I Never Said That

Ep 4: Officially official..... yay??

Sometime abuse is so glaringly obvious that the people hurting us have to cause a distraction. They have to make a big blow up with us, that is of course our fault. Making us so distraught that we won't look deeper into their actions, effectively making their actions invisible. Please remember that this is all my personal story, and I am just a human girl. A little kindness and compassion goes a long way. <3

Just the BTS 2: Still Alive!

Sorry for being MIA friends! Just when you think you've done a great job handling all your trauma...you make a crazy decision to talk about all of it on the internet. And in case you were as unaware as I was.....that is a WHOLE new world of emotions. Episode 4 dug up a lot of ugliness for me, and I had to take the time I needed to get right in my heart and head with all that I discussed. But alas, we're back!

Ep 3 Prologue: The Book of "Brian"

Oof this one's a doozy. Let me introduce ya'll to "Brian" my lovely ex-abuser, I mean husband...wait yes. definitely my abuser. How did we meet and how did I find myself in this mess, 13 years later?? Let's find out shall we. #abusiverelationship

Just the BTS: 1

Just the "Bits" Come behind the scenes of my brain, thoughts on parenting through behaviors our kids learn from their other parent. Although sometimes its not a child that triggers the rage, sometimes its a coworker, a friend, a family member, the new person you're dating... the trauma is so deep rooted that sometimes you don't realize that your body has reacted before your brain catches on that you aren't in actual danger anymore. Being intentionally present with our kids through these moments is exhausting. But I see the small changes, the tantrums are fewer and shorter, and the love is bigger. Hang in there guys...we're doing great and hard things!

Episode 2: "Brad"

Let's talk teenage pregnancy and boyfriend's tuned baby daddies. "Brad" is my daughter's biological father. Our relationship was toxic, not because he was abusive...we just weren't meant for each other and there were larger stressors that we weren't equipped to navigate. Sometimes it just doesn't work, and that' okay. BUT that toxicity did open the door to a much worse relationship...but we'll talk about that later. We all make mistakes, we're only human. Owning up to those mistakes and trying to do better is what separates us from our abusers. In their minds, they've never wronged or harmed you, so theres's nothing to apologize for. I've made a million mistakes, and treated some people terribly. But I've also been shown endless grace during my efforts to make amends and change for the better. There is no straight path to recovery or healing. It's ugly and painful....but also necessary. Which is why I'm here and hopefully why you're here. I'll be the shoulder you need if you don't have one.....