090: Who Keeps the Dog? Navigating Pet Custody in Divorce with International Expert Karis Nafte

091: Coercive Control, Accountability & Custody — A Deep Dive with Nil Buckley

In this episode of the Children First Family Law®️ podcast, Krista welcomes Nil Buckley, a licensed professional counselor, licensed addiction counselor, and domestic violence clinical supervisor whose expertise bridges trauma-informed mental health, forensic evaluation, and family law. Nil is the founder of Vivas Counseling and Care Forensic Solutions and creator of The CARE Method, an evidence-based program now used in multiple states to support both survivors and offenders. Her background includes extensive work with the Colorado Department of Corrections, court-ordered treatment programs, and expert testimony in criminal and domestic relations cases. Drawing from this deep professional experience, Nil joins Krista to explore how coercive control and its related forms, including legal abuse, financial manipulation, and psychological coercion, show up in custody cases and family court. She explains that there are now 24 recognized forms of abuse in the global research literature, yet many family law professionals still focus only on physical harm. Nil’s work seeks to change that by educating judges, attorneys, and mental health providers about the full spectrum of domestic violence and its impact on children. The discussion also examines Colorado’s evolving domestic violence laws, such as Kayden’s Law, which aim to protect families better but can be challenging to implement consistently in court. Nil and Krista address the tension between holding offenders accountable and ensuring survivors aren’t further harmed by systems meant to safeguard them. They share real-world examples of how trauma, reactive behaviors, and legal complexity intersect in divorce and custody disputes and what professionals can do to create safer, more balanced outcomes. This conversation launches a continuing series on domestic violence and coercive control, setting the stage for future episodes with Nil that will dive even deeper into the realities of abuse, accountability, and healing in family law. In this episode, you will hear: * Expanding definitions of abuse beyond physical violence * How coercive control and legal abuse appear in custody disputes * Why trauma-informed evaluations matter in family law cases * The complexities of applying Kayden’s Law and related legislation * How professionals can balance accountability with survivor protection * The importance of continued education across courts and legal systems Resources from this Episode safersociety.org/nil-buckley-ma-lpc-lac-dvcs-ncc-acs [https://safersociety.org/nil-buckley-ma-lpc-lac-dvcs-ncc-acs/] www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com [http://www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com/] All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation.  Follow and Review: We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/children-first-family-law/id1765375431]. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast. Episode Credits If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com [https://emeraldcitypro.com/] Let them know we sent you.

090: Who Keeps the Dog? Navigating Pet Custody in Divorce with International Expert Karis Nafte

When families separate, deciding who keeps the dog can feel just as emotional as any other part of the breakup. In this episode, we explore why pet disputes become so charged and how to make decisions that truly prioritize both kids and animals. We walk through why it’s crucial not to treat pets like children in divorce, how their needs differ, and what happens when those lines get blurred. Karis explains how breed, personality, age, health, and history all factor into whether a dog can realistically move between homes, and why shared pet parenting often creates more stress than comfort for the animal. We also talk about cats, “roommate” animals, bonded pairs, and why territory matters so much. Parents, professionals, and pet lovers will learn practical ways to evaluate what’s actually best for the dog, how to structure trial arrangements, and how to balance children’s attachment with responsible, long-term planning for their four-legged family members. In this episode, you will hear: * Emotional stakes of pet custody when families separate   * Why pets should not be treated like children in divorce decisions   * Warning signs that a pet is stressed by moving between homes   * Structuring trial custody arrangements and contingency plans for pets   * Balancing children’s attachment to pets with the animal’s best interests   Resources from this Episode * https://www.whokeepsthedog.com/ [https://www.whokeepsthedog.com/] * Link to the book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Who-Keeps-Dog-Navigating-Custody/dp/1617812927/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1FZ5RBAJ965HI&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.LmWDiJYDbIW6rqEj5igpcg.QFgZQNsCn-YRAPD3Adzv_AT00lqniZlIsbCHr3IUy2s&dib_tag=se&keywords=book+who+keeps+the+dog+karis+nafte&qid=1728661858&sprefix=book+who+keeps+the+dog+karis+nafte%2Caps%2C370&sr=8-1 [https://www.amazon.com/Who-Keeps-Dog-Navigating-Custody/dp/1617812927/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1FZ5RBAJ965HI&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.LmWDiJYDbIW6rqEj5igpcg.QFgZQNsCn-YRAPD3Adzv_AT00lqniZlIsbCHr3IUy2s&dib_tag=se&keywords=book+who+keeps+the+dog+karis+nafte&qid=1728661858&sprefix=book+who+keeps+the+dog+karis+nafte%2Caps%2C370&sr=8-1] * www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com [http://www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com/] All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming, but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation.  Follow and Review: We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/children-first-family-law/id1765375431]. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review,” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast. Episode Credits If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com [https://emeraldcitypro.com/]. Let them know we sent you.

089: Balancing Evidence-Collection and Peacekeeping when Proving Child Safety Issues: An Interview with Author and Divorce Survivor Cheryl Palmar

Join Krista on the Children First Family Law Podcast to explore the compelling story of Cheryl Palmar, a best-selling author in the United States and Australia who transformed her life despite the turmoil of a troubled marriage. In this episode, Cheryl shares her journey from heartache to empowerment, revealing the emotional and legal battles she encountered while navigating a marriage with a highly functioning alcoholic partner. Along the way, however, she found that with careful planning and evidence collection, she was able to accomplish and amicable divorce with a full settlement despite the potential that her case could have ended up as yet another story of toxic litigation. Cheryl's candid narrative offers insight into the complex process of securing a future for herself and her daughter. She discusses the importance of gathering evidence, seeking legal guidance, and the strategic steps she took to ensure their safety. Her experience highlights the necessity of having a strong support system and the courage required to initiate change. Beyond the legal aspects, Cheryl offers insights on healing and co-parenting. Her reflections on therapy and personal growth provide hope to others facing similar challenges. Cheryl’s book, "Erased: Exiting a Toxic Relationship," serves as a guiding light for those feeling trapped in toxic relationships, inspiring a path towards a healthier and more empowered future, and highlights ways to get the protections you need and want for your children even in ugly, risky situations through a careful approach to preparing for and executing your case. In this episode, you will hear: * Cheryl Palmar's journey from a marriage with a functioning alcoholic to empowerment and healing. * Emotional struggles and legal strategies in protecting her daughter and navigating divorce. * Insights into gathering evidence, privacy concerns, and the importance of legal advice in substance abuse situations. * Revelations about the balance of collecting evidence and the ability to approach a case peacefully and without extensive litigation – all through the power of incontrovertible facts, not allegations. * The role of co-parenting, focusing on unity and the well-being of their child despite past conflicts. * Discussion on the importance of therapy and personal growth after divorce. * Cheryl's experience with sobriety testing agreements to ensure her daughter's safety during parenting time and decision making. Resources from this Episode www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com [http://www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com/] "Erased: Exiting a Toxic Relationship" by Cheryl Palmar available online on Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble Amazon: https://a.co/d/dnrbUMY [https://a.co/d/dnrbUMY] Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/erased-cheryl-palmar/1144672044?ean=9781923123199 [https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/erased-cheryl-palmar/1144672044?ean=9781923123199] All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation.  Follow and Review: We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/children-first-family-law/id1765375431]. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast. Episode Credits If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com [https://emeraldcitypro.com/] Let them know we sent you.

088: Screens, Smartphones, and Divorce: What Every Co-Parent Needs to Know with Kris Perry

Childhood is being reshaped by screens, and co-parents are often on the front lines of that change. In this episode, we sit down with Kris Perry, Executive Director of Children and Screens: Institute of Digital Media and Child Development, to unpack what the research really shows about kids, tech, and two-home families. We explore how smartphones, social media, gaming, and even emerging AI companions affect children’s brain development, mental health, and capacity for real-world connection. Kris explains how conflicting technology rules between households can heighten conflict, confuse kids, and undermine healthy boundaries — and how co-parents can realign around child-centered guidelines. Listeners learn why struggle, experimentation, and face-to-face interaction are irreplaceable for healthy development, and why relying on devices or chatbots as “easy” solutions can quietly erode those experiences. The conversation offers research-backed, practical takeaways to help parents, co-parents, and family law professionals create consistent tech expectations that truly prioritize children’s long-term well-being. In this episode, you will hear: * Biggest misconceptions parents have about kids and technology   * Age and stage differences in screen use and brain development   * Screen time vs. “what’s happening online” and why both matter   * AI chatbots, digital companions, and the risks of kids anthropomorphizing machines   * Dopamine, addiction-like patterns, and the impact on attention, mood, and joy   Resources from this Episode https://mailchi.mp/7391d300e044/children-and-screens-names-cali-gov-senior-advisor-as-first-executive-director [https://mailchi.mp/7391d300e044/children-and-screens-names-cali-gov-senior-advisor-as-first-executive-director]  www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com [http://www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com/] All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation.  Follow and Review: We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/children-first-family-law/id1765375431]. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast. Episode Credits If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com [https://emeraldcitypro.com/]. Let them know we sent you.

087: What Every Divorcing Parent Needs to Know About Toxic Stress and Children with Mindy Mitnick, Recipient of AFCC's 2026 Distinguished Service Award

What if the way adults handle conflict during divorce could actually reshape a child’s developing brain? In this conversation, we talk with renowned psychologist and AFCC Distinguished Service Award recipient, Mindy Mitnick, about what toxic stress really is — and why every divorcing parent needs to understand it. Drawing on nearly five decades working with family courts, parenting time and decision making disputes, high-conflict separations, and complex parent–child dynamics, Mindy explains the crucial differences between positive, negative, acute, chronic, and toxic stress. She breaks down how ongoing conflict, fear, and instability can interfere with the development of the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for impulse control, judgment, and problem-solving. Krista and Mindy also look closely at everyday moments that quietly shape a child’s inner world: how (and whether) parents talk to kids about divorce, what happens when one parent is subtly undermined, and how children end up emotionally caring for a distressed parent. Most importantly, listeners learn valuable ways to buffer children from harm. By the end, we understand not only what toxic stress does to children, but also how intentional choices by adults can protect kids’ emotional and neurological health, even in very hard seasons of family restructuring. In this episode, you will hear: * The difference between positive, negative, acute, chronic, and toxic stress in children * How toxic stress can affect a child’s brain development and long-term behavior * Why “we never fight” divorces can still be deeply confusing and painful for kids * Practical ways parents and professionals can build resilience around children * How to talk about the other parent without causing hidden harm Resources from this Episode www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com [http://www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com/] All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation.  Follow and Review: We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/children-first-family-law/id1765375431]. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast. Episode Credits If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com [https://emeraldcitypro.com/]. Let them know we sent you.