EP.168 - Patty - "Is It Because I'm..."

EP.168 - Patty - "Is It Because I'm..."

Some conversations stay with you because they answer questions. This one stayed with me because it opened more of them. Patty is back on the podcast after Episode 165 because honestly… we weren’t done yet. I love talking with  Patty because whenever we get together – on or off screen, we ask about the things we have been wondering about.  Last time we talked about the emotional world of children of immigrants. The guilt. The obedience. The pressure. The ways so many of us learned to survive by being “good.” But underneath that conversation was something bigger around identity, belonging, and what it means to raise children across race and culture. So this episode became two Brown women sitting together thinking out loud. Curious about interracial relationships. Curious about biracial identity. Curious about the “in between” worlds so many kids quietly navigate every single day. Patty is an Indian psychologist, writer, and mother who raised two adult Black and Brown daughters in the U.S. and this conversation went far beyond the trap of “love is love.” We talked about the reality that interracial relationships are not all experienced the same way. Because when a person of colour is in relationship with a white person, there are historical, societal, and systemic power dynamics there whether we name them or not. And part of the responsibility of the non BIPOC partner is not only understanding those dynamics themselves but helping their families understand their role in it too. We talked about what it means to raise children who may constantly be navigating questions around belonging, visibility, identity, and worth. Kids who may not always have the language for what they’re experiencing but are absolutely feeling it. And I keep thinking about this idea that whether our biracial kids talk to us about it or not, better believe they are living in an “in between” world. And we as parents are responsible for helping guide them toward wholeness instead of fragmentation. That there is no ‘half, quarter, but wholeness all around. This conversation is layered, honest, curious, uncomfortable at times, and so so  human. As you know, here at MFU, it is not about having all the answers, but about talking, building our own data. We are just scratching the surface.  Just two women sitting together trying to ask better questions.  We would love to keep this convo going, please reach out with your thoughts, feelings, experiences.  Follow Patty@pjtemple7 Support the show [https://ko-fi.com/mfupodcast] If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/mfupodcast/], X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to info@mfupodcast.com [info@mfupodcast.com]. Thank you for listening! In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

EP.167 - Harvi - "Your Version Of Good Might Be Someone Else's Version of Bad"

This episode felt special to me. I sat down with Harvi — a soon-to-be high school graduate heading into psychology — for a conversation about growing up as children of immigrants, and honestly… it became so much bigger than I expected. We talked about the invisible weight so many of us carry: the love, sacrifice, and survival behind our parents’ journeys, alongside the pressure to achieve, be grateful, stay “good,” and keep everything together. And while preparing for this episode, I realized I didn’t want this to feel like a typical interview. I kept thinking… what if Harvi and I approached this like we were writing a guidebook together? Not one with perfect answers, but one that tries to make sense of the complicated space between immigrant parents and their children. And somewhere in the middle of preparing for this EP, the title became clear (LOL) We Turned Out Fine… But Also, Did We? A guide for immigrant parents, their children, and everything we’re still figuring out in between. Throughout this conversation, we unpack: -what our parents carried through migration, survival, and intergenerational trauma -how pressure can sometimes be disguised as protection -the “good daughter” role, how our mothers pass what they know down through their day to day,  and how it shapes identity -the myth of balance and why busyness often replaces peace -mental health stigma in South Asian and immigrant communities -achievement-based self-worth, perfectionism, and emotional suppression -what it means to unlearn survival patterns that were once praised and the complicated space between empathizing with our parents while still being honest about the impact certain things had on us What I loved most about this conversation is that it never became a blame game. It became about curiosity. About trying to understand what shaped our parents… while also being honest about what shaped us. Harvi brought so much wisdom, honesty, and gentleness into this conversation, especially as someone still living these experiences in real time. Huge shout out to this young, wise soul! So whether you’re a parent trying to do better, a child of immigrants trying to understand yourself, or someone somewhere in the middle of both — I hope this episode makes you feel seen. And maybe even gives you language for things you’ve felt for a really long time. Instagram: harvi.gilll [https://www.instagram.com/harvi.gilll/#] Support the show [https://ko-fi.com/mfupodcast] If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/mfupodcast/], X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to info@mfupodcast.com [info@mfupodcast.com]. Thank you for listening! In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

EP.166 - Andrea Samtani - "I Would Really Love For Indian Women To Start Taking Ownership For Their Own Bodies"

This episode is dedicated to our bodies. The Brown ones. The bloated ones. The strong ones. The “why is my head filled with negativity about my body" ones. I've been thinking a lot lately about how we  were taught to fix our bodies  before fully living in them. How little we learned to trust our gut, to understand the connection between mind and body. And how hard it is now to tune in. This week on Middle Fingers Up, I sit down with Andrea: a South Asian mental health professional and content creator based in Australia --to talk about body image, fitness culture, the flat belly myth, BMI, hormones, and the exhausting experience of trying to achieve a beauty standard many of us were literally never built for. We talk about: -striving for a whiter ideal(even when we think we aren't. ) -why generic health advice often fails Brown women -and how our  body becomes something we monitor instead of something we build a relationship with.  One of the biggest takeaways? We may not be able to stop people from commenting on women’s bodies. Those aunties, guys and society...But we can stop turning those comments into our identity. Also: maybe the goal isn’t a flat stomach. Maybe the goal is finally taking up space without apologizing for it. The tummy is the new black. Listen now if you’ve ever: avoided the photo, changed your outfit 14 times, or believed your worth increased every time your body got smaller. Middle Fingers Up to all of it. Instagram: andreasamtani [https://www.instagram.com/andreasamtani/#] Support the show [https://ko-fi.com/mfupodcast] If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/mfupodcast/], X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to info@mfupodcast.com [info@mfupodcast.com]. Thank you for listening! In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

EP.165 - Patty-"Nobody Talks About The Joy"

In this episode, I sit down with  psychologist and writer Patty for a powerful conversation about the inner worlds of children of immigrants and how childhood conditioning continues to shape adult identity, relationships, and wellbeing. Patty brings both clinical expertise and lived experience as an Indian psychologist, a mother raising two biracial daughters, and someone navigating life and partnership across race and culture. Together, we  explore how obedience, guilt, silence, and sacrifice are often normalized in immigrant households and how those patterns quietly follow people into adulthood. This episode examines why so many children of immigrants grow up lacking language for their emotional experiences, how unprocessed conflict and missing repair shape anxiety and shame, and why saying “I turned out fine” often masks deeper burnout, disconnection, or physical symptoms. Rather than staying stuck in the past, the focus is on what healing can look like now and how doing this work impacts future generations. From parenting differently, to redefining responsibility and gratitude, to understanding how the body holds stress and trauma, this conversation invites listeners to get curious, question inherited narratives, and reclaim authorship over their own lives. If you grew up between cultures and have ever wondered “Where is this coming from?” or “Who am I outside of who I was taught to be?”, this episode offers language, validation, and a place to begin. Instagram: pjtemple7 [https://www.instagram.com/pjtemple7/#] Website: pjtemple.com [https://pjtemple.com/] Support the show [https://ko-fi.com/mfupodcast] If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/mfupodcast/], X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to info@mfupodcast.com [info@mfupodcast.com]. Thank you for listening! In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

EP.164 - Mohini - "Are You Really 'Fine' Though?"

Wedding season is meant to be joyful, full of love, music, and celebration. However in this EP, we are naming what happens when you’re walking into those spaces carrying something else. A welcome back to guest to Mohini, who is here to share her experiences with  the in-between moments—the ones we don’t always name. The reality that you can be genuinely happy for someone you love… and still be grieving, questioning, or processing something in your own life at the same time. We get into what that actually looks like in real time, how unprocessed emotions don’t just disappear, they show up in the way we move, react, and cope. We also talk about the subtle (and not so subtle) ways divorced South Asian women are labeled in these spaces—and how that shapes the experience of being there. This isn’t about taking away from the celebration. It’s about giving ourselves permission to be honest about what we’re carrying while we’re in it. If you’ve ever felt like you had to be “fine” in a room where you weren’t… this one is for you. And if you know someone that maybe isn't as 'fine' as they say to be- check in on them. Like one of those "but how are you really doing" kind of check ins. Wedding season can be tough, divorce stigma is a real thing, and we all can bring a little extra compassion with us.  You don’t have to be over it to show up. You just have to be honest about where you are. Instagram:  iammohinigima [https://www.instagram.com/iammohinigima/#] CTA - This conversation doesn’t end here. If something landed for you, reach out to Mohini via IG—she’s open to hearing your story and continuing the dialogue. Support the show [https://ko-fi.com/mfupodcast] If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/mfupodcast/], X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to info@mfupodcast.com [info@mfupodcast.com]. Thank you for listening! In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.