028 – What If It's Not Normal… But It Works? with Alicia Shidler

028 – What If It's Not Normal… But It Works? with Alicia Shidler

WHY CHOOSING AN UNCONVENTIONAL LIFE OFTEN MEANS FINDING THE COURAGE TO BELONG ANYWAY There comes a moment when you realize that "normal" isn't actually the same thing as "right." Maybe it's reading ingredient labels for the first time. Maybe it's questioning a habit you've never thought twice about. Or maybe it's making a small decision that slowly changes the way you live your entire life. In this episode of Find Your Freaks, Tonya Kubo sits down with Alicia Shidler to talk about what happens after you stop chasing normal. From food and homesteading to parenting, community, and personal conviction, Alicia shares how one simple question—"What if there's a better way?"—led to a life that looks very different from the one she expected. Their conversation isn't really about tallow, sourdough, or raising chickens. It's about what it feels like to make choices that don't fit neatly into other people's expectations. It's about navigating the tension between staying true to your values and wanting to belong in the communities around you. And it's about discovering that living intentionally will almost always look a little strange to someone else. Whether you've questioned what's in your food, chosen a path your friends don't understand, or simply wondered if you're the only one doing life differently, this episode is a reminder that belonging doesn't require becoming more "normal." Sometimes it means becoming more yourself. YOU'LL HEAR HOW: * One small question can completely reshape the way you live * Intentional living happens one decision at a time, not all at once * Curiosity is more sustainable than fear when making lifestyle changes * Community becomes more complicated when your values look different * Online communities can be places to quietly learn before speaking up * You don't have to convince everyone else to validate your choices * Modeling your values is often more powerful than arguing for them * Living differently doesn't have to mean living defensively * Belonging is possible even when your life looks unconventional EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS [00:00] The marshmallow moment that started questioning "normal" [04:30] Building a family that spans very different seasons of life [11:45] Why intentional living happens one choice at a time [19:10] What online communities taught Alicia before she ever spoke up [26:00] Behind the scenes of moderating large Facebook communities [35:35] Belonging when your version of "normal" looks different [39:50] Why you can't force people to change—you can only show them RESOURCES & MENTIONS * Shidler Goods [https://notmusic.com/shidlergoodsllc/] * Hope & Stay [https://www.linkedin.com/in/sonya-tucker-7799b6133/] by Sonya Tucker MEET YOUR GUEST Alicia Shidler is the founder of Shidler Goods, a Michigan-based small business specializing in handcrafted tallow body care products. Passionate about intentional living, Alicia enjoys baking gluten-free sourdough, caring for livestock, reading ingredient labels, and continually learning how small, thoughtful choices can lead to a healthier and more purposeful life. Through her business and everyday life, she encourages others to question what "normal" means and embrace the practices that align with their values. MEET YOUR HOST Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, writer, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. She's spent nearly two decades building online spaces that feel more like chosen family than comment sections, and she's not afraid to call out the fluff in favor of real connection. As the founder of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers, builders, and bridge-makers who believe that "normal" was never the point. When she's not hosting the show, she's raising two daughters, leading client communities, and making meaning out of the mess. SUPPORT THE SHOW If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!) [https://tonya.link/coffee]. Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people. You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online [https://www.bonfire.com/store/abilities--attitudes/] through Abilities and Attitudes. LET'S STAY FREAKY * Facebook Group [https://tonya.link/group] * LinkedIn [https://linkedin.com/in/tonyakubo] * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/tonyakubo/] * Podcast Hub [https://findyourfreaks.com/] WHAT'S NEXT Next time, Tonya explores why communities often mistake "the right way" for "the only way"—and how belonging begins when we make room for people whose paths look different from our own.

027 – Accessibility Is Basic Belonging

Why reducing cognitive load creates communities where more people can participate, connect, and thrive Accessibility is often treated like a checklist: add captions, include transcripts, make sure the technology works. But what if accessibility is actually something much deeper? What if it is one of the clearest ways we communicate care and create spaces where people genuinely belong? In this solo episode, Tonya Kubo expands on her conversation with Dr. Catrina Mitchum and explores why accessibility is about far more than compliance. Whether you're leading an online course, hosting a workshop, facilitating a community, or running an in-person event, every design decision either removes friction or creates it. Those choices shape who feels welcomed, who feels excluded, and who has the opportunity to fully participate. Through practical examples ranging from breakout rooms and workshop activities to transcripts, captions, seating arrangements, and course design, Tonya unpacks the hidden impact of cognitive load. She challenges creators and community leaders to stop asking whether people can technically access an experience and start asking whether they've intentionally designed an experience that allows people to succeed. More than anything, this episode is an invitation to view accessibility as an act of hospitality. Small, thoughtful changes don't just support people with disabilities. They create better experiences for parents, busy professionals, neurodivergent learners, and anyone who benefits from having multiple ways to engage. Because when people feel considered, they feel connected. And connection is where belonging begins. You’ll hear how: * Accessibility extends far beyond captions and transcripts * Cognitive load influences how people participate and learn * Thoughtful design benefits everyone, not just people with disabilities * Online and in-person experiences can unintentionally create barriers * Charging extra for basic accessibility features undermines belonging * Every activity should be designed with a clear learning goal in mind * Offering multiple ways to participate lowers barriers to engagement * Small changes communicate care and strengthen community * Asking "Who might be left out?" leads to more inclusive experiences * Belonging cannot exist without meaningful access EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS [01:10] Why accessibility is about removing friction, not checking boxes [05:00] How cognitive load shapes the way people learn and participate [09:30] Why transcripts, captions, and multiple learning formats benefit everyone [13:50] The problem with putting accessibility behind a paywall [17:45] Three questions every course creator and community leader should ask [21:20] How offering multiple ways to participate strengthens belonging [25:00] Why accessibility is ultimately an act of care RESOURCES & MENTIONS * Episode 026 [https://www.tonyakubo.com/026-accessibility-is-belonging-with-dr-catrina-mitchum/] – Interview with Dr. Catrina Mitchum MEET YOUR HOST Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point. Her favorite spaces? The ones where the freak flags fly high. SUPPORT THE SHOW If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!) [https://tonya.link/coffee]. Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people. You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online [https://www.bonfire.com/store/abilities--attitudes/] through Abilities and Attitudes. LET’S STAY FREAKY * Facebook Group [https://tonya.link/group] * LinkedIn [https://linkedin.com/in/tonyakubo] * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/tonyakubo/] * Podcast Hub [https://findyourfreaks.com/] WHAT’S NEXT Next time, Tonya sits down with Alicia Shidler to explore what it means to live with radical intention. Together, they unpack choosing purpose over expectations, building a life anchored in what matters most, and why being a good parent doesn’t mean losing yourself along the way.

026 – Building Online Spaces That Include Everyone with Dr. Catrina Mitchum

What if accessibility isn't a checklist to complete, but one of the most powerful ways we create belonging? We love to talk about community — how to build it, grow it, and sustain it. But here’s the truth: you can’t have community without access. And too often, accessibility gets reduced to a narrow conversation about compliance, accommodations, or disability when it’s really about something much bigger. In this episode of Find Your Freaks, Tonya Kubo sits down with learning experience designer and online education expert Dr. Catrina Mitchum to explore what accessibility actually means and why it matters far beyond legal requirements. Drawing on nearly two decades of experience teaching adults online, Catrina shares how thoughtful course design, clear communication, and a willingness to ask better questions can help more people participate, learn, and belong. Together, Tonya and Catrina unpack the hidden barriers that often prevent people from fully engaging in learning communities, from cognitive overload and unclear instructions to assumptions about technology, culture, and prior experience. They also challenge the idea that accessibility is something extra we do after the fact, arguing instead that it should be woven into the foundation of every community and learning experience from the start. At its core, this conversation is a reminder that accessibility isn't about perfection. It's about making intentional choices that help more people feel seen, supported, and welcomed into the room. IN THIS EPISODE, WE EXPLORE * Why accessibility is foundational to belonging and community * How accessibility extends far beyond captions and compliance checklists * The hidden role cognitive load plays in learning and participation * Why clear instructions and context make learning more accessible * How providing options helps people engage in ways that work best for them * The connection between accessibility, inclusion, and community building * Common mistakes course creators make when trying to be accessible * Why asking people what they need is often the most powerful first step * How accessibility benefits everyone, not just those with disabilities * Practical ways business owners and educators can make immediate improvements EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS [03:15] Why accessibility is really about belonging [08:20] Expanding accessibility beyond captions, ramps, and compliance [19:30] The role cognitive load plays in learning and participation [24:40] Why learners need to understand the purpose behind what they're doing [30:15] How accessibility strengthens communities and invites diverse expertise [44:15] The simple question that can make any space more welcoming: “What would make this a pleasant experience?” MEET OUR GUEST Dr. Catrina Mitchum is on a mission to revolutionize the online course creation space. A recovering academic who has been teaching adults online since 2009, she combines her expertise in learning experience design, instructional strategy, and accessibility to help overwhelmed small business owners create courses that actually support learner success. Through her work, Catrina helps aspiring course creators build engaging, accessible learning experiences that prioritize people over perfection. MEET YOUR HOST Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, writer, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. She’s spent nearly two decades building online spaces that feel more like chosen family than comment sections, and she’s not afraid to call out the fluff in favor of real connection. As the founder of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers, builders, and bridge-makers who believe that “normal” was never the point. When she’s not hosting the show, she’s raising two daughters, leading client communities, and making meaning out of the mess. KEY QUOTES “Accessibility isn't optional. It's foundational to belonging.” “When we make things accessible to more people, it helps far beyond the people we were originally trying to serve.” “You are not the only expert in the room, and that's exactly how community should work.” “It's okay if you don't know what people need. Asking is a really good first step.” “What would make this a pleasant experience?” RESOURCES & MENTIONS * Dr. Catrina Mitchum [https://www.cmlearningdesign.com] * Course Creator Playbook [https://www.cmlearningdesign.com/course-maker-guide-bundle] * Dr. Catrina Mitchum YouTube Channel [https://www.youtube.com/@coursecreatorplaybook] SUPPORT THE SHOW If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!) [https://tonya.link/coffee]. Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people. You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online [https://www.bonfire.com/store/abilities--attitudes/] through Abilities and Attitudes. LET'S STAY FREAKY * Facebook Group [https://tonya.link/group] * LinkedIn [https://linkedin.com/in/tonyakubo] * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/tonyakubo/] * Podcast Hub [https://findyourfreaks.com/] WHAT'S NEXT In the next episode, Tonya explores what accessibility really means beyond captions, transcripts, and compliance checklists. Building on her conversation with Dr. Catrina Mitchum, she examines how removing unnecessary barriers creates stronger communities, deeper belonging, and better experiences for everyone.

025 – Small, Strange, and Sacred Spaces

Why some communities become collaborative while others turn territorial, and what that reveals about belonging Some communities feel expansive. People share resources freely, celebrate each other’s wins, and welcome newcomers like there is enough room for everyone. Other spaces feel guarded. Information gets hoarded, collaboration feels performative, and every new voice quietly registers as competition. In this solo episode, Tonya Kubo explores why that difference is rarely about whether people are “good” or “bad” and almost always about structure. Using examples from fiction writing communities, nonfiction publishing, online business spaces, and personal development ecosystems, Tonya breaks down how scarcity shapes behavior and how communities unintentionally teach people whether to connect or protect themselves. This episode digs into the emotional architecture behind collaboration, competition, trust, and belonging. Why do some spaces naturally create generosity while others create defensiveness? Why do people become territorial when identity, expertise, or authority are tied to success? And what happens when communities reward visibility, curiosity, and shared discovery instead of exclusivity? More than anything, this conversation is an invitation to stop asking whether people are “engaged enough” and start asking what behaviors the space itself rewards. Because communities do not become collaborative by accident. They become collaborative when safety, generosity, and contribution are intentionally reinforced. You’ll hear how: * Fiction communities often feel more collaborative because success is additive, not mutually exclusive * Scarcity changes how people share knowledge, support others, and respond to newcomers * Nonfiction communities become more territorial when trust is tied to the creator instead of the idea * Community structure teaches members how to behave, whether intentionally or not * Psychological safety creates generosity while fear creates defensiveness * Rewarding collaboration publicly changes the emotional temperature of a space * Belonging grows when people stop treating each other like threats * Ambition and collaboration do not have to exist in opposition to each other EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS [01:15] The difference between communities that feel like potlucks versus cage matches [03:40] Why fiction ecosystems naturally encourage collaboration [07:10] How nonfiction spaces tie trust to authority and identity [10:45] Why self-help and business communities often become more territorial [14:20] The role scarcity plays in shaping community behavior [17:05] Why plagiarism fears feel more personal in nonfiction spaces [20:10] How communities teach members what behaviors are rewarded [23:15] The connection between psychological safety and generosity [26:00] Why belonging grows when people stop treating each other like threats [28:05] The question every community leader should ask about their space RESOURCES & MENTIONS * Episode 024 [https://www.tonyakubo.com/024-mystery-writers-and-passionate-readers-with-michelle-chouinard/] – Interview with Michelle Chouinard * Clutter-Free Academy [https://podcast.kathilipp.com/cfa/podcast] by Kathi Lipp * The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up [https://a.co/d/08JYgdVo] by Marie Kondo MEET YOUR HOST Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point. Her favorite spaces? The ones where the freak flags fly high. SUPPORT THE SHOW If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!) [https://tonya.link/coffee]. Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people. You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online [https://www.bonfire.com/store/abilities--attitudes/] through Abilities and Attitudes. LET’S STAY FREAKY * Facebook Group [https://tonya.link/group] * LinkedIn [https://linkedin.com/in/tonyakubo] * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/tonyakubo/] * Podcast Hub [https://findyourfreaks.com/] WHAT’S NEXT Next time, Tonya Kubo sits down with Dr. Catrina Mitchum to explore why accessibility is not just a compliance issue — it’s the foundation of belonging. Together, they unpack what it really means to create online spaces where people can fully participate, connect, and thrive.

024 – Mystery Writers and Passionate Readers with Michelle Chouinard

What happens when the people around you stop feeling like competitors and start feeling like collaborators? There’s a stereotype about writers that most of us recognize immediately: the guarded creative protecting their ideas because success feels limited. And in some spaces, that mindset makes sense. When opportunities feel scarce, people naturally become more protective. But in this episode of Find Your Freaks, Tonya Kubo sits down with bestselling thriller author M.M. Chouinard to explore what happens when a community operates differently. In the mystery writing world Michelle inhabits, success often feels additive rather than competitive. Readers recommend authors to each other. Writers cheer each other on. Collaboration becomes part of the culture instead of a threat to it. Together, Tonya and Michelle unpack how the structure of a community shapes the way people connect, share, and belong. Michelle also shares her path from developmental psychology and academia into thriller writing, along with the role fandom, creativity, and online connection have played in her life and career. At its core, this episode asks an important question for community builders: Are people naturally territorial, or are they responding to environments that taught them success is mutually exclusive? IN THIS EPISODE, WE EXPLORE * Why some communities naturally encourage collaboration while others create competition * How scarcity changes the way people connect and share with each other * The unique culture of the mystery writing and reading world * Michelle’s transition from academia and developmental psychology into thriller writing * The role fandom plays in creating belonging and identity * Why readers often become the bridge between creators rather than gatekeepers * How creative communities shape the emotional experience of success * What community leaders can learn from environments where generosity thrives EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS [03:45] Michelle’s journey from psychology professor to bestselling thriller author [09:20] Why mystery readers rarely stop at just one author [15:10] How abundance thinking changes the culture inside creative communities [22:35] The emotional difference between collaborative and competitive spaces [29:40] Why fandom creates connection faster than traditional networking [36:15] The hidden pressures creators feel when success seems limited [42:05] What community builders misunderstand about scarcity and behavior [47:10] Why belonging grows faster in spaces where people openly share opportunities MEET OUR GUEST M.M. Chouinard is an Edgar Award–nominated bestselling author known for weaving psychology, suspense, and human complexity into gripping thrillers. She is the author of The Serial-Killer Guide to San Francisco series, the Detective Jo Fournier thriller series, and the standalone psychological thriller The Vacation. Before becoming a full-time author, Michelle earned a Ph.D. in developmental psychology from Stanford University and served as a founding faculty member at University of California, Merced. When she’s not writing dark and twisty stories, she enjoys caffeine in all forms, amateur genealogy, crafting, baking, and absolutely anything related to Halloween. MEET YOUR HOST Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, writer, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. She’s spent nearly two decades building online spaces that feel more like chosen family than comment sections, and she’s not afraid to call out the fluff in favor of real connection. As the founder of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers, builders, and bridge-makers who believe that “normal” was never the point. When she’s not hosting the show, she’s raising two daughters, leading client communities, and making meaning out of the mess. KEY QUOTES * “When success feels limited, people protect themselves. When success feels expansive, people start pulling others in.” * “Readers don’t usually want one good book. They want a whole shelf full of authors they can trust.” * “Community changes when people stop seeing each other as obstacles and start seeing each other as possibilities.” * “Scarcity doesn’t just shape money. It shapes behavior, trust, and belonging.” RESOURCES & MENTIONS * M.M. Chouinard Official Website [https://www.mmchouinard.com/?utm_source=chatgpt.com] * The Serial-Killer Guide to San Francisco Series [https://www.mmchouinard.com/serial-killer-series] * Detective Jo Fournier Series [https://www.mmchouinard.com/detective-jo] * The Vacation [https://www.mmchouinard.com/standalones] * Edgar Awards [https://edgarawards.com/?utm_source=chatgpt.com] SUPPORT THE SHOW If Find Your Freaks matters to you, consider buying us a coffee to keep the show ad-free. Every dollar supports production so more weirdos can find their people. Find Your Freaks merchandise is available through Abilities and Attitudes [https://www.bonfire.com/store/abilities--attitudes/]. LET’S STAY FREAKY * Facebook Group [https://tonya.link/group] * LinkedIn [https://linkedin.com/in/tonyakubo] * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/tonyakubo/] * Podcast Hub [https://findyourfreaks.com/] WHAT’S NEXT In the next episode, Tonya explores why some communities naturally foster collaboration while others create competition and territorial behavior. Drawing from this conversation with Michelle, she unpacks how scarcity shapes the way people connect, share opportunities, and decide whether it feels safe to truly belong.