How to Be Good to Yourself When You're Hard on Yourself

Why the people we barely know help us feel connection and belonging (and fulfill needs friends can't)

We hear a lot about friendship—but what about acquaintances? In this week's audio newsletter, we explore the underrated value of the people who float somewhere between strangers and friends: the neighbor you wave to, the regular at your coffee shop, the parent at pickup, the guy you call "Big Dog" at the gym. This week, we'll celebrate the casual, low-pressure connections that matter so much for feeling grounded, connected, and part of a community. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ellenhendriksen.substack.com [https://ellenhendriksen.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

What If Your Social Anxiety Is Fight, Not Flight?

This week, we’re talking about the 21% of people whose social anxiety comes out not as shyness, but as irritability, criticism, or pushing people away before they can be rejected. Together, we'll explore the lesser-known “fight” response to social anxiety, and why defensiveness and snark are often rooted in fear and a longing for acceptance. We'll cover three practical ways to soften those defenses, including acting as if you’re already liked, using body language to create feelings of openness and safety, and practicing compassion toward others as a pathway to self-compassion. If you’ve ever pushed people away while secretly wanting connection, this episode is for you. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ellenhendriksen.substack.com [https://ellenhendriksen.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Getting Unstuck when Perfectionism Hijacks Your Job Search

This week, listener Marissa is navigating the already tough job market with the added challenge of perfectionism whispering that she’s never quite qualified enough. We'll cover practical mindset shifts, like treating job requirements as a flexible wish list, accounting for your “perfectionism handicap,” and zooming out from microscopic self-criticism to a more balanced, big-picture view. Listen to cheer Marissa on and pick up some helpful tips yourself! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ellenhendriksen.substack.com [https://ellenhendriksen.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

How to disagree without making it weird

This week, listener Angie asks how to disagree without feeling anxious or fake, so we lean into assertiveness: expressing your views honestly while respecting others. We break down passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive communication, and show how disagreement can be a calm contribution rather than a conflict. With simple mindset shifts (you’re adding an additional perspective, not proving someone wrong), a matter-of-fact tone, and gradual practice in low-stakes situations, it becomes easier to speak up. Plus: easy sentence stems to help you disagree without drama. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ellenhendriksen.substack.com [https://ellenhendriksen.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

3 healthier alternatives to “I don’t care what people think.”

The cultural mantra “don’t care what people think” is meant to be freeing, but it can actually keep us tied to the very audience we’re trying to escape. In this episode, we explore why “don’t care what people think” is more armor than liberation, and offer three better questions to guide us: Did I act with integrity? Did I try? Did I learn? If you’re tired of replaying conversations and managing impressions, test out these three alternatives to ask, “But what did I think?” This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ellenhendriksen.substack.com [https://ellenhendriksen.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]