Diary of a ADHD Strategist Podcast

When Everything Falls Apart (And You’re Still Expected to Hold It Together)

There’s this thing that happens when you’re neurodivergent and life decides to absolutely demolish whatever fragile systems you’ve built to keep yourself functional. It’s not just that things fall apart—things fall apart for everyone. It’s that when you’re ND, you’ve spent years (decades, really) engineering these incredibly sophisticated scaffolding systems just to do what other people seem to manage automatically. And when crisis hits? That scaffolding doesn’t just wobble. It disintegrates. Last year taught me this in ways I’m still processing. 💭 And by “processing,” I mean “occasionally lying awake at 3 AM wondering how I’m still upright.” The Morning Everything Changed It started ordinary enough. My partner was taking the dog out—just another morning routine in our carefully constructed life. Except she mentioned her eyesight wasn’t quite right. 💬 “But I’m still going to take the dog out.” Ten minutes later, there’s a knock on the door. Which is weird for that time of morning. Strange enough that my brain flagged it immediately—that’s not right, that’s not the pattern—before I even opened it. She fell through the doorway. I caught her. Called emergency services. Watched as the life we’d been building got loaded into an ambulance. Stroke. She was in hospital for weeks. I stayed with her for two months while she recovered, watching someone I love struggle with tasks that used to be automatic. Watching her face the same kind of cognitive challenges I’ve been navigating my whole life, except hers appeared suddenly, traumatically, without the decades of coping mechanisms I’ve had to develop. 💭 There’s something particularly cruel about watching someone you love experience a fraction of what you deal with daily and seeing how hard it is for them. It makes you realize how hard it’s been for you all along. And also how resilient you’ve had to become without even noticing. The Impossible Equation Here’s where the neurodivergent experience gets especially fun during crisis: I’m in London because that’s where work is. My partner and daughter are elsewhere. My daughter is three years old and needs her dad. My partner is recovering from a stroke and needs support. I have ADHD and dyslexia, which means sustained separation from my family while maintaining work responsibilities while managing crisis is... Let me put this mathematically, because sometimes numbers help: Executive Function Required = (Work demands × Physical distance) + (Family crisis × Emotional load) ÷ (Support systems - Geographic isolation) × (Neurodivergent processing challenges) The answer? Does not compute. And yet. Here I am. Computing it anyway. Because what’s the alternative? What Isolation Looks Like When Your Brain Already Feels Isolated There’s the regular isolation that everyone talks about—being physically separated from people you love, missing important moments, feeling disconnected. Then there’s neurodivergent isolation during crisis, which is... different. It’s not just being alone. It’s being alone while your brain is screaming for dopamine, for routine, for the exact structures that have just been obliterated. It’s needing to talk through your thoughts to process them (hello, ADHD verbal processing) but being physically separated from your people. It’s needing familiar environments to function optimally but being split between two locations because life demanded it. It’s watching yourself struggle with things you “should” be handling better while simultaneously knowing that of course you’re struggling—your entire support infrastructure just collapsed. 💭 The cruel irony: I’ve spent years building systems to support other neurodivergent people, teaching them how to construct sustainable structures for their lives. And then life said “lol no” and knocked mine over like a toddler with blocks. The Mythology of Resilience People love to talk about resilience. Especially when talking about neurodivergent people or people facing challenges. “You’re so resilient!” they say, like it’s a compliment. But here’s what resilience actually looks like in practice: It’s trying to be consistent for the people who’ve asked for your help while your brain is doing backflips trying to remember what day it is. It’s showing up for work calls while calculating whether you have enough executive function left to also remember to eat lunch. It’s being present for your three-year-old daughter during precious video calls while part of your brain is spiraling about all the moments you’re missing. It’s holding space for your partner’s recovery while your own mental health is doing that thing where it pretends everything’s fine until it absolutely isn’t. Resilience isn’t strength. It’s the exhausting mathematics of rationing a finite resource (your cognitive capacity) across infinite demands. And sometimes—most times—the equation doesn’t balance. What I’m Learning (While Everything’s Still On Fire) 1. Crisis doesn’t care about your neurodivergence. Life will absolutely hand you situations that require exactly the skills you don’t have. Sustained attention? Executive function? Emotional regulation during high-stress situations? Cool cool cool, here’s a family medical emergency across multiple cities. 2. But your neurodivergence will absolutely affect how you experience crisis. The isolation hits different. The loss of routine is catastrophic in ways neurotypical people don’t fully grasp. The cognitive load of managing multiple locations, responsibilities, and emotional demands while your brain is already working overtime just to function normally? It’s not just hard. It’s different hard. 3. You can’t engineer your way out of everything. 💭 This one stings, because I’ve built my entire approach around “engineering solutions” rather than “accepting limitations.” But sometimes life presents problems that don’t have elegant solutions. Sometimes the answer is just: this is terrible, and you’re going to feel terrible, and there’s no system or app or routine that makes it not-terrible. Sometimes you just have to be in it. 4. Asking for help is still really hard. Even when you desperately need it. Even when you teach other people to do it. Even when you know it’s the logical thing. Because there’s this voice (internalized ableism is fun) that says you should be able to handle this. That if you were better at managing your ADHD, more disciplined, more organized, less... you... then this would be easier. That voice is a liar, but it’s a persistent one. The Part Where I Try to Be Hopeful (Despite Everything) Here’s what I know: This year has to be different. Not because I’m manifesting positive vibes or whatever, but because the current equation is unsustainable and something has to shift. I’m pushing forward—not in that toxic productivity “hustle harder” way, but in the “I need to fundamentally restructure my life so I can actually be present for my family” way. I’m going to keep helping people. Partly because it’s what I do, partly because supporting others actually helps me feel less isolated (ADHD brain loves being useful for other people even when it can’t support itself), and partly because I’ve been asked specifically to help with tech solutions for neurodivergent folks and that’s genuinely exciting work. 💭 Technology and AI for neurodivergent business support? YES PLEASE. This is exactly the kind of engineering-solutions-to-ND-challenges work that lights up my brain. I’m aiming for consistency—which is hilarious given that consistency is perhaps the single hardest thing for an ADHD brain to achieve. But I’m going to try anyway, because my daughter is three and watching her dad model “trying even when it’s hard” matters. I’m going to create educational content about applying technology in ways that actually support neurodivergent processing, because if I’ve learned anything this year it’s that we need better tools, better systems, and better understanding of how to make technology work with our brains instead of against them. What I Want You to Know If you’re reading this and you’re also neurodivergent and everything feels impossible right now? You’re not failing. Your brain isn’t broken because it can’t handle crisis the way you think it “should.” The systems you built that worked perfectly fine until they didn’t? They weren’t inadequate. Life just exceeded their specifications. The fact that you’re struggling with things that seem to come easily to others? That’s not a reflection of your worth or capability. That’s the difference between building a life in a world designed for different brains and experiencing that same world during catastrophe. And if you’re isolated—physically, emotionally, cognitively—know that isolation during crisis when you’re neurodivergent is its own special kind of hell. It’s not just you. It’s the intersection of circumstance and neurology and impossible demands. You’re doing better than you think you are. 💭 Even when you’re absolutely certain you’re doing terribly. Moving Forward (One Executive Function Crisis at a Time) So here we are. New year. Same brain. Different challenges. I’m still figuring out how to be in London for work while being present for my family. Still navigating the aftermath of crisis while trying to build something sustainable. Still learning how to ask for help even though my brain insists I should be able to handle everything independently. Still neurodivergent. Still showing up. Still trying. And honestly? That’s going to have to be enough. Because this year—this year—I’m choosing presence over perfection. Connection over consistency. Progress over the illusion of having it all together. I’m here. I’m trying. And I’m going to keep showing up for the people who need me—including myself. 💬 “This year will be a great year, and I will be here for you.” Let’s see if we can make that true together. 💭 Still processing. Still standing. Still here. Get full access to Diary of a ADHD Strategist | ♉ +📣 =👂🏽 at elidervonte.substack.com/subscribe [https://elidervonte.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

S5 EP17: ADHD as an Entrepreneurial Superpower - Conversation with Stephanie Hayes

This episode tells the compelling story of Stephanie Hayes, a seasoned business strategist who has spent years immersed in the world of startups and small businesses. She's known for helping entrepreneurs navigate the complexities of growth and plan for their future, including exit strategies. But there's another crucial layer to Stephanie's journey: her experience with ADHD. For much of her life, Stephanie was a high performer, excelling in various fields, even while navigating certain types of work that felt like a "slog" or presented difficulties with initiation. It wasn't until later, in 2021, that she received her ADHD diagnosis. This understanding brought a profound shift in perspective. Today, Stephanie doesn't view her ADHD as a deficit, but rather as her superpower. She sees that the very traits often associated with ADHD – a need for stimulation and a love for solving problems – are powerful drivers in the entrepreneurial landscape. The constant learning and overcoming challenges inherent in building a business resonate deeply with her. She has developed specific systems and found tools, like medication and even AI, that enable her to function effectively and channel this energy into productive work. This episode delves into how embracing neurodivergence – understanding and leveraging how your unique brain works – can be a powerful business strategy. Stephanie highlights that for neurodivergent individuals, aligning their business with who they are is not just personally beneficial, but strategically smart. Many of her clients also live with ADHD, finding common ground and shared understanding in this approach. Join us for a down-to-earth and insightful conversation with Stephanie Hayes as she shares her personal journey, practical strategies, and the powerful belief that ADHD can indeed be an entrepreneurial superpower, unlocking potential when you learn to work with your brain, not against it, and truly embrace neurodivergence for success. Diary of a ADHD Strategist | ♉ +📣 =👂🏽 is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Diary of a ADHD Strategist | ♉ +📣 =👂🏽 at elidervonte.substack.com/subscribe [https://elidervonte.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

S5 EP16: ADHD and Narcissistic Patterns with Mariana Martinez Vamplew

Well, listeners, what a conversation! I had the absolute pleasure of sitting down with Mariana Martinez Vampiew, a strategist whose energy really caught my eye recently. Mariana's got this incredible blend of deep academic background – she's studied psychological studies, history, and education – coupled with powerful, real-world lived experience. As she shared, she's even got a past in cabaret, which was fascinating to hear how it connects to talking to a camera. I was curious about what drives her work. Mariana partnered with Fahim at narcissismexposed.com because they're both fellow survivors, and they're focused on helping people heal from all sorts of toxic relationships – not just romantic ones, but family, bosses, and friends too. They're really aware that terms like "NPD" can get overused these days, so their focus is broader, looking at toxic people, relationship dynamics, and attachment disorders. Now, the title of the Podcast episode was "ADHD and Narcissistic Patterns", and Mariana drew some really insightful parallels. Having been diagnosed with ADHD herself later in life, after years of building coping mechanisms, she knows firsthand how varied the presentation of ADHD can be. She explained how, much like ADHD, narcissistic traits aren't always the obvious "grandiose peacocks" you might imagine; there are also more covert, subtle "flavours". We got into the heart of spotting those patterns. Mariana made a key distinction: someone with ADHD might share their own story when you share yours because they're genuinely trying to commiserate and show support. But someone with narcissistic traits might share to "one up" you, making their story seem more important or using what you shared later. It's about the underlying motivation and the overall pattern. She also spoke quite openly about the emotional side of things, sharing her own experience with ADHD and anxious attachment. She explained how something like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), which often comes with ADHD, can tie into those anxious attachment dynamics, especially when navigating potentially challenging relationship patterns. It really is a "stew" sometimes, as she put it, but something you can work on. One of the most practical takeaways was her advice on setting small, healthy boundaries early on in any relationship – work, friendship, or romantic. It's not about testing people; it's just part of healthy interaction. But how they react – with guilt-tripping, anger, or dismissal versus simple disappointment – can be a huge indicator of potential unhealthy dynamics and whether it might be part of a pattern like love bombing. She gave some clear examples, like needing to leave by a certain time or setting boundaries around uncomfortable topics. Mariana's passion for this work is clear; she wants to use her experience and knowledge to help people heal and protect themselves. They offer resources at different price points, from free content to one-on-one sessions, because they know toxic relationships can be financially draining too. It was a conversation filled with insights, emphasizing the importance of recognizing those behaviour patterns, trusting your gut, but also allowing yourself to remain open to healthy connections. If you want to learn more and find support, you can find Mariana and Fahim at narcissismexposed.com, or check out their YouTube and TikTok channels under the same name. They welcome feedback and ideas, too. Diary of a ADHD Strategist | ♉ +📣 =👂🏽 is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Mariana Details Website: NarcissismExposed.com Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@narcissism.exposed?_t=ZN-8vYVHTP1PT4&_r=1 Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@NarcissismExposed-w9p Buy me a coffee: buymeacoffee.com/doads Get full access to Diary of a ADHD Strategist | ♉ +📣 =👂🏽 at elidervonte.substack.com/subscribe [https://elidervonte.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

S5 EP15: From ADHD Daydreaming to Doing: Understanding and Cultivating Focus with Sylvia Hall

I was truly excited for this solo podcast featuring the wonderful Sylvia Hall. It had been a while since my last solo show, but having Sylvia on made the wait worthwhile. We had such a great conversation! Sylvia has a fascinating story. She described herself as someone who "waltzed out of the corporate world as an entrepreneur," and it's clear traditional 9-to-5 jobs weren't for her due to their lack of autonomy and heart. She's built several successful businesses, most notably Lifted Naturals, her mood probiotic company that's been thriving for seven years. She also mentioned other ventures like Honeypot Publishing with its coloring books and gratitude journals, and she's currently launching her personal brand. What impressed me about Sylvia is her perspective on working with others. She champions collaboration over competition, using that brilliant analogy of "ovens all around and there's more pies that we can bake." She doesn't believe in taking someone else's slice—instead, she's convinced there's enough for everyone. We discussed how she balances everything, including her family and children, which have always been her priority. Her philosophy of "give from the overflow" truly resonated with me. She believes you must "fill your own cup first" to properly love and serve those around you. In fact, she agreed with the idea that you need to be "selfish to actually be able to give because... you cannot give what you do not have." Sylvia also shared her experience with her ADHD diagnosis, which came when her children were young—a time she described as both the "hardest time of my life and the most beautiful." She talked about experiencing daydreaming as a child, apparently more common for women with ADHD. While she tried medications like Ritalin and Adderall, they weren't right for her due to her "highly sensitive nature." She had strong reactions, going from "squirrels at a rave to ducks in a row," but with difficult side effects. This led her to embrace more natural management methods, which connects to her work with Lifted Naturals. For managing overwhelm, Sylvia has effective strategies. She uses the phrase "outer calm is inner calm," meaning that organizing her physical space helps quiet her mind. She also uses "trigger music"—specific playlists she only listens to when needing to focus on writing. Looking ahead, Sylvia is returning to helping people directly through her personal brand. She's focusing on digital products, beginning with a 10-day email challenge called "The Frequency Framework" designed to help people get unstuck. She keeps communications brief because, as she noted, we have "information out the wazoo... We don't need more information but we could sure use a little transformation." Interestingly, she's intentionally moving away from social media for her personal brand, finding it something of a "brain drain." If you'd like to connect with Sylvia, visit SylviaHall.com. For her supplements, check out lifted.naturals.com, and for coloring books and journals, look up Honeypot Publishing. All links will be in the description below. Sylvia, thank you so much for your time—it was absolutely wonderful having you on the podcast. I felt we could have talked for hours! That's all for this episode, everyone. Sayonara! Diary of a ADHD Strategist | ♉ +📣 =👂🏽 is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Diary of a ADHD Strategist | ♉ +📣 =👂🏽 at elidervonte.substack.com/subscribe [https://elidervonte.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

S5 EP14: Living with ADHD an Entrepreneur's Journey with John Torrens

Alright, so in this particular episode of "Diary of a ADHD Strategist PODCAST", you're tuning in to hear me, the ever-so-slightly clueless Eli Dervonté, have a proper natter with a fascinating chap called John Torrens. Now, John's a busy man, juggling life as a professor of entrepreneurial practice at Syracuse University – a top-notch department in the US, no less – where he coaches students with their new business ideas. But that's not all; he also runs a therapy company that supports young children with disabilities, which sounds absolutely brilliant because he's clearly driven by something more than just making a few quid. What I love about these chats is you never quite know where they're going to go, and John's story is a prime example. He was an entrepreneur first, selling his business back in '08 and then finding his way into academia. Interestingly, he then bought part of his company back, so he's been brilliantly balancing both worlds, using his business experiences to inform his teaching and vice versa. Now, what really struck me was when we got onto the topic of ADHD. It turns out John was diagnosed in his 40s, which I found incredible considering he'd already scaled his business to over 250 employees. He reckons that the early chaotic stages of growing a company are actually where folks with ADHD can really thrive. He even mentioned doing research and writing a book on the link between ADHD and entrepreneurship. It wasn't all plain sailing though. John shared a pivotal moment where he realised his team was relying on his limited financial knowledge, which spurred him to go back to university for a PhD in business. He felt a real need to get a proper grip on that side of things. Later on, his employees actually nudged him towards considering ADHD, which led to his diagnosis. Looking back, it all made sense – the report card comments about not focusing and shouting out answers in class. He feels that understanding his ADHD helped him reframe how he approached his work and, importantly, his relationships with his employees. We also touched upon the "what ifs" of an earlier diagnosis. While it might have presented challenges in a less understanding era, John also sees how early awareness could have been beneficial. Interestingly, he tried medication but ultimately found alternative ways to manage his ADHD, focusing on his consumption – food, media, information – and his output, like daily movement, and delegation. He even delved into meditative and breathwork practices. His decision to pursue a PhD in finance, even though he could have just delegated the financial side of his business, resonated with me. John candidly admitted it stemmed from a feeling of not being "enough" and a desire to master that area. Despite this, he's a big advocate for delegation now, seeing himself as the least important person in his successful business. Thinking back to his childhood, John could see those ADHD traits as early as primary school, particularly his initial struggles with reading and the impulsive moments like shouting out answers in class. He highlighted the research showing how ADHD traits can be highly functional in the context of entrepreneurship, with a much higher percentage of successful entrepreneurs identifying with these traits compared to the general population. However, he also stressed the flip side – how those same strengths can become liabilities if not managed. Growing up, getting the boring stuff done was a real challenge for him, and he admitted to being an average student who prioritised fun and experiences over top grades. We then got chatting about his book, "Lightning in a Bottle, How entrepreneurs can harness their ADHD to win". It came about from his research into the link between ADHD and entrepreneurship and the overwhelming response he received after giving a TEDx talk on the subject. Writing the book was a challenge from a discipline perspective, and recording the audiobook proved even more difficult, leading him to delegate that task to a professional. He doesn't have immediate plans for a follow-up book but hasn't ruled out the possibility of his podcast transcripts forming the basis of one in the future. John's now running a new podcast called "The Total Entrepreneur Mind, Body Spirit", focusing on the holistic well-being of entrepreneurs. He's also thinking about transitioning his company to employee ownership and eventually spending more time surfing in Costa Rica. He seems to be in a really content phase of life, appreciating the present rather than constantly striving for more. What keeps him grounded is a focus on healthspan over lifespan – wanting to live a healthy and vital life for as long as possible. He also identifies as spiritual, believing in being part of something bigger. His one piece of advice for neurodivergent listeners is to focus on their strengths and find a path that allows them to tap into those, while also recognising and managing the potential downsides of those same strengths. It was a cracking conversation, and if you're keen to learn more, you can find John on LinkedIn, his website johntorrens.com, and his book "Lightning in a Bottle" on Amazon. Do have a listen to his podcast too – I reckon it's going to be full of valuable insights. John, cheers for your time – it was a real pleasure. Thanks for reading Diary of a ADHD Strategist | ♉ +📣 =👂🏽! This post is public so feel free to share it. Get full access to Diary of a ADHD Strategist | ♉ +📣 =👂🏽 at elidervonte.substack.com/subscribe [https://elidervonte.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]