The Only Way Out...

Well of Ignorance

As Stephen and Melissa celebrate 50 years of marriage, this special Independence Day episode reflects on the surprising ways love, commitment, humility, and lifelong growth shape a life. Their personal milestone becomes a springboard for a larger question: as the nation marks its 250th anniversary, what kind of future are we choosing to build together? Transcript: Melissa and I are marking our 50th wedding anniversary this Fourth of July weekend. Though our actual date fell in May, family circumstance led us to share our commemoration with our nation’s 250th anniversary -- that way, on our 75th, we can brag how we had blazing fireworks on our 50th. We’ve been fortunate through these years. What an ignoramus I was at 23... But what a serendipity that a great leap of faith landed me in a partnership that became an essential component of my emergence as a fully functioning adult, learning repeatedly that the will to extend oneself for one’s own and another’s spiritual growth -- with spiritual understood to include all that contributes to human thriving -- lies at the heart of a life well-lived. We’re in a deeply grateful place, but I would never say there is nothing new ahead. In fact, I’m counting on it—still eager for the adventure and still aware that I have not yet reached the bottom of my own well of ignorance. Other people track different paths, of course, and I can’t comment on how they might define their fulfillment, partnered or not. Our experience certainly doesn’t circumscribe the universe of potential positive outcomes. But what I can acknowledge is that the tenacious and necessarily humble commitment to hanging in under the banner of loving intention has wrought a wonderful gift that’s hard to imagine appearing through any other process. So much for our 50 years... But now, what about our nation’s 250?? What about that? What about that... Get full access to Living in the Meantime at livinginthemeantime.substack.com/subscribe [https://livinginthemeantime.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Morally Fraught

In the wake of a heartbreaking tragedy caused by a drunk driver, Stephen reflects on the quiet but profound moral choices woven into everyday life. While many of life's deepest sorrows come from circumstances beyond our control, others begin with seemingly ordinary decisions that carry enormous consequences. This episode explores personal responsibility, moral culpability, and the sacred weight of the choices we make—often long before we recognize their significance. Transcript: The news report began this way: “An eighty-two-year-old Nassau County man whose sport utility vehicle collided with a minivan full of young soccer players on a Long Island highway, killing him and two of the children, had a level of alcohol in his system that was more than twice the legal limit...” The story continued by describing the shock and grief of the families and the boys’ delightful personalities... which by the end had brought to mind the numbers of persons who passed through my office over the years in a state of deep grief. Most of the time the loss was due to causes beyond their or anyone else’s control and the emotional task consisted mainly of acceptance of the new reality. But sometimes the grief was at least partly due to causes that were very much within human control; and those agonies were the more difficult to process, where the personal work involved the realm of moral culpability as, for instance, it might be imbedded within a decision as mundane as whether or not to start the car engine. Isn’t it so that many days present all of us with choices as simple, yet morally fraught as that?? Get full access to Living in the Meantime at livinginthemeantime.substack.com/subscribe [https://livinginthemeantime.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Father's Day

In this Father’s Day reflection, Stephen recalls a heartbreaking encounter from his early years in ministry—a young boy who had come to believe that “stupid” was his name because it was all he ever heard from his father. Through this brief but unforgettable moment, Stephen explores the lasting power of a parent’s words, the deep human need for affirmation, and the responsibility fathers have to shape the identity and worth of their children. A poignant meditation on the wounds we can inflict—and the healing we can offer. Transcript: Decades ago, in my first church, I had a small exchange with a young boy standing off by himself who seemed swallowed up in deep sadness. I went to him and introduced myself and asked him his name. He told me his name was “Stupid.” I said I couldn’t believe that was his real name. But he quickly responded that I could believe what I wanted, but his name was “Stupid” because that’s what everyone called him. Said with a kind of quiet finality, he walked away. Later, I spotted him on his way out the door with a man I understood was his father. I don’t know what preceded this exact moment, but I witnessed his father turning a very ugly face toward his son and hissing, “My God, you are just so stupid!!” The boy glanced up and caught my eye for a long moment, then shrugged his shoulders and walked out the door. Like I said, that happened a long time ago. In the meantime, I’ve witnessed far worse behaviors, of course. But since Father’s Day was coming along, the memory of the knowing look in the boy’s eyes came to mind, along with the pain and insight we shared for just a moment... Get full access to Living in the Meantime at livinginthemeantime.substack.com/subscribe [https://livinginthemeantime.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

The Music of Healing: Tommy Sands on Peace, Hope, and Human Connection

In this special live conversation, Stephen Bauman sits down with legendary Irish folk singer, songwriter, and peace activist Tommy Sands. From his childhood in rural Ireland to his work during The Troubles, Sands reflects on how music can bridge divides, heal wounds, and create space for reconciliation. Together, they explore the role of art in conflict resolution, lessons learned from peacebuilding efforts around the world, and why hope remains an essential act in an increasingly polarized age. The conversation concludes with stories of Pete Seeger and a moving performance of Sands’ beloved song, “The Music of Healing.” 00:00:00 Introduction: Meeting Tommy Sands 00:01:32 Music, Storytelling, and the Work of Peace 00:06:07 Harvard, Conflict Resolution, and the Music of Healing 00:15:25 Travel, Perspective, and Breaking Tribalism 00:17:03 Growing Up in a Musical Irish Family 00:20:45 The Troubles and the Good Friday Agreement 00:23:12 Lessons from Israel, Gaza, and Iran 00:32:30 Algorithms, Division, and Our Shared Humanity 00:36:29 Faith, Love, and the Common Ground Between Religions 00:42:21 Pete Seeger, Hope, and “The Music of Healing” Get full access to Living in the Meantime at livinginthemeantime.substack.com/subscribe [https://livinginthemeantime.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

The Only Way Out...

When a high school student finds himself caught between loyalty to a friend and the truth, a simple conversation becomes a reflection on a much larger cultural problem. In this episode, Stephen Bauman explores the temptation to avoid discomfort, the courage required to face difficult truths, and why, as Robert Frost observed, the only way out is through. Transcript:Elliot was on the horns of a dilemma. A sophomore in high school, Elliot knew that a certain classmate everyone detested had been falsely accused of stealing $150 from a teacher’s purse. This kid wasn’t the thief--Elliot saw his friend take the money. Was loyalty or truth more important? He didn’t know what to do... I happened to be the accidental, non-aligned and evidently, approachable adult to whom he could share his anxiety. I could tell he was really agitated. After a minute or two, Elliot said it would be easiest to do nothing. There was nothing that associated him with knowledge about the crime. He could stay free and clear of the problem. I let that comment hang there for a minute, knowing that as Scott Peck once wrote, “Problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and wisdom.” That is, of course, so long as we choose to struggle with them. Distraction, evasion and avoidance are the more normal course of action everywhere in evidence today, from the lowly sophomore to the halls of congress. I don’t think Elliot had intended to share his problem with anyone. So, I told him I was impressed with his trying to work it out. And quietly, gently, suggested that the easy way out was often the worst way out and that maybe he needed to live with his problem for a little bit. It would be uncomfortable, but I’d help him hold it. This little story came to mind this morning while catching up on the news... I think it arrived as a tweak to conscience, a reminder, that each of us has reason to recalibrate our moral compass floundering in our rotting culture. Though we didn’t exactly ask for it, we all share this problem... and honestly, we all need some help acknowledging that, as Robert Frost put it, “the only way out is through...” Get full access to Living in the Meantime at livinginthemeantime.substack.com/subscribe [https://livinginthemeantime.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]