Gabi: Former Yeshivish Jewish

Gabi: Former Yeshivish Jewish

Gabi shares his experience growing up in New York’s Bukharian Jewish community, becoming deeply committed to Orthodox Judaism, and eventually building a life outside religious observance. He discusses racism within Jewish institutions, the intellectual rewards of yeshiva study, purity culture, the Orthodox dating system, mental health, psychedelics, spirituality, and his evolving relationship with God. Rather than presenting religion as wholly harmful or wholly beneficial, Gabi reflects on the teachers, practices, and communities that gave him purpose while examining the pressures and unmet needs that eventually made religious life unsustainable. Connect with Gabi * Youtube [https://www.youtube.com/@gabikoyenov] * Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/2SoydqNskaV9wOra0Yh6Z3?ssssid1891df9a822414c] * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/journey_with_gabi/] * Therapy Site [https://themenstherapystudio.com/] Chapters 00:00 — Coming Out as Nonreligious 08:14 — Growing Up Bukharian Jewish 17:47 — Racism in the Yeshiva World 25:47 — Rabbis, Meaning, and Purpose 30:11 — Purity Culture and Romantic Obsession 39:10 — Leaving Yeshiva and Losing a Dream 48:00 — Dating and the Beginning of Deconstruction 53:44 — Ayahuasca and a New Spiritual Worldview 01:07:41 — Racism and Rejection in Shidduchim 01:20:07 — Family Conflict, Trauma, and Life Beyond Religion

Ilana: Former Zionist

On Beyond Belief, Ilana describes being raised in a strongly Zionist Jewish environment shaped by an Israeli father, a conservative rabbi stepfather, and Zionist youth programming, where she learned to equate Judaism with supporting Israel. After her stepfather’s death, college courses presenting “dueling narratives” about Israel/Palestine and events such as Gaza bombardments and the blockade began shifting her views, leading to public criticism in 2014 and social fallout. She stopped attending synagogue, built online anti-Zionist community, and began closely working with Gaza journalist Wafa Al-Udaineh editing English reports, which deepened her connection to Gaza.After October 7, she intensified activism and faced severe grief after Wafa was killed in 2024, prompting psychiatric care. Ilana rejects separating Judaism from Zionism, discusses ongoing deconstruction of religious practices, advocates centering Palestinian voices and learning Arabic, and reflects on the host’s views on religion and ritual.References "Adon Olam" Tune [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElcAQPmoIyg]Time stamps00:00 Meet Ilana and the premise01:21 Family roots and Israel ties02:42 Militarism and early doubts04:32 Rabbi stepfather after 9/1107:10 Youth group Zionist indoctrination11:22 First cracks and questions12:18 Loss of faith after his death13:25 College and dueling narratives19:44 Gaza and moral awakening20:58 Kurdish Jewish heritage and Zionism28:26 2014 speaking out online31:04 Leaving synagogue for good32:14 Working with journalists in Gaza34:33 October 7 and direct action39:04 Wafa’s death and new purpose40:30 How she’s doing now42:38 Raising a child post-Zionism43:15 Religion Without Trauma44:11 Growing Up Zionist45:59 Belonging Nowhere48:29 Learning Arabic53:26 Grassroots Jewish Spaces55:08 Institutional Power56:36 End of Judaism58:51 Family Supremacism01:03:41 Stop Debating Zionists01:05:46 Palestine Centered Practice01:09:52 Life After Religion01:15:07 Closing Thanks

Zalman: Former Chabad Jewish

In this episode of Beyond Belief, Shalom interviews Zalman, who was born and raised in Vilnius, Lithuania, where his parents opened a Chabad center and Jewish school as "shluchim" aimed at bringing secular Jews closer to Orthodox practice. Zalman describes growing up as the only Orthodox family, lacking kosher resources, having limited socializing outside the home, and later switching from a local coed school to full-day online Jewish studies; at 13 he was sent abroad to yeshivas and completed studies through 21, including rabbinical ordination. He explains Chabad kiruv as emphasizing warmth and “one more mitzvah,” contrasts it with Aish tactics, and discusses Chabad’s messianic divisions around the Rebbe. After finishing the system, he began dropping rituals due to their inconvenience and perceived pointlessness, stopped tefillin, rapidly abandoned kashrut and Shabbat, deconstructed miracle stories and Torah claims, and became an agnostic atheist. He hid his change for two years while gradually altering his appearance, later told his parents partly to avoid the dating/shlichus track, and reports they remain loving though avoid discussing specifics; he is the only non-religious sibling. Zalman notes ongoing cultural catch-up, shared patterns across ex-religious experiences, and advises leaving slowly, finding community, and not needing exhaustive reasons to exit. Chapters00:00 Series Introduction00:18 Meet Zalman Chabad Shlichus01:39 How Shlichus Assignments Work05:06 Growing Up Orthodox in Lithuania08:56 Schooling and Online Yeshiva12:35 Teen Years Yeshiva Abroad14:13 Languages and Chabad Outreach15:29 Kiruv Tactics and Manipulation20:08 Chabad vs Other Orthodox Sects22:42 Messianism Inside Chabad24:06 Leaving Observance After Semicha32:04 Dropping Rituals and Belief34:38 No Kids Dating Pressure Coming Out37:57 Hiding It and Family Reactions43:42 Leaving Is Similar46:32 Horseshoe Effect Parallels48:24 Guilt And Deconstruction50:52 Catching Up Outside54:13 Chabad Study Schedule56:29 Talmud Logic Breaks58:28 Textual Proof Debates01:00:26 Rebbe Pressure Culture01:04:46 Hardline Texts Exposed01:07:13 Military Metaphors01:09:01 Advice For Leavers01:12:55 Kiruv Regrets And Offset01:16:12 Parody Versus Coercion01:19:31 Healthy Fear Of Influence01:20:43 Closing Thanks

Noor: Former Shia Muslim

This episode of Beyond Belief introduces Noor, an ex–Shia Muslim from an Iraqi family who grew up mostly in New Jersey. Noor describes performing prayers out of fear of hell, questioning rituals (washing, direction of prayer, nail polish, menstruation restrictions, and catch-up prayers), and quietly disengaging by late middle school/early high school while fearing family repercussions like being sent “back” to Iraq. She notes lingering secrecy around pork, limited mosque exposure due to lack of Shia mosques, and a family dynamic where her mother avoids directly acknowledging her unbelief. Noor discusses marriage and raising children Christian with her Catholic-background husband, arguing Christianity is less destructive and that liberals inconsistently avoid criticizing Islam despite issues like apostasy laws, women’s and LGBTQ rights, child marriage, and arranged marriages, advising ex-Muslims to seek support and financial stability before coming out. Resources https://friendlyexmuslim.com/podcast/ [https://friendlyexmuslim.com/podcast/] https://exmuslims.org/ [https://exmuslims.org/] Chapters00:20 Meet Noor and Shia Sunni Basics03:12 Hadiths and Aisha Debate04:59 Growing Up in New Jersey06:33 Fear Based Faith and Prayer11:41 Questioning Ritual Rules15:37 Residual Taboos and Secrecy17:17 Family Dynamics and Silence19:26 Marriage and Raising Kids22:56 Liberal Blind Spots on Islam25:40 Rights Issues and Apostasy Laws28:51 Soft Bigotry and Polarization31:19 Ex Muslim Voices Undermined32:10 Fear of Islamophobia32:46 Living Under Blasphemy33:36 Low Expectations Explained35:27 Leaving Safely and Strategically37:29 Americanized Family Tensions38:19 Why Parents Get More Devout40:09 Moderate Islam Misunderstood44:33 Consistency Across Religions46:25 Why Devout People Leave48:30 Unreformable Scripture Critique

Mark: Former Irish Catholic Monk

In this episode of Beyond Belief, Shalom interviews Mark about leaving fundamentalist religion, focusing on Mark’s cradle-Catholic upbringing and later shift into mental health work. Raised in a deeply involved Roman Catholic family, Mark experienced Vatican II’s transition era and a major culture clash after moving at age seven from Catholic Rhode Island to the Protestant Deep South during early-1970s integration. Introverted and identity-seeking, he dove deeper into Catholicism, became active in church music, and later entered seminary, including time in a Benedictine monastery. Studying church history and encountering discouragement to “learn too much,” plus tensions around authority, obedience, and institutional contradictions (including the Church’s long resistance to heliocentrism), widened “cracks” in belief. He left monastic life when pressured into an academic track, met his future wife, explored other denominations, and ultimately found meaning through psychotherapy and a 35-year career in mental health, emphasizing individual journeys over dogma. Links mentioned Into great Silence Chapters00:46 Cradle Catholic Roots01:44 Vatican II Era Upbringing03:46 Moving South Culture Shock06:39 Persecution Identity Psychology09:33 Deeply Involved Catholic Family11:46 Parents Faith and Priest Path14:54 Seminary and Monastic Deep Dive16:58 Dont Learn Too Much19:58 Authority Questions and Confirmation21:33 Orders History and Cracks25:33 Science Conflict Copernicus27:38 Belonging Uniqueness Fragmentation30:04 Caste Race and New Identity31:25 Human Behavior Beyond Religion33:49 Myths as Control34:28 Normalizing Individual Journeys35:17 Religion and Addiction Curve36:46 New Atheists and Truth Claims38:07 Why Religion Exists39:39 Orthodox Roles and Apologetics40:45 Monastery Vows and Doubts42:15 Carthusians and Community44:23 Celibacy Origins Explained45:57 Buddha and Self Inquiry47:26 Avoiding New Gurus48:07 Leaving the Monastery51:01 From Religion to Therapy53:28 Freedom Versus Certainty54:39 Advice for Leavers58:05 Therapy Reflection Not Conformity01:00:29 Host Meaning and Closure01:03:13 Final Thanks and Wrap