Dear Sugars

Episodes We Love: Love In Doubt (Rapid Fire)

How many times have you heard this: "I love him, we're great together, but..."? There's always room for doubt, even in the happiest of relationships. So this week, the Sugars take on some of those doubts in rapid-fire fashion. This episode was originally published on January 5th, 2017.

Rewind: The Other Half of Sexless Relationships

This episode was originally released on October 28th, 2017. Sex-starved, meet sex-hounded. Recently, the Dear Sugars inbox was flooded with responses to the two-part episode “Sexless Relationships” with Esther Perel. In those episodes, the Sugars answered letters from people who were longing for sexual intimacy with their partners. But many readers asked why we didn’t address the other side of sexless relationships: the people who want less sex than their partners. In today’s episode, we hear from a letter writer who feels pressured by her partner to have sex. “Every night — EVERY NIGHT — when we get in bed, he rubs my back to see if he can arouse me,” writes the letter writer." "Enough is enough.” Cheryl Strayed and Steve Almond dig into the power dynamics that play out when one partner constantly demands sex. Then, they attempt to answer the question, “Is there such a thing as wanting too much sex?”

Rewind: Make the Call

In this encore "rapid fire" episode, the Sugars give brief answers to a handful of letters. This time, they challenge each other to make the call -- one way or the other -- on the questions they're discussing, rather than offer open-ended guidance. This episode was originally released on September 30, 2016.

Rewind: Buyer's Remorse

This episode was originally published on April 14th, 2018. Buzz Bissinger owns more than 100 pairs of leather pants and over 200 pairs of leather gloves, having spent more than $600,000 on leather goods in the span of three years. Mr. Bissinger has a spending addiction, but when he published his confessional in GQ magazine he was labeled an “obsessive,” a “fancy man,” and a “shopaholic.” Only when he was admitted into rehab did many people understand that he was struggling with a debilitating behavioral addiction. Spending addictions are similar to alcohol and drug addictions in that they have the power to destroy lives. Unlike with substance abuse issues, however, spending addictions are often minimized and disparaged. Mr. Bissinger joins the Sugars to offer guidance to a letter-writer whose therapist and family don’t take her spending seriously. “When I buy something or think about buying something I try to stop and say, What is really behind this?” advises Mr. Bissinger, adding, “Are you simply feeding shame and fear?”

Rewind: Sex & Aging

This episode was originally released on May 25th, 2018. When two women in their sixties start losing interest in sex, their sex-starved partners become increasingly frustrated. Both women blame old age for their waning libidos. But is their diminished sex drive because of age or something else? The erotic lives of senior citizens are typically made invisible by our culture, which can lead to confusion and misinformation. Dr. Pepper Schwartz, the love and relationship columnist for AARP, joins the Sugars to dispel certain myths about sex and aging: Do libidos change after menopause? How does the aging body affect the way we feel about sex? Should medical interventions be considered for a declining sex drive? Dr. Schwartz is a professor of sociology at the University of Washington and has written more than 25 books on love and sexuality. She’s also an on-air expert for Lifetime TV’s “Married at First Sight.” THE SUGARS RECOMMEND “Our Souls at Night,” by Kent Haruf “Scary Old Sex,” by Arlene Heyman