Why Good Relationships Slowly Fall Apart

Why Good Relationships Slowly Fall Apart

Most relationships do not end because two people suddenly stop loving each other. More often, relationships slowly become disconnected through repeated misunderstandings, emotional triggers, unresolved resentment, and communication patterns that quietly erode trust over time. In this episode of The D Shift, Mardi Winder welcomes back Nancy Perpall to discuss her new book, The Malnourished Marriage, and the powerful food metaphor she uses to explain what relationships truly need to survive and thrive. After more than three decades as a divorce attorney, Nancy shares why she shifted her focus from helping people end marriages to helping couples better understand how relationships break down in the first place. Drawing from both science and real-world experience, she explains how the early dopamine-driven stage of relationships often blinds people to issues that later become major points of conflict once everyday life takes over. The conversation explores the emotional “nutrients” that relationships require, including communication, trust, compromise, intimacy, laughter, and emotional safety. Nancy explains why communication functions like water in a relationship and how words can either flow or crash depending on how people approach difficult conversations. Together, they also unpack the role childhood core wounds play in adult relationships and why people often unknowingly trigger each other’s deepest insecurities during moments of stress or conflict. Rather than viewing compromise as weakness, Nancy reframes it as compassion and understanding for another person’s perspective. Nancy highlights how: • Early relationship chemistry often masks incompatibilities and unresolved issues • Communication can either create connection or intensify emotional damage, depending on how words are used • Childhood core wounds frequently influence adult relationship dynamics and conflict patterns • Compromise is not weakness but compassion for another person’s perspective • Laughter, playfulness, and emotional intimacy are essential parts of long-term relationship health About the Guest: Nancy Perpall began her professional career as a critical care nurse. Dedicated to instituting better patient outcomes she contributed to a textbook, Advanced Concepts In Clinical Nursing (J.B. Lippincott). However, to get the rural hospital she was working at to accept those protocols she was told that since she was not a doctor, who were the only ones who could change protocols, she should go to law school since "people listen to lawyers". As a nurse-attorney, Nancy has appeared on radio shows, podcasts, and TV and has published extensively. To connect with Nancy: Website: https://nancyperpall.com LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nancyperpall/ About the Host Mardi Winder is a Strategic Divorce Consultant and High-Conflict Divorce Coach who helps high-achieving individuals navigate divorce with clarity, confidence, and control. Drawing on more than 30 years of experience in mediation, divorce coaching and conflict resolution, she supports clients in making smart decisions while reducing emotional and financial fallout, particularly in high-conflict, high-asset and complex divorces. Mardi is the founder of Positive Communication Systems, LLC, and the Strategic Divorce Directory, LLC. For Mardi’s gift: The Resilience Building Blueprint: A 28-Day Journey To A Stronger You https://www.divorcecoach4women.com/rbb Connect with Mardi on Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Divorcecoach4women LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mardiwinderadams/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoach4women/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@divorcecoach4women Thanks for Listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below! Subscribe to the Podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app. Leave an Apple Podcast Review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.

Why Purposeful Singleness Can Change Your Future Relationships

Divorce and heartbreak often leave people asking one difficult question: what now? While many rush toward the next relationship hoping to escape loneliness or pain, others begin realizing that healing, self-awareness, and personal growth may be the most important work they can do before starting over again. In this episode of The D Shift, Mardi Winder speaks with Lionel Moses about relationships, identity, emotional healing, and the concept of “purposeful singleness.” After experiencing two divorces himself, Lionel shares how he stopped viewing divorce as failure and instead began using those experiences as opportunities for deeper self-reflection and growth. Rather than focusing only on relationship theory or surface-level advice, the conversation explores the practical realities of learning who you are outside of a relationship and why so many people unknowingly repeat unhealthy patterns when they avoid doing that work. Together, they discuss the difference between simply being single and intentionally using singleness as a season for healing, growth, and honest self-assessment. Lionel explains how many people spend years studying their partners while never truly learning themselves, which often leads to people pleasing, emotional exhaustion, and relationships built around performance rather than authenticity. Mardi and Lionel share how: • Purposeful singleness creates space for healing, reflection, and self-discovery after divorce • Many people enter relationships knowing their partner better than they know themselves • Healing after divorce requires honesty, intentionality, and emotional self-awareness • Relationship patterns often repeat when people avoid processing pain from previous relationships • Gender expectations and societal roles still impact modern relationships in significant ways About the Guest: Lionel Moses stands out because he combines his real-world experience with a passion for teaching the 'heart of rediscovery.' He offers pragmatic, relationship-focused strategies and levity techniques to boost morale and self-identity, drawing from his personal 'aha moment' about the power of connection. For Lionel’s gift: https://www.themarriageseed.com/ Discount Code: DSHIFT15 To connect with Lionel: Website: https://www.lionelmoses.com/ Website: https://www.themarriageseed.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100068053150680 About the Host Mardi Winder is a Strategic Divorce Consultant and High-Conflict Divorce Coach who helps high-achieving individuals navigate divorce with clarity, confidence, and control. Drawing on more than 30 years of experience in mediation, divorce coaching and conflict resolution, she supports clients in making smart decisions while reducing emotional and financial fallout, particularly in high-conflict, high-asset and complex divorces. Mardi is the founder of Positive Communication Systems, LLC, and the Strategic Divorce Directory, LLC. For Mardi’s gift: The Resilience Building Blueprint: A 28-Day Journey To A Stronger You https://www.divorcecoach4women.com/rbb Connect with Mardi on Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Divorcecoach4women LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mardiwinderadams/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoach4women/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@divorcecoach4women Thanks for Listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below! Subscribe to the Podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app. Leave an Apple Podcast Review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.

How Divorce Coaching Can Save Time, Money, and Stress

Divorce is not just a legal process. It is an emotional, financial, and strategic transition that can quickly become overwhelming without the right support. In this episode of The D Shift, Mardi Winder speaks with fellow divorce coach Julie Desmond about the practical and emotional benefits of having a divorce coach as part of your support team. Julie shares how her own difficult divorce experience led her into the field of divorce coaching after realizing how many people navigate the process without guidance, preparation, or emotional support. The conversation highlights the important distinction between legal advice and divorce coaching, especially in helping clients stay organized, emotionally grounded, and prepared for the many decisions that arise throughout the process. Together, they discuss how conflict escalation often increases legal costs and emotional exhaustion, while preparation and emotional regulation can create better outcomes for everyone involved. Julie explains how simple shifts, such as pausing before reacting to texts or emails, preparing questions before attorney calls, and understanding what truly requires legal intervention, can save clients both money and unnecessary stress. Julie discusses how: • Divorce coaching provides emotional and strategic support that differs from legal advice • Preparation before mediation, attorney meetings, and court processes can reduce stress and unnecessary costs • Reacting emotionally during divorce often escalates conflict and increases legal fees • A divorce coach can help clients reality test situations and focus on the bigger picture • Shared parenting transitions can create identity challenges and emotional overwhelm for parents • Many people going through divorce feel isolated, especially when faith or cultural pressures are involved • Having a neutral support person can help clients feel more grounded and empowered during difficult decisions • Divorce coaching can help people approach the process more strategically instead of reactively About the Guest: I am Julie Desmond, founder of Desmond Divorce Coaching. As a DCA® Certified ADR Divorce Coach I specialize in helping my clients navigate conflict and focus on their future. Helping them gain the knowledge they need to make informed smart decisions throughout the process. To connect with Julie: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/1JqXRkFksN/?mibextid=wwXIfr About the Host Mardi Winder is a Strategic Divorce Consultant and High-Conflict Divorce Coach who helps high-achieving individuals navigate divorce with clarity, confidence, and control. Drawing on more than 30 years of experience in mediation, divorce coaching and conflict resolution, she supports clients in making smart decisions while reducing emotional and financial fallout, particularly in high-conflict, high-asset and complex divorces. Mardi is the founder of Positive Communication Systems, LLC, and the Strategic Divorce Directory, LLC. For Mardi’s gift: The Resilience Building Blueprint: A 28-Day Journey To A Stronger You https://www.divorcecoach4women.com/rbb Connect with Mardi on Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Divorcecoach4women LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mardiwinderadams/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoach4women/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@divorcecoach4women Thanks for Listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below! Subscribe to the Podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app. Leave an Apple Podcast Review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.

Why Women Need To Stop Settling For Fine

Divorce is not the only experience that can completely reshape a woman’s identity. Career shifts, children leaving home, relocation, loss, and major life changes can all create moments where women stop and ask themselves a difficult question: Who am I now? In this episode of The D Shift, Mardi Winder sits down with Shannon McGorry for a thoughtful conversation about transformation, self-discovery, and what it means to intentionally create a life that reflects who you are in this current chapter. Through her experience navigating divorce while raising two young daughters, Shannon shares how many women unintentionally lose touch with themselves by constantly adapting to the needs and expectations of others. She discusses how easy it becomes to define identity through roles such as wife, mother, caregiver, or professional, while never truly exploring what matters most to her personally. The conversation explores why so many women settle for being “fine” even when they know something beneath the surface feels misaligned. Shannon explains how identifying personal values lays the foundation for making better decisions, creating healthier habits, and building a more intentional life. Shannon breaks down her Activate Your Female Genius framework, which helps women reconnect with their identity, strengthen self-leadership, and uncover the unique strengths and gifts that often get buried during difficult life transitions. Rather than approaching change as something to fear, Shannon encourages women to see these moments as opportunities to redefine themselves with greater clarity and purpose. Shannon shares how: • Many women unconsciously shape-shift into roles and expectations that no longer align with who they are • “Fine” can become a way of settling instead of honestly addressing what feels off • Personal values can change throughout different stages of life and deserve regular reflection • Living out of alignment with core values often creates stress, resentment, and emotional exhaustion • Self-awareness and intentional habits help women create a stronger sense of direction after divorce or transition About the Guest: Shannon McGorry is the creator of Activate Your Female Genius®, a transformative framework that blends clarity-building, habit transformation, and actionable strategy to help women stop settling for “fine” and instead create an updated strategy for their current chapter of life. A PCC-level coach accredited by the ICF, Shannon is the founder and chief strategist of Love, Strength, and Grace, a women’s empowerment coaching firm offering 1:1 coaching, keynote speaking, and professional development workshops. Shannon also co-founded Your Strategy Reset™; a brand of in-person, customized, boutique women's leadership experiences. She combines professional expertise with lived experience to empower women as they navigate meaningful change with an updated strategy. For Shannon’s gift: https://www.lovestrengthandgrace.com/events To connect with Shannon: Website: www.lovestrengthandgrace.com Website: www.yourstrategyreset.com Instagram:lovestrengthandgrace LinkedIn: Your Strategy Reset | LinkedIn About the Host Mardi Winder is a Strategic Divorce Consultant and High-Conflict Divorce Coach who helps high-achieving individuals navigate divorce with clarity, confidence, and control. Drawing on more than 30 years of experience in mediation, divorce coaching and conflict resolution, she supports clients in making smart decisions while reducing emotional and financial fallout, particularly in high-conflict, high-asset and complex divorces. Mardi is the founder of Positive Communication Systems, LLC, and the Strategic Divorce Directory, LLC. For Mardi’s gift: The Resilience Building Blueprint: A 28-Day Journey To A Stronger You https://www.divorcecoach4women.com/rbb Connect with Mardi on Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Divorcecoach4women LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mardiwinderadams/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoach4women/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@divorcecoach4women Thanks for Listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below! Subscribe to the Podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app. Leave an Apple Podcast Review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.

How Trauma And Sexual Abuse Impact Intimate Relationships

Trauma changes far more than a single moment in time. It can alter the way people see themselves, how they experience intimacy, and how safe they feel in relationships long after the abuse has ended. In this deeply important episode of The D Shift, Mardi Winder speaks with psychotherapist Scott Stolarick about the often unspoken connection between trauma, sexual abuse, shame, and relational dynamics. With more than three decades of clinical experience, Scott shares how trauma frequently creates ripple effects that extend into every area of a person’s life, including self-worth, trust, emotional safety, and future relationships. He explains why survivors are often left feeling responsible for what happened to them and how those beliefs can quietly shape the way they move through the world. The conversation also explores the unique complexity of sexual abuse within committed relationships and marriages, including coercive control and the emotional barriers that prevent many people from speaking openly about what they have experienced. Scott discusses how trauma can become deeply embedded when it goes untreated and why unresolved experiences often continue resurfacing through anxiety, emotional shutdown, hypervigilance, or chronic shame. Rather than focusing solely on retelling painful stories, this episode examines the importance of trauma-informed care and approaches such as EMDR therapy that help individuals process traumatic experiences in a healthier and more integrated way. Scott explains how healing is not about erasing the past, but about helping people stop defining themselves by what happened to them. Throughout the discussion, one message becomes very clear. Trauma may become part of someone’s story, but it does not have to become their identity. The episode focuses on the issues of: • Trauma often impacts far more than one specific event and can affect every area of life and relationships • Survivors of sexual abuse frequently struggle with shame and misplaced feelings of responsibility • Abuse within committed relationships and marriages is real and often goes unspoken • Unresolved trauma can surface through anxiety, emotional shutdown, hypervigilance, and difficulty trusting others • Trauma-informed therapy approaches such as EMDR can help people process painful experiences differently • Healing does not require forgetting the past, but learning not to be defined by it About the Guest: Scott Stolarick is a licensed, trauma-informed psychotherapist who has been practicing in the state of Illinois for 33 years. He is an experienced administrator and clinical supervisor as well as a seasoned clinician. Scott has Management and Leadership Certifications from the University of Notre Dame and Cornell University. Scott is currently the owner of Mosaic Pathway Counseling in Gurnee, Illinois. To connect with Scott: Website: www.mosaicpathwaycounseling.org LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/scott-stolarick-lcpc-cctp-298734252/ About the Host Mardi Winder is a Strategic Divorce Consultant and High-Conflict Divorce Coach who helps high-achieving individuals navigate divorce with clarity, confidence, and control. Drawing on more than 30 years of experience in mediation, divorce coaching and conflict resolution, she supports clients in making smart decisions while reducing emotional and financial fallout, particularly in high-conflict, high-asset and complex divorces. Mardi is the founder of Positive Communication Systems, LLC, and the Strategic Divorce Directory, LLC. For Mardi’s gift: The Resilience Building Blueprint: A 28-Day Journey To A Stronger You https://www.divorcecoach4women.com/rbb Connect with Mardi on Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Divorcecoach4women LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mardiwinderadams/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoach4women/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@divorcecoach4women Thanks for Listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below! Subscribe to the Podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app. Leave an Apple Podcast Review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.