Dealing with Feeling

Can I Come to You Like This? Eli Harwood on Secure Attachment

Some kids look "easy" because they're safe and supported. Some kids look "easy" because they learned to scan the room, manage the adults, and keep their real feelings out of the way. In this episode, Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with therapist and educator Eli Harwood (Attachment Nerd) to talk about what secure attachment actually looks like in real life, especially in the moments that make us uncomfortable. If you've ever wondered why "calm" can be misleading, why certain emotions feel like too much, or why parenting can bring your own childhood rushing back, this conversation will stay with you. In this conversation: * Why "easy" behavior can be a survival skill * The difference between calming a child and silencing a child * What "earned secure" means, and why it matters if you didn't grow up with steady adults * Why fixing it fast can backfire when what someone needs is closeness * A simple phrase that changes hard moments: "Reach, then receive." * How to stay present with big feelings without minimizing, lecturing, or checking out * What kids learn about emotions by watching what we do with ours Quote to take with you: "Take a sip of the feeling. Don't chug it down. The fix can wait. The relationship can't." About the guest: Eli Harwood is a licensed therapist, author, educator, and the creator of Attachment Nerd. Her work helps people understand attachment patterns and build more secure relationships with their kids, partners, and themselves. Connect with Eli Harwood: Website: https://attachmentnerd.com [https://attachmentnerd.com/?utm_source=chatgpt.com] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd [https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd] Eli's NEW book: How to Deal with Your ____ So Your Kids Don't Have To https://www.attachmentnerd.com/books/how-to-deal-with-your-so-your-kids-dont-have-to?offer=pwyc [https://www.attachmentnerd.com/books/how-to-deal-with-your-so-your-kids-dont-have-to?offer=pwyc] Connect with Marc Brackett: Website: https://marcbrackett.com [https://marcbrackett.com/] Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett [https://instagram.com/marc.brackett] X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett [https://x.com/drmarcbrackett] Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett [https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett] LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett [https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett] Dr. Marc Brackett's books: * Permission to Feel [https://marcbrackett.com/permission-to-feel/] * Dealing with Feeling [https://marcbrackett.com/dealing-with-feeling/] Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER, an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates. A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. Thanks also to Oji Life Lab for their generous support. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence, and more, visit https://ojilifelab.com [https://ojilifelab.com/] or click the link in the description of this episode and use promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.

Mattering: How to Feel Valued and Add Value with Jennifer Breheny Wallace

"Feeling like you matter" often gets treated like a nice idea. Something soft. Something optional. In reality, it is a core human need, and when it's missing, the consequences show up everywhere, from disengagement at work to loneliness at home. Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with journalist and bestselling author Jennifer Breheny Wallace on Dealing With Feeling to talk about what mattering really means, why it's not about ego or achievement, and how everyday interactions quietly shape whether people feel valued and able to add value. In this conversation: * What researchers actually mean by "mattering," and why it has two essential parts * The SAID framework and how it shows up in daily relationships * Why disengagement is often a sign of pain, not laziness * How life transitions can collapse our sense of mattering, and how to rebuild it * Parenting for healthy mattering without tying worth to performance * Intrinsic vs extrinsic values, and what they do to well-being over time * Why workplaces that ignore mattering struggle with retention and productivity About the guest: Jennifer Breheny Wallace is an award-winning journalist and the author of the New York Times bestselling books Never Enough and Mattering. Her work focuses on achievement culture, connection, and how individuals and institutions can build environments where people feel valued and able to add value. Connect with Jennifer Breheny Wallace: Website: https://www.jenniferbwallace.com [https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/?utm_source=chatgpt.com] Connect with Marc Brackett: Website: https://marcbrackett.com [https://marcbrackett.com/] Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett [https://instagram.com/marc.brackett] X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett [https://x.com/drmarcbrackett] Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett [https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett] LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett [https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett] Dr. Marc Brackett's books: * Permission to Feel [https://marcbrackett.com/permission-to-feel/] * Dealing with Feeling [https://marcbrackett.com/dealing-with-feeling/] Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER, an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates. A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. Thanks also to Oji Life Lab for their generous support. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence, and more, visit https://ojilifelab.com [https://ojilifelab.com/] or click the link in the description of this episode and use promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.

When "Be Patient" Protects the System, with Dr. Christina Cipriano

"Be patient" gets treated like a virtue in every system. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it is the line that keeps unfairness in place, because it asks the people carrying the cost to stay quiet so everyone else can stay comfortable. Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with Dr. Christina "Chris" Cipriano on Dealing With Feeling to talk about what patience looks like when it is wisdom, and what it looks like when it becomes compliance. They also talk about how to interrupt harm without turning it into humiliation. In this conversation: * When "be patient" supports growth, and when it protects comfort * Why "that's just how we do things" can be one of the most dangerous phrases in any system * Calling people in vs. calling people out, and what each one asks of a leader * What it means to hold urgency and dignity in the same moment * A simple reset you can use when tension spikes and you still have to lead * How to respond when you feel that stomach drop, but you cannot opt out of the room About the guest: Dr. Christina "Chris" Cipriano is an Associate Professor at the Yale Child Study Center and the Director of the Education Collaboratory at Yale. She is the author of Be Unapologetically Impatient: The Mindset Required to Change the Way We Do Things. [https://www.amazon.com/Be-Unapologetically-Impatient-Mindset-Required/] Connect with Dr. Christina "Chris" Cipriano: Website: https://www.drchriscip.com [https://www.drchriscip.com/] Connect with Marc Brackett: Website: https://marcbrackett.com [https://marcbrackett.com/] Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett [https://instagram.com/marc.brackett] X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett [https://x.com/drmarcbrackett] Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett [https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett] LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett [https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett] Dr. Marc Brackett's books: * Permission to Feel [https://marcbrackett.com/permission-to-feel/] * Dealing with Feeling [https://marcbrackett.com/dealing-with-feeling/] Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER, an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates. A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. Thanks also to Oji Life Lab for their generous support. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence, and more, visit https://ojilifelab.com [https://ojilifelab.com/] or click the link in the description of this episode and use promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.

"Just Breathe" Isn't a Plan: SOUL COLE on Stress, Masculinity, and Stillness

We call it "being productive," but for a lot of us it's a nervous system stuck in go mode. Always on. Always bracing. Then someone says "just breathe" and it sounds like a joke. Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with former NFL wide receiver and mindfulness facilitator Brandon "SOUL COLE" Coleman to talk about what happens when performance mode becomes your identity and stillness starts to feel unsafe. In this conversation: * The identity crash after injury and why it can trigger anxiety, depression, and shutdown * Why five minutes a day can actually change your patterns if you stick with it * Mindfulness vs. breathwork and why "just breathe" isn't enough * The five senses reset that works for skeptics in under two minutes * Masculinity, vulnerability, and unlearning "tighten up" * What it looks like to plant these skills early for kids and communities About the guest: Brandon "SOUL COLE" Coleman is a former NFL wide receiver and mindfulness facilitator who helps people build practical tools for regulation, resilience, and real-life performance. Connect with SOUL COLE: Instagram: @b_cole16 [https://www.instagram.com/b_cole16/] SOUL Impact Foundation: https://soulimpactfoundation.org [https://soulimpactfoundation.org] Connect with Marc Brackett: Website: https://marcbrackett.com [https://marcbrackett.com] Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett [https://instagram.com/marc.brackett] X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett [https://x.com/drmarcbrackett] Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett [https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett] LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett [https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett] Dr. Marc Brackett's Books: * Permission to Feel [https://marcbrackett.com/permission-to-feel/] * Dealing with Feeling [https://marcbrackett.com/dealing-with-feeling/] Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence [https://medicine.yale.edu/childstudy/services/community-and-schools-programs/center-for-emotional-intelligence/], where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER [https://rulerapproach.org/]—an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates. A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. I also want to thank Oji Life Lab for their generous support: https://ojilifelab.com [https://ojilifelab.com/]. Oji Life Lab is the leader in mastery-centered learning for the workplace. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence and more, visit oji life lab dot com or click the link in the description of this video and use the promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.

Doomscrolling, Group Chats, and Burnout: Dr. Elisha Goldstein on Breaking the Stress Cycle

We call it "normal life." But for most of us, it's a low-grade chronic stress loop. News alerts. Group chats. Doomscrolling. Constant urgency. In this episode of Dealing With Feeling, Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Elisha Goldstein to explore how tiny emotional shifts can interrupt stress patterns, strengthen relationships, and change the trajectory of our health over time. This is a conversation about emotional longevity — and what it means to stop living in permanent survival mode. In this conversation: * Why anxiety is not your identity, but a reinforced loop * How low-grade stress becomes "the water we swim in" * Elisha's 4R method: Recognize, Release, Refocus, Reinforce * Moving from blame into skillful emotional requests in relationships * How small shifts in real moments create long-term change About the guest: Dr. Elisha Goldstein is a clinical psychologist, teacher, and author whose work focuses on mindfulness, resilience, and emotional health. Guest links: Website: https://elishagoldstein.com [https://elishagoldstein.com/] Instagram: https://instagram.com/drelishagoldstein [https://instagram.com/drelishagoldstein] Connect with Marc Brackett: Website: https://marcbrackett.com [https://marcbrackett.com/] Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett [https://instagram.com/marc.brackett] X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett [https://x.com/drmarcbrackett] Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett [https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett] LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett [https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett] Dr. Marc Brackett's Books * Permission to Feel [https://marcbrackett.com/permission-to-feel/] * Dealing with Feeling [https://marcbrackett.com/dealing-with-feeling/] Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence [https://medicine.yale.edu/childstudy/services/community-and-schools-programs/center-for-emotional-intelligence/], where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER [https://rulerapproach.org/]—an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates. A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. I also want to thank Oji Life Lab for their generous support: https://ojilifelab.com [https://ojilifelab.com/]. Oji Life Lab is the leader in mastery-centered learning for the workplace. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence and more, visit oji life lab dot com or click the link in the description of this video and use the promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.