Practicing Love: Have the Best Love and Sex of Your Life After 40

#61: How to Navigate Baggage While Dating, Without Letting It Ruin Love

Everyone talks about "baggage" in dating. But what does that actually mean? If you're dating in midlife, chances are you—and everyone you meet—have lived through heartbreak, divorce, health challenges, parenting, financial ups and downs, grief, or complicated family dynamics. The goal isn't to find someone without baggage. It's to discover whether your lives, values, and emotional realities are compatible enough to build something beautiful together. In this episode of Practicing Love, I sit down with relationship and intimacy coach Karen Bigman to explore what baggage really is, how to recognize the difference between deal breakers and manageable challenges, and why self-awareness is far more important than finding a "perfect" partner. Together we explore: Why everyone in midlife brings some form of baggage into dating How to tell the difference between compatible and incompatible baggage Why knowing yourself matters more than following dating rules When to communicate your needs, boundaries, and relationship history How divorce, children, finances, family dynamics, and health challenges affect dating Perhaps the biggest takeaway is this: Your past doesn't have to determine your future. What matters is how consciously you understand yourself, communicate your needs, and choose relationships that honor who you are today. Because dating isn't about finding someone with no baggage. It's about finding someone whose life, values, and humanity fit well with yours. About Karen Bigman Karen Bigman is a relationship and intimacy coach, sex educator, and host of the Taboo to Truth: Life & Sex After 50 podcast. She specializes in helping men navigate dating, intimacy, midlife sexuality, and relationships with greater confidence, honesty, and self-awareness. Through coaching, courses, and education, Karen helps people create more connected, authentic relationships in the second half of life. Learn More About Karen Website: https://taboototruth.com [https://taboototruth.com/] Podcast: Taboo to Truth: Life & Sex After 50 [https://www.taboototruth.com/podcast] YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TabooToTruth [https://www.youtube.com/@TabooToTruth] Resources from Shana Take the quiz to find out what gets in the way of finding love: Find Love Quiz [https://findlove.scoreapp.com/?ref=podcast] Join the Honest Dating Guide waitlist: https://shanajamescoaching.com/honest-dating-manual/ [https://shanajamescoaching.com/honest-dating-manual/] Schedule a consultation: https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult [https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult] Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burbleLicense code: FTDWN40V3UIZ5PJL

#60: Why High Achieving Couples Lose Connection and How to Get it Back

Why do so many ambitious, successful couples end up feeling more like roommates than romantic partners? It's rarely because they stopped loving each other. Most people assume intimacy begins in the bedroom. Andrew and Kiana Joyner believe it begins at the kitchen table... in the everyday moments where partners feel heard, understood, appreciated, and emotionally safe. When those moments disappear, physical intimacy often follows. In this episode of Practicing Love, I sit down with therapist-and-coach team Andrew and Kiana Joyner to explore what actually keeps love alive when careers, parenting, ambition, and everyday responsibilities compete for attention. Whether you're entrepreneurs, professionals, parents, or simply two busy people trying to build a meaningful life together, this conversation offers practical tools you can start to use today. In this episode, we explore: Why emotional intimacy is the foundation of physical intimacy Why high-achieving couples often put their relationship on the back burner without realizing it Why feeling understood matters more than agreeing, and the common misunderstanding about love languages How unresolved hurts quietly create exhaustion and distance in relationships Practical ways to become more intentional with your time, communication, and shared vision The difference between mature and immature communication, and a simple practice that creates repair The actions that actually create lasting connection (since insight alone doesn't change relationships) Lasting love isn't built by accident. It's built through small, intentional moments of understanding, appreciation, and repair. About Andrew & Kianga Joyner Andrew Joyner and Kianga Joyner are a therapist-and-coach team who specialize in helping individuals and couples create emotional clarity, deeper connection, and lasting transformation. Together, they help ambitious couples and successful professionals build stronger communication, greater accountability, and relationships that thrive emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Guest Resources Website: https://www.souljourneyproject.com/ [https://www.souljourneyproject.com/] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/souljourneyproject [https://www.instagram.com/souljourneyproject] Resources from Shana Take the quiz to find out what keeps you from having the best love and sex of your life: https://bestlove.scoreapp.com/ [https://bestlove.scoreapp.com/] Schedule a consultation: https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult [https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult] Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burbleLicense code: HDF76SDCD7O26RO5

#59: The Dating Move That Tells You Everything (Before You're in Too Deep)

Many people enter dating determined to avoid conflict. They smile through uncomfortable conversations, overlook comments that don't sit right, or convince themselves they're being "easygoing." Especially for those dating after 40 or dating after divorce, staying agreeable can feel like the safest way to protect themselves from rejection or disappointment. But according to relationship and dating coach Shana James, this habit often prevents people from discovering whether someone is truly capable of building a healthy relationship. In this solo episode of Practicing Love [https://shanajamescoaching.com/1-practicing-love-intro/], I, Shana James [https://www.instagram.com/shanajames/], share the third move in my series on transforming modern dating. While the first two episodes focused on creating an honest atmosphere at the start of a date and staying connected to your own experience throughout the conversation, this episode explores what to do when something doesn't feel quite right. Most people respond to uncomfortable moments in one of two ways. They either smooth things over and pretend nothing happened or they emotionally check out of the conversation without saying a word. Although both reactions are understandable, neither helps you learn whether the person sitting across from you can handle honesty, curiosity, and emotional intimacy. Instead, Shana encourages listeners to do something surprisingly simple: acknowledge what you're experiencing. Rather than accusing your date or making assumptions about their intentions, she recommends expressing your own internal experience. A sentence as simple as, "Can I say something honest?" followed by sharing what you noticed in yourself can completely transform the conversation. This isn't about creating conflict or turning a first date into therapy. It's about inviting authenticity. When you honestly express a small moment of discomfort, your date's response becomes valuable information. They may become curious, defensive, dismissive, or open. Every response reveals something about their emotional maturity and their ability to navigate real relationships. Drawing from years of coaching experience, I share story of a divorced client who repeatedly invested months into relationships before discovering important incompatibilities. By practising this simple shift, he learned to recognize emotional availability within the first hour of meeting someone instead of months later. The goal isn't to test people or create uncomfortable conversations for their own sake. It's to stop performing and start discovering. Together, the three shifts in this series create a new approach to dating—one rooted in honesty instead of approval, curiosity instead of performance, and genuine connection instead of self-protection. Rather than hoping love happens by chance, you begin creating the conditions where authentic intimacy can grow. CHAPTERS Why Small Moments of Friction Matter in Dating The Cost of Staying Silent to Keep the Peace Emotional Maturity vs. Emotional Avoidance The Third Shift: Speak Your Truth with Honesty How to Say "Can I Say Something Honest?" What Someone's Response Reveals About Them A Real-Life Example of Honest Dating in Action The Three Shifts That Create Authentic Connection Building Lasting Love Through Openness and Presence Final Thoughts: Practicing Love After 40 Connect with Shana: Website: https://shanajamescoaching.com/ [https://shanajamescoaching.com/] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shanajames/ [https://www.instagram.com/shanajames/]

#58: The Dead Bedroom Fix: Why Intimacy Dies and How to Bring It Back

What happens when the person you love feels more like a roommate than a romantic partner? A dead bedroom isn't just about sex. For many people, it feels like rejection, loneliness, and the slow loss of emotional connection. It can leave partners wondering: "What's wrong with me?" "Why doesn't my partner want me?" "Can we ever get back what we had?" In this episode of Practicing Love, I sit down with speaker, author, and founder of Help for Men, Ralph Brewer, whose book The Dead Bedroom Fix has resonated with thousands of men and couples. Ralph shares his own journey through divorce, starting over as a father of three, and what he learned about intimacy, attachment, confidence, and healing. Together we explore: Why dead bedrooms rarely happen because of sex alone The connection between attachment styles and intimacy struggles Why many men feel forgotten, unwanted, or emotionally alone The shame that keeps people stuck What confidence really means Why asking for help is one of the strongest things we can do Why becoming secure is a practice, not an overnight transformation How addressing the "broken little boy" inside can change your relationships forever This conversation is for anyone who feels lonely in their relationship, longs for more intimacy, or wants to understand why connection fades and how to rebuild it. Because a dead bedroom isn't always the end of a relationship. Sometimes it's an invitation to finally have the conversations and do the healing that bring love back to life. Guest Resources Ralph Brewer's book: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=The+Dead+Bedroom+Fix+Ralph+Brewer [https://www.amazon.com/s?k=The+Dead+Bedroom+Fix+Ralph+Brewer] Help for Men: https://helpformen.com/ [https://helpformen.com/] The Brotherhood: https://thebrotherhoodcommunity.com/ [https://thebrotherhoodcommunity.com/] Resources from Shana Find out what gets in the way of you having the best sex of your life: https://bestlove.scoreapp.com/?ref=podcast [https://shanajamescoaching.com/honest-dating-manual/] Learn more about Honest Sex: https://shanajamescoaching.com/honest-sex/ [https://shanajamescoaching.com/honest-sex/] Schedule an Effortless Love and Sex Consultation: https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult [https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult] Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burbleLicense code: CNP489SMTIUXHOMC

#57: Stop wondering if they like you: The dating question that changes everything

If you've ever left a date replaying every moment in your head, analyzing every text message, or wondering whether you said the wrong thing, you're not alone. For many people, especially those dating after 40 or dating after divorce, first dates aren't actually about getting to know someone. They're about trying to figure out whether you're being liked. In this solo episode of Practicing Love [https://shanajamescoaching.com/1-practicing-love-intro/], dating and relationship coach Shana James [https://www.instagram.com/shanajames/] reveals the second mindset shift in her series on transforming modern dating. While the first shift focused on changing the dynamic of a date by naming a shared intention at the beginning, this episode explores the internal habit that quietly sabotages connection long after the conversation begins. The problem isn't always obvious. Once a date gets underway, many people naturally fall back into monitoring themselves. They start wondering: "Am I coming across well?" "Do they like me?" "Am I attractive enough?" "Did I say the wrong thing?" According to Shana, this constant self-monitoring creates a split in attention. Part of you is present in the conversation, while another part is standing outside the experience, evaluating your performance. The result? You become less available for authentic connection. Instead of being fully present, you're busy reading facial expressions, decoding reactions, and trying to predict whether the other person approves of you. Even emotionally intelligent and self-aware people fall into this trap because it can disguise itself as attentiveness or empathy. Shana explains that the question most people unconsciously ask on dates is: "Do they like me?" But she offers a much more powerful alternative: "Do I like how I'm showing up in this conversation?" That single shift changes everything. Rather than making yourself the object of someone else's evaluation, you become the subject of your own experience. Instead of navigating dating through self-doubt, you begin navigating through self-worth. This perspective allows you to notice whether you're being authentic, whether you're genuinely enjoying yourself, and whether the connection aligns with your values. It also helps you stop performing and start participating. Drawing from her coaching experience and examples from clients, Shana demonstrates how this question can transform shallow, frustrating dates into meaningful conversations. When people stop focusing on being chosen and start focusing on whether they're enjoying the connection, they gain the confidence to steer conversations in more authentic directions. The outcome isn't necessarily a perfect date. It's something more valuable: a real experience rooted in honesty, curiosity, and self-trust. CHAPTERS Welcome Back to the Dating Shift Series Why Dating Feels Better… Then Gets Hard Again The Hidden Question Running Most Dates The Cost of Constant Self-Monitoring When Emotional Intelligence Becomes Performance Why Great Dates Stay Shallow The Dating Question That Changes Everything Moving From Self-Doubt to Self-Worth What You Notice When You Stop Seeking Approval Client Story: Breaking the Post-Date Anxiety Cycle How to Turn a Boring Date Into a Meaningful One Why Dating Feels Easier When You Stay Connected to Yourself The Two Questions That Create Completely Different Dates Your New Dating Compass Preview of the Next Dating Shift