What It Means to Truly Show Up in Life with Marcy Axelrod
What if the way you show up in every moment, at work, at home, with strangers, is shaping not just your life, but the lives of hundreds of people you'll never meet? In this episode of the Bountifull Podcast, Sian sits down with bestselling author, 2x TEDx speaker and researcher Marcy Axelrod to unpack her life's work: understanding what it truly means to show up.
Marcy introduces her three-level framework for showing up, from barely there, to just showing up, to truly showing up, and explains the three roles we all inhabit at every moment: self, situation member, and society member. She challenges the idea that we are isolated selves operating from the inside out, drawing on neuroscience, evolutionary biology, and interpersonal neurobiology to show that we are deeply interconnected, right down to the synchronisation of our brainwaves when we look into another person's eyes.
This is a conversation about slowing down, choosing presence over performance, and recognising that how we show up to the world is exactly how the world will show up for us.
Key Highlights
* The three roles we inhabit every moment. Self, situation member, and society member, and why understanding all three is the key to moving beyond disconnection and loneliness.
* The show up continuum. What separates "barely there" from "just showing up" from "truly showing up," and why most of us spend 80% of our time at level two.
* Choice vs. decision. Why decisions narrow your options while choices are expansive, ongoing, and available in every moment.
* Showing up "with" and "for" vs. "to". How the language of connection shapes the chemistry of the people around you, from cortisol to oxytocin.
* The ripple effect. Research showing that your behaviour influences not just the 20 people closest to you, but their networks too, reaching people you will never meet.
* Why busyness keeps us stuck. How a culture of doing prevents us from accessing the broader, more open mode of attention we need to truly be present.
* The three practices for presence. A meditative practice, a reflective practice (journaling), and a physical practice as the ecology of habits that support truly showing up.
* Authenticity over performance. Why performative living erodes trust and why deathbed research consistently reveals regret over unlived, inauthentic lives.
* Alltelligence. Marcy's coined term meaning "connectedness with intent to serve," the skill for our societal role that draws on the idea that intelligence is neither solely internal nor external.
Chapters
* 00:00 Introduction and welcome
* 01:24 Marcy's origin story: stuttering, observation, and the search for a blueprint
* 04:42 What does "showing up" actually mean?
* 06:34 Choosing how you show up: presence meets perspective
* 07:31 The two hemispheres of attention
* 09:42 The three roles: self, situation member, society member
* 17:30 The three levels of showing up
* 21:32 Practical exercises: the ecology of practices
* 23:16 The "Chuck" story: the show up continuum in real time
* 30:42 The three skills: groundedness, readiness, and alltelligence
* 37:39 Wisdom is not optional
* 42:54 What keeps us stuck in "just showing up" mode
* 46:08 Deathbed wishes and the cost of an inauthentic life
* 50:46 From performative living to true presence
* 54:24 Quick-fire round
* 57:28 Purpose, significance, meaning, and mattering
Guest Bio
Marcy Axelrod is the architect of the Show Up System, a bestselling author, keynote and two-time TEDx speaker, and management consultant. After beginning her career on Wall Street, she spent more than 20 years in KPMG Consulting’s high-tech strategy practice, working with global companies and leadership teams. Her latest book, How We Choose to Show Up, brings together research from neuroscience, psychology and behavioural economics to explore how we work, relate and live.
Bountifull is a personal growth and wellbeing podcast that explores how to live a richer, more meaningful life through conversations on joy, purpose, resilience, creativity and connection.