Moral Of The Story

In the Chinese reality show - Lulu is not having a good time.    This is her third chance at love. The first time - a dominant CEO walks in through the bedroom door. Instead of sweeping Lulu off her feet - he starts ranting about how much he earns and how he takes advantage of his airline points…    The second chance at love; the door opens and in walks a man with a fascination with cultural appropriation, staring at Lulu in a way that makes her squirm.    But maybe a third time's the charm? Lulu is patiently waiting for the man of her dreams to walk in with his guitar but instead - she is face to face…with Donald Trump.    What is happening right now?

The couple walk into “divorce court” - a nationally televised divorce proceeding where their air out all their dirty laundry.    Both partners are here to plead their case to the citizens of the nation. Should we divorce or not?   Mimi, the wife, starts sharing her side of the argument. Her husband does nothing all day, he lays around and gets drunk. That’s it. Which… you know, dump him.    But when Bobo, the husband, shares his side of the story suddenly nothing makes sense anymore. He claims there are parasites living in their home and Mimi is obsessed with breeding them. She will let their parasitic tendencies get worse and worse until everyone is ruined….    This is a real life case of - maybe they should stay together. Because they’re perfect for each other. Perfectly horrendous.

For one full year - one of the bigger Chinese influencers disappears. She doesn’t explain that she’s taking a break. She just vanishes from the internet.   Everyone thought something crazy happened to her… until they forget about her.   But now she’s back with an explosive video. She was gone for a year because she gave birth to the child of a billionaire.   But now… he’s refusing to even help pay for baby formula. This is the messiest pregnant announcement in the China-verse. Of course it involves our best friend - Wang Si Cong (the most infamous nepo baby internet fight starter).

It’s the house of Lulu’s nightmares. This is where she filmed in the last filming of the Chinese “Single’s Inferno.” And now - she’s back for more.       4 hot girls will be invited to stay in a mansion for the weekend. The only catch is they must share rooms with what the producers call the 4 “best” guys in the nation.       The girls are models. The guys are “walking hormone” CEOs.   This is what happens when you force them together into a mansion for the entire weekend and leave them alone.       It’s unhinged.

“I’m pregnant with the Prince of Dubai’s child and I will be moving out of China.”   That is a sentence that has been uttered by at least 15 different Chinese influencers. They are always sitting next to the man, a small prince from Dubai, and explaining in Chinese to their viewers that because they’re moving they will be selling everything during a livestream.   Royal perfume. Royal cooking ware. Royal toilet paper. All used by the Prince of Dubai. But how can every influencer be married to the Prince?   Are there that many Princes?   And how come every hot, young, rich influencer is suddenly taking meetings at the UN headquarters?   This is the world of Chinese influencers - who have lost their minds. We’re living for it.