41. Raising a Highly Sensitive Child: The Neuroscience of Big Feelings with Dr. Aoife Durcan
Raising highly sensitive children: the neuroscience of big feelings, co-regulation, and supporting sensitive kids.
In this episode of More Than Milestones, I am joined by Dr. Aoife Durcan, chartered counseling psychologist, author of Your Highly Sensitive Child, and founder of Highly Sensitive Psychologist, to explore what it really means to raise a highly sensitive child.
Roughly 30% of children are born with a finely tuned nervous system that processes the world more deeply, feels emotions more intensely, and is more attuned to subtle changes in their environment. Drawing on both her clinical work and her experience parenting three highly sensitive boys, Dr. Durcan breaks down the neuroscience behind sensory processing sensitivity and offers compassionate, practical guidance for parents who feel like their child experiences everything more.
Together, we talk about why some babies are so hard to soothe and what that means for postpartum mental health, the difference between high sensitivity and neurodivergence, and why co-regulation matters so much for these kids. We also get into emotional dysregulation, the "window of tolerance," holding boundaries without breaking connection, and how supporting a sensitive child early builds confident, self-assured adults.
If you are a highly sensitive parent, raising a deeply feeling child, or simply trying to understand the big emotions in your home, this conversation will leave you feeling seen, validated, and equipped.
In this episode, we cover:
* What sensory processing sensitivity actually is, from a neuroscience perspective
* Why roughly 30% of kids are born highly sensitive
* How high sensitivity shows up in babies and what it means for postpartum mental health
* The difference between high sensitivity and neurodivergence (and why the distinction matters)
* Why co-regulation is so important for a highly sensitive child
* Understanding the "window of tolerance" and emotional dysregulation
* How to become a "sensory detective" for your child and yourself
* Setting and holding boundaries without harming connection
* Why supporting sensitive kids early builds confident, resilient adults
* Neuroplasticity, repair, and why it is never too late to change your approach
* The number one thing every parent of a sensitive child should know
Sensitivity is not a weakness to fix. It is a trait to understand and nurture. When we lean in, co-regulate, and help our children feel seen, we raise kids who grow into adults who feel assured in exactly who they are.
Chapters / Timestamps:
00:00 – Welcome & introducing Dr. Aoife Durcan
00:34 – Aoife's background and her own highly sensitive boys
01:33 – The neuroscience: what high sensitivity actually is
04:52 – Sensing subtle shifts in tone (KC & Aoife's real-life examples)
07:14 – High sensitivity vs. neurodivergence: is there a difference?
08:57 – Just how common is it? (the 30% figure)
09:40 – What parents notice, including in babies
12:31 – Postpartum mental health and hard-to-soothe babies
14:28 – Why co-regulation matters so much
18:02 – When siblings feel the same thing differently
19:12 – Beyond the physical: the relationship is everything
22:10 – Emotional dysregulation and the "bucket" that overflows
23:40 – The window of tolerance & becoming a "sensory detective"
28:12 – "The only kid who won't leave my lap" and why support pays off
30:05 – Repair, neuroplasticity, and hope for parents
31:58 – Holding boundaries without breaking connection
36:03 – You don't have to say the perfect thing
37:27 – The number one thing every parent should know
39:26 – Where to find Dr. Durcan and her book
Connect with Dr. Aoife Durcan:
📖 Book: Your Highly Sensitive Child
https://www.amazon.com/Your-Highly-Sensitive-Child-overwhelming/dp/1804581585 [https://www.amazon.com/Your-Highly-Sensitive-Child-overwhelming/dp/1804581585]
📱 Instagram: @highlysensitivepsychologist
💻 Website: https://www.instituteofhighsensitivity.com/ [https://www.instituteofhighsensitivity.com/]
Connect with KC and Milestones & Motherhood:
💻 Website & Blog: https://www.milestonesandmotherhood.com/
[https://www.milestonesandmotherhood.com/] 📱 Follow KC: @milestones.and.motherhood
🎧 Follow the podcast: @more.than.milestones.pod
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