Beyond the Gray

1,000 Days Sober: How a Teacher Stopped Using Alcohol as a Personality | Ep.14

He wasn't drinking because he loved alcohol. He was drinking because he didn't think people would like the real him. In Episode 14 of Beyond the Gray, Kari welcomes Billy Lahr, host of the Mindful Midlife Crisis podcast, joining live from Seoul, South Korea. Billy shares his full story: growing up in small-town Minnesota where the bar was the Sunday restaurant, building a drinking identity in college, showing up hungover to teach ninth graders, and the moment anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation forced him to take a hard look at what alcohol was actually doing. What followed was years of "sober school years," traveling the world alcohol-free, one bad date that became his zero day, and now at 1,000 days of sobriety. This conversation is raw, funny, and deeply relatable. In this episode you'll hear: • How Billy created a drinking personality to get people to like him and what it actually cost him • The 180-day challenge that turned his mental health around • Why he did "sober school years" from 2013 to 2021 and what he learned from each one • The date that became his zero day and why "F the zero" keeps him going • Why Billy believes "follow your passion" is terrible advice and what to follow instead • The free writing practice (started in Minneapolis jails) that's now connecting people worldwide • Kari's personal connection to free writing through her late friend Chris • The hidden cost of staying in a gray area: living small and giving up agency • Why comfort is fine but complacency will cost you everything If you've ever used alcohol to fit in, to feel confident, or to become someone you thought the world wanted you to be, this conversation was made for you. ————— GUEST: Billy Lahr Mindful Midlife Crisis Podcast (120+ episodes) Instagram: @mindful_midlife_crisis [https://www.instagram.com/mindful_midlife_crisis/] LinkedIn: Billy Lahr [https://www.linkedin.com/in/billylahr/] Community: www.mindfulmidlifecommunity.com [https://www.mindfulmidlifecrisis.com/] Email: billy@mindfulmidlifecrisis.com To join the Free Writers community: https://www.mindfulmidlifecommunity.com/freewriters [https://www.mindfulmidlifecommunity.com/freewriters] ————— RESOURCES MENTIONED 📌Gray Area Audit [https://www.graytonic.com/gray-area-audit/](FREE DOWNLOAD) Beyond the Gray Episode 3: Identity Beyond the Gray Episode 11: Stop Calling Yourself an Alcoholic Beyond the Gray Episode 13: Gray Area Drinking 101 READY TO GO DEEPER? The Gray Area Insights Experience helps you get clear on where you actually are across all four areas of life: body, being, balance, and business. It includes a behavioral scan and two deep coaching sessions. It's not therapy. It's clarity. Gray Area Insights Experience 👇 https://www.graytonic.com/coaching-programs-leaders-couples/#insight [https://www.graytonic.com/coaching-programs-leaders-couples/#insight] Book a Call with Kari: https://calendly.com/karischwear/45min [https://calendly.com/karischwear/45min] Visit the Website: https://www.graytonic.com/ [https://www.graytonic.com/] ————— CONNECT WITH KARI LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/karischwear/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/karischwear/] Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/beyondthegray.podcast/ [https://www.instagram.com/beyondthegray.podcast/] 📌New episodes drop weekly. Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. If this episode hit home, share it with someone who's been performing a version of themselves that only shows up after the third drink. Sometimes hearing someone else's story is the permission we need to start writing our own. ————— TOPICS COVERED gray area drinking, sober curious, alcohol and identity, drinking to fit in, people pleasing and alcohol, 1000 days sober, quit drinking story, midlife sobriety, teacher and alcohol, sober school year, alcohol and mental health, anxiety and drinking, free writing practice, mindful midlife crisis, Billy Lahr, Kari Schwear, Beyond the Gray podcast, alcohol-free living, drinking personality, external validation ————— #GrayAreaDrinking #1000DaysSober #DrinkingToFitIn #SoberCurious #AlcoholAndIdentity #MidlifeSobriety #BeyondTheGray #KariSchwear #BillyLahr #MindfulMidlifeCrisis #AlcoholFree #DrinkingPersonality #MentalHealthAndAlcohol #FreeWriting #QuitDrinking #SoberExplorer #PeoplePleasing #HighPerformers

Gray Area Drinking Explained | Not an Alcoholic, But Not Fine Either | Ep.13

There's a name for what you've been feeling. You're not an alcoholic. But you're not fine either. And nearly one in four American adults are in the exact same place right now. In Episode 13 of Beyond the Gray, Kari Schwear delivers the foundational episode she says she should have recorded first. She breaks down exactly what gray area drinking is, where the term originated (a 2011 NIH-sponsored study of 26,000+ adults), and the moment she heard it for the first time and everything in her life finally made sense. She walks through the clinical difference between gray area drinking and alcohol use disorder, shares real client stories of what was actually driving the drinking, and gives you seven signs to know if you're in the gray area right now. This is the episode you send to someone who doesn't think they have "a real problem" but knows something is off. In this episode you'll hear: • The 2011 research study that first identified the gray area between moderate and risky drinking • How Jolene Park's TEDx talk (300,000+ views) brought the term gray area drinking into the mainstream • Kari's personal story of the sidewalk moment that changed everything and led to the creation of GrayTonic • The clinical difference between gray area drinking and alcohol use disorder (AUD) • Why gray area drinking is almost never the root issue, it's a symptom of misalignment • Two real client stories: Sarah's "purpose problem" and Dave's business travel cycle • Seven signs you might be a gray area drinker (sign #7 might surprise you) • The habit loop from Atomic Habits and how the "forget it switch" keeps you stuck • Why rock bottom is NOT a prerequisite for change, and why the gray area is actually the best time to act • Books, tools, and next steps you can take starting today If you've been wondering whether your drinking is "bad enough" to do something about it, this episode will change how you think about that question entirely. You don't need a rock bottom. You need language. And now you have it. ————— READY TO GO DEEPER? Take the free Gray Area Audit and see where your gray areas actually are across all four areas of life: body, being, balance, and business. It takes about 15 minutes and it will give you clarity you didn't know you needed. 📌TAKE THE FREE GRAY AREA AUDIT: https://www.graytonic.com/gray-area-audit/ [https://www.graytonic.com/gray-area-audit/] The Gray Area Insights Experience goes even deeper with a behavioral scan and two coaching sessions designed specifically for high-performing leaders who know something needs to shift. Gray Area Insights Experience 👇 https://www.graytonic.com/coaching-programs-leaders-couples/#insight [https://www.graytonic.com/coaching-programs-leaders-couples/#insight] Book a Call with Kari: https://calendly.com/karischwear/45min [https://calendly.com/karischwear/45min] Visit the Website: https://www.graytonic.com/ [https://www.graytonic.com/] ————— CONNECT WITH KARI LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/karischwear/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/karischwear/] Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/beyondthegray.podcast/ [https://www.instagram.com/beyondthegray.podcast/] ————— BOOKS MENTIONED This Naked Mind by Annie Grace [https://www.amazon.com/This-Naked-Mind-Discover-Happiness/dp/0525537236/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0] Alcohol Explained by William Porter [https://www.amazon.com/Alcohol-Explained-William-Porter/dp/1516997190/ref=sr_1_1?crid=YGBJL8V11TOL&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.nzMw3YuBz1Vu1z2RVuW5lt6vgOBV6Gp6mHmPjehdIiUGOGuE-hU3d_7t1i7j-MrLNasqkCRaa3mCC1oxUwd2D7Q3RxdrD3i4Lejn2EHLC38r_wyzRvvdzRjvXUH75t7JuTrT9wFHOCfvE5G0rGOcQFm-2Ps3OTaDzGp9RajzuICNTKaHTg3aliH6ZF5fhyqq5YGlW6U0GQ-lwZF2x3eNyfEc9Rz_yJW1EJnboZuR_zY.P9ZgYrY-g65_smMlSraZcUMfEVZRCFI7xRNhYgW5dOY&dib_tag=se&keywords=alcohol+explained+by+william+porter&qid=1778176421&sprefix=alcohol+explained+by+william+porter%2Caps%2C180&sr=8-1] Man Up Sober Up by Ryan Penley [https://www.amazon.com/Man-Up-Sober-Up-Isolation/dp/B0CPM5NM9D/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2K8WAWHEP5DAY&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.JrN09-_Al1EcFbddeDn2gSUd-CqGTCdl5fw4mh-otgPiCUV7o_KLTLv0lm-57FCr5ZVNWswAsI-n2HirZdgybh0gn8bFCx5eugDqxioOv0fN970wJcKCWpWkThiInXcvosJHkPMI8D32qIgv01IowsD3OBMLLHBa1ncS9-7WAK0o4Xzihths5EBIQPbwJGrmCfdMCtEf5B9EX_pgRlAq7o9vCN53-7VowY52krosrLs.3RPbqupgF5bBzUgLoNYR3f4DZBUj6K4pW7rg1E1tKWo&dib_tag=se&keywords=man+up+sober+up&qid=1778176471&sprefix=man+up+sober+up%2Caps%2C119&sr=8-1] Atomic Habits by James Clear [https://www.amazon.com/Atomic-Habits-Full-Book/dp/B0F7Y23VJ5/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&dib_tag=se&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.aVjxsZgNHJ6wfgiZ01PPLMHaPE-CV51Y-37RwPAsVplDIIb3ZAGEpslvyEeR6oHLfyRj0Rr5ZA9JaBQ9KRMpwpSx5VjByyYZ9_hNSZYpGoYO2kvXGjZPkXAVgonpkyTxmzy28Ni5NePurfLqs712i1nZcBC8t7sKo8md29NYOEh0434VCBTnNDMjUrOsH_cu1-aGtN80y2D7W0f_UvpAFgFXNXVaMO2x9LYlTNNTOiI.KdT040i77yVysj6j28ibiicj8ISyDnF0jTk8tUAmPBM&qid=1778176503&sr=8-1]

You Have 3 Years Left to Live - What Are You Waiting For? | A Wake-Up Call for Over 50 | Ep.12

If you only had three years left, what would you change? Not hypothetically. Actually. Would you keep drinking the way you are? Would you stay in the marriage you've been checked out of? Would you keep putting off the conversations, the reconciliation, the real work of becoming who you're supposed to be? In Episode 12 of Beyond the Gray, Kari Schwear delivers the wake-up call that most people over 50 need but aren't getting. She shares a powerful exercise from one of her private client retreats, the exact framework that made a room full of high-performing men and women get honest about their lives. It comes down to three questions: what do you need to surrender, what do you need to accomplish, and who do you need to become? This is not a motivational speech. This is a mirror. And if you've been going through the motions, telling yourself there's still time, this episode is going to change how you think about every day you have left. In this episode you'll hear: • The "3 years left" exercise Kari uses at her private retreats and how it wakes people up • A conversation with a 44-year-old man who realized his kids won't have a father for most of their adult lives • The three questions: surrender, accomplish, become, and how to use them starting today • Why surrendering isn't giving up, it's making room for what actually matters • The friendships, habits, and beliefs that are taking up space without adding value • Ed Mylett's "identical twin" standard and what it means for the man you're becoming • Why gray area faith might be the most important gray area to address first • The Core Four framework: body, being, balance, and business • Details on Kari's upcoming November 2026 private retreat • The one decision that changes everything: stop living like you're invincible If you're a man or woman over 50 who's been coasting, numbing, avoiding, or just going through the motions, this episode is the one that might finally make you stop and ask, "What am I doing with the time I have left?" And then do something about it. ————— READY TO GO DEEPER? The Gray Area Insights Experience helps you get clear on where you actually are across all four areas of life: body, being, balance, and business. It includes a behavioral scan and two deep coaching sessions. It's not therapy. It's clarity. And it's designed for the person who's done waiting. Gray Area Insights Experience 👇 https://www.graytonic.com/coaching-programs-leaders-couples/#insight [https://www.graytonic.com/coaching-programs-leaders-couples/#insight] Book a Call with Kari: https://calendly.com/karischwear/45min [https://calendly.com/karischwear/45min] Visit the Website: https://www.graytonic.com/ [https://www.graytonic.com/] Interested in the November 2026 Retreat? Email: hello@graytonic.com or message Kari on LinkedIn ————— CONNECT WITH KARI LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/karischwear/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/karischwear/] Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/beyondthegray.podcast/ [https://www.instagram.com/beyondthegray.podcast/] ————— New episodes drop weekly. Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.

Stop Calling Yourself an Alcoholic | The Identity Trap That’s Keeping You Stuck | Ep.11

What if the label that was supposed to save you is actually the thing keeping you stuck? Ten years ago, Kari Schwear quit drinking. She wasn't in crisis. She wasn't hitting rock bottom. She was a successful, functioning woman who knew something was off. And when she looked for help, the world gave her one answer: Alcoholics Anonymous. She went. She did the work. And she got something genuinely valuable from it. But she also got a permanent label that didn't fit. And after five months, she made the decision to walk away, not from recovery, but from an identity that was keeping her anchored to the past. This episode is one of the most important conversations Kari has had on this podcast. She walks through the neuroscience, the psychology, and the real-life experience of what happens when you stop defining yourself by your worst chapter and start stepping into who you're actually becoming. In this episode you'll hear: • Kari's honest story of joining AA, what she gained, and why she left after five months • The neuroscience of neuroplasticity and why your brain is literally not the same as it was • James Clear's identity-behavior connection and why you act according to who you believe you are • Labeling theory: how the words you use about yourself become a self-fulfilling prophecy • Natural recovery research showing the majority of people change without formal treatment • The 8-10% AA first-year sobriety statistic and what it might actually reveal • Why this isn't just about alcohol: the identity traps in marriage, career, health, and purpose • A five-step framework for rewriting your identity starting today • The difference between honoring your past and being imprisoned by it This episode is not anti-AA. It honors the program, the community, and the millions of lives it has saved. But it also says what a lot of people have been thinking and haven't had permission to say out loud: that you are allowed to become someone new. And science backs that up. If you've done the work and the label no longer fits, this one is for you. ————— READY TO GO DEEPER? The Gray Area Insights Experience helps you get clear on who you actually are now, not who you used to be. It includes a behavioral scan and two deep coaching sessions designed for high-performing leaders who know something needs to shift. Gray Area Insights Experience 👇 https://www.graytonic.com/coaching-programs-leaders-couples/#insight [https://www.graytonic.com/coaching-programs-leaders-couples/#insight] Book a Call with Kari: https://calendly.com/karischwear/45min [https://calendly.com/karischwear/45min] Visit the Website: https://www.graytonic.com/ [https://www.graytonic.com/] ————— CONNECT WITH KARI LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/karischwear/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/karischwear/] Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/beyondthegray.podcast/ [https://www.instagram.com/beyondthegray.podcast/] New episodes drop weekly. Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. This episode is going to resonate with a lot of people who have been thinking it but haven't said it out loud. If that's someone you know, share it. Sometimes one conversation is all it takes to set someone free. #StopCallingYourselfAnAlcoholic #IdentityShift #GrayAreaDrinking #QuitDrinkingWithoutAA #Neuroplasticity #LabelingTheory #RecoveryIdentity #BeyondTheGray #AlcoholFree #MidlifeTransformation #KariSchwear #GrayTonic #AtomicHabits #SelfFulfillingProphecy #IdentityChange #AAAlternatives #SoberCurious #MenOver50

Still Waking Up at 3AM? A Sleep Coach Reveals What It’s Really Costing You | Ep.10

You're not sleeping as well as you think you are. And if you're waking up at 3 a.m. with your brain on full blast, this episode is going to explain exactly why, and what to do about it. In Episode 10 of Beyond the Gray, Kari welcomes her very first guest: holistic sleep coach Morgan Adams. Morgan spent nearly a decade dependent on Ambien, survived breast cancer twice, and has since built her career around helping adults, especially those over 50, completely transform their relationship with sleep. This conversation is packed with science, real talk, and practical tools you can start using tonight. In this episode you'll hear: • The biggest sleep myths adults over 50 still believe, especially "I function fine on less sleep" • Why your brain overestimates how well you're performing when you're sleep-deprived • What alcohol is actually doing to your sleep (one drink decreases quality by 24%) • Why calling yourself "a bad sleeper" or "a night owl" might be an identity trap, not biology • The camping study that reset self-proclaimed night owls' circadian rhythms in two weeks • What couples should do first when snoring is destroying both sleep and the relationship • The book every couple dealing with sleep conflict needs to read (Sharing the Covers by Dr. Wendy Troxell) • Morgan's top sleep tools: Eight Sleep cooling pad, Ozlo earbuds, and the Moonbird breathwork device • Why a TV in the bedroom might be quietly sabotaging your rest • The one gray area around sleep people tolerate way too long and what it's costing them If you're a high-performing adult over 50 who's been telling yourself you're fine on six hours, or if you've been using alcohol to fall asleep and wondering why you keep waking up at 3 a.m., this conversation is going to change the way you think about rest. GUEST: Morgan Adams, Holistic Sleep Coach Website: MorganAdamsWellness.com [https://www.morganadamswellness.com/] Instagram: @morgan.adams.wellness [https://www.morganadamswellness.com/] Free 3AM Wake-Up Guide [https://www.morganadamswellness.com/awake-again] ————— READY TO GO DEEPER? Book a Call with Kari: https://calendly.com/karischwear/45min [https://calendly.com/karischwear/45min] Visit the Website: https://www.graytonic.com/ [https://www.graytonic.com/] ————— CONNECT WITH KARI LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/karischwear/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/karischwear/] Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/beyondthegray.podcast/ [https://www.instagram.com/beyondthegray.podcast/]