Hey White Women

Hey White Women w/ Knitting Cult Lady & White Woman Whisperer | 69 | Leading isn't Listening

In this episode, Daniella and Rebecca reflect on the dynamics of race, whiteness, and leadership within activist spaces, particularly focusing on white women's roles in social justice movements. They unpack tensions around who is being centered, who is being listened to, and how "doing the work" can sometimes reinforce the very systems it claims to challenge. Through personal experiences, cultural critique, and sharp humor, they explore concepts like deconstruction vs. decolonization, emotional suppression, performative allyship, and the infantilization of white women. The conversation ultimately pushes toward a deeper question: what does it actually mean to take responsibility and act, rather than wait to be guided or saved? CONNECT WITH REBECCA • Website: https://www.whitewomanwhisperer.com • YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thewhitewomanwhisperer • TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@white_woman_whisperer [https://www.tiktok.com/@white_woman_whisperer] CONNECT WITH DANIELLA • Order Culting of America (knittingcultlady.com) • Autographed book (uncultureyourself.com) • Bookshop.org link • Patreon (patreon.com/GroupBehaviorGal) • TikTok (bit.ly/4muxbu6, @knittingcultladychat) • YouTube channel • Instagram (daniellamyoung_) • Hey White Women Podcast (tr.ee/2gWVBFaYnp) • Cults and the Culting of America Podcast (sites.libsyn.com/534892/site) • White Women Get Ready (mistresssyndrome.com/book [http://mistresssyndrome.com/book]) KEY TAKEAWAYS • White women's participation in activism can unintentionally reinforce harmful systems when centered on validation rather than accountability • There is a critical distinction between deconstructing systems and actively decolonizing one's mindset and behavior • Listening to marginalized voices requires action, not translation or reinterpretation • Intellectual understanding without personal application becomes a form of avoidance • Emotional suppression is often framed as objectivity, but feelings themselves are valid data • Whiteness often conditions passivity, including waiting for authority or rescue rather than acting • Representation alone does not guarantee change without internal transformation • Systems of harm are maintained not only by overt actors but by those who soften, justify, or "whitewash" them • Safety is subjective and often misused to avoid discomfort rather than address harm • Real change requires sustained, uncomfortable engagement rather than performative gestures CHAPTERS 00:00 Exploring Community and Events 02:34 The Dynamics of Race in Craft Spaces 05:23 Radicalizing White Women 07:58 Navigating White Privilege and Safety 10:44 The Role of Emotions in Conversations 13:28 Understanding Bias and Individuality 15:52 The Complexity of White Womanhood 18:34 Listening and Learning from Black Women 21:22 Boundaries and Emotional Safety 24:10 The Challenge of Intellectualism vs. Emotion 28:12 Empowerment vs. Saving: A Call for Self-Responsibility 31:24 The Role of White Women in Social Dynamics 33:48 Understanding Power Dynamics in Cultures and Communities 36:55 The Complexity of Electability and Representation 39:36 Decolonizing Thoughts: The Need for Critical Awareness 44:22 Intersectionality in Justice and Accountability 49:35 The Myth of the Savior: Redefining Freedom and Agency 55:39 Navigating Fear and Responsibility 56:30 The Infantilization of White Women 57:55 Cultural Narratives and the Apocalypse 59:46 Questioning Societal Norms 01:01:45 The Myth of Time and Healing 01:02:41 Redefining Success and Happiness 01:04:37 Challenging Societal Expectations 01:06:55 The Control of Appearance and Behavior 01:08:12 The Role of Women in Crafting and Identity 01:09:53 Understanding Systems of Control 01:11:34 The Intersection of Cults and Systems 01:15:54 Opting Out of Control Systems Produced by Haley Phillips

Hey White Women w/ Knitting Cult Lady & White Woman Whisperer | 66 | You're Late. Come In Quietly.

Content warnings: Racism, white supremacy, police violence (Philando Castile referenced), ICE and immigration enforcement, genocide of Indigenous people, slavery, cult abuse (rape/torture/murder referenced generally), suicide (referenced generally), war/imperialism. Daniella and Rebecca begin by talking about weather disruptions and how infrastructure failures, especially in majority-Black areas, reflect systemic racism and neglect. From there, they zoom out into a larger conversation about white America "waking up" only when systems start affecting them directly, and how that delayed awakening is both infuriating and dangerous because it can become a temporary moment rather than lasting change. They explore whiteness as a cult-like system built on dehumanization, denial, and thought-stopping clichés. Rebecca emphasizes that waking up does not come with absolution, and that journaling and self-interrogation are necessary before asking marginalized people to do emotional labor. Daniella connects this to cult-exit frameworks, noting that people leaving harmful systems often need a soft landing to avoid being pushed back into the same cult, but that victims are never obligated to provide that. They also discuss how capitalism functions as a belief system that dehumanizes people through productivity metrics and profitability, and how creative practices like fiber arts can be anti-capitalist acts of joy. Throughout, both emphasize that growth requires accepting misunderstanding, discomfort, and the fact that people change over time, including public intellectuals and leaders. CONNECT WITH REBECCA • Website: https://www.whitewomanwhisperer.com • YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thewhitewomanwhisperer • TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@white_woman_whisperer CONNECT WITH DANIELLA • Order Culting of America: https://knittingcultlady.com/products/the-culting-of-america [https://knittingcultlady.com/products/the-culting-of-america] • Autographed copy of Uncultured: https://uncultureyourself.com/pages/uncultured-autographed [https://uncultureyourself.com/pages/uncultured-autographed] • From Bookshop.org: https://bookshop.org/a/104058/9781250280114 [https://bookshop.org/a/104058/9781250280114] • Daniella's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/GroupBehaviorGal [https://www.patreon.com/GroupBehaviorGal] • Daniella's TikTok: https://bit.ly/4muxbu6 [https://bit.ly/4muxbu6] (@knittingcultladychat) • YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuFRBZ2w3QsYs7Km69keHsg [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuFRBZ2w3QsYs7Km69keHsg] • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stories/daniellamyoung_/ [https://www.instagram.com/stories/daniellamyoung_/] • Hey White Women Podcast: https://tr.ee/2gWVBFaYnp [https://tr.ee/2gWVBFaYnp] • Cults and the Culting of America Podcast: https://sites.libsyn.com/534892/site [https://sites.libsyn.com/534892/site] • White Women Get Ready: https://www.mistresssyndrome.com/book [https://www.mistresssyndrome.com/book] KEY TAKEAWAYS • Infrastructure and public services failures often track racialized neglect, not just "bad luck" or weather • White America frequently "wakes up" only when harm reaches them personally • The danger of focusing only on ICE, or any single symptom, is that people may go back to sleep when the crisis feels less urgent • Whiteness functions like a cult: dehumanization, denial, scripts, and fear-based social control • Waking up from a cult does not come with "ultimate absolution" for harm done while inside it • Journaling and self-interrogation are necessary before demanding answers or emotional labor from marginalized people • Forgiveness is not the same as accountability; changed behavior is the only meaningful evidence • Cult-exit frameworks show that "soft landings" reduce the risk of relapse, but victims are not obligated to provide that landing • Capitalism acts like a belief system that reduces humans to productivity and profitability • Joy-based art and fiber crafts can be anti-capitalist resistance because they reject "usefulness" as the main value • Being misunderstood is part of growth; over-explaining often becomes another form of insult or defensiveness • People, including leaders and experts, change over time, and society needs to make room for that without demanding perfection CHAPTERS 00:00 Surviving the Storm: A Personal Reflection 01:45 Racism in Education: A Systemic Issue 04:18 The Awakening: Understanding Black Lives Matter 09:19 Confronting White Apathy: A Call to Action 13:04 The Cult of Whiteness: A Personal Journey 17:01 Questioning Cultural Norms: The Role of Language 19:15 The Value of Frivolity: Anti-Capitalist Perspectives 22:53 Empathy in the Face of Dehumanization 26:30 The Complexity of War and Propaganda 28:09 Navigating Privilege and Audience 29:40 Understanding Cult Dynamics and Survivor Needs 31:54 Expertise vs. Learning: The Dual Journey 34:13 The Evolution of Thought and Public Discourse 36:54 The Myth of Perfection in Leaders 38:56 Embracing Change and Growth 41:54 The Fear of Standing Out 45:13 Identity and Belonging in a Cult Context 48:22 Forgiveness and Understanding in Healing 50:26 The Role of Society in Shaping Narratives 52:15 Awakening to Reality 55:31 The Role of Education in Change 57:53 Embracing Embarrassment and Growth 01:00:34 Finding Your Role in the Revolution 01:03:31 Community and Parenting in Modern Society 01:07:13 The Illusion of Community in White America 01:10:46 Deconstructing Whiteness and Identity 01:14:02 The Journey of Learning and Growth Produced by Haley Phillips

Hey White Women w/ Knitting Cult Lady & White Woman Whisperer | 65 | We Are The Adults Now

CONTENT WARNINGS: Discussion of racism/white supremacy, police brutality, authoritarianism, gun violence/school shootings, and cult dynamics. Daniella and Rebecca have a wide-ranging conversation about voice, power, and whiteness. They start with how "voice modulation" shows up in conservative culture, including the "keep sweet" Disney-princess voice and how women are socially trained to soften themselves to manage men's emotions. From there, the conversation expands into how whiteness shapes public perception, who is allowed to sound angry, and why Black women are punished for directness. They also discuss Rebecca's creator journey and the shift from data-collecting to output, including the transition into workshops and eventually a book. Throughout the episode, they return to the theme that white women are both the problem and the solution, and that waking up late doesn't excuse harm done along the way. The conversation ends with practical cultural critique about American "safety," the illusion of democracy, the obsession with legal paperwork, and why real resistance requires community, not performative gestures. CONNECT WITH REBECCA • Website: https://www.whitewomanwhisperer.com • Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/whitewomanwhisperer • TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@whitewomanwhisperer CONNECT WITH DANIELLA • Website: https://www.daniellamestyanekyoung.com/ • YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DaniellaMestyanekYoung • TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@daniellamestyanekyoung • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/daniellamestyanekyoung/ • Twitter/X: https://x.com/DaniellaMY • Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/daniellamestyanekyoung • Cult Book Club: https://www.patreon.com/daniellamestyanekyoung • Buy Culting of America: https://www.daniellamestyanekyoung.com/cultingofamerica KEY TAKEAWAYS • "Voice modulation" is not neutral; it's a cultural tool tied to gender roles, white respectability politics, and control. • The "keep sweet" voice is part of the infantilization of women, and a strategy for managing male anger. • Whiteness impacts who gets perceived as threatening, credible, "TV-ready," or safe to monetize. • There is no way to "give back" white privilege — the real question is how to use it intentionally and responsibly. • White women waking up late can still be dangerous in community if they want comfort more than accountability. • Craftivism can be meaningful, but it is not a substitute for real civic engagement and organizing. • America's obsession with paperwork, legality, and "citizenship" mirrors cult logic and can be used to justify harm. • People are not "safe" by default in the U.S.; the idea of safety has always been selective and racialized. • If white Americans want change, they have to stop waiting for a savior and accept: "We're the adults now." • If we don't address the cultural pipeline that produces violent white men (and the systems that enable them), the violence will continue. CHAPTER 00:00 Exploring Voices and Identity 02:51 Voice Modulation and Gender Dynamics 05:36 Navigating Professional Spaces as Women 08:21 The Transition from Consumption to Creation 11:22 The Capitalism of Creativity 13:56 Confidence, Performance, and Cult Backgrounds 16:33 Building Community and Addressing Inequities 25:38 Awakening and Responsibility 27:17 The Role of White Women in Change 29:20 Defining Cults and Community 30:24 The Burden of Leadership 32:11 Civic Engagement and Responsibility 34:22 Understanding Citizenship and Legalism 36:22 The Role of Sports in Society 38:34 Legalism vs. Morality 40:44 Inheriting Systems of Oppression 42:41 Healing and Moving Forward 44:52 The Importance of Acknowledging History 47:15 The Dangers of Complacency 49:47 Addressing Gun Violence and Cultural Issues 54:34 The Illusion of Safety and Parenthood 57:30 Community vs. Individualism in Social Support 59:56 Capitalism and Leadership: A Critical Examination 01:02:52 The Reality of War and Activism 01:05:45 Confronting Racism: A White Perspective 01:08:23 The Role of White Women in Activism 01:11:18 Dehumanization and Propaganda in Society 01:13:51 Historical Context of Racism and Hypocrisy 01:16:12 Moving Beyond Shock: The Call to Action Produced by Haley Phillips

Hey White Women w/ Knitting Cult Lady & White Woman Whisperer | 64 | Respectability Rebranded

In this episode, Daniella and Rebecca explore how white womanhood functions as a powerful cultural and political identity within American systems of power. The conversation examines how whiteness, gender, and class intersect to produce both vulnerability and authority, and how white women are often positioned as both victims and enforcers within oppressive structures. Together, they unpack how safety narratives, respectability politics, and emotional performances have historically been weaponized to uphold racial hierarchies while obscuring class struggle. The episode ultimately reframes white womanhood not as an individual moral failure, but as a socially engineered role that can be consciously unlearned through accountability, solidarity, and a deeper understanding of structural power. Connect with Rebecca: https://www.whitewomanwhisperer.com [https://www.whitewomanwhisperer.com] https://www.patreon.com/whitewomanwhisperer [https://www.patreon.com/whitewomanwhisperer] https://www.tiktok.com/@whitewomanwhisperer [https://www.tiktok.com/@whitewomanwhisperer] Connect with Daniella at: Daniella's Patreon [https://www.patreon.com/GroupBehaviorGal] TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@KnittingCultLady] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/daniellamyoung_/] Website [https://www.uncultureyourself.com/] Youtube [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuFRBZ2w3QsYs7Km69keHsg] KnittingCultLady Store [https://www.etsy.com/shop/combatbarbie101/?etsrc=sdt] Uncultured by Daniella Mestyanek Young * From Bookshop.org [https://bookshop.org/a/104058/9781250280114] * Autographed [https://uncultureyourself.com/pages/uncultured-autographed] * UnAMERICAN Videobook [https://www.patreon.com/GroupBehaviorGal/shop/unamerican-video-book-memoir-217440?source=storefront] Key Takeaways * White womanhood is not just an identity but a socially constructed role tied to power, safety, and moral authority. * White women are often positioned simultaneously as vulnerable victims and as agents of racial control. * Narratives of "safety" and "protection" have historically justified violence and exclusion. * Respectability politics and emotional performance can function as tools of social control. * Class struggle is frequently obscured by racialized gender narratives that divide potential solidarity. * Whiteness often operates invisibly, making it harder to interrogate than overt forms of oppression. * Individual "good intentions" are insufficient without structural awareness and accountability. * Deconstructing white womanhood requires examining both personal identity and systemic incentives. * Solidarity across race and class requires confronting uncomfortable truths about complicity. * Liberation is framed not as guilt or shame, but as a conscious rejection of inherited roles. Chapters 00:00 The Intersection of Professionalism and Racism 02:47 Cultural Dynamics and Social Scripts 05:46 Deconstructing White Womanhood 08:42 The Role of White Women in Social Justice 11:35 Understanding Safety and Proximity to Whiteness 14:08 Healing Social Infections 16:48 Revolution and the Language of War 19:59 The Impact of Rhetoric on Violence 23:02 Understanding Community and Individual Responsibility 25:45 The Complexity of Activism and Involvement 28:39 Healing and Reckoning in Social Justice 33:04 The Process of Deconstruction and Forgiveness 36:31 The Role of White Women in Social Change 43:23 Dancing in War Zones: A Coping Mechanism 45:07 The Impact of Military Culture on Personal Expression 47:02 Understanding Violence: Emotional vs. Physical 48:09 The Role of Whiteness in Social Justice 49:24 Navigating Privilege and Responsibility 51:53 Creativity in Activism: Breaking the Mold 53:15 Learning from History: The Importance of Reflection 55:15 Confronting the American Dream: A Call to Action 56:31 The Burden of Awareness: What Comes Next? 58:57 The Dangers of Escapism in Activism 01:00:18 The Importance of Staying and Fighting 01:01:56 The Cost of Ignorance: A Call for Civic Engagement 01:03:59 Embracing Complexity in Social Change Produced by Haley Phillips

Hey White Women w/ Knitting Cult Lady & White Woman Whisperer | 63 | Performative Relief

In this episode, Daniella is joined by White Woman Whisperer for a wide-ranging, unflinching conversation about whiteness, community, deconstruction, and political responsibility. Using current events, historical context, and personal experience, they explore why white Americans, especially white women, struggle to form collective resistance, how cult dynamics show up in liberalism and patriotism, and why deconstruction often feels like loss before it becomes liberation. The conversation challenges performative allyship, critiques victimhood narratives, and emphasizes that real change requires sustained discomfort, relational courage, and a willingness to lose certainty, status, and sometimes relationships. Event Links: https://www.mobilize.us/indivisibleturningthetables/event/884215/ [https://www.mobilize.us/indivisibleturningthetables/event/884215/] https://www.eventbrite.com/e/culting-of-america-book-launch-party-in-college-park-md-january-20th-tickets-1410603155009 [https://www.eventbrite.com/e/culting-of-america-book-launch-party-in-college-park-md-january-20th-tickets-1410603155009] https://www.eventbrite.com/e/nyc-event-for-the-culting-of-america-tickets-1979332610119?aff=ebdsoporgprofile [https://www.eventbrite.com/e/nyc-event-for-the-culting-of-america-tickets-1979332610119?aff=ebdsoporgprofile] Rebecca's Links: https://www.whitewomanwhisperer.com [https://www.whitewomanwhisperer.com] https://www.patreon.com/whitewomanwhisperer [https://www.patreon.com/whitewomanwhisperer] https://www.tiktok.com/@whitewomanwhisperer [https://www.tiktok.com/@whitewomanwhisperer] Connect with Daniella at: Daniella's Patreon [https://www.patreon.com/GroupBehaviorGal] TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@KnittingCultLady] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/daniellamyoung_/] Website [https://www.uncultureyourself.com/] Youtube [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuFRBZ2w3QsYs7Km69keHsg] KnittingCultLady Store [https://www.etsy.com/shop/combatbarbie101/?etsrc=sdt] Uncultured by Daniella Mestyanek Young * From Bookshop.org [https://bookshop.org/a/104058/9781250280114] * Autographed [https://uncultureyourself.com/pages/uncultured-autographed] * UnAMERICAN Videobook [https://www.patreon.com/GroupBehaviorGal/shop/unamerican-video-book-memoir-217440?source=storefront] Key Takeaways * White America lacks a cohesive community identity, which makes collective resistance and accountability difficult. * White women are often socialized into victimhood narratives that discourage agency and action. * Deconstruction is not just intellectual; it involves grief, loss of pride, and loss of certainty. * Cult dynamics show up in nationalism, liberal purity politics, and demands for perfection. * Performative action provides emotional relief but avoids real responsibility. * Resistance requires grounding, relationship-building, and long-term commitment, not savior figures. * Fear-driven reactions prevent strategic thinking and meaningful organizing. * Deconstructing harmful systems often costs social approval, but the cost of silence is higher. * Being willing to be wrong, imperfect, and disliked is essential for growth and change. * Real solidarity is relational, not conceptual, and requires sustained bravery. Chapters 00:00 Navigating Activism and Community Dynamics 08:24 The Role of White Women in Social Movements 11:14 Historical Context of Resistance and Protest 13:46 Deconstructing Identity and National Pride 16:49 The Challenges of Personal Relationships in Activism 19:38 The Complexity of Deconstruction and Self-Expression 22:31 Facing Criticism and Embracing Change 30:56 Navigating Conversations on Race and Understanding 34:19 The Role of White Women in Social Change 37:59 The Complexity of Martial Law and Resistance 42:42 Conversations Around Revolution and Action 46:36 The Impact of Whiteness on Society 48:45 Rethinking Leadership and Power Dynamics 54:10 The Game of Life and Social Expectations 56:13 Challenging Societal Norms and Personal Journeys 58:33 The Impact of Historical Trauma on White Women 01:02:23 Deconstructing White Supremacy and Its Effects 01:04:42 The Importance of Grassroots Education and Action 01:11:59 Taking Action Against Fascism and Community Engagement Produced by Haley Phillips