Why Strong Men Don’t Always Ask for Help | Jason Kubiak | #110

Why Strong Men Don’t Always Ask for Help | Jason Kubiak | #110

He looked fine, but he was falling apart. In this episode of The Lonely Chapter Podcast, Sam speaks with Jason Kubiak, a firefighter, former professional MMA fighter, father and co-founder of Unified Against Violence CIC. Jason opens up about the period of his life where everything started to collapse around him: divorce, operational trauma, not seeing his children, homelessness, self-medication, isolation and the painful realisation that he did not understand what was happening in his own mind. From the outside, he may have looked capable, disciplined and strong, but privately he was struggling to survive. This conversation explores men’s mental health, firefighter trauma, suicide prevention, emotional isolation, the pressure to be strong, fatherhood, recovery, routine, discipline, asking for help, and the importance of having people who do more than simply say, “let me know if you need anything.” Jason also shares how his experiences shaped the way he now supports others, including his work with Unified Against Violence CIC, a project focused on youth violence, knife crime prevention, public access bleed kits, defibrillators, community safety and giving young people access to belonging, mentorship, sport and support before pain becomes violence. Find Jason on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jaykube0067/ Find Unified Against Violence CIC on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/unified_against_violence/

5 Questions to Help You Make Sense of Life | Solo Episode | #109

Most of us are looking for answers, but maybe what we need is better questions. In this solo episode of The Lonely Chapter, Sam Maclean reflects on the questions that have kept appearing across more than 100 honest conversations about identity, difficulty, purpose, personal growth and what it means to live well. Through personal stories, including leaving veganism after eight and a half years, working in gyms, becoming a firefighter, volunteering with Samaritans and learning the power of silence, Sam explores how our experiences shape us and how the stories we tell ourselves can change the way we live. This episode is for anyone who feels like they are doing okay on the surface, but quietly trying to understand themselves, their past, and what they want life to look like from here. If one of these questions stays with you, sit with it. Write it down. Ask someone else. Sometimes one honest question can open a better conversation. If you enjoy this episode, please follow or subscribe to The Lonely Chapter wherever you’re listening. It really helps the show reach more people who might need it.

The Weight of Leading the London Fire Brigade | Commissioner Jonathan Smith | #108

What does real responsibility feel like? In this episode of The Lonely Chapter, I sit down with Jonathan Smith, the London Fire Commissioner, to talk about what it really means to lead the London Fire Brigade. Jonathan leads the largest fire and rescue service in England and Wales, but this conversation goes beyond the title. We talk about the pressure of responsibility, the loneliness of leadership, making difficult decisions when there is no obvious right answer, and how to stay grounded when your work becomes such a big part of who you are. We also explore culture inside the fire service, psychological safety, learning from mistakes, imposter syndrome, the difference between being nice and being kind, and why good leadership depends on humility, communication and trust. This is a conversation about leadership, identity, public service, emergency services, accountability, organisational culture, London Fire Brigade, the future of the fire service, and the trace we leave on the people around us. Find Jonathan Smith on LinkedIn: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/jonathan-smith-ba-msc-5974876a [https://uk.linkedin.com/in/jonathan-smith-ba-msc-5974876a?utm_source=chatgpt.com] London Fire Brigade: https://www.london-fire.gov.uk/ [https://www.london-fire.gov.uk/?utm_source=chatgpt.com]

Why Men Hide Their Pain Until They Break | Dr Susie Bennett | #107

Some men look fine. They’re not. In this episode of The Lonely Chapter, I’m joined again by Dr Susie Bennett, a researcher whose work focuses on male suicide, men’s mental health, emotional suppression and the hidden pain many men carry. We explore why some men appear completely fine on the outside while struggling internally, how men learn to hide pain, and why emotional suppression can become dangerous when it disconnects men from what they are actually feeling. This conversation goes into the “performance of self,” male suicide research, internal unsafety, relational unsafety, childhood experiences, shame, body image, loneliness, male sexuality, unmet human needs, and the empathy gap around men’s pain. This is not a conversation about blaming men or excusing harmful behaviour. It is a conversation about understanding what can happen beneath the surface when men feel they have to cope, stay in control, and carry pain alone. In this episode, we discuss: → Why men hide their pain until they break → Why some men do not realise how badly they are struggling → Signs of distress in men that do not look like distress → Male suicide, emotional suppression and hidden psychological pain → The loneliness of pretending to be okay → Internal unsafety and relational unsafety → Childhood adversity, shame, bullying and emotional regulation → Male body image and pressure around appearance → Male sexuality, unmet human needs and difficult conversations → What helps men begin to feel safe again If you’re new here, please do follow The Lonely Chapter wherever you’re listening - it really helps the show reach more people who might need it.

5 Lessons Firefighting Taught Me About Life | Solo Episode | #106

Firefighting teaches you what pressure reveals. In this solo episode of The Lonely Chapter, I reflect on 5 lessons firefighting taught me about life - and how those lessons connect to confidence, pressure, identity, mental health, emotional intelligence, and the conversations I’ve had on the podcast. Working in the fire service puts you around people on some of the hardest days of their lives. Over time, it teaches you things about human behaviour that are easy to miss in everyday life: how people respond under pressure, how confidence is built, how identity can both protect and trap us, and why people remember how you made them feel more than what you said. In this episode, I explore: → Why confidence comes from competence, not motivation → Why most people are carrying more than you realise → How identity can help you - and trap you → Why presence matters more than perfection → Why people remember how you made them feel under pressure I also connect these lessons to previous conversations on The Lonely Chapter, including episodes with Sean Conway, Brandon Day, James Elliott, Mark Robinson and Dakota Meyer. This is a reflective episode about firefighting, life lessons, resilience, personal growth, confidence, identity, pressure, mental health, emotional wellbeing, and what it means to show up for people when life feels difficult. If you’re doing okay on the surface, but quietly trying to make sense of life, I hope this episode helps you feel a little less alone.