Why Am I Even Bothering?

Why Am I Even Bothering?

Today was one of those days. The weather was beautiful, my holiday is only days away... and somehow my brain still found a reason to focus on everything that was wrong. Then I stepped on the scales. I'd put on two pounds. For a moment, I genuinely thought, "Why am I even bothering?" So I had to stop and remind myself why I started this journey in the first place. It was never just about losing weight. It was about changing my relationship with food, learning not to reach for unhealthy coping mechanisms every time life gets uncomfortable, and becoming someone who doesn't disappear when things get hard. Some days I need that reminder more than others.

I Almost Spiralled Again... But This Time Was Different

Yesterday could easily have turned into one of my old blowout days. A work email triggered that familiar feeling of uncertainty, and before I knew it I was scrolling, avoiding, bargaining with myself, and heading straight towards the spiral I've fallen into so many times before. This time, something was different. In this episode I talk about how I interrupted that spiral, why removing unhealthy coping mechanisms has taught me more than I expected, and the realisation that hit me when I finally allowed myself to sit with uncomfortable feelings. I also discovered something unexpected... Maybe the goal isn't to get rid of the knot in my stomach. Maybe it's to make the butterflies louder.

The Toilet Anxiety Attack Chocolate Couldn't Fix

This week I had what felt like an anxiety attack... sitting on the toilet. Nobody had said anything to me. Nothing had actually happened. But within seconds my throat was closing up, my stomach was in knots and all I wanted was my phone so I didn't have to sit with what I was feeling. That moment made me realise something I've never properly understood before. Maybe the chocolate wasn't the problem. Maybe the wine wasn't the problem. Maybe the endless scrolling isn't the problem either. Maybe they're all just different ways I've learned not to feel rejection, fear and not being "good enough." In this episode I talk about: * why waiting for a job offer triggered me so badly * how constantly moving as a child shaped me * why I've spent years trying to numb uncomfortable feelings * and why I finally messaged my therapist again. As always, this isn't advice. It's just me figuring life out... out loud.

Retrain The Brain, Frustrated With The Scales, Stepping Out Of My Comfort Zone

This week felt like a turning point. I've finally given what I'm doing a name: Retrain the Brain. It's no longer about another diet or another plan. It's about teaching myself to deal with stress, uncertainty and discomfort without automatically reaching for food, alcohol or other old comfort blankets. The frustrating part? Fourteen days in, the scales still haven't moved. But maybe that's not the biggest win this week. In this episode: • Retrain the Brain – why I've finally given my method a name and what I'm actually trying to change. • Frustrated with the scales – why I'm choosing to trust the process, even when I'm not seeing the results I hoped for. • Stepping out of my comfort zone – from posting on TikTok to finally taking this podcast seriously, and why this week's uncertainty has made me realise it's time to start building something of my own. If you're trying to change your habits, your relationship with food, or simply become a braver version of yourself, I hope this makes you feel a little less alone.

Potential Redundancy, My Future Is Unclear, I'm Still Not Eating The Biscuits

Three days ago I was talking about giving up sweets and learning to deal with stress without reaching for my usual comfort blankets. Then work turned everything upside down. The company I work for lost a major contract and, as things stand right now, my future employment is very much up in the air. My first thought? A large glass of red wine. What surprised me was what didn't happen next. No wine. No chocolate. No biscuits. No desperate raid of the sweet cupboard. In this episode I'm talking about uncertainty, potential redundancy, accountability, and what happens when life gets stressful right after you've decided to change some old habits. We also get into: * Why telling people your intentions can change your behaviour * The difference between wanting relief and wanting sweets * Being 55 and wondering what comes next * Finding my voice and taking this podcast more seriously * Trying not to panic when the future suddenly feels uncertain A very real-time update from the middle of a slightly chaotic week.