I Thought I Was Bad With Money Until I Understood This
In this post:
* Why your money "issues" aren't actually about money at all
* The feast-or-famine cycle that's been in my family for generations
* A deep-dive audio on the ancestor whose story shaped our relationship with money
* How understanding your money attachment style changes everything (+ what's coming next)
How to read: Read through "The Ancestor Who Started It All," listen to the audio, then come back to finish reading.
This is it - the final piece of my Root Chakra Healing series. And honestly? This post might explain more about your financial patterns than any budgeting advice ever could. Because what we're talking about today isn't really about money at all…👀
The Feast-or-Famine Legacy
I have very distinct memories of watching my mother work her ass off cleaning office buildings every week. She’d often bring all 6 of us to help. While my classmates watched cartoons and ate after-school snacks, my siblings and I scrubbed toilets and emptied trash until every floor was spotless.
Monday through Friday, she'd work hard and stress about every dollar. Then, like magic, the switch would flip and the shopping extravaganzas would begin.
I'd watch her come home with bags upon bags of beautiful things—towels in every color imaginable, polo shirts in every shade (literally the same shirt in different colors), home goods that transformed our space into something from a magazine. My girl loved a theme and would go all out. One year, we had an apple-themed kitchen: apple wallpaper, napkin holders, fake arrangements, centerpieces. Every surface decorated in red apples, complete with apple-scented candles and plug-ins. A Yankee Candle still hates to see Mami coming!! LOL
During those moments, our house felt abundant, full, like we had finally "made it."
But then, months later, we'd be out of groceries. Or packing boxes again, leaving another beautiful home behind for an apartment that felt like a major downgrade. In a different part of town, of course, which meant switching schools. Again. The cycle was so predictable I started anticipating it: feast, famine, move, fresh start.
I used to think she was just bad with money—that she didn't understand budgeting or self-control. But now I understand what was actually happening: her nervous system was stuck in a feast-or-famine cycle that had nothing to do with logic and everything to do with survival.
The truth is, my mother grew up in a house where money was scarce and unpredictable. Throughout her life, having food on the table wasn't always guaranteed, and financial security was a luxury her family couldn't afford. So when she finally had money - even a little bit - part of her needed to prove to herself that the famine was over. She needed to feel abundant, even if it was just for a weekend.
Those shopping trips weren't about the stuff. They were about temporarily soothing a nervous system that had learned to expect scarcity at any moment.
The Pattern Continues
I inherited this pattern, but it showed up differently in my life. I'd spend months living minimally, proud of how little I needed, how simple my life was. But then I'd move apartments and suddenly need to furnish the whole place in one weekend. I'd go to IKEA and come home with a car full of furniture, decorations, kitchen gadgets - everything I'd been "doing without" for months.
Or I'd move to really beautiful places but never fully furnish them because part of me knew I wouldn't be able to afford to stay. I'd set up my office and bedroom - the essentials - but leave the living room half-empty because what was the point? I was already subconsciously planning my exit strategy.
Hot Mess Entrepreneurship
Throughout my entrepreneur journey, these patterns got even more real. The feast-or-famine cycles of being an “influencer” aka content creator? They were literally my childhood on steroids. One month a 5-figure brand deal would come through and I'd be like "Mama, I made it!" The next month? Crickets. Pure crickets. The unpredictability of entrepreneurship fed directly into my nervous system's existing patterns.
As I became more seasoned, I started making "better choices." Every time I made money, I invested it back into my business. Whether it was launching a new business, taking courses, coaching programs, team members, systems - always "scaling" and "investing in my growth." Then months later, I'd be back in famine mode, wondering where all my damn money went.
I started asking myself: was I investing strategically, or was this just a new way to feast?
Don't get me wrong, those investments were crucial for my growth. But I had to get honest about the energy behind them. Was I making strategic moves for my business from abundance and vision, or was I spending from scarcity and fear? The actions looked responsible, but the motivation was pure survival mode. Part of me felt like I had to enjoy the feast before famine came knocking.
And social media? Girl, don't even get me started!!!
Social media exploits these exact money patterns for profit, and as a content creator, I was caught in the worst kind of irony. I was promoting the very consumption cycles I was struggling with - sharing hauls, PR packages, products, and outfits while battling feast-or-famine patterns. The platform feeding my wounds was also cutting my checks. WHEW!!
For years, I felt stuck in this all-or-nothing cycle that seemed completely out of control. I kept judging myself for being "bad with money," wondering why I couldn't just budget like a regular degular person.
Then I remembered something…when I had that stable executive assistant job in my early twenties, I was actually great with money. I saved consistently, budgeted like a pro, bought stupid things of course but was on top of my ish financially.
The difference wasn't my character, it was having predictable income. When money came steady, my nervous system could chill enough to handle it properly. But this entrepreneur roller coaster? Especially in an industry like content creation that was still figuring itself out? My system was just trying to survive.
Eventually it clicked: these weren't character flaws. They were nervous system responses that made perfect sense for a little girl just trying to feel safe in a world that never felt predictable.
The Ancestor Who Started It All
During a meditation focused on finding the roots of my family's money patterns, an ancestor showed up - a man from my dad's side who had land that he worked with his hands every day. What happened to him changed everything for our family's relationship with money.
I recorded this story as a voice note because some stories are meant to be heard, not just read.
Take a listen to the 30-minute audio at the top of this post, then come back here for how this connects to everything I've shared about my family's relationship with money so far.
When I understood this generational context, everything about my family's money patterns made sense. The weekend shopping sprees. The beautiful homes we couldn't sustain. My own binges. The inability to save, to hold, to trust that money would still be there tomorrow.
We weren't being irresponsible—we were being loyal to an ancestral wound that said enjoy it now before it's gone.
Understanding YOUR Money Attachment Style
I've been developing a framework around money attachment styles that explains so much about our financial patterns. Some people obsessively check their bank accounts multiple times a day, the way someone might check their phone to see if their crush texted back - constantly seeking financial reassurance because their nervous system learned that money disappearing equals abandonment. Others avoid their finances entirely because looking at numbers feels dangerous. Some alternate between extreme frugality and shopping binges because they never learned what "enough" feels like.
There are those who hoard money but feel guilty spending a dime on themselves, and others who can't keep money in their account for more than 24 hours without finding something "essential" to buy.
Some feel shame around every dollar spent, while others use spending to validate their worth.
And then there are those who learned that money is just a tool - not a measure of worth or safety.
Here's what I'm realizing: your nervous system doesn't distinguish between emotional safety and financial safety. To your body, they're the same thing. So however you learned to get your needs met as a child - that's exactly how you're trying to get your needs met with money as an adult.
But here’s the tea on attachment styles… most attachment research studied white families who had the privilege to focus on emotional connection because their basic needs were met. Our families? They were surviving immigration trauma, working multiple jobs, learning new languages, navigating hostile systems - all while raising kids. These weren't attachment wounds; these were survival adaptations.
This and so much more explains why my family has been stuck in feast-or-famine cycles for generations.
The Deeper Truth
Your relationship with money isn't separate from your relationship with safety, survival, and belonging. They're all connected at the root level - literally, in your root chakra, where your sense of fundamental security, safety and groundedness lives.
When we understand our money patterns as nervous system adaptations rather than character flaws, everything changes. We can start to work with these patterns instead of against them. We can heal the root instead of just managing the symptoms.
Your money "issues" aren't really about money at all. They're about safety, survival, and worthiness. And those things can be healed.
The Healing Is in the Roots
When your root chakra is shaped by early experiences of instability, scarcity, or unpredictability, everything reflects those patterns - your money, relationships, career choices, and ability to trust yourself and the world.
The healing happens at the root level. When we understand our money attachment style, we can start making different choices. We can build a relationship with abundance that isn't based on ancestral trauma but on our own conscious decisions.
I'm still learning, still catching myself when I want to spend all my money at Home Goods because it feels like abundance even though I know it's really just my nervous system seeking the familiar pattern of feast before famine.
But now I understand what's happening. And understanding is the first step toward healing.
Whatever your money pattern is, it doesn't have to be your story forever.
This is part 3 of my root chakra healing series. You can read part 1 [https://allthingsada.substack.com/p/my-root-chakra-healing-journey-part] and part 2 [https://allthingsada.substack.com/p/my-root-chakra-healing-journey-pt2] if you're just joining me on this journey. Thanks for joining me for this series!
If this story resonates with you, you're not alone. Over the past few weeks, I've shared some of the most vulnerable and sacred healing I've ever done - my root chakra journey. From ancestral healing with my deceased father to reconnecting to Mother Earth, to witnessing the money patterns that have moved through my bloodline for generations. This work has been a returning to something I'd forgotten I knew.
Today's Jupiter in Cancer cazimi [https://www.instagram.com/p/DLTPpbht8q7/] feels like divine timing to open the waitlist for Deeply Rooted - an intimate 4-week experience birthed from my own Root Chakra healing journey. This sacred work isn't for everyone. It's for women ready to be present with their inherited patterns of safety, abundance, and belonging with both courage and tender support.
I hold this space with the same reverence I bring to my altar, supporting your journey back to yourself with tools like reiki-infused spiritual herbal baths, practices that honor both your healing and culture, and the kind of witnessing that lets your nervous system finally exhale.
Come Monday, enrollment opens for just 12 women ready to commit to being deeply rooted. We begin this journey together on July 16th.
If you've been reading this series and feeling like "yes, this is what I need," trust that knowing. This remembrance work asks for your full commitment and presence, trusting what you already know deep down.
For those ready to go deeper into Root Chakra healing, click here to join the waitlist. [https://all-things-ada.kit.com/deeplyrootedwaitlist]The work is profound, and I'm honored to finally be walking fully in this calling.
With Love,
Ada
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