Foreplay Radio – Couples and Sex Therapy

In today's episode we are discussing the "double hard." This is when partners are in the same position in each cycle. When the emotional pursuer is also the sexual pursuer and the emotional withdrawer is also the sexually withdrawer, partners have a doubly hard time accessing the other's internal world. The pursuer gets double rejected and the withdrawer gets double the pressure. These cycles can lead to more polarization, more rigidity and the feeling of speaking different languages. Hosts, Laurie and George will guide listeners through each partner's dilemma in parallel cycles. Through an excellent role play you will learn the motivation under the protective move and how to craft a better and more attuned conversation if your relationship experiences parallel positions in the emotional and sexual cycles. Partners are encouraged to get more curious with what is going on inside and try to experience their partner's position in a different way. We hope our parallel position couples find some encouragement and hope in this episode! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

We’re talking about good-enough responding - responding to our partner in ways that keep us connected even when we disappoint them. Think about when a withdrawer finally comes forward; while their pursuing partner may long for whatever they’re offering, the same pursuer most likely feels doubt and mistrust about the sincerity of their withdrawing partner or the evidence that this is a start of a change pattern. George is so confident that mistrust is going to be present at this stage - he calls it a natural part of the change process. So of course - the pursuer doesn’t reward their withdrawer with success for initiation and guess what? - the withdrawing partner backs away. Fail. But what if there were a way to find a secondary target, a secondary path to stay connected. George and Laurie discuss how you can target a lesser but important target (other than true responsiveness); you can give permission for you partner’s defensive/protective move - you can let them know it makes sense to you. As hard as it seems to do, validating your partner’s defense actually helps them feel seen by you and keeps you in connection. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

In today's episode we are defining longings in a relationship. George and Laurie identify two different types of longing. The first seen as a more physical and emotional pain around an unmet need. These are longings that have to do with not being seen, or heard and require comfort and reassurance to restore safety. The second type of longing centers on growth and expansion. It is where we work to express our desire, pleasure and fantasies to one another. When there has been a prolonged negative cycle, longings typically are about safety and many couples struggle with longings that promote pleasure. What does the idea of longings bring up in you? Are yours more focused on safety or growth? Make sure to listen and share this episode with your love to learn more about what your longings are and how to express them in your relationship.  Check out this episode's sponsor (and help keep it hot!): Uberlube.com [Uberlube.com] -- Laurie's long-time favorite personal lubricant! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

There can be so much disappointment even shame when a couple is in a sexlessness marriage. Couple can tune out and shut down their need for flesh on flesh and over time it gets harder and harder to get back. They don’t know how to repair or even talk about normal failure and so they ignore the failures. This doesn’t happen just with aging. It’s people who resign themselves to not talking about it and both withdraw. George and Laurie talk about how to get back in bed! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

In today's episode, we explore taking sex from a chore to a desired event. It's common for one partner to see sex as a way to please the other but forget about themselves. While individuals do have different levels of sexual desire, physical intimacy is still a need. Laurie and George invite sexual withdrawers to consider themselves, and their needs and wants in the sexual relationship rather than just making their partner happy. Through awareness, mindset shift and fantasy withdrawers will learn how to uncover and share their sexual needs to create more desire and want in your sexual relationship.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]