Seniors in the Building

Grief and Hope with Colette Howery

“I believe that everyone’s grief is very unique & personal. But as seniors, we may mourn differently because our life experiences have taught us a variety of coping skills that are transferable now to help us mourn our losses.” That is from today’s guest Colette Howery, answering the question, “Do seniors grieve differently?” Colette is a retired registered nurse and companion to those who grieve. She has recently written a book called Running with the Angels: A bereaved mother’s journey from hopelessness to hope” and talks to us about that journey in today’s podcast. We learn about layered or pancaked grief, how bereavement, grief and mourning are different from each other and we talk about the difficulty in being present to someone who is grieving. Most importantly we hear Colette’s story of loss and how she found hope. Please listen with us. (Running with the Angels is available from Friesen Press, Amazon, Chapters, Indigo, Coles, Barnes &Noble, E-Bay and local libraries)

May Bravery Be Your Baseline

What are the brave things that we do every day? We often think of bravery as huge acts of courage in times of war or national disasters instead of something we use every day. Gloria Steinem referred to bravery as outrageous acts and everyday rebellions in her book of the same name. Every time we set a boundary with someone or speak out about something we are acting bravely. When we continue to live with dignity, tenderness, curiosity and hope we are acting bravely. When courage fails, we bravely find it again. As we talk about what it might mean to have bravery as a baseline, we discover those ways that bravery has made it into our lives; getting up in the morning even when it’s difficult, going for a walk instead of knapping, asking for what we need, facing crisis, even facing death. We discover that we choose bravery in our daily lives more often than we think.

What Do We Still Owe the World?

We are retired and have done a lot among the four of us to contribute to the world. Do we still owe something? We have contributed to our community, to our professions, to the economy and we have prioritized our families, continuing to contribute to the lives of our children and grandchildren. We really don’t owe anything to the world, but we are still called to continue to fight for the big things we have been passionate about like equality and healing the environment. We do owe some things to ourselves and in our conversation, we discover our desire to be kinder, more present to others, and finding inner calm and peace. Instead of being productive and transactional, being in relationship is paramount and ‘to be’ becomes more important that ‘to do’. That changes the question to, "What is the gift I can give the world at this time in my life?", instead of the question, "What do I owe?" It is an inspiring conversation that has us being intentional about asking ourselves, "How am I going to be today?" when getting up in the morning.

Navigating the Health Care System

What is it like navigating the health care system as we get older? Our Canadian system is different than other countries, but some aspects of caring for seniors is the same. There are typically more health issues to manage, so care can be complex. We see our doctors more, we are referred to specialists more, we get more tests and we may show up in emergency more often. Who is looking at our care wholistically? This typically rests with the family doctor, but our doctor may have a practice rule that you can only talk about one issue per visit, so how do we talk about all our health issues? We find ourselves researching our issues, making a list and trying to use the time we have with our doctor efficiently. How is Artificial Intelligence (AI) affecting our care? Or technological advances? What about wait times in both emergency and community-based care? There are so many aspects to navigating the health care system and this conversation is just the beginning!

Taming the Inner Critic

Do we still have an inner critic in our 70’s? After three false starts we were finally able to have the conversation. It turns out that talking about our inner critic is painful and old messages surface. So yes, we do still have an inner critic in our 70’s, one that may be even harsher because we don’t have as many distractions to keep it at bay. The deeper task is to develop a more compassionate inner life and to care for ourselves with patience and kindness. We lean into the relationships that support us, and our passions, as well as remember the successes we had while in our careers. We are still taming the inner critic in our 70’s but we have other inner voices that remind us that we are loved and that our lives are meaningful.