Durable Dad with Tommy Geary

119: The Fight Beneath the Fight: Attachment Styles with Craig Spear

Craig Spear is an entrepreneur, outdoorsman, and co-leader of the adventure trips Tommy runs for men focused on growth, resilience, and deeper connection in their lives.  Find Craig at https://www.thespearmethod.com/ or on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/craigspear/ SHOW NOTES: The fight isn't about how to pack a dishwasher.  It’s usually deeper than the comment, the tone, the silence, or the passive-aggressive jab. In a warped way we fight and pull away because we desire connection and being understood.  In this episode, Tommy and Craig Spear unpack attachment styles and how they quietly shape the way we handle conflict with our wives, business partners, and the people closest to us. They break down the anxious vs. avoidant dynamic, why certain arguments repeat for years, and how men can move toward more secure relationships without turning psychology into an excuse. Highlights: • What attachment styles actually are and where they come from • Why anxious men rush to fix conflict immediately • Why avoidant men shut down and pull away • The “cat and mouse” cycle that keeps couples stuck • Real-life examples from marriage, business, and friendships • Scripts to help de-escalate conflict without avoiding it • The difference between explaining your behavior and weaponizing it Practical takeaways: • Notice your default reaction when someone close to you seems upset • If you lean anxious, practice tolerating space without spiraling • If you lean avoidant, communicate when you’ll come back to the conversation — then actually come back Conflict doesn’t have to become distance. The goal isn’t to avoid hard moments — it’s to stop repeating the same fight in different forms.  If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation. And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now!

118: You’re Busy, But Not Getting Anywhere

You’re putting in the work—but without a clear direction, it starts to feel like you’re maintaining instead of building. *  Why most men default into “protection mode” after early wins  *  How success can still feel off day-to-day  *  The difference between a vague desire and a real vision  *  A simple way to build a five-year picture that drives action  *  How one client shifted from burnout at home to being present with his family  *  Why your family needs a vision just as much as your work  *  The small daily decisions that change once the vision is clear  Practical takeaways: *  Define a five-year vision starting with specifics: your kids’ ages, daily rhythm, and home environment  *  Pressure-test your current path with a 10-year lens—where does it actually lead?  *  Align with your wife and build a shared vision you’re both moving toward  If your life feels full but not focused, take an hour this week and define what you’re actually building. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation. And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now!

117: Don’t Take It Personally. They Are Just Words.

You’re not reacting to what was said—you’re reacting to what you made it mean.  As a father and husband, that story gets built fast—and it usually sounds like disrespect, doubt, or being challenged. By the time you respond, you’re already inside your own version of the story. Highlights: *  How a simple conversation about an injury turned into tension, and what actually caused it  *  The gap between words spoken and the story you assign underneath them  *  Why being right in an argument still leads to a bad outcome  *  The physical cues of defensiveness most men miss—and how to catch them  *  Rewinding the “game tape” to break patterns outside the moment  *  A simple shift: from proving your point to understanding the other person  Takeaways: *  When you feel defensive, pause and ask: what am I making this mean?  *  Separate the words from the story—respond to what was said, not your interpretation  *  Build awareness outside the moment so you can show up differently inside it  Pay attention to the next moment you feel the need to defend yourself. That’s your opening to handle it better. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation. And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now!

116: Stop Trying to Prove Yourself - Be a Leader

Most men build their value by being the guy who gets it done—until that same pattern starts costing them at home. *  Snapping at your family isn’t about them—it’s accumulated overload  *  Why modern work trains you to be reactive (and rewards it)  *  The producer trap: fast responses, full plate, constant proof of value  *  How being a producer quietly follows you home—and drains what your family gets  *  The leader shift: pause, filter, and decide what actually matters  *  Why leaders subtract, delegate, and protect their time instead of stacking more  *  Letting go of the need to prove yourself in every room  Practical takeaways: *  Before saying yes, pause and ask: does this actually matter right now?  *  Delay responses that don’t require immediacy—create space to think  *  Cut or delegate one task this week that doesn’t move the needle  If you keep operating like a producer, you’ll stay busy—but you’ll miss what actually matters. Start leading your time, your work, and your energy where it counts. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation. And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now!

115: The Impact You’re Making Right Now

The man you are today is already making an impact. You do not need a new title, a new goal, or a major life change to affect the people around you. The question is whether your presence is building people up, weighing them down, or leaving them cold. Today we make the case that self-improvement is not the destination. It is the training ground for showing up with more strength, clarity, and usefulness in the lives that matter most. Highlights: * Why self-improvement is training, not the mission * The story of Tommy’s uncle and the lasting impact he had on students * How overwork and exhaustion change the way a man shows up at home * Why discipline and resilience should lead to contribution, not self-focus * Real examples of men creating ripple effects in their families and communities * How better habits can turn into better leadership, presence, and service Practical takeaways: * Take an honest look at the effect you’re having on the people around you right now * Build yourself with a purpose so your growth turns into service * Change one habit that will help you show up better at home, at work, or in your community The man you are becoming matters because of what it gives other people. Get stronger. Get more disciplined. Get healthier. Then put it to work where it counts. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation. And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now!