deprogram diaries

From “Having It All” to Feeling It All

For most of her adult life, Marlou Kamphuis looked like she had it all - a vibrant social life, a successful career, travel, relationships, and an enviable, “Instagram-able” life from the outside. But beneath the surface, she was disconnected from her emotions, deeply afraid of being alone, and unknowingly driven by beliefs formed long before she could name them. In this episode of Deprogram Diaries, Marlou and I sit down to unpack her six-year journey with inner growth work, meditation, and emotional healing - including the moment her life cracked open after heartbreak, a diagnosis of severe depression, and a pivotal two-week intervention that changed everything. We go deep into: * What it’s like to appear confident and successful while feeling emotionally disconnected inside * How emotional neglect can exist even in “good” childhoods * The roots of love addiction, external validation, and fear of being alone * Why suppressing emotions keeps patterns alive — and how learning to feel changes them * How unprocessed pain fueled relationship dynamics, imposter syndrome, and over-proving at work * The emotional processing work that helped her heal heartbreak without medication * What self-love actually looks like when it’s embodied — not conceptual * How changing your internal world naturally reshapes your relationships, career, and sense of safety This is a raw, compassionate conversation about learning to sit with pain instead of running from it - and how doing so creates real freedom, intimacy, and trust in yourself. If you’ve ever felt successful on the outside but empty, anxious, or dependent on others for a sense of safety… if you’ve struggled with relationships, self-worth, or imposter syndrome despite “doing all the work”… this episode will land. If you’d like to explore this work more deeply, you can learn about Deprogram Level One here:⁠⁠https://www.deprogram.co/deprogram-level-one Follow us on Instagram for updates on upcoming programs, workshops, and free tools: https://www.instagram.com/deprogram.co

Chasing Love, Losing Me — And How I Finally Broke the Cycle

For most of my adult life, I thought my biggest challenge was dating specifically, the patterns that kept me single, anxious, and constantly chasing the wrong men.   In this first episode of deprogram diaries, one of my good friends Sarah Little interviews me about the truth behind those patterns, the rock-bottom moments that finally woke me up, and the 90-year-old mentor whose method completely changed my inner world.   We go deep into: * How love addiction quietly shaped my identity and choices * Why years of therapy, plant medicine, and retreats weren’tenough * The childhood roots of my most painful relationship patterns * The unexpected connection between self-love, anxiety, andthe ability to sleep * How effortless meditation and inner growth work rewired myinner stat— and my life   It’s a vulnerable, unfiltered conversation about shame, self-worth, and what it really takes to break a cycle you’ve been stuck in for decades. If you’ve ever hit a point where success on paper still leaves you discontent, or you’ve felt powerless to change a pattern you hate, this one’s for you.   If you’d like to chat further, you can book a call here: ⁠https://calendly.com/claire-marshall-calendar/meditation-chat?month=2025-08 [https://calendly.com/claire-marshall-calendar/meditation-chat?month=2025-08] Follow us on Instagram for latest updates on programs and free tools: ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/deprogram.co/ [⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/deprogram.co/]