You're Not Stuck. You're Scared of What Becoming Her Will Cost You

OWN Your Life: Why Smart Midlife Women Can't Break the Reaction Pattern

What do you do when your life looks good on paper but you still feel anxious, overwhelmed, and disconnected from yourself? In this episode, I sit down with therapist Jodi Baretz to talk about why so many women in midlife are carrying that exact question: why doesn't this feel better? Jodi's answer is that most suffering isn't a life problem; it's an interpretation and reaction problem. We're smart, capable women who have read the books and seen all the Instagrams, but we get stuck reacting on autopilot to a thought, a tone, a text, or silence. Jodi shares her OWN framework as a simple, repeatable way out: Observe your patterns without judgment, Wonder what else might be true, and Navigate one small shift before you react. We get honest about what sits underneath it: the sandwich generation squeeze of kids becoming more independent and parents aging, the way we personalize behavior that is really about someone else's capacity and nervous system, and the expectations we never told anyone we had. Plus the question that reframes almost every conflict: do you want to be right, or do you want the relationship? In this conversation: - Why high functioning women still feel empty and exhausted - The OWN framework: Observe, Wonder, Navigate - Why behavior doesn't equal intent or character - The MOP, a mindful opportunity to practice - Why small experiments beat big overwhelming changes - Why discomfort is a sign it's working - A morning practice for setting an intention before you grab your phone - How ketamine assisted therapy helps people who feel truly stuck Connect with Jodi Baretz, LCSW: Website: JodiBaretz.com [https://jodibaretz.com/] Instagram: Therapy with Jodi [https://www.instagram.com/therapywithjodi/] OWN Your Next Chapter: Virtual, last Tuesday of the month on Zoom, first one free. Details on her website. Connect with AM: Website: amcostanzo.com [https://www.amcostanzo.com/] YouTube: amcostanzowellness [https://www.youtube.com/@amcostanzowellness] Substack: Aging Fiercely [https://amcostanzo.substack.com/] Instagram: am_costanzo [https://www.instagram.com/am_costanzo/]

The 4 Pillars Every Woman Over 40 Needs: Movement, Metabolism, Mindset & Meaning

Midlife transformation is about coming home to who you were always meant to be. In this episode of the Aging Fiercely Podcast, I welcome back 15-time Ironman triathlete and coach Jen Rulon, who packed her bags at 50, built a container home on a hill in Costa Rica after her divorce, and rebuilt her life around four pillars: movement, metabolism, mindset, and meaning. In this conversation we talk about the blocks that keep women over 40 stuck—starting with self-worth and the negative self-talk so many of us run on autopilot. Jen shares a mirror practice that helped her look at herself again after her divorce, why the scale is the last thing you should measure, and how to dig past "I want to lose weight" to the why that keeps you going well past your 40s. If you've ever felt like you don't deserve the life you want, we're here to tell you a new story! Key Takeaways 1. The four pillars that keep her grounded. Movement, metabolism, mindset, and meaning. Movement is the anchor, metabolism the fire, mindset the compass, and meaning the North Star. It's the framework that carried Jen through her divorce and menopause, and it's what she teaches. 2. Self-worth is where it starts. A lot of women don't feel they deserve the good that's coming, the weight loss, the compliment, the next chapter to follow their hearts regardless of other's opinions, so they quietly hold themselves back. You're worth it! 3. Build the body, rebuild the confidence. Jen watched a client get consistent in the gym and it slowly allowed her to build strength in other areas of her life as well. Strength has a way of spilling over. 4. Twenty minutes still counts. So many of us are all-or-nothing. If we can't do the full 45, we do nothing. Jen's says to forget what you don't have, and focus on what do you have? A 10 minute workout can change your whole day! 5. End the night with three thank-yous. Jen's one piece of advice for aging fiercely: before bed, give thanks for your past, your now, and your future. When you do. your perspective shifts. (And perspective is EVERYTHING!) Connect with Jen Website: https://jenrulon.com [https://jenrulon.com] Instagram: @coachjenrulon [https://www.instagram.com/coachjenrulon/] Facebook: Coach Jen Rulon [https://www.facebook.com/CoachJenRulonMS] TikTok: @coachjenrulon YouTube: Coach Jen Rulon [https://www.youtube.com/@CoachJenRulon] Free Workshop Sign up for AM's FREE monthly workshop, Working on Becoming—Live on Substack the first Tuesday of every month: https://www.amcostanzo.com/free-goal-setting-workshop [https://www.amcostanzo.com/free-goal-setting-workshop] 🔗Connect With AM Substack: amcostanzo.substack.com [http://amcostanzo.substack.com] YouTube: amcostanzowellness [https://www.youtube.com/@amcostanzowellness] Website: amcostanzo.com [http://amcostanzo.com]

Stop Trying to Be More Disciplined—This Is the Real Block

If you keep asking yourself how to be more disciplined—and you're exhausted from starting over again and again—this episode is going to challenge everything you thought the answer was. Because discipline, the way most of us use it, isn't the answer. In this solo episode, I'm talking about why forcing yourself to do the thing you dread never sticks, and why relying on willpower is the reason you can't stay consistent. It's not that you need to try harder. Trying harder is the wrong approach—and when forcing it stops working, we make it mean something about ourselves and start the whole cycle over again. Tune in to find out what's really going on. Key Takeaways 1. Discipline Isn't the Answer—and That's Why You Keep Starting Over Forcing yourself through on willpower feels productive at first, but it's the very reason consistency falls apart and you land right back at square one. Trying harder isn't the fix. 2. If You Dread It and Have to Force It, Something Else Is Going On When you're forcing a goal you dread, that resistance is information—not a sign you need more grit. There's usually a belief underneath that hasn't been addressed. 3. Your Beliefs Become Instructions for Your Results A belief is just an old thought you've repeated until it starts to feel true—and from that belief, you make decisions that act like instructions to the world around you. AM walks you through how to name the self-limiting belief that's blocking you, and a journal prompt to question whether it's even real—so you can stop forcing and start moving forward. 📚 Free Workshop Sign up for AM's FREE monthly workshop, Working on Becoming—Live on Substack the first Tuesday of every month. During the session you set a goal and receive accountability from AM all month long: https://www.amcostanzo.com/free-goal-setting-workshop [https://www.amcostanzo.com/free-goal-setting-workshop] 🔗 Connect With AM Instagram: am_costanzo [https://www.instagram.com/am_costanzo/] Substack: amcostanzo.substack.com [http://amcostanzo.substack.com] Facebook: amcostanzowellness [https://www.facebook.com/amcostanzowellness] YouTube: amcostanzowellness [https://www.youtube.com/@amcostanzowellness] Website: amcostanzo.com [http://amcostanzo.com] Subscribe to the Aging Fiercely Podcast. New episodes each week for women over 40 who want to live healthier and more active lives! 💬 Let's Continue the Conversation What was your biggest takeaway from this episode? I'd love to hear from you! Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast if you found this episode valuable. It helps other people discover the show, and it only takes 30 seconds!! ♥️

Open Yourself Up to the World of Music: It's Never Too Late to Learn an Instrument—Caroline McCaskey

It's never too late to learn the violin—and in this episode I talk with someone who has built her entire career around proving exactly that. Caroline McCaskey is the founder of AltStrings Academy, an online learning community made specifically for adult string players. If you've ever looked at a community board full of "music lessons for kids" and felt like you'd missed your window, this conversation is for you. Caroline and I dig into why adults are too often overlooked by string teachers, how she designed a flexible, gym-style learning model that actually fits a busy life, and why progress in music—like progress in life—is never linear. Whether you want to play violin, fiddle, viola, or cello, Caroline's message is simple: you don't need permission to be a musician—you just need to open the door. Key Takeaways 1. Music can open up your whole world, and it's never too late to start. Caroline makes a powerful case that anyone who wants to play music can, regardless of age or background. So much excellent string instruction is aimed only at children, but adult beginners deserve great teaching too—and if you're playing or singing, you're already a musician. 2. The right learning model makes music fit your real life. Instead of the rigid weekly-lesson apprenticeship model, Caroline built AltStrings Academy around a flexible, gym-membership-style approach: short five-minute practice videos, drop-in office hours, and small online group classes you join when your schedule allows—perfect for working adults, caregivers, and retirees alike. 3. Adults learn differently than kids, and that's a strength. It may take an adult more repetitions than a child to master a skill, and that's completely normal. Caroline coaches her students past comparison and self-doubt, adapts classical technique to bodies that have lived full lives, and brings in a body-mapping ergonomics specialist so that playing always feels good. Connect with Caroline McCaskey  Website: https://altstringsacademy.comaltstringsacademy.com [http://altstringsacademy.com]  Instagram: @altstrings [https://www.instagram.com/altstrings/]  Facebook: @altstrings [https://www.facebook.com/altstrings/]  YouTube: @altstrings [https://www.youtube.com/@altstrings] Free Workshop Sign up for AM's FREE monthly workshop, Working on Becoming—Live on Substack the first Tuesday of every month: https://www.amcostanzo.com/free-goal-setting-workshop [https://www.amcostanzo.com/free-goal-setting-workshop] Connect With AM  Substack: amcostanzo.substack.com [http://amcostanzo.substack.com]  Facebook: amcostanzowellness [https://www.facebook.com/amcostanzowellness]  YouTube: amcostanzowellness [https://www.youtube.com/@amcostanzowellness]  Website: amcostanzo.com [http://amcostanzo.com] Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast if you found this episode valuable. It helps other people discover the show, and it only takes 30 seconds!! ♥️

A 4-Step Thought Process That Upgrades Your Leadership Skills Instantly with Lauren Most

What happens when you climb every rung of the corporate ladder, land your dream job at 33, plan the perfect life—and the whole thing falls apart anyway? Lauren Most spent 15+ years in senior leadership, including a stint as Chief People Officer and a Fortune 10 executive. She did everything "right." Then her dream job didn't feel like the dream, she took a 40% pay cut hoping that would fix it, and a month and a half later her engagement broke off. The perfect plan, executed perfectly, collapsed. In this conversation, Lauren walks us through the post-mortem she ran on herself, the belief that was quietly driving everything (proving her worth), and the four-step tool she now uses with senior leaders—and with herself—to stop reacting on autopilot. It's called the MOST Method, and it works just as well when navigating a high-stakes meeting that just went sideways as it does dealing with a surly teenager who pushes your buttons. If you've ever thought, "I did everything I was supposed to do—why does it not feel the way I thought it would?", this one’s for you. ABOUT LAUREN Lauren Most is a former Chief People Officer and Fortune 10 executive with 15+ years in senior leadership. She now works privately with senior leaders, helping them shift from fear-based, command-and-control leadership into something more creative, intentional, and human. She's the creator of the MOST Method and is writing a book called From Least to Most. WHAT WE GET INTO * (02:30) Hitting her dream job at 33 — and being unhappy * (03:24) The 40% pay cut, the broken engagement, and the moment the perfect plan crumbled * (04:30) Running a post-mortem on herself and finding the common denominator * (06:31) The belief underneath it all: needing to prove her worth * (09:30) The modalities that moved the needle (journaling, somatic work, therapy, mindset) * (12:08) Why integration is the step most of us skip * (15:05) Working with high-stress executives — and the burnout numbers nobody talks about * (17:00) Why command-and-control leadership stopped working * (20:11) What you can still change when you can't change the system * (21:27) Somatic work, storytelling, and metabolizing stress differently * (26:42) Black and white vs. the 64-pack of Crayolas * (27:18) Why effort doesn't scale * (30:48) The 200-tabs-open analogy * (32:18) Driving the business vs. creating busyness * (33:00) Introducing the MOST Method * (38:54) Real-life example: an airline meltdown that didn't become a meltdown * (45:30) Where to find Lauren CONNECT WITH LAUREN * Substack: The Refocus Room [https://mirrormirroradvisory.substack.com/] * LinkedIn: Lauren Most [https://www.linkedin.com/in/laurenmost/] * Website: mirrormirrorpower.com [http://mirrormirrorpower.com] * Book (coming): From Least to Most Join My Free Workshop Every month I host a free live workshop called Working on Becoming: it’s part workshop / part goal-setting for the month ahead. Held every first Tueday of the month on Sunstack. Sign up here to join: amcostanzo.com/free-goal-setting-workshop [http://amcostanzo.com/free-goal-setting-workshop] And if this episode made you think of a friend who's been forcing her way through her own version of "the perfect plan"—send it her way. She’ll thank you! ❤️