11 Years Later: A Conversation with My Past About C-PTSD & Hope
As we learn and grow, there will always be things we could tell our past selves. In this debut episode, I share an honest conversation I needed 11 years ago about how unresolved trauma was at the root of my disconnection and frustration. I go over things I wish I would have known at the time—from somatic exercises to choosing compassion over shame—that I believe would have put me on the right path. This episode is a validating and practical guide, offering both guidance on what to do now and a hopeful vision of what the future holds.
Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. It does not provide any medical, mental health, or other professional advice. Please consult with a qualified healthcare professional for specific needs.
Crisis Support: If you are in immediate danger or a crisis, please call or text 988 or go to your nearest emergency room.
Non Emergency Support: For non emergency support, you can call 1-800-950-6264 or text 62640
View Terms & Conditions for the podcast here: https://the-complex-the-curious.beam.ly/terms-conditions
Show Notes:
💌 Episode 1: A Letter to My Past Self About C-PTSD and Hope
Welcome to the very first episode of The Complex and The Curious, a podcast about life and C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).
In this incredibly personal episode, I read a letter meant for my past self—a version of her from 11 years ago (at age 23) who was struggling with disconnection, an overwhelming life, and a deep sense of shame.
I dives into the subconscious rules and intense pressure I lived under—the need to be invincible, respectable, and the fear of making a mistake. This struggle wasn't a flaw in her character, but a direct result of unresolved trauma and a dysregulated nervous system.
This conversation is full of the insights, guidance, validation, and hope that her younger self needed to hear, and it serves as a roadmap for anyone feeling like an "alien cosplaying as a human."
Key Takeaways from the Letter:
* The Name for the Pain: The isolation, anxiety, shame, and depression are just symptoms of C-PTSD, caused by repeated trauma, abuse, or neglect.
* The Cause of C-PTSD: It's not just the negative things that happened (criticism, betrayal), but the things that didn't happen (validation, emotional safety, belonging).
* The First Step to Healing: Before diving into the "rabbit hole" of information, focus on making your body feel safe. I recommend starting with:
* Vagus Nerve Resets/Stimulation
* Breathwork
* Somatic Shaking
* Bilateral Tapping
* The Path Forward: The goal is to move from shame (trying to change or fix yourself) to curiosity and compassion (observing yourself and accepting your parts).
* Why Being Single Can Help: Healing is best done when you can make yourself your main priority and rediscover who you are without the distractions of unhealthy relationship programming.
* Look to the Teachers: Guidance and wisdom are available from people you'll discover on the way. Some mentioned are: Pete Walker, Georgia Hardstark, Brené Brown, Don Miguel Ruiz, Rumi, and Nipsey Hussle.
💡 Practical Advice for the Past Self (and for You Now):
Specific activities to promote peace and self-discovery:
* Take a break from higher education/intense goals if possible.
* Do things that bring you peace and energy (not just temporary relief).
* Meditate (even for one minute).
* Consume nostalgic media (movies, books, music).
* Analyze your past and look for lessons.
* Practice curiosity and compassion when observing your inner darkness.
* Have faith that things can and will get better.
🛑 Important Resources and Disclaimer
Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. It does not provide any medical, mental health, or any other professional advice. It is advised that you consult with a qualified healthcare professional for specific needs.
Crisis Support:
* If you are in immediate danger or a crisis, please call or text 988 or go to your nearest emergency room.
Non-Emergency Support:
* Call 1-800-950-6264
* Text 62640
If you found this episode helpful or validating, please share it with a friend who might need to hear it.
Immediate Healing Tools & Practices
The first step to healing C-PTSD is making your body feel safe again. She recommends these practices to regulate a dysregulated nervous system:
* Vagus Nerve Reset by Suki Baxter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFV0FfMc_uo
* Vagus Nerve Massage by Suki Baxter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnV3Q2xIb1U
* Other Vagus Nerve Exercises by Suki Baxter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1HCG3BGK8I
* Vagus Nerve Stimulation & Bilateral Stimulation Music
* You can find this on any music platform or on YouTube!
* My go to song is Music for the Vagus Nerve by Meditation Music Zone https://music.apple.com/us/album/music-for-the-vagus-nerve/1654563571?i=1654563585
* Some songs you already love may have a calming effect. Here’s one I discovered recently (explicit): https://music.apple.com/us/album/pocket-full-of-stones-pimp-c-remix/252815184?i=252815431
* Breath work: Focused breathing to regulate stress response.
* Belly Breathing Exercise: Calming the Body and Mind by Indiana School of Medicine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ep5mKuRmAA
* 4-7-8 Breathing Technique:
* Breath in deeply through your nose for a count of 4
* Hold your breath for a count of 7
* Exhale slowly through your mouth through pursed lips for the count of 8
* Box Breathing:
* Inhale: slowly inhale for a count of 4
* Hold for a count of 4
* Exhale slowly for a count of 4
* Breath of Joy by Jamie Marich: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYc0ccM3EX8
* Somatic Shaking: Gently allowing the body to shake off trapped energy or tension.
* Somatic Shaking - Full Body Shake for Stress Relief by Yoga with Rachel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEwonufcSQQ
* Bilateral Tapping: Rhythmic, alternating stimulation (like tapping knees or shoulders) used to process distress.
* Meditation: Even just for a minute at a time.
* The Mindful Movement has some really good ones: https://www.youtube.com/@TheMindfulMovement
* Self-Care Activities: Engaging in things that bring peace and energy, such as late-night drives, making your bed, deep cleaning, or spending time in nature.
* Observation without Judgment: Writing down your feelings, thoughts, and actions, and observing them with curiosity and compassion instead of shame.
📚 Wisdom from Influential Teachers
Teacher/Author
Key Lesson Mentioned
Pete Walker
How to handle C-PTSD flashbacks step-by-step.
Brené Brown
Shame is a universal experience.
Don Miguel Ruiz
Little pieces of God live in all of us.
Georgia Hardstark
Regardless of your past, you can design a life you feel excited about.
Karen Kilgariff
Perfectionism is "bullshit."
Heidi Priebe
Being kind to yourself when you mess up is when you need it the most.
Rumi
Going after what you love will never leave you astray; pain breaks our hearts open.
Nipsey Hussle
It doesn't matter how slowly you walk your path, as long as you don't stop.
Deepak Chopra
The law of Dharma.
J. Cole
Always have gratitude for the present.
Books & Music Recommendations:
COMPLEX PTSD:FROM SURVIVING TO THRIVING by Pete Walker
https://pete-walker.com/complex_ptsd_book.html [https://pete-walker.com/complex_ptsd_book.html]
I Thought it was Just Me (But It Isn’t) by Brene Brown
https://brenebrown.com/book/i-thought-it-was-just-me/ [https://brenebrown.com/book/i-thought-it-was-just-me/]
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
https://www.miguelruiz.com/the-four-agreements/ [https://www.miguelruiz.com/the-four-agreements/]
Stay Sexy & Don't Get Murdered: The Definitive How-To Guide by Karen Kilgariff & Georgia Hardstark
https://www.amazon.com/Stay-Sexy-Dont-Murdered-How/dp/1250178959 [https://www.amazon.com/Stay-Sexy-Dont-Murdered-How/dp/1250178959]
The Essential Rumi by Jalal al-Din Rumi [https://www.amazon.com/Jalal-al-Din-Rumi/e/B000AQ3FRE/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1] (Author), Coleman Barks [https://www.amazon.com/Coleman-Barks/e/B000AQ1MZQ/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_2] (Translator), John Moyne [https://www.amazon.com/John-Moyne/e/B000AQ00FO/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_3] (Translator)
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062509594?ref_=ppx_hzsearch_conn_dt_b_fed_asin_title_1 [https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062509594?ref_=ppx_hzsearch_conn_dt_b_fed_asin_title_1]
The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: A Practical Guide to the Fulfillment of Your Dreams by Deepak Chopra
https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Spiritual-Laws-Success-Pocketbook/dp/1878424718 [https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Spiritual-Laws-Success-Pocketbook/dp/1878424718]
Heidi Priebe Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@heidipriebe1 [https://www.youtube.com/@heidipriebe1]
Songs by Nipsey Hussle:
Victory Lap (feat. Stacy Barthe)
https://music.apple.com/us/album/victory-lap-feat-stacy-barthe/1316706552?i=1316706678 [https://music.apple.com/us/album/victory-lap-feat-stacy-barthe/1316706552?i=1316706678]
Dedication (feat. Kendrick Lamar)
https://music.apple.com/us/album/dedication-feat-kendrick-lamar/1316706552?i=1316706682 [https://music.apple.com/us/album/dedication-feat-kendrick-lamar/1316706552?i=1316706682]
Ocean Views
https://music.apple.com/us/album/ocean-views/1326333556?i=1326333580 [https://music.apple.com/us/album/ocean-views/1326333556?i=1326333580]
Perfect Timing
https://music.apple.com/us/album/perfect-timing/1447184190?i=1447184191 [https://music.apple.com/us/album/perfect-timing/1447184190?i=1447184191]
Who Detached Us (feat. Steve Jobs)
https://music.apple.com/us/album/who-detached-us-feat-steve-jobs/705400082?i=705400780 [https://music.apple.com/us/album/who-detached-us-feat-steve-jobs/705400082?i=705400780]
Songs by J. Cole:
Love Yourz
https://music.apple.com/us/album/love-yourz/1600766204?i=1600766450 [https://music.apple.com/us/album/love-yourz/1600766204?i=1600766450]
Crooked Smile (feat. TLC)
https://music.apple.com/us/album/crooked-smile-feat-tlc/1529510479?i=1529510866 [https://music.apple.com/us/album/crooked-smile-feat-tlc/1529510479?i=1529510866]
