Feel and Find Out

Book Series: Chapter 3- Neo-Exiles, Abandonment Anxiety and Ways Our Parts Can Sabotage Relationships

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2277655/fan_mail/new] Welcome to Episode 3 of my Book Series on "You Are the One You've Been Waiting For" by Dr. Richard Schwartz. Make sure to catch up on episodes 1 & 2 first! This is Part 1 of Chapter 3- Courageous Love & Doomed Relationships. In this episode I cover: What are Neo-exiles? Identifying parts of us that become exiled because they are not acceptable to our partner; Reflecting on how we have done the same to our partners  The consequences of neo-exiles in relationships  The role of abandonment anxiety The 2 roles you may take on when experiencing anxiety in a relationship: 1- over-controlling, criticizing, hyperawareness, demanding closeness  2-becoming the one who is least-invested: hyper-independence, avoiding closeness, seeking distance  Actual examples from the book and couples therapy  Reflection Questions: What parts have been exiled because they are not accepted by my partner What parts of my partner have they exiled because I find them unnacceptable Which role do I take on in the relationship (as stated above) What cycles do my partner and I get into because of neo-exiles  Get this book: available on Kindle, Audible and Paperback https://a.co/d/8It64Xd [Raquel is an IFS level 1 trained therapist but is not affiliated directly with this book, or the IFS institute. This book review series is purely for educational purposes based on her experience as a couples and IFS therapist and her personal joy of reading]  Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2277655/support] Disclaimer: Although I am a licensed therapist, the information in this podcast is not therapy and not intended to replace mental health counseling.  If you are seeking therapy services in AZ and would like a free consultation schedule below! Schedule with a Therapist [https://innerbloomtherapyaz.clientsecure.me] Check out my private practice, InnerBloom Therapy Services in Phoenix [https://www.innerbloomtherapyaz.com/] Let's connect on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/bookeduptherapist] Love this podcast? Please rate and write a review on Apple podcasts so we can spread the message!

Book Review Series- Chapter 2-Exiles- How our Wounded Younger Parts Influence Our Adult Relationships

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2277655/fan_mail/new] Welcome to Episode 2 of my book review series! (originally recorded in July) Today I review Chapter 2 of You Are the One You've Been Waiting For by Richard Schwartz: The Development and Power of Exiles. There is SO much depth in this chapter. Join me as I dive in to explain exiles with examples from the book as well as real life. Grab a pen and paper because there is a LOT of powerful info in this episode! This episode describes how our exiled parts can be activated within our intimate relationships and how they develop.  A little about exiles: Exiles are our most vulnerable and sensitive parts. They are created when we learn that being vulnerable isn't safe-  these childlike parts get locked away inside and they become exiles of our psyche. This is based on how caretakers and later, peers, respond to our sensitivity Exiled parts are burdened by beliefs and emotions, such as “I’m not good enough, I’m worthless, I’m unloveable.” Protector parts want to keep these locked away so we don’t become overwhelmed by this pain. Buried beneath our visible (protective) behavior in relationships such as how we respond to or start conflict, is an exiled part. Questions to consider: 1-How did your family of origin / caretakers react to your vulnerability or sensitivity; AND how did their reactions affect the way you learned to relate to those parts of you? 2-Apply this same question to PEERS or PARTNERs Get this book: available on Kindle, Audible and Paperback https://a.co/d/8It64Xd [Raquel is an IFS level 1 trained therapist but is not affiliated directly with this book, or the IFS institute. This book review series is purely for educational purposes based on her experience as a couples and IFS therapist and her personal joy of reading]  Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2277655/support] Disclaimer: Although I am a licensed therapist, the information in this podcast is not therapy and not intended to replace mental health counseling.  If you are seeking therapy services in AZ and would like a free consultation schedule below! Schedule with a Therapist [https://innerbloomtherapyaz.clientsecure.me] Check out my private practice, InnerBloom Therapy Services in Phoenix [https://www.innerbloomtherapyaz.com/] Let's connect on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/bookeduptherapist] Love this podcast? Please rate and write a review on Apple podcasts so we can spread the message!

NEW Book Review Series-The Book That Will Change Everything You Knew About Relationships

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2277655/fan_mail/new] Welcome to the first episode of book review series! (recorded in July) This first week I am reviewing the Introduction & Chapter 1 of You are the One You've been Waiting For by Dr. Richard Schwartz. This book will change everything you thought you new about romantic relationships! In this episode I cover: Brief overview of the concepts in Internal Family Systems (IFS) -protectors, exiles & Self The 3 projects we take in on in intimate relatioships The importance of the Self Cultural & Gender implications that impact parts and expectations of intimate relationships Reflection Questions: 1- What parts of me show up most in my intimate relationship?- do protectors like criticism, withdrawal, caretaking, people pleasing or control show up? 2-When do I feel most connected to my Self: (calm, curious, connected, compassion, clarity, courage, confidence, creativity) 3- Do I carry the expectation that my parter or future partner will "fix, compete or rescue me." 4-What does it feel like to imagine that my core Self is always present even if hidden? Get this book: available on Kindle, Audible and Paperback https://a.co/d/8It64Xd [Raquel is an IFS level 1 trained therapist but is not affiliated directly with this book, or the IFS institute. This book review series is purely for educational purposes based on her experience as a couples and IFS therapist and her personal joy of reading]  Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2277655/support] Disclaimer: Although I am a licensed therapist, the information in this podcast is not therapy and not intended to replace mental health counseling.  If you are seeking therapy services in AZ and would like a free consultation schedule below! Schedule with a Therapist [https://innerbloomtherapyaz.clientsecure.me] Check out my private practice, InnerBloom Therapy Services in Phoenix [https://www.innerbloomtherapyaz.com/] Let's connect on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/bookeduptherapist] Love this podcast? Please rate and write a review on Apple podcasts so we can spread the message!

Your Past is Present in Your Relationships: Trauma, Attachment & Healing with Elaine Evans, LPC

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2277655/fan_mail/new] How do the wounds from our past shape our present relationships? In this compelling conversation with Elaine Evans, EMDR-certified therapist and owner of Third Place Therapy, we explore the invisible threads connecting childhood experiences to adult relationship patterns. Elaine masterfully breaks down how trauma lives in our bodies long after the original experiences have passed. She explains trauma as "anything that is too much too soon, too much for too long, or too little for too long" – a definition that honors the unique way each person's nervous system responds to life events. Through vivid examples and compassionate insights, she illuminates how these early wounds create the lens through which we view our partners' actions today. The discussion takes a fascinating turn as we explore attachment styles and the magnetic attraction between anxious and avoidant types – that classic dynamic portrayed in countless romantic movies. Elaine challenges the stigma around "emotionally unavailable" partners, reframing avoidant attachment as a brilliant survival strategy rather than a character flaw. This perspective shift alone could transform how many listeners understand their relationship challenges. What truly sets this conversation apart is Elaine's emphasis that healing doesn't mean "fixing" ourselves. "Often the belief that I'm broken and need fixing is the problem," she explains. Her approach invites us to see that while our situations may have been broken, we remained whole at our core – worthy of love and connection. Whether you're struggling to understand persistent relationship patterns, curious about how your past influences your present, or simply wanting deeper connection with yourself and others, this episode offers practical wisdom and healing perspectives.  Ready to transform your relationship with yourself and others? This conversation is your starting point! Connect with Elaine: Third Place Therapy Website [https://www.thirdplacetherapy.com] Connect on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/thirdplacetherapy/] Self Paced Course: Heal Your Trauma to Improve Your Relationships [https://www.thirdplacetherapy.com/onlinecourse?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAacC-Z2PRZ98stifHOrD7bkcZDR6LCaKYlf8eMcCrIfy4JfMBv7WHSkX2vD81g_aem_T6r4fU-r0tdZz_9iEMXd2g] Free e-book: Heal Your Trauma to Improve Your Relationships [https://third-place-therapy.kit.com/444e8492fa?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAacQ1FhkQ-j3LmQnN5EJiunNDNCkb57HZm5GXu1nyf2Qw1Xry5TqM8WYVCBILQ_aem_NZ1JuO1VOoBvsemrzSrafA] Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2277655/support] Disclaimer: Although I am a licensed therapist, the information in this podcast is not therapy and not intended to replace mental health counseling.  If you are seeking therapy services in AZ and would like a free consultation schedule below! Schedule with a Therapist [https://innerbloomtherapyaz.clientsecure.me] Check out my private practice, InnerBloom Therapy Services in Phoenix [https://www.innerbloomtherapyaz.com/] Let's connect on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/bookeduptherapist] Love this podcast? Please rate and write a review on Apple podcasts so we can spread the message!

ENCORE- The MOST downloaded episode: Are You Emotionally Mature?

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2277655/fan_mail/new] This episode has the MOST downloads of any episode so far.  Emotional maturity isn’t about having your emotions all figured out—it’s about understanding them and choosing how to respond, instead of just reacting. In this episode, we’re digging into what emotional maturity actually means, why it’s so important for your relationships, and how to start showing up as a more emotionally mature version of yourself. From recognizing emotional triggers to handling tough conversations, this one’s all about giving you the tools to feel and respond in ways that actually move you forward. Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2277655/support] Disclaimer: Although I am a licensed therapist, the information in this podcast is not therapy and not intended to replace mental health counseling.  If you are seeking therapy services in AZ and would like a free consultation schedule below! Schedule with a Therapist [https://innerbloomtherapyaz.clientsecure.me] Check out my private practice, InnerBloom Therapy Services in Phoenix [https://www.innerbloomtherapyaz.com/] Let's connect on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/bookeduptherapist] Love this podcast? Please rate and write a review on Apple podcasts so we can spread the message!