I've met him a few times. But I haven't told my parents he has a kid yet. I know I should have mentioned it earlier, but it felt too soon, and now it feels too late. My family's having their big holiday dinner, and he wants to bring his son. Do I tell them before he comes, or should I ask him to come next year instead?" In this episode, Damona unpacks what's really happening beneath the surface: it's not your parents' reaction you're most afraid of,it's committing fully to a relationship that includes a child. You'll hear why silence and omission create more distance than honesty ever will, and how to move from avoidance to authentic integration with your family. What You'll Hear In This Episode: * The weight of carrying a secret * Why dating someone with a child is a high-stakes situation * How to reframe your own expectations to accept the full picture of someone's life * The difference between protecting hiding  * The hidden opportunity in a holiday meet up Want to track what's working (and what's not) in your dating life? Download the free Date Tracker at damonahoffman.com/datetracker [damonahoffman.com/datetracker] Got a relationship question? DM @DamonaHoffman [https://www.instagram.com/damonahoffman/] on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave a voicemail or text at 424-246-6255 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

Dating Safety & Trust but Verify

He says he wants to take things slow and get to know you organically. But when direct questions about his background get dodged, he frames your need for basic information as paranoia, and something's off. A listener named Jada shares: "We matched two weeks ago and the chemistry is amazing. He texts good morning and goodnight, he's enthusiastic about meeting up. But whenever I ask specifics like where he works, what neighborhood he lives in, or even his last name, he gets vague and changes the subject. He keeps saying he likes to stay mysterious and we should get to know each other organically. Part of me thinks it's charming, but another part is worried. Is asking for his last name before we meet reasonable?" In this episode, we break down the difference between genuine mystery and information withholding. You'll learn the practical steps to vet someone before you go in-person, what actual red flags look like in the early stages, and how to advocate for your peace of mind without feeling like you're being unreasonable. What You'll Hear In This Episode: * The difference between staying mysterious and hiding information * How to recognize the signs of suspicious gaslighting * Damona’s 3-step vetting process: PeopleFinders [http://damonahoffman.com/safety], LinkedIn, and reverse image search * The vital online dating step you might be skipping  * The one-to-one rule: definitive timing guidelines for dating apps * How to protect yourself from the rise in romance scams without closing yourself off to connection Vet your matches with PeopleFinders today! PeopleFinders has set up a special three-day trial offer for Dates & Mates listeners. Head to http://peoplefinders.com/datesDamonaHoffman.com/safety [http://damonahoffman.com/safety]to search someone's background, verify their information, and get the peace of mind you need. Got a dating safety question or want to share what you've learned? DM @DamonaHoffman [https://www.instagram.com/damonahoffman/] on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave a voicemail or text at 424-246-6255 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

Relationship Anarchy & Clarifying Codependence

Your best friend used to be your first call. Now you have to schedule weeks in advance just to see her, and her new boyfriend keeps calling your friendship "codependent." A listener named Sarah shares: "My best friend and I have been inseparable for six years. We talk every day, we're each other's emergency contacts, and honestly she feels more like family than my actual family. But lately her new boyfriend has been making comments about how 'codependent' we are and how she needs to 'prioritize him now.' She's starting to pull back and it's breaking my heart. Am I wrong to feel like she's my person? How do I communicate to her that what we have matters just as much without sounding jealous or clingy?" In this episode, we unpack the invisible hierarchy of love that puts romance at the top and pushes friendships aside. You'll hear why speaking up for the relationships that matter isn't selfish, it's necessary, and how to advocate for your connections without being dismissed as jealous or needy. What You'll Hear In This Episode: * * Why romantic love doesn't automatically rank higher than friendship love * * How the "codependent" label gets weaponized against close friendships * * What it means when a partner asks someone to "prioritize him now" * * The real reason you're afraid of sounding jealous or clingy * * How to start the conversation without triggering defensiveness * * When to recognize someone is making you smaller in their life Want to track what's working (and what's not) in your dating life? Download the free Date Tracker at damonahoffman.com/datetracker Got a relationship question? DM @DamonaHoffman on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/damonahoffman/], TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@damonahoffman], or Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/DamonaHoffman/], or leave a voicemail or text at 424-246-6255 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]