Bedtime Stories for My Kids about Nothing

Ophelia Birth Story (mom)

The story of Ophelia’s birth.

Grades, Growth & Goofy Memories

In this episode, Mom talks about: * 😴 Calming down on purpose and reminding you this is not an exciting podcast * 🧠 What Mom remembers (and doesn’t remember) from different ages of life Grade 2 memories: * 🏫 Being in a portable classroom with no bathroom * 🧑‍🏫 A teacher named Miss Cooper (maybe) * 🍯 A confusing parent presentation involving either hot dogs or caramel sauce * 😖 A kid being too grossed out to taste delicious sundae sauce * 🧠 Thoughts about visualization, sensory stuff, and why people react differently * 🍽️ Uncle Craig being very stressed about food * 🤢 A vivid memory of him dramatically taking “one bite” and spitting it out * 🛝 Blacktop recess, falling on ice, and being deeply embarrassed about a scraped face * 🎃 Dressing as the Hunchback of Notre Dame for Halloween (yes, really) Grade 5 memories (a BIG year): * 📦 Moving houses and switching schools * 😬 Lying in bed the night before the first day, wondering who you’ll be * 🏃‍♀️ Becoming “an athlete” (high jump, basketball, track dreams) * 👕 Wearing a rainbow silk shirt because silk was VERY cool * 😳 Learning about cliques, popularity, crushes, and Truth or Dare * 💋 A very confusing first kiss that may not have been a kiss at all * 👯 Meeting new friends, one who tumbles! * 🏊 Pools, dives, gymnastics tricks, and “watch what I can do” energy * 🎥 Making homemade music videos with a giant video camera * 📺 Trying (and failing) to submit a fake video to America’s Funniest Home Videos Grade 6 & 7 memories: * 🏫 Switching schools again and feeder schools merging * 🤝 Reuniting old friends with new friends * 💞 Lifelong friendships forming * 😮 Realizing scary changes can turn into really good ones * 🧠 Comparing this to your brother’s school change — and how he thrived Age 24 memories: * 🎨 Working at a magazine and LOVING life * ✍️ Being a designer who also loved writing * 🤡 Extremely questionable workplace pranks (do not try this at home) * 👑 Signing a coworker up for Miss Universe as a prank (she placed Top 17 in Canada 😳) * 👢 Swapping new shoes for old ones as a prank * 💨 Convincing a new boss Mom had a medical farting condition (using a fart app) * 🖼️ Secretly planting a framed headshot in a coworker’s desk * 😂 Laughing about it all years later at reunions Life thoughts sprinkled throughout: * 🧩 You don’t remember everything — just weird little moments * 🌱 Change is scary but usually helps you grow * 🧠 If you want to remember something forever, tell yourself that in the moment * ❤️ You are loved for who you are, not what you do * 😴 You are very allowed to fall asleep during this episode Sleep safety rating: extremely safe Important note: Mom hopes you’re already asleep

Trees, Tech & Tired Thoughts

In this episode, Mom talks about: * 🌳 A very good climbing tree (RIP tree) * 🍉 A watermelon-looking bathing suit and photo memories * 🏡 Moving from Pointe-Claire, Quebec to Burlington * 🌿 Jumping hedges, high jump dreams, and worrying about Omi cutting herself with hedge clippers * ⚾ Playing catch with Opa (and maybe getting hit in the face with a baseball) * 🚗 A weird shared driveway with a tiny cliff you could fall off * 💻 Growing up with so many computers and early “coding” before it was cool * ⌨️ Being weirdly good at typing in school * 🎮 Playing Mario and Donkey Kong at friends’ houses with short, uncomfortable cords * 💿 Cassette tapes, CDs, six-disc changers, and watching technology change in real time * 👄 Lip Smackers (especially the good flavours… and the weird Dr. Pepper one) * 👯 Best friends, long visits, mono, and endless Super Mario sessions * ☎️ The very first phone call with a friend while playing a computer game * 💭 How certain objects, sounds, and games always remind you of specific people * 😴 Reassurance that you don’t have to stay awake for any of this Mood: calm, wandering, slightly sick Mom voice Sleep level: very safe to fall asleep Important reminder: You can listen again tomorrow