Savage Lovecast

A trans guy just can't break into gay male spaces. He feels ridiculed and rejected, and ends up sitting in a corner alone while the sweaty dance party goes on around him. He used to be confident before his transition. How can he get a little of that male swagger and bed a hot twink?  A female used to date "bad boys"- the kind of guy who turned her on sexually but made terrible partners. Now she's with a sweet man who treats her well, but the heat isn't there. Can she train him to turn her on?Can she train herself to be turned on by him?  On the Magnum, what happens when you invite chatty, blabby podcasters to your sex party? Will they kiss and tell...everyone? Dan brings on comedian Ashley Ray to talk about this, and her obsession with the ancient JonBenét Ramsey murder. The plucky comedian has studied the case intensively and her long Substack piece about the crime and its coverage roped in a curious Dan Savage. C'mon amateur sleuths! Let's crack this case already!  And, a woman with a few lovers met a new guy who introduced her to kink, and opened up a whole new erotic world for her. Then he unceremoniously ghosted her. Now, when she tries to explore this kink with others or even on her own, she breaks down sobbing. It feels like she got rejected by the kink itself. How can she take the good of what the guy gave her and leave the feeling of rejection behind? Q@Savage.Love       206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Liberator: makers of pillows, shapes and furniture for new exciting sex. Just for Black Friday, they’re offering an additional 10% off site-wide; exclusively for our listeners! Stack that on top of their incredible Black Friday deals for the best savings of the year. Go to Liberator.com [http://www.Liberator.com], and use promo code ‘SAVAGE.’ This episode is brought to you by Hims, providing affordable access to ED treatment, online. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/Savage [http://www.Hims.com/Savage]. Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant actives & CBD to effectively enhance intimacy, sexual pleasure, daily wellbeing, and relief from discomfort. Get 20% off your first order by visiting ForiaWellness.com/Savage [http://www.ForiaWellness.com/Savage] Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From polyamory, to BDSM, gay rights to sexual health and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the mid-1800s.

"That's so gay!" So said a 10 year-old boy and got himself punished by the teacher who overheard him. The boy's father is calling for advice on how to explain why saying "That's so gay" as a pejorative is hurtful.  A man with a big ole wiener sees his long distance girlfriend once per month. When they see each other they go at it, with a frequency and intensity that will make many of you blush. The problem? It's causing her a lot of pain. Is there a way to make love, not lacerations?  Speaking of pain, Dan brings on Leigh Cowart, science journalist and author of "Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose" They talk about masochism, how the experience of pain can be transmogrified into pleasure, how every masochist has a sadist's imagination, and finally- how to safely kick a man in the nuts. Cowart is such a superb thinker, and a delight to listen to. A little is on the Micro and the whole thing is on the Magnum. And, in one of our all time weirdest calls, a married man with kids thinks he's having a psychic connection with someone he's met. The synchronicities are off the charts! Is he having some kind of profound spiritual flowering, or is it just garden variety mid-life crisis?  You decide.  Q@SAVAGE.LOVE     206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders + 2 FREE Dream Pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage [http://www.HelixSleep.com/Savage]. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com/savage [http://www.dipseastories.com/savage].  This episode is brought to you by Talkspace- online therapy that makes it easy to get extra mental health support. For $80 off your first month, go to Talkspace.com/Savage [http://www.Talkspace.com/Savage], and use the offer code Space80.

A straight man confesses to lurking on Discord and masturbating to the pretty female voices he hears there. Nobody knows he is doing this (except all of us now.) Must he stop?  With a new hostile regime about to take power, it's more important than ever for queer and trans folks to get their papers in order. Our very favorite lawyer, Diana Adams from the Chosen Family Law Center, is on to talk about these issues, and to advise a married gay couple on how to find a surrogate mother in unconventional ways.  On the Magnum Dan welcomes comedian Bonnie Klopfer to talk about their shared hatred of gin. Like, they both really really hate gin. (Hey, in this day and age, whatever can bring people together is A-OK.) They also answer a question about an ex taking on the hobbies and interests of the caller after they broke up. Bonnie rules and you will love her.  And, a gay couple together for 7 years have brought in a lucky third. But the third is already becoming jealous and possessive. ("My couple! Mine!") How can they gently explain to the dude that they will need to move slowly, and might see other people?  Q@SAVAGE.LOVE  206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Liberator: makers of pillows, shapes and furniture for new exciting sex. Just for Black Friday, they’re offering an additional 10% off site-wide; exclusively for our listeners! Stack that on top of their incredible Black Friday deals for the best savings of the year. Go to Liberator.com [http://www.Liberator.com], and use promo code ‘SAVAGE.’ This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage [http://www.Squarespace.com/Savage%20]and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Talkspace- online therapy that makes it easy to get extra mental health support. For $80 off your first month, go to Talkspace.com/Savage [http://www.Talkspace.com/Savage], and use the offer code Space80.

We open with a somewhat disturbing call from a woman whose white boyfriend visits "wack shacks" when he travels. He hires Asian sex workers to submit to race play and degradation. She approves of him indulging his various kinks outside of their relationship, but this?  It's the classic conundrum: the caller has a big wiener and his boyfriend has a small one. A dildo is not quite a penis. What can they do? Our guest is the fiery, foul-mouthed, anti-cheating avenger Tracy Schorn a.k.a Chump Lady. The hideous experience with her ex-husband set her on a crusade against deceit. She and Dan spar over cheating, and divorce. A rival neologist, she calls Dan's word "tolyamory" "Orwellian dipshitery." Dan has finally met his match, and the polite but spirited debate calls for a big ole bowl of popcorn. A little on the Micro, the whole thing on the Magnum. See you there.  And, a woman mulls over the rancorous end of her previous relationship, when she asked her girlfriend's family to quiet down during a noisy 3am party. Her girlfriend's brother lit into her, and an all-family brawl ended the relationship. Now, years alter, the ex wants to apologize and reconnect. Was the caller wrong to speak up at that fateful holiday gathering?  Christmas is going to be SO wack this year.  Q@SAVAGE.LOVE           206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Liberator: makers of pillows, shapes and furniture for new exciting sex. Just for Black Friday, they’re offering an additional 10% off site-wide; exclusively for our listeners! Stack that on top of their incredible Black Friday deals for the best savings of the year. Go to Liberator.com [http://www.Liberator.com], and use promo code ‘SAVAGE.’ This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 25% off all mattress orders + 2 FREE Dream Pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage [http://www.HelixSleep.com/Savage]. With Helix, better sleep starts now.  Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant actives & CBD to effectively enhance intimacy, sexual pleasure, daily wellbeing, and relief from discomfort. Get 20% off your first order by visiting ForiaWellness.com/Savage [http://www.ForiaWellness.com/Savage]

First off, we hear from a neglected third in a poorly executed threeway hook-up. He failed to advocate for himself, and the other two guys weren't asking if he was ok, sitting on the couch, looking at his phone. How could this have gone better? And how can he get over the waves of insecurity he feels when he connects with these same guys again?  A woman in an open relationship with a nine year-old daughter wonders how to explain daddy's frequent absences.  Our guest this week is the soothing, clever and cussing Jeff Guenther a.k.a Therapy Jeff. Somehow Dan convinced him to come on the show and give him (and all of us really,) some free therapy around the grief we are all feeling. Self care? Sign us up! And of course Jeff sticks around to answer sex questions too. A little is on the Micro and the whole thing is on the Magnum.  And, listen in as a woman goes over the details of why her friendship is coming to an end.  It really must end.  Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064  This episode is brought to you by Hims, providing affordable access to ED treatment, online. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/Savage [http://www.Hims.com/Savage]. This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com/savage [http://www.dipseastories.com/savage].  This episode is brought to you by True Nutrition. Protein powders and supplements to match your fitness goals. Get 15% OFF your order at TrueNutrition.com [http://www.TrueNutrition.com] with the promo code Savage.