The Weird Sisters Podcast

Ep.29 – It’s a Beefy Five Layer Burrito, Isn’t It?

In this episode, The Weird Sisters theorize that the brain is a feelings bank, run by incompetent brain cells, that send your emotions into your body through the infamous deposit slip tube. You have a baby factory inside of you? F*ck you, keep it to yourself and don’t bleed on our chairs. You are welcome, however, to surrender all of your PTO to bond with your new baby. You. Are. Welcome. Children, not that you asked but back in our day, the mail man hand delivered our Netflix from a warehouse and Pinterest was for crafts instead of a cauldron of envy soup.  This episode was inspired by: Love Block Sauvignon Blanc

Ep.28 – They Hide Their Creepy Pedey Parts

In this episode, The Weird Sisters haven’t changed one bit since the hiatus the universe bequeathed upon them. Please enjoy the below described intellectual subject matter: If you pick a font with some curly-swirlies, it means pirates. Your mother shutting the refrigerator door in your face was justified, due to the fact that you, yourself, were a bill and a poor investment that would only depreciate in value. And now, a guide to the only three types of bugs, and solutions to their occupancy in your house: Gross and crawly - Smush Chunky and crunchy - Swat Cute or will become a butterfly - Save As a side note, we find it odd that snails get their shells from sea life but also shrivel with salt. It seems like a design flaw but we are not lab coat boys. Be honest! On a scale of “Where have you been” to “Stop talking about bugs”, how much have you missed us? This episode was inspired by: 2019 Mer Soleil Silver Chardonnay

Ep.27 – I Want to Parkour but I Don’t Want to Get a BooBoo on My Vagina

In this episode, The Weird Sisters have a need to parkour but are hindered by flashbacks of OB/GYN visits, the moment a scraped knee is involved.  Today, we say goodbye to the longest-standing TWSP recording studio, also known as Meagan’s apartment and possibly half of her couch as well. Being underprepared for a move is a given as are the clumps of pet fur and dried cat vomit beneath your furniture. Impressing your movers is a pipe dream. Let it be gross. Kelsey’s version of maggot food is a mouthful of mold hummus, Haley’s version of mold hummus is weevil soup and Meagan’s version of weevil soup are spider grapes. What is your favorite food ruiner and how much did you ingest?  This episode was inspired by: Brancott Sauvignon Blanc Thank you to The Crying Day Care Choir for the use of their song, Fuck It I'm A Flower

Ep.26 – Go Get Lit With My Blessing, My Child

In this episode, The Weird Sisters have a question for you: would you rather eat an undesirable snack pre-maggot arrival or a desired snack post-maggot arrival? Before you answer, keep in mind that it may depend on how much you hate peanut butter and how much you like maggots. Nature calls one friend in your drinking buddy group to corral the others. If you look like a narc, that is probably you despite the fact that you’re capable of some FAT bong rips. If your friends are dumb enough to smoke a bag of weed they found on the ground outside, that still makes you mommy. We love the “resting b*tch-face” term so much that it makes us barf our eyeballs out. If by some strange chance you hate it and would like to make the person trying to force you to smile feel as uncomfortable as you do, be sure to keep a fabricated horror story about your life in your back pocket. Or simply speak about the good news of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Preparation… that’s a reason to smile, my b*tch-faced friends. This episode was inspired by: Cellar Classified Russian River Valley Chardonnay – Badenhorst The Curator White Blend – Francis Ford Coppola Director’s Cut Chardonnay

Ep.25 – Congratulations on Your Penis, Plus One!

In this episode, The Weird Sisters scoff at the idea of yacht owners overlooking an obvious plan to have their big boats built to symbolize how they acquired enough money to secure said yacht. ---------------------------------------- Kelsey stops vaping cold-turkey and tries to replace the urge with a vacuum from Target but instead encounters an imaginary British woman that rolls her eyes at the absurd drinking age restriction in the US. If you’ve ever wondered why kids recover from certain death so easily, it’s simply because they are jello people. If we were all jello people, there would be no weight restrictions on airplanes and monkey bars would be way less of a deal compared to others with bones. People with children really just couldn’t afford the cocaine and hookers they wanted so they instead had babies and then made them beat all the other babies in push up contests. Of course if you are Elon Musk, you always wanted children so you could make your own Dune on Mars with your kid Bleep Bloop and the other hundred. This episode was inspired by: 2020 Maiden’s Delight Pinot Grigio – 2014 Fleur Chardonnay – 2019 Le Coeur De La Reine Sauvignon Blanc