Mike Matthews - My thoughts after 62 years on this planet on family, public education, cooking, and life.

One Year Into Retirement

Hi Listeners. Thanks to some feedback from my listening friend Kylie, I am no longer going to read my most recent blog post and interject comments. Instead, I’m going to use the last blog post as a base, but just talk about what I wrote, why I wrote of it, and thoughts I’ve had since writing it. As always, I’ll be curious to hear what does and does not resonate. Thanks for listening. You can find the blog post below, and you can find all of my posts (and the comments) at www.drmdmatthews.com [http://www.drmdmatthews.com]. Thanks for all of the emails and comments on Part I of my Year One Retirement Progress Report [https://drmdmatthews.com/one-year-into-retirement-a-progress-report/]. My Dad wrote that he liked it, but it was way too long and could have used several more drafts. He’s not wrong. So I’ll shorten my introduction by five paragraphs (Winning!!) and get right to examining the last three criteria: Sharpening the Saw, Relationships, and Purpose. Sharpening the Saw In Steven Covey’s introduction to his 7th Habit of Highly Effective People, he famously asked, “Have you ever been too busy driving to stop for gas?” He also quotes Abe Lincoln’s, “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” Like Abe’s axe, our lives will become dull and ineffective if we do not make the effort to improve ourselves by seeking new knowledge and new ways of thinking, and by taking time to deliberately reflect on what we are doing well, and what needs to be improved. Covey pushes people to sharpen their saw constantly in order to be the best they can be. He targeted mostly working people, but I know he would say it’s critical for retirees too. My friend John died this year at age 95. When I visited him last, he was on a reading tear, learning all he could about ancient east African civilizations. Why is it that those whose axes are the sharpest are the same ones who spend the most time at the sharpening stone? President Obama publishes the extensive list of the books he has read and music he is listening to at the end of each year. It is stunning how much he can get done. Theodore Roosevelt read a book every day while he was president. Though I can’t hold a candle to the people above, here is what I am doing to sharpen the saw in my retirement. * I continue to be an avid reader, though I have added the lens of reading as a means of learning how to write better. I keep a journal of writing lines or passages that hit home for me, and hope that it can inspire me to add beauty and depth to my writing. Seeing and reflecting on those passages is in itself a beautiful moment, like watching a blue heron fly silently by while you are sitting next to a river having a cup of coffee and finalizing your blog post. * I look for, and sometimes pay for, good coaching. I have appreciated and written often about my masters swim coach, and my golf game is less atrocious due to professional coaching. Sometimes, coaching comes from cookbooks, or from videos on cooking or pickleball, and there are certainly plenty of coaches from whom we can learn more about living well. There is so much expertise in the world, and to not use it is truly a missed opportunity. * Finally, and this is easier in retirement, I try to take as many opportunities to pause and reflect as I can. Consuming a large quantity of books, podcasts, or lectures doesn’t mean much unless we take the time to ponder how they might impact and improve our lives. My calendar has many more open spots in it than before, which means I’m not rushing like I used to from meeting to meeting to meeting to meeting to meeting. Looking back at my career, I wish I would have been better at leaving open spaces in my calendar, so I could have paused more to reflect and plan. Too often, I was too busy driving to stop for gas. But now, I have the luxury of time, and I am working to be better at pausing, reflecting, and sharpening the saw. I appreciate the research on reflection in the Harvard Business Review, which stated, “The practice (of reflection) itself is all about learning, looking back on the day (without bias or regret) to contemplate your behavior and its consequences. It requires sitting with yourself, taking an honest moment to think about what transpired, what worked, what didn’t, what can be done, and what can’t. Reflection requires courage. It’s thoughtful and deliberate. Being at the ‘top of your game’ only comes when you extract from the past how to engage the future.” As for the progress report . . . After one year, Teacher Mike would tell me that I am growing, and I am spending time sharpening my saw, but that blade could be a lot sharper. I need to be more disciplined and make the time for both learning new information and finding time to reflect, and make more deliberate efforts to be more like Abe the axe-sharpener. Relationships One of the things that I miss the most in retirement is the social interactions that I enjoyed at work every day. I miss the short little conversations, the checking in on each other, the inside jokes, hearing about roses and thorns, and the hundreds of light and deep conversations I had over the course of a week. Most of those work relationships will fade away. This means that everyone who retires has to maintain their existing away-from-work relationships, and, in the best of all possible worlds, develop new ones. There is data from the Blue Zones research that confirms that healthy relationships improves and prolongs human lives. Speaking of my marriage relationship, perhaps my biggest win after one year of retirement is that Jill doesn’t hate me. Victory! Jill works at home a few days a week, therefore we see each other more than we ever have. And after a year, not only does she not hate me, but we both agree that we are thriving with our new time together. I am also free to travel more to see my family. I’ve taken several trips to Arkansas and Sacramento, and I will be going to southern Washington in August for my nephew’s wedding. Many of these trips would have been impossible to take while working, and they all serve to make my family relationships deeper. And I will continue to enjoy life with friends. One of my favorite things to do is organize big and little experiences and adventures with my friends. It could be a bike trip, a fantasy football league, pickleball Saturdays, a bbq, or any number of things. My friend Grant (a regular blog reader!) is one of the best at this, and he shared, “When you help a group of people to have a good time, or to do something fun together, and they leave with a smile, I think that makes us live longer.” I think you’re exactly right, Grant. On the virtual side, these blog posts have been a wonderful way to keep in touch with friends. I hear from my high school classmates, former students, parents, and colleagues from my jobs all over California, and even a few new people that I’ve met through my writing. With an average of around 300 readers, I am still able to respond to everyone who comments or emails. Thanks to all of you who make that work so well. As for the progress report . . . After one year, Teacher Mike would tell me that I am doing OK here, but I cannot rest. Relationships take initiative, care, and a lot of work. They are too important to take for granted. Purpose Why do you wake up in the morning? If you like your answer for that question, then you have a sense of purpose. Blue Zones research points to healthy relationships adding seven or more years to your life. I was fortunate to have a career that gave me so many ways to answer that question for almost forty years. And now, I need a different answer. One of the most difficult parts of retiring after 39 years in the same field is that I left at a time when I was at the height of my knowledge of not only what works in public education, but also how to best support leaders and educators in the important work that they do. I don’t know how much longer I can do it, but I am enjoying using that knowledge and experience to support districts and leaders as an educational consultant. Some of that work I get paid for, but most of it I do just to support former colleagues. I am enjoying my work as a consultant and mentor, supporting leaders, helping teams be their best, and supporting districts with challenging tasks, and it is one of the things that answers the question of why I get up in the morning. I will be a proud educator for all of my days, and I will continue to use that passion and knowledge, even after my consulting days are done. Still, I need to look beyond my former career-related endeavors for my sense of purpose. So what else is there? What makes this transition easier for me is that I have never derived my entire identity and sense of worth from my career. I have always had other interests. I think a lot of it goes back to the other criteria is this progress report. Sharpening the saw can be a purpose-creating activity in itself. Healthy, loving, and enjoyable relationships can give more than enough purpose to make a life worth living. Finding ways to give back and make the world a better place for others adds to a sense of purpose. And finally, the pursuit of spiritual growth cannot be ignored. We all have to find our way. Teacher Mike, in his assessment of my pathway to purpose, would agree that I am one of the lucky ones. He would also agree that consulting will not last forever, and I will have to rely on purpose-giving activities that have nothing to do with my career. The search for purpose is not a static one. One of my sayings is, “Today is a good day.” I have said it for the last twenty years, because you never know what challenges today, tomorrow, or next week will bring. Appreciating and embracing each day lets me wake up each morning with so much to look forward to. And when those next challenges come, and they will, I’ll do my best to accept the challenge and continue to appreciate all of the love and beauty in the world. So that’s my progress report. Thanks for reading this far. I hope this post has you thinking about (1) Health and Fitness, (2) Hobbies, (3) Sharpening the Saw, (4) Relationships, and (5) Purpose. For those of you who are retired, I wish you luck in enjoying this new phase of life and making the most of it. For those of you who aren’t there yet, I hope this post gives you ways to look at leading your best life now and in the future. Thanks for reading! If you’re not on the mailing list [http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9], you’re missing out. Not only will I let you know when my blog posts come out, but you will get my once-a-month-subscribers-only message. I share what I’m cooking, what I’m watching, what I’m reading, and other news that had a profound impact on me. Thanks to all who let me know you appreciated it. If you’re interested, please click here [http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9]. And something new, I am publishing this post in podcast form a day or two after I post it here. The podcasts are very basic at this point. I read the post, embellishing it for better or for worse with a few thoughts that come to my weird mind as I’m reading. We’ll see how it works out. If you would like to subscribe to that podcast, please click here. [https://drmdmatthews.substack.com/subscribe?utm_source=menu&simple=true&next=https%3A%2F%2Fdrmdmatthews.substack.com%2Fp%2Fcelebrating-golf-actually-celebrating] Post #113 on www.drmdmatthews.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drmdmatthews.substack.com [https://drmdmatthews.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

5. elo 2024 - 17 min

One Year Into Retirement: A Progress Report

This podcast, like all of them, is an embellished version of my latest post on www.drmdmatthews.com [http://www.drmdmatthews.com]. I hope you enjoy! I’m not a big fan of report cards. They are so . . . final. A progress report is much more helpful – it’s a check in on how it’s going, and guidance on how to be more successful. As a teacher, one of my favorite projects was the five to ten page research paper, where the first draft was due two or three weeks before the final draft was due. I would spend hours commenting on those drafts. There was no grade. There were only recommendations for what needed to be changed, improved, deleted, or added. Then there was the conversation about my recommendations. It was not long, five to ten minutes, but when it worked, the student left with a clear vision of what needed to be improved. In some cases, where the quality was lacking, I recommended a second or even third draft that I could review. The whole project was a process. If students did what I asked, it was hard not to earn an A or a B on the final grade. I’m taking a similar attitude as I reflect on finishing my first official year of retirement. I’m not giving myself grades, but I am going to take the time to reflect on how it’s going, what I’m doing well, and what I need to work on. Sounds kind of funny, doesn’t it? Working on retirement? But I don’t think that living your best life in retirement is one bit easy. And, spoiler alert, there are many things I could be doing a lot better. I’ve written this before, but many of my posts are intended to give me the kick in the a** I need to make the most of however many more days I have left on our crazy and beautiful planet. This one certainly fits that mold. One thing I did right was taking a practice run. Back in August of 2021, I stopped working for about eight months. My main reasons were that I had been in the same job, the same GREAT job, for eleven years, and it felt like time for a change. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say that COVID was soul-crushing for most educational leaders. Dealing with all of the regulations, the fears of parents and employees, and the anger of too many people, all mixed in with incredible uncertainty, left many of us exhausted, less healthy than ever (my blood pressure was high for the first time in my life), and beaten down. So I took eight months and did nothing. No commute, no consulting, no nothing. I played golf twice a week, went to museums with retired friends, cooked more, and wrote more. What I learned was that I liked it just fine. And by “just fine,” I mean that it was wonderful. Our financial advisor told me that we could afford to have me retire, but she also said, rather directly, “BUT IT WOULDN’T HURT YOU AT ALL TO WORK ONE MORE YEAR.” That led to me taking the superintendent job in Placentia – Yorba Linda, and having one of the most enjoyable work experiences of my life. I was inspired by the kindness and high quality efforts of almost everyone I met. I officially retired at the end of that year, with my first day of retirement being July 1, 2023. So in terms of my preparation for retirement, that practice run was super helpful. If you can manage it, I highly advise it. And now, one year in, I have zero regrets about retiring. My only focus on this progress report is not on whether I should have retired, but how I am doing in making the most of it. Although I do not have a retirement progress report form (yet!), I will be organizing this by analyzing via a few categories. I may change them over time, but for now, I’m going to look at how I’m doing in the areas of (1) Health and Fitness, (2) Enjoying my Hobbies, (3) Sharpening the Saw (Steven Covey’s term for always working to improve yourself), (4) Relationships, and (5) Purpose. Section 1: Health and Fitness: I’ve written a lot about health and fitness in my blog posts. It’s important to me, and it’s important if I’m going to enjoy a long retirement. Here are some quotes I’ve been writing about and apply to this part of the progress report: * From Michael Easter’s, The Comfort Crisis: * “Most people today rarely step outside their comfort zones. We are living progressively sheltered, sterile, temperature-controlled, overfed, underchallenged, safety-netted lives. And it’s limiting the degree to which we experience our ‘one wild and precious life,’ as poet Mary Oliver put it.” * “A radical new body of evidence shows that people are at their best—physically harder, mentally tougher, and spiritually sounder—after experiencing the same discomforts our early ancestors were exposed to every day. Scientists are finding that certain discomforts protect us from physical and psychological problems like obesity, heart disease, cancers, diabetes, depression, and anxiety, and even more fundamental issues like feeling a lack of meaning and purpose. * “Are you not important enough to do it for you?” * From Chris Crowley and Henry Lodge’s Younger Next Year: * “Exercise hard six days a week,” * “Aerobic exercise does more to stop actual death, but strength training can make your life worthwhile.” * And the general message from the Noom diet, the Mediterranean Diet, and a gazillion other reasonable diets: * Lots of fruits and vegetables, plenty of lean proteins, some healthy carbs, and as little sugar and processed foods as possible I would not call myself a good sleeper yet, but I’m better than I was while I was working. I still get up super early at least twice a week to swim in my masters workout that starts at 5:55 AM. And between pickleball, my Peloton, and swimming, I exercise hard four to six days a week. That’s pretty good, but the reality is that it’s not different from what I was doing when I worked 60 hours a week. Almost every retired person I talk with says something like, “My days are so full. I can’t believe I did so much when I was working.” I have so much more time now, yet it’s still challenging to get things done. I thought I would significantly up my health and fitness game in retirement, but so far, that’s not the case. I am debating whether I can be healthier without a more rigid schedule, or without some kind of commitment to make my life a little less comfortable. In terms of diet, I wrote about being on the Noom diet two years ago. It was highly effective. Turns out eating fewer calories and eating healthier foods is good for you. Who knew!!!! I stopped recording all of my food intake, just because it’s kind of a crazy, obsessive lifestyle that I did not want to continue. The result? I’ve gained back some of that Noom weight loss, and I don’t love it. Again, I am questioning whether I should reduce my looking at retirement as a comfortable lifestyle, and whether I should be mixing in more discomfort so that I can fully enjoy retirement life for the long term. Finally, in terms of health and fitness, my left knee is not cooperating. I have a full replacement scheduled for early December, and I’m looking forward to it. Kind of. If I wanted to delay the replacement, I would stop playing golf and pickleball. My friend and awesome-across-the-street-neighbor Jack saw me limping back after playing two hours of pickleball, and said, “Don’t you have a doctorate degree?” Yes, Jack, I do. And yes, a more intelligent person would avoid this bone on bone knee pain by not playing golf or pickleball. But I love both of them, and that’s not the lifestyle I want to lead. I am hoping that getting that surgery will give me twenty years of fully enjoying not just golf and pickleball, but also plain old walking. My knee pain is a discomfort I would like to live without. I have a plan! So in terms of overall health and fitness, I have some work to do. My teacher feedback after this one year first draft effort might be, “You know what you have to do. Just do it.” Easily said, Teacher Mike. Also – that’s not very helpful. I would hope that progress report conversation would congratulate me on sleeping better. I’ve been a crappy sleeper for a long time, and every bit of research says that’s detrimental. We would then move into what I could do to push myself and be less comfortable, at least some of the time. Maybe it’s creating a more rigid schedule. Maybe it’s a different mindset. And maybe I’m making too much of the whole thing. As I write that, I can hear my sister Martha saying sweetly, yet sternly, “Mike, just calm the hell down and relax. You’re doing just fine.” Thanks, Martha. Section 2: Enjoying My Hobbies I’ve always loved pursuing hobbies outside of work. In fact, it’s one of the questions I would ask colleagues when they started thinking about retirement. I would ask, “Outside of work, what do you love doing?” Sometimes, I would get a blank stare. Other times, the answer kept going and going. I heard so many answers: grandchildren, gardening, music, sports, reading, cooking, artistic endeavors, and many, many more. For those colleagues who gave me the blank stare, I worried about their retirement. For people who define themselves mostly by their positions in their work, I worried about how they could be happy and healthy in their retirement. I will look at these same questions on a deeper level when I get into the Purpose section, but what is it that makes you interesting to yourself? What are the things you enjoy doing that make you want to get up in the morning and seize the day? My hobbies are familiar to those who read my posts: writing, cooking, golf, pickleball, music, organizing/tidying up, travel, and swimming. The hobby I’ve added is gardening. I am enjoying taking care of about ten potted plants in our yard that add color and flavor (my basil plants are THRIVING!) to our lives. I make a big deal of the fact that I am a member of Armstrong’s Garden Center, though I admit there was not a stringent vetting process. I simply gave them my name and email address – kind of similar to my application to become a minister in the Universal Life Church. I’ve been telling Jill that my membership should earn me a little more respect around the house. So far, she’s not impressed by the membership, but she does appreciate the efforts to add color and flavor. After one year of retirement, I continue to enjoy all of these hobbies, old and new. Going to Japan in what would have been the middle of the school year, going to spring training Dodger baseball in Arizona, and taking four trips to visit family in Little Rock were all a step up in my travel game. And my Dad says that my writing continues to improve, and believe me, he would tell me if it weren’t. I don’t know that I’m improving, but I’m enjoying the heck out of all of my hobbies. The only hobby/passion I’m not pursuing as much as I would like is my music. My guitar sits in the corner of our living room, calling out to me. I need to answer the call more. In our progress report conference, I would hope that teacher Mike would ask what the point of these hobbies is. Is it to get better in all of them? Is it to dominate in golf and pickleball and win awards as a writer and chef? Or is it just to spend time enjoyably with friends, and to experience flow doing the things I love? Even writing this down gives me the slap in the face I need to think correctly. I can hear my sister’s voice again here. And maybe the conversation would close with teacher Mike asking me what in the world is stopping you from picking up that guitar a few times a week? Paraphrasing Diondre Cole from Saturday Night Live, we are out of time! A full blog post, and only two of the five progress report criteria have been covered! You know what that means. This is now Part One of a Two-Part series. I will hit (3) Sharpening the Saw, (4) Relationships, and (5) Purpose in my next post. For those of you enjoying this topic, what great news! For those of you bored beyond belief, first of all, thanks for getting this far, and I secondly, apologize in advance for the next post! Looking forward to your comments, and thanks for reading. If you’re not on the mailing list [http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9], you’re missing out. Not only will I let you know when my blog posts come out, but you will get my once-a-month-subscribers-only message. I share what I’m cooking, what I’m watching, what I’m reading, and other news that had a profound impact on me. Thanks to all who let me know you appreciated it. If you’re interested, [http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9]please click here [http://eepurl.com/g9cdx9]. And something new, I am publishing this post in podcast form a day or two after I post it here. The podcasts are very basic at this point. I read the post, embellishing it for better or for worse with a few thoughts that come to my weird mind as I’m reading. We’ll see how it works out. If you would like to subscribe to that podcast, please click here. [https://drmdmatthews.substack.com/subscribe?utm_source=menu&simple=true&next=https%3A%2F%2Fdrmdmatthews.substack.com%2Fp%2Fcelebrating-golf-actually-celebrating] Post #112 on www.drmdmatthews.com NOTES Great quotes on being ready to retire from Fritz Gilbert’s Keys to a Successful Retirement: Staying Happy, Active, and Productive in your Retired Years. (Buy it on Amazon here) [https://amzn.to/3y6BTJY] * “If you are what you do, who are you when you don’t?” * Richard J. Leider and Alan M. Webber (from Life Reimagined: Discovering Your New Life Possibilities) * If you look up the definition of “retire,” you’ll find “to withdraw from action or danger.” I prefer to think of it as “re-tire,” an act in which we put new tires on our vehicles for the changing road conditions ahead. When Jill was reading the post, and she was about halfway done, she was worried that she had already been reading for a long time, and she was only on criteria one of five. She said she was beginning to despair that it would never end. And while she was relieved when she finally learned this was part one of two, she said it might have been helpful to know that earlier. What’s the fun in that, Jill? The way I did it, you were at the edge of despair, just like the hero in a good rom-com, then all of the sudden, a glimmer of hope changed everything! I like the teacher/progress report idea, and I have experience with it, so that analogy makes some sense to me. But I also like the idea of having a life caddie walking around with us and helping us make our decisions – both big and small. Thinking about what to eat? Ask your caddie. Need a push to add discomfort to your workout? Your caddie is there for you. Seinfeld’s Cosmo Kramer had a life caddie – and it helped him tremendously – at least for a while. Short clip here. [https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=3202556306451130] And if you have not had the pleasure of watching “What Up With That” on Saturday Night Live, and if you’re sense of humor is as warped as mine is, I highly recommend it. Longtime SNL star Kenan Thompson plays talk show host Diondre Cole. In each and every episode, Diondre brings in three stars, but somehow, time slips away before he can get to the in depth interviews he hopes for. You can see some of the e [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tInUTLxGIRk]arly episodes here [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tInUTLxGIRk], and if you want, there’s more. You may think it gets less funny as the same joke gets played out in every episode, or . . . like me, you may think it gets more and more hilarious. Here’s the link to my review of [https://drmdmatthews.com/books/the-comfort-crisis-embrace-discomfort-to-reclaim-your-wild-happy-healthy-self/]The Comfort Crisis. [https://drmdmatthews.com/books/the-comfort-crisis-embrace-discomfort-to-reclaim-your-wild-happy-healthy-self/] And here’s the link to my review of [https://drmdmatthews.com/books/younger-next-year/]Younger Next Year. [https://drmdmatthews.com/books/younger-next-year/] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drmdmatthews.substack.com [https://drmdmatthews.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

15. heinä 2024 - 22 min