Immersion

Happiness Is Not the Opposite of Sadness | How to Handle Negative Emotions

If you’ve ever felt deeply grateful and incredibly sad at the exact same time, you know emotions don't always fit into neat boxes. We often view emotions as a simple spectrum, with happiness on one end and sadness on the other. But our feelings are far more nuanced than that. Instead of living on opposite sides of a continuum, our emotions operate more like individual "knobs" that turn up and down independently. In this episode, we explore how embracing this complexity can enrich our lives, help us move away from black-and-white thinking, and deepen our connections with others. We also talk through what to practically do when those feelings start to feel overwhelming. Timestamps:  00:00 - Are you experiencing an emotion, a feeling, or a mood? 04:15 - The spectrum myth: Can you be happy and sad at the same time? 11:00 - What is DBT? (And why we need to let emotions come up) 17:07 - "What do I do with this?" How to actually process a heavy emotion Resources mentioned in this episode: - APA Definition of Emotion: https://www.apa.org/topics/emotions - Stanford Research on Cultural Differences: https://news.stanford.edu/stories/2015/07/emotions-chinese-americans-070215 - Harvard Business Review (On Chasing Happiness): https://hbr.org/2015/08/happiness-isnt-the-absence-of-negative-feelings - Dr. David Matsumoto’s Research Paper on Emotions: https://davidmatsumoto.com/content/NG%20Spain%20Article_2_.pdf - Psychology Today (Emotions vs. Feelings): https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-pleasure-is-all-yours/202202/the-important-difference-between-emotions-and-feelings This is a follow up to this episode on how culture shapes our perception of happiness: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/19001429 Leave a voice message here [https://www.speakpipe.com/pamelacarey] Newsletter sign up [https://www.pamcarey.com/subscribers] YouTube - channel  [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjptoOwpT_auMHKf0akGexw] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/immersion_podcast/] - we will be posting here soon

Ending Excess Screen Time (Habits that actually work)

We’ve all heard the basic advice: turn off notifications, put your phone in grayscale, or just "try harder." But if you’re like me, those tips didn't stick. After years of experimentation and diving into the psychology of habit formation, I’ve finally found a system that is working for me. In this episode (Part 2 of our series on technology), we are moving past the philosophy and getting into more specific action steps. We’re talking about building friction, managing decision fatigue, and finding the "why" that actually keeps you away from the screen. In this episode, we discuss: * The Power of Friction: Lockboxes, website blockers, and "dumb phones."  * Beating Decision Fatigue: Creating a "Guidelines List" so you don't have to make constant difficult choices. * Drilling Down to Your "Why": Finding a compelling reason to change.  * Why adding fulfilling activities is better than just "stopping" (Shout-out to Cal Newport and his "Deep Life" work!). * Analog Switches: Why using tools such as paper planners, watches, and physical notepads helps more than we may have initially thought.  Timestamps:  00:00 Intro: The bold claim about ending screen time 01:10 Strategic Friction: Using lockboxes & blockers to break the habit 07:20 Ending Decision Fatigue: How to create your "Guidelines List" 15:39 The Deep Life: Why "just stopping" doesn't work (inspired by Cal Newport) 17:29 The Core Shift: Digging to your compelling "Why" 19:27 Analog Wins: The psychology of paper, pens, and watches 23:46 Join the Conversation: How to leave a voice note (SpeakPipe) 24:33 A Personal Note: Life update & why the schedule changed Resources and Episodes Mentioned:  * Changing Your Relationship With Technology (Part 1): https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/17789635 * Finding Purpose and Meaning: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/18932472 * How to Organize Your Mind: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/17960805 * Cal Newport’s The Deep Life Podcast: https://www.thedeeplife.com/ * Gretchen Rubin: Abstainers vs. Moderators: https://gretchenrubin.com/articles/abstainer-vs-moderator/ Leave a voice message here [https://www.speakpipe.com/pamelacarey] Newsletter sign up [https://www.pamcarey.com/subscribers] YouTube - channel  [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjptoOwpT_auMHKf0akGexw] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/immersion_podcast/] - we will be posting here soon

How Culture Changes Your Pursuit of Happiness

Happiness is a universal human aim, but what we believe makes us happy, and how we define a life well-lived, varies. In Part 10 of our Positive Psychology deep dive, we explore how cultural norms, language, and social safety nets dictate our personal views on flourishing. In this episode, we explore: * How cultural norms and language shape the way we express happiness. * Why a national safety net changes how we behave day-to-day. * The 6-D Model of culture - from uncertainty avoidance to individualism vs. collectivism  * Why some cultures prize "excitement" while others seek "peace." * Dialecticism: The unique ability to experience conflicting emotions simultaneously. * A Global Perspective: My friend Zad shares his story of a family spread across the globe and what flourishing means to them. * Cultural Evolution: How societies are changing and the nuanced exceptions to the models we study. Timestamps:  00:00 How do different cultures express / show happiness: Interview part 1 07:00 Affect Valuation: Why we want to feel what we feel 09:10 Dialecticism: Finding room for "Both/And" emotions 10:55 The 6-D Model of National Culture 15:35 Does culture shifts over generations: Interview part 2:  18:36 Global roots and the meaning of flourishing: Interview part 3:  21:30 The PERMA+ Recap: Building your own wellbeing toolkit Thank you to Zad for coming on! You can find more from him at his instagram: @zadbullfitness  Further reading available here: - https://geerthofstede.com/culture-geert-hofstede-gert-jan-hofstede/6d-model-of-national-culture/ - https://behavioralpsychstudio.com/what-the-heck-is-a-dialectic/ - https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16536652/ Jeanne Tsai's research on AVT Leave a voice message here [https://www.speakpipe.com/pamelacarey] Newsletter sign up [https://www.pamcarey.com/subscribers] YouTube - channel  [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjptoOwpT_auMHKf0akGexw] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/immersion_podcast/] - we will be posting here soon

How to Find Purpose: Do We Find or Create Meaning? (Exploring with Sartre and Frankl)

Do you ever wish you knew what your purpose was? Does your life ever feel void of meaning? In this episode we explore the idea of meaning through the lens of positive psychology, logotherapy, and existentialist philosophy. We learn from Dr. Viktor Frankl and Jean-Paul Sartre as well as from the Oxford Handbook on Positive Psychology.  Also in this episode:  -- How to recenter when we get off track so that we come back to what matters to us.  -- The difference between purpose and significance (or meaning and mattering)  -- The 5 Whys or what I like to call The Russian Doll of Goals  -- We hear a voicemail from a friend on the idea of humans being natural meaning makers and how to make the process more conscious  -- A more Zen approach when we want to simply live with meaning rather than analyze it  Does living with purpose make us feel more fulfilled? And if so, how do we find it in a world that makes us feel like it is so far from our reach?  Let's dive in! Timestamps  00:00 Situational meaning vs meaning for our entire lives 01:32 Two approaches to meaning: Sartre and Frankl 05:23 Dereflection from logotherapy 07:07 What are the main areas people derive meaning from? 07:42 Do purpose and meaning make us happier? 10:09 What is meaning? How do we define it? 12:53 Do we find or create meaning? 17:37 The Five Why's 20:02 How to recenter on what matters to us 21:41 Hedonic vs. Eudaimonic happiness 26:19 A Zen approach 27:47 Connection to positive psychology 30:50 Voicemail from a friend: Making this more conscious Resources & Further Reading:  - Man's Search for Meaning - Book by Viktor Frankl - Interview with Frankl: Viktor Frankl: Self-Actualization is not the goal - Sartre and Frankl comparison article/ https://philosophynow.org/issues/162/Frankl_and_Sartre_in_Search_of_Meaning - Blog by Dr. Michael Levin https://thoughtforms.life/what-advice-do-i-give-to-my-students/ hat tip to Tim Ferriss for putting this in his 5 bullet Friday  - UPenn on Meaning - https://ppc.sas.upenn.edu/learn-more/perma-theory-well-being-and-perma-workshops - Logotherapy: https://viktorfranklamerica.com/what-is-logotherapy/ Photography credit:  - Frankl photo: Source Deutsch: Prof. Dr. Franz Vesely Viktor-Frankl-Archiv - https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Viktor_Frankl2.jpg - Sartre photo:  Dutch National Archives, The Hague, Fotocollectie Algemeen Nederlands Persbureau (ANEFO), 1945-1989 bekijk toegang 2.24.01.04 Bestanddeelnummer 917-9600 https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Jean_Paul_Sartre_1965.jpg Leave a voice message here [https://www.speakpipe.com/pamelacarey] Newsletter sign up [https://www.pamcarey.com/subscribers] YouTube - channel  [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjptoOwpT_auMHKf0akGexw] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/immersion_podcast/] - we will be posting here soon

Relationship Science 101: Why "Minding" is the Secret to Lasting Relationships

How do we build relationships that actually flourish? In Part 8 of our Positive Psychology series, we’re looking at the science of staying connected through Minding and Active Construction. Whether it’s with friends, family, or partners, we’re moving beyond the honeymoon phase and looking at the intentional work of relating to one another. A large part of this episode is dedicated to the concept of Minding—the ongoing process of knowing and being known by others. We explore how being intentional and curious about the people in our lives can transform the way we relate to one another. Also in this episode: * Capitalization in Real Life: I’m joined by a close friend who is naturally incredible at "Active Constructive Responding." We talk about what it actually looks like to show up for someone when things are going right. * The Gottman Basics: We touch on "Bids for Affection" and the Magic Ratio—simple but powerful tools for understanding the emotional bank account in any relationship. * Self-Expansion & Novelty: A brief look at why doing new things together helps us grow individually and as a pair. * The 3 Ingredients for Friendship: What actually makes a friendship stick? I'm sharing some simple takeaways from a positive psychology class that changed how I look at my own social circle. * A Systems Perspective: We listen to a voicemail that helps us visualize how our relationships aren't just one-on-one, but part of a larger ecosystem. This series is all about finding practical ways to apply the science of well-being to our daily lives. I’m glad you’re here for the home stretch! References & Further Reading - The Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology (2nd Ed.): Edited by Dr. Shane J. Lopez and Dr. C. R. Snyder. - The "Minding" Model: Based on research by Dr. John H. Harvey and Dr. Julia Omarzu. - Bids for Affection & Magic Ratios: Developed by Dr. John Gottman (and the clinical work of Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman) - Gender Differences in Self-Disclosure: Based on the classic meta-analysis by Dr. Kathryn Dindia and Dr. Mike Allen (1992). While earlier research suggested women disclose more in general, newer studies (like Carbone & Loewenstein, 2023) suggest that while men and women share positive news at similar rates, women may be more likely to share negative news or vulnerabilities. - Active Constructive Responding (Capitalization): Research by Dr. Shelly Gable and colleagues. - Self-Expansion Theory: Dr. Arthur Aron and Dr. Elaine Aron. - The 3 Ingredients for Friendship: Insights from a course taught by Dr. Ryan Duffy at the University of Florida. - Systems Theory Segment: Special thanks to Lea for the voicemail! You can find more of her work at https://accountabilitycoachinglondon.co.uk/. - Guest Interview: A huge thank you to Madeline for joining me to talk about being an active constructive responder! Leave a voice message here [https://www.speakpipe.com/pamelacarey] Newsletter sign up [https://www.pamcarey.com/subscribers] YouTube - channel  [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjptoOwpT_auMHKf0akGexw] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/immersion_podcast/] - we will be posting here soon