S2E21 - How to Build Self-Trust When Life Falls Apart | Sarah Beaver on Healing After Divorce, Cancer & Life's Biggest Challenges

4 Surprising Signs of Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

Have you ever met someone who seemed incredibly loving, attentive, and all-in at the beginning of a relationship—only to become distant once things got serious? In this episode of Not So Dumb Blonde, Kaytlyn Gilner breaks down four surprising signs of dismissive avoidant attachment that often get missed in dating and relationships. Many people assume avoidant attachment looks like emotional distance from day one. In reality, dismissive avoidants can initially appear affectionate, reassuring, and deeply invested. The challenges often emerge once true emotional intimacy develops and attachment wounds become activated. In this episode, we discuss: • What dismissive avoidant attachment actually is • Why avoidants can seem loving and emotionally available at first • The connection between love bombing and attachment insecurity • How superficial relationships can be a warning sign • The role of work, hobbies, substances, and other distractions in emotional avoidance • Communication red flags that may indicate avoidant attachment patterns • How attachment wounds impact long-term relationship dynamics Whether you're trying to understand your own attachment style, make sense of a past relationship, or learn how to identify healthy relationship patterns, this episode offers practical insights into one of the most misunderstood attachment styles. 🎧 Subscribe for more conversations on attachment styles, relationships, anxiety, trauma recovery, mental health, and personal growth. 💗 FREE GUIDE: Anxiety or Red Flag? Download here: www.therapykay.com/freebie [http://www.therapykay.com/freebie] Connect with Kaytlyn: YouTube: @KaytlynGilner Website: www.therapykay.com [http://www.therapykay.com/]

S2E21 - How to Build Self-Trust When Life Falls Apart | Sarah Beaver on Healing After Divorce, Cancer & Life's Biggest Challenges

How to Build Self-Trust When Life Falls Apart | Sarah Beaver on Healing After Divorce, Cancer & Life's Biggest Challenges How do you trust yourself when life feels like it's falling apart? In this powerful episode of Not So Dumb Blonde, Kaytlyn sits down with cancer survivor, podcaster, and retreat host Sarah Beaver to explore how self-trust becomes the foundation for healing during life's most difficult seasons. After navigating both divorce and a Stage 3 cancer diagnosis, Sarah shares the mindset shifts, daily practices, and emotional resilience tools that helped her move through uncertainty, grief, fear, and major life transitions with greater confidence and self-compassion. Together, they discuss why self-trust isn't something you magically find—it's something you build. Through journaling, meditation, community support, nervous system regulation, and focusing on what you can control, Sarah learned how to navigate adversity without losing herself in the process. Whether you're facing heartbreak, anxiety, illness, loss, uncertainty, or a major life transition, this conversation offers practical tools and hope for rebuilding trust in yourself, even when life doesn't go according to plan. * How to build self-trust during difficult seasons of life * Healing after divorce and major life transitions * Navigating a cancer diagnosis and recovery * Why focusing on what you can control reduces anxiety * Journaling as a tool for emotional healing and self-awareness * Meditation, resilience, and nervous system regulation * How community support helps us navigate hardship * Trusting your intuition during uncertainty * Holding multiple emotions at the same time * Finding meaning and purpose through adversity ✔ Self-trust is built before the storm—and strengthened during it. ✔ Healing doesn't mean avoiding pain; it means learning how to move through it. ✔ Anxiety often decreases when we focus on what we can control. ✔ Journaling and meditation can help strengthen emotional resilience. ✔ Community and connection are essential during life's hardest moments. ✔ Healing is not a destination—it's an ongoing process. "Divorce prepared me for cancer." "Feelings can be complex and dual in nature." "Healing is an ongoing process." Sarah Beaver is a cancer survivor, podcast host, retreat leader, and advocate for personal growth and emotional healing. Through her work, she helps people cultivate resilience, joy, and self-trust while navigating life's inevitable challenges. Connect with Sarah: Guest Resource Page [https://cold-twilight-c82.notion.site/Guest-Resource-Page-8180a57c518c41658c94411f8bbfd9be] Instagram: https://instagram.com/itssarahbeaver [https://instagram.com/sarahbeaver] Free Resources: Anxiety or a Red Flag? A free DBT-informed guide to understanding relationship anxiety, emotional triggers, attachment wounds, intuition, nervous system dysregulation, and emotional safety. https://therapy-kay-2.kit.com/freebie [https://therapy-kay-2.kit.com/freebie] 00:00 Why Self-Trust Matters When Life Falls Apart 01:20 Cancer Diagnosis & Focusing on What You Can Control 02:45 Journaling as a Tool for Healing and Self-Trust 04:45 Meditation, Anxiety & Managing Uncertainty 06:55 Did Divorce Prepare Her for Cancer? 08:15 Sharing Her Cancer Journey Publicly 10:50 The Most Important Emotional Resilience Tools 11:15 Creating Sunshine: Finding Joy During Hard Times 13:40 The Power of Duality & Holding Two Emotions at Once 16:40 What Cancer Taught Her About Suffering 17:45 Helping Children Navigate Grief and Loss 21:00 Discovering Purpose Through Adversity 24:35 Community, Support & Finding Your People 26:50 Signs You're Building Real Self-Trust 30:05 What Healing Looks Like Today 34:00 Where to Find Sarah Beaver #SelfTrust #HealingAfterDivorce #CancerSurvivor #EmotionalResilience #PersonalGrowth #MentalHealthPodcast #GriefHealing #AnxietySupport #HealingJourney #WomensMentalHealth #LifeTransitions #TrustYourself

S2E20-Surviving Columbine: How Trauma Changes the Nervous System and What Healing Really Looks Like | Krista Hanley

Surviving Columbine: How Trauma Changes the Nervous System and What Healing Really Looks Like | Krista Hanley What happens to the nervous system after trauma—and how do you learn to feel safe again? In this powerful episode of Not So Dumb Blonde, Kaytlyn Gilner sits down with Columbine survivor, writer, speaker, and trauma-informed educator Krista Hanley to discuss the lifelong impact of trauma, PTSD, hypervigilance, emotional safety, boundaries, trust, and nervous system healing. Krista shares her experience surviving the Columbine tragedy and offers an honest look at what trauma recovery actually looks like years later. Together, they explore how trauma affects the body, relationships, self-trust, and the ability to feel safe in everyday life. This conversation dives into the realities of living in survival mode, finding the right therapist, rebuilding trust after trauma, somatic healing, self-defense as empowerment, and why healing isn't about becoming fearless—it's about teaching your nervous system that safety, connection, and trust are possible again. Whether you're recovering from trauma, navigating PTSD, struggling with hypervigilance, or supporting someone on their healing journey, this episode offers insight, hope, and practical tools for moving forward. * How trauma impacts the nervous system long after the event is over * PTSD, hypervigilance, and living in survival mode * Why emotional safety is essential for healing * The role of boundaries in trauma recovery * How trauma affects trust and relationships * Somatic healing and reconnecting with the body * Finding the right therapist after trauma * Self-defense, empowerment, and reclaiming your voice * Rebuilding a sense of safety after violence * Post-traumatic growth and resilience ✔ Healing is not about eliminating fear—it's about expanding your capacity for safety. ✔ Trauma lives in both the mind and the body. ✔ Boundaries are a critical part of nervous system healing. ✔ Trust can be rebuilt, even after profound trauma. ✔ Recovery is not linear, but healing is possible. "Healing isn't about becoming fearless." "Your nervous system learns safety through experience." "Boundaries are part of healing." Krista Hanley is a Columbine survivor, writer, speaker, trauma-informed facilitator, and violence prevention educator. She is the co-owner of We Are Safer Together, where she teaches trauma-informed safety, self-defense, empowerment, and violence prevention. Her memoir, How to Survive a Mass Shooting: A Columbine Memoir, explores the long-term impact of trauma, resilience, and recovery after surviving one of the most significant school shootings in American history. Krista Hanley: https://kristahanley.com/ [https://kristahanley.com/] We Are Safer Together: https://wearesafertogether.com/ [https://wearesafertogether.com/] Preorder: How to Survive a Mass Shooting: A Columbine Memoir https://www.motinabooks.com/book/how-to-survive-a-mass-shooting-a-columbine-memoir/ [https://www.motinabooks.com/book/how-to-survive-a-mass-shooting-a-columbine-memoir/] Anxiety or a Red Flag? A free DBT-informed guide to understanding relationship anxiety, attachment wounds, emotional triggers, intuition, nervous system dysregulation, and emotional safety. https://therapy-kay-2.kit.com/freebie [https://therapy-kay-2.kit.com/freebie] 00:00 Introduction to Krista Hanley and Her Work 04:18 The Impact of Columbine on Personal Safety 07:14 PTSD, Hypervigilance, and Survival Mode 10:37 Finding the Right Therapist 14:09 Trust Issues and Relationships After Trauma 18:14 The Role of Boundaries in Healing 25:51 Navigating Relationships and Emotional Safety 26:48 Somatic Healing and Nervous System Recovery 27:51 Yoga, Self-Defense, and Reclaiming Power 29:19 Finding Your Voice After Trauma 31:14 Empowerment Through Self-Defense 34:59 Creating Safe Spaces for Healing 37:46 The Journey of Recovery 38:59 Redefining Safety After Trauma 43:46 Advocating for Yourself in Health and Healing #TraumaRecovery #PTSD #Columbine #NervousSystemHealing #SomaticHealing #EmotionalSafety #MentalHealthPodcast #TraumaHealing #Hypervigilance #Boundaries #WomenMentalHealth #HealingJourney

S2E19-Anxiety or a Red Flag? How to Tell If Your Relationship Is Toxic

Anxiety or a Red Flag? How to Tell If Your Relationship Is Toxic Are you experiencing relationship anxiety—or are you ignoring real red flags? If you've ever found yourself overthinking texts, questioning your intuition, wondering if you're being too sensitive, or asking whether your relationship is healthy or toxic, this episode is for you. In this episode of Not So Dumb Blonde, MSW candidate and therapist-in-training Kaytlyn Gilner breaks down the difference between anxious attachment, relationship anxiety, and legitimate relationship red flags. Social media often labels every disagreement, uncomfortable feeling, or trigger as "toxic," but healthy relationships aren't conflict-free. The real question is whether there is emotional safety, accountability, repair, curiosity, and mutual respect. Drawing from attachment theory, DBT skills, nervous system regulation, and the work of relationship experts like Dr. Sue Johnson, Kaytlyn explores how to recognize unhealthy relationship dynamics without confusing anxiety for intuition. * The difference between relationship anxiety and genuine red flags * Signs of anxious attachment and hypervigilance * What emotional safety actually looks like * Healthy conflict vs. toxic relationship patterns * Why relationship repair matters more than perfection * How nervous system dysregulation affects dating and relationships * Trust, accountability, and communication in healthy partnerships * How to stop second-guessing yourself and build self-trust Is It Anxiety or a Red Flag? https://linktr.ee/kaytlynm [https://linktr.ee/kaytlynm] 00:00 Why Social Media Is Confusing Relationships 02:14 Red Flags vs. Relationship Anxiety 05:02 Understanding Attachment Styles 08:31 What Actually Makes a Relationship Healthy? 12:06 Conflict Is Normal—Repair Is What Matters 15:42 Emotional Safety & Nervous System Regulation 19:27 Anxious Attachment, Hypervigilance & Overthinking 23:11 Secure Relationships vs. Toxic Dynamics 26:48 How to Know If a Relationship Is Safe 30:15 Learning to Trust Yourself Again 33:04 Final Thoughts on Healing & Relationships #RelationshipAnxiety #AnxiousAttachment #RedFlags #ToxicRelationships #HealthyRelationships #AttachmentTheory #DatingAdvice #DBTSkills #EmotionalSafety #TrustYourself #RelationshipAdvice #MentalHealthPodcast In This Episode:Download the Free Guide:Chapters

S2E18- Is It Anxiety or Intuition? Trauma, Attachment & Relationships

Is It Anxiety or Intuition? Trauma, Attachment & Relationships #traumahealing #intuition #relationship #dating #anxiousattachment #attachment #nervoussystemregulation How do you know if it’s your intuition… or your anxiety talking?In this episode of Not So Dumb Blonde, Kaytlyn Gilner explores why so many women struggle to trust themselves in relationships, dating, and emotional decision-making — especially after trauma, attachment wounds, toxic relationships, or chronic anxiety.We discuss how trauma changes the nervous system, why hypervigilance can feel like intuition, and how societal conditioning teaches women to disconnect from their needs, emotions, and inner voice.If you constantly overthink relationships, question your instincts, struggle with anxious attachment, or feel trapped between “trusting your gut” and fear of overreacting, this episode will help you better understand the difference between anxiety, intuition, trauma responses, and emotional dysregulation.Kaytlyn also breaks down practical DBT-informed tools for emotional regulation, nervous system healing, self-trust, and accessing “wise mind” — the balance between emotion and logic.Topics Include:• Anxiety vs intuition• Trauma and hypervigilance• Nervous system dysregulation• Women’s mental health• Attachment styles and relationships• Emotional regulation• DBT skills and wise mind• Self-trust after trauma• Relationship anxiety• Healing anxious attachment• How trauma impacts perception• Women and societal conditioningRESOURCES:FREEBIE- DBT-Informed Guide: “Is It a Red Flag or My Anxiety?”https://linktr.ee/kaytlyngilnerDeepen Your Healing with the DBT Workbook:https://linktr.ee/kaytlyngilnerIf you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share with someone navigating healing, anxiety, attachment wounds, or relationship confusion.#anxiety #intuition #trauma #attachmentstyles #dbt #mentalhealth #relationships #healing #emotionalregulation #selftrust #podcast #womenmentalhealth #relationshipanxiety #notsodumbblondeCHAPTERS:00:00 Anxiety vs Intuition Explained02:11 Why Women Struggle to Trust Themselves04:37 Trauma, Hypervigilance & Relationship Anxiety07:22 How Trauma Changes the Nervous System10:08 Societal Conditioning & Women’s Emotional Needs13:02 Why Dysregulation Feels Like Intuition15:46 DBT Skills, Wise Mind & Emotional Regulation18:31 How to Rebuild Self-Trust After Trauma21:10 Practical Tools for Relationship Clarity23:42 Final Thoughts on Healing & Intuition