Fostering Conversations with Utah Foster Care

Acerca de Fostering Conversations with Utah Foster Care

Utah Foster Care guides real and raw conversations about parenting for bio, foster, adoptive or blended families to increase understanding of issues we all experience as families. Utah Foster Care's mission is to develop innovative strategies to help recruit, train, and retain foster families.

Ep 71: First-Time Fostering

In this episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith welcomes back Laura from Foster Parenting to discuss her first book, First Time Fostering. Designed as a practical field guide, the book brings together real-world strategies, scripts, and community-sourced wisdom to support new foster and kinship caregivers. Laura explains why she created a manual that caregivers can jump into by topic, rather than reading cover to cover. The conversation explores how the book helps families who are licensed, waiting for placement, or already feeling overwhelmed. They dive into what caregivers can control inside their homes, from building trust and connection to handling sleep, food, boundaries, and hard conversations. Amy and Laura also discuss preparing friends and family for fostering, responding to inappropriate questions, advocating with caseworkers, knowing when to say no to a placement, and supporting permanent children already in the home. This episode offers reassurance, validation, and practical tools for foster parents at every stage. In this episode, you’ll hear: * Why First Time Fostering was written as a practical, topic-based field guide * How new foster parents can use the book when they feel overwhelmed * What caregivers can control inside their homes, even when the system feels chaotic * The power of scripts and role-play for hard parenting moments * How to prepare friends, family, and community before placements arrive * Ways to respond to inappropriate or insensitive questions * Why saying no to a placement can sometimes be the most supportive choice * The importance of putting agreements with caseworkers in writing * How fostering impacts permanent children in the home * Why flexibility and reassessment are essential throughout the year RESOURCES MENTIONED: * First Time Fostering by Laura Available through major retailers via https://firsttimefostering.com [https://www.firsttimefostering.com/] * Follow Laura on Instagram at Foster.Parenting * Learn more about foster care in Utah at Utah Foster Care [https://www.utahfostercare.org] ---------------------------------------- TRANSCRIPT Amy: Tune in to today’s episode we chat with Laura from Foster Parenting. Talking about her first book a must read for all foster parents. Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Laura from Foster Parenting. That is what she’s known for on her Instagram, and she’s joining us again for the second podcast and we’re so excited to have her. Thanks for being here, Laura. Laura: Thanks so much for having me back. Amy: I’m excited because you are putting out a book. Yes, I’m excited and , all of the feelings.So I was privileged enough to get to read the book, so I’m excited to chat with you about it today. Tell us the name of the book and then tell us why you wrote this. Laura: So it’s called First Time Fostering. And I wrote it because a lot of people were asking for it. That was the start is everyone’s like, I binged all your videos, but I wish I could have this all written down. there’s so much in the comments, but like, how do I put it all together? And so I was like. you know, maybe I could do some blog posts, which I started doing. But then that became like another thing to look through and figure out and navigate. And I know that, new foster and kinship providers don’t have a lot of time. They’re in the weeds. And so I really wanted to get all of that. Rich information shared on my platform from the community all in one spot. And so that is the book. It’s everything compiled together into one place to support, new caregivers. Amy: I love that because the very first thing I think that you say in the book is this is a manual. You can read the whole thing through. You can just go by topic. And it is from the very beginning, it is so well organized that it’s truly like,okay, I need help with this specific topic. Okay, this page, bam. I love that. Laura: I really was just drawing from, what I’ve been doing online for, the last few years is people come to me for a very specific, like, oh, we haven’t been sleeping. what are we doing wrong? Or , what am I not thinking of? And so that was the thought process is okay, let’s just talk about maybe the pain point and go to that specific place of the book. I also, prefer books like that so I can find an answer quickly. Amy: The second I started reading, I was kinda laughing at myself because there’s so many books that people recommend to foster families and you’re like, cool, I have to read the 700 page book, and half of it is scientific language that I don’t know. your Book was not overwhelming, I loved. Laura: And I think there are so many books out there that support in different ways, right? It is important to understand child development, how trauma affects the brain, all of the different parenting methods and, therapeutic interventions. and so I did wanna create something that was different, I didn’t wanna replicate a lot of the great things already out there I wanted to add to it and create something different. Amy: I think you succeeded so beautifully. Laura: Thank you. I try to be practical and to the point. Amy: This is such an easily used book, people that are considering foster care, this is really what it looks like. I think what we’re gonna chat a little bit more today is these families that are licensed, maybe they’re waiting for their first placement, or maybe they have their first placement a few weeks in. How does this book help them now? Laura: And that is the goal, right? It’s the field guide. So here we are, we’re ready to go. we’re about to say yes, or we’ve just said yes. Now what? And my hope is that people will, take a bullet point here and there and feel confident as they navigate some of these brand new situations. And for me, I was a first time parent too. And so it was important for me to include. extra info for those of us who maybe don’t have that context and don’t understand, this whole other world of parenting that we’re just being introduced to for the first time. Amy: that’s so true. that was not how I came into foster parenting. I had parented for 12 plus years, and then brought in kids, and so I think. That’s a really good insight that you have into that because there are so many foster parents who have never parented before, and I wouldn’t have even considered that. So I love that you have that consideration and that perspective. Laura: Thank you. Amy: So let’s talk about when someone is like, I am in over my head. What am I doing? They grab your book. What should they do with that book? Laura: Okay. So if they’re already in a place where they’ve said yes, and they’re like in over their head, then I think going straight to part two, which is the middle of the book, the crux of the book, and that is all of the interventions and things you can do within your home, because that the end of the day, is what we can control. Amy: For sure. We’re not waiting on a therapist. We’re not waiting on this or that. Laura: Yeah, there’s so much of foster care and foster parenting that we have no control over, and it can be really frustrating and disheartening as well. And so I wanted to provide as much information as possible of things we can control. Which is our caregiving. It’s our day-to-day life with children in our home. And so what I would encourage someone to do if they’re feeling overwhelmed, is to go to part two. And, part two opens up some of the foundational parenting skills of foster parents where we talk about. I hate the word basics. I need a better word for that, but it’s the starting point of what we do. And that starts with, you know, points of connection, instilling trust and bonding with our kids and different ways to do that. And then, you could also go to a very specific place, maybe you’re struggling with finding foods that they will eat or they’re up a lot at night. You could go to that very specific chapter, to help you and brainstorm some fresh ideas if you’re stuck. Amy: tell us how you came up with all the different topics. Like you’re saying the, the section two has these tangible ways to help. How did you come up with those specific topics? Laura: I, spent many years listening to the community and there is definitely themes that come up and, in my previous career life I was in, consumer market research. I was a moderator and focus groups and qualitative research. And pulling insights from community members is something that I have naturally done professionally. And so it was very interesting to me to see. What was coming up over and over and over again. And I would even ask what’s the basic skill that you’re doing in your house every single day? And I would hear from thousands of people. And so it was really just narrowing down like this is the key things that people are talking about. And obviously grounded in my personal experiences too, things that I’m doing on a day-to-day basis. I would hear about all the different parts of the day, this is troubling. Or this kid’s experience neglect and it’s impacting. every part of the day with different nuances, and so I tried to break it through to just be as practical as possible to meet you in those moments. Like here we are at the dinner table, I’ve met you there. Here’s some things you can think about. Amy: I love in your book, and this is I think the majority of your Instagram as well, are these script or these narratives or these role playing essentially, where you show what the kid might be doing and then you show what the caregiver, how they would respond. And I think those are really invaluable because you can tell someone, Hey, this is what it could look like. But when actually read or hear or see. See on your Instagram, someone role playing. It just clicks a little more and gives you a little more confidence to engage in that. Laura: Yeah, I was a little worried if that would translate to the page because I think, to your point, seeing and hearing it, and so I really wanted to be as straightforward and direct as possible. And so I have listed a lot of scripting, starting points for caregivers. Just, if you’re entering this conversation for the very first time, here’s something you could maybe say, adapt it to your tone, the kid, the personality, all of that. I felt like that’s what caregivers needed and that’s what I needed. If I’m just being honest, Amy: Yeah, Laura: no, I, sometimes I do, but I still to this day will practice what I’m gonna say if I know this is gonna be tricky, or if something did not go as planned, like we had an issue, there was like an escalation and I didn’t respond in a way that was supportive to the kid. I sometimes will think about, okay, what could I say differently next time and practice that so that when that moment comes. I have it ready to go. And so I wanted to offer that to everyone, that read my book and I do offer it online as well, of something just to start with or just to try differently next time. it might be more supportive because, all of these hundreds of people have said this is really what was the thing that helped them in that moment. Amy: I know for me personally, I had an experience, not even foster care related, but a few months ago it was like, I got put in this really. Difficult situation and I just froze and I didn’t know what to do and I had to reach out to my friends and say, this is what just happened. What should I do? And they told me. And then the next day I was like. I knew that answer, but I couldn’t do it in moment ’cause I was so overwhelmed at the time. And that’s exactly what your book can offer is sure, I know how to handle kids at bedtime, but for some reason I can’t remember right now and I just need to go read an example of what I should say and Laura: Yeah. Or even just to confirm you’re on the right path too. Like , things take time, especially for kids who are new to our home. but even if they’re not, like things change, things happen and we have to show up again and again and again, and it takes a lot of time. To build trust, and then obviously,if things change in the case or something happens with their parents or at school or friends or whatever, that changes a lot of the interventions you do. But I hear you and I feel the same way sometimes. I’m like, I’m overwhelmed. I don’t know, like what I should be doing. And sometimes you just need a little brainstorm session and that’s that’s what it is. My book is just. Bullet point list if I’m being direct, like it’s just a list of okay, here’s the brainstorm. What resonates, what could work? What haven’t you tried? maybe this nuance could unlock something different. Amy: I made a list of like my favorite of your book, or maybe what I hadn’t thought about. I fostered for four years, and some of the things I was like, oh my gosh, that’s such a good idea. So if you’re okay with would love to just just to give people a taste of what is in there, so one of the first ones is, I loved this. I did not do this at all. Never even thought about it. And such a good idea. so that is that you give a sample email to family and friends, Hey, we’re going to be fostering. Hey, you might see new kids with us. Hey, don’t ask these dumb questions. you say it much kinder, but that’s how I would say it. I never did that. I never forewarned people Laura: yeah. we can’t,expect everyone to know if we don’t know what to do or say, Certainly our friends and family may also not know, and honestly, it comes from some trial and error. I know for me. I did send an email out, but I didn’t always address everything specifically, and then things came up and like after I was like, oh, we should probably talk about that later when the kids aren’t around. I think a lot of people are facing these like friction points with friends and family, all from a place of goodness and care and wanting to just engage in the process, which is. Great. I’d never wanna shut people out, sure there’s privacy, but we can’t foster alone. We have to let our friends and family in and make them a part of the experience in order for this to be sustainable. And so I’m glad that part stood out to you. I hope that helps other people kind of get things rolling. Amy: Yeah, because I remember the very first week, our very first placement, she was a teenager. I took her to a youth group that I ran, did not warn any of these youth that I was bringing a new teen with me that lived with me.And one of the other youth was like, wait, why does she live with you? Laura: I was like, um, you know, just and I said something stupid who wouldn’t wanna live with me? I like that. Humor’s a big, we’re like deflecting or just like sidestepping. That is a part of what we Amy: But how much better would it have been if I educated that youth group, like what our family dynamic may look like in future, and gave them that opportunity to learn before I brought kids Laura: Yeah,can also, take it and, depending on the age of the youth is align on the story with them too. So they know what they’re walking into. Like who do they think I am? what do they think of this situation? Or what’s the story that I want out there? And I think that can be a really great place to start because of course our kids are with us and in community with us, and we want that. And I think getting everyone aligned is a really important part. Amy: Yeah, it is. So I loved that. I loved that aspect that you shared. some of the other things that I loved,going along with that, you share actual ways to respond to inappropriate questions, which I loved. Because like me, once again, I’m gonna just say something’s stupid, but Laura: which is But it’s helpful for people like me that either don’t know or didn’t think of it and just oh, that is such a great response. So simple. But I didn’t think of that. So those types of responses definitely are crowdsourced and, community members along the way have shared like, oh, this is how I usually say it. And I’m like, oh, that is much better than what I said, put it in the list. And I think that, in all of that sharing of experiences, we can really, refine what we’re doing, what we’re saying, and how we’re communicating things. because I definitely have also not responded, or I’ll just freeze, to what you said earlier. Amy: Sometimes you’re just really caught off guard, like, why would you even ask that? Laura: Oh, I didn’t think of that even being a comment or question, and I, I’m not sure. Amy: Yeah. And it’s also refreshing to know all people are asking dumb questions. Like you say, people are for the most part, good intention, but all foster parents and kids in foster care are getting some dumb questions or inappropriate questions, Laura: inappropriate and insensitive or just, people have a lack of awareness and knowledge and, that’s, aside from kind of the work with this book and everything, I do have a broader community that comes to my page just to learn about what is foster care. And there’s a lot of just preconceived notions and just like myths and things that, that people don’t understand. there’s a lot to learn. A, everyone is learning. We’re still Amy: Exactly, and even foster parents are like, oh, wow, had no idea that’s what this entailed or that’s what I was gonna be doing. I love that. some of the other things I loved that you don’t only just. Have this amazing book, but you also share great apps and other books and resources, and a lot of them I hadn’t heard of. There’s a lot of the traditional ones that I think many foster parents are rolled out, and it’s, ingrained for us to read and participate with. But you had a lot of good ones that I hadn’t even heard of yet, and Laura: Oh, thank you. Yeah, I try to include like resources, shopping lists, checklists, things to, that I’ve collected along the way too, because how can one person know everything? I think. That’s what makes foster care so tough. And I’ve even had, workers reach out and be like, what was that thing that you sent me the other day? it’s hard to keep track of all of those resources and details, so I’m glad there were some new ones on the list. I’m constantly finding new things too. Amy: It just gives people what they need. They can look at the resources and say, yeah, this one helps me, or No, this one But it gives them, instead of them having to do a lot of it gives those tools, which everyone needs, but especially foster parents need. Laura: I find that, Google searching or asking like an AI chat bot, the information is not great. And, I think the best source of information is obviously professionals and the team, but other individuals going through it because like I said, you can’t know everything. It is impossible there’s so much out there to help knowing is half the battle. That’s part of the problem with the system is, it’s hard to understand it all. Amy: It is really hard and it’s hard to know what to do before things come up or during things come up or after. Like it is, information can be overwhelming and it also can be lacking. You can also be so uninformed sometimes that you don’t know of different options Laura: I didn’t know to even ask that question. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. It’s Amy: right, Exactly. okay, this one I really loved you have a whole section on saying, no this isn’t the right placement, or this isn’t working, or I can take this kid for seven days, or whatever it is. I think that is so important because I don’t feel like it’s actually super acceptable in foster care world and it should be, Laura: and to be honest, I’ve gotten a lot of pushback just from the broader communities on, some videos where I share about this because, people think while you signed up to Foster, you should be saying yes in every case. this is the job, right? And it absolutely is the job. But I think we have to be super mindful about who we are saying yes to. And what makes sense for our home, our family this time right now. Because, if we said yes to a kid and we can’t end up, providing the best support for them, or something comes up, Then we’ve now caused another, traumatic event for them. If they have to move homes and it, it can get really. Bad for the kids if they’re just moving around in a lot. So I think saying no is part of it, and knowing your boundaries knowing what your parameters are. You of course have to be flexible because there will always be surprises and changes and things you weren’t aware of. Flexibility is definitely part of it, saying no is part of it too. Amy: It really is. And that was something that I feel like I had to learn the hard way. And so I love that you just have a whole section about that of it’s okay. And also I think you even say put it in writing. like whether that’s, Laura: a hundred times in the book. Amy: I love that though, because it’s so true. First of all, these caseworkers have 5 million cases, so they’re not gonna remember. Second of all, then you both can remember Laura: Mm-hmm. what was agreed to. that’s like the kind of like a basic skill and advocacy, right? Get everything in writing and it’s just the first step. So yes, if you can step in for a weekend, a short amount of time, if you’re doing emergency care for the short term, that is definitely needed. So kids are not sitting in offices or going to hotels. but yes, having it in writing is a good place to start that relationship and start that advocacy. once again, that’s a simple thing, but like, oh, I told the caseworker at so really they’re gonna remember no, they’re not. But we think they are, I think a lot of people, enter the foster care world for the first time and think it operates like, other businesses. Yeah. Their own job. And I have heard from a lot of community members, I would be fired if I did this or said this or missed this. And it’s I understand. but it operates differently. And also there’s a lot of behind the scenes nuance that foster parents are not aware of, not allowed to be aware of. And, There’s that too, so we can look at a situation and think we get it and we know why we haven’t heard from that worker. It’s because they’re too busy when Speaker: Right? Laura: reality, something else might be happening. every Amy: that’s a good perspective. maybe this will be the final thing that I, one of my favorite things, but, I love that you talk about permanent kids in the home. I love that not only does your book focus on, these relationships with the kids, the kids that are in foster care, but you talk about permanent kids, whether they’re biological, adopted, whatever, but they are permanently in your home. Share a little bit about like why that’s so important and how that made it into your book. Laura: I think it’s one of the top questions or concerns or worries that I hear from a lot of community members is how will this impact the children already in my home? my bio kids, like kids who are here through adoption in other ways, and, It’s not talked about in the training, it’s usually not a consideration. there’s so much to cover in pre-service training, And I think a lot of workers assume this is your family and your children and you manage that and every foster home will handle that differently. But that leaves a lot of areas of question, worry, concern for foster families or people who are interested in fostering and, I tried to, incorporate them throughout. Obviously they’re not the focus of the book, but I felt it was important to include some considerations because they’re along for this as well. It’s life changing for. All kids in the home, when kids move in and when they move out, when things change with the case that impacts all of the children, not just, the kid whose parent maybe missed a visit that is a full family, dynamic shift maybe for the evening. So it’s something to think about. It’s a starting point to think about, because every family has its own dynamics, of course. but I’m glad you noticed that. I wanted to make sure that all those points of view were considered. Amy: I just think it’s important because I did have permanent kids in my home started the process and when we ended the process. And at the beginning it’s like this new and exciting thing. Like, oh, we’re gonna have extra kids in our home, and it sounds so fun. And then you have ’em and you’re like. Oh my gosh. This is a little more intense than we maybe thought, Laura: could you share something that was maybe surprising or something that was like, oh, I didn’t think of this. Amy: Yeah, so we had, a ton kids come through our home because I did take crisis calls, so we had a lot of kids come in the middle of the night and they would be gone by the next morning or three days later, and then a few that stayed a long time, and a few that. Stayed forever. but there was one particular teenager who came, she was like almost the exact same age as one of my daughters, and my daughter was having a literal meltdown when I got the call, they, were pre at the time. She having a meltdown about some stupid whatever. And I would always ask my big kids, are we willing to take this and so they’re like, oh yeah. Immediately she goes from meltdown to just I’m so excited. This is gonna the best thing ever to have a new sister that’s the same age. And the first week they were best friends. They everything together and I was like, this is great. This was not our first placement, but I such a great fit. All of the sudden my daughter’s I don’t like this girl. she is, yep. She’s sharing my room, she’s taking my stuff, she’s getting more attention. She’s getting to go shopping for all these clothes. ’cause she came with nothing. It just all of a sudden Not good. and she stayed with us until she reunified. we found some different boundaries. We split up their rooms. We ways that it worked and we ended on a good note. And it’s just sometimes it’s a lot for our kids. They go from really excited to have this new friend in their house to all of a sudden, oh, this friend’s not leaving. is getting more privileges than me. and you have to find that boundary where you’re still honoring that kid. That’s a bonus kid in your house, but also still the permanent kid that is there forever, Laura: Absolutely, you touch on a lot of things that I echo in the book as well, and just like allowing kids to change their mind and then revisiting all of those house rules or boundaries or set up, separating, creating spaces, all of those things are things to think about and consider as you, move through each phase. those first. Few days, few weeks are really a unique time. I think, very rarely does a kid move in and it’s just like that forever. There’s that getting to know you phase for everyone in the home and then you settle into daily life. Amy: Yeah. The honeymoon phase is real. Laura: Yeah,it is ever changing. I think definitely there’s a getting to know you. , And then, as trauma, reminders, big days happen each holiday season, all of those things throughout the whole year, each season brings its own change into a foster home. And,something that’s working really well for right now that lasted all winter. Now it’s spring, now it’s summer. Things feel different and there’s a lot of reasons and there’s a lot of accommodations and support needs from foster families. Amy: That is the perfect intro to why your book is so needed. I really do think your book is just so well done and so needed. ’cause I haven’t found another resource like that, Laura: thank you. I appreciate you noticing that. ’cause I definitely took some leaps and did some things a little bit differently so that it could feel lot different and stand out from some of the other guidebooks out there. So thank Amy: So tell listeners where and when they can buy it or what the different platforms are that they can get it on. Laura: Okay, so it’s available on all major retailers online, so you can go to first time fostering.com and that will kinda link to all the major, bookshop, Barnes and Noble, Amazon, target, Walmart, all of those. So it’s pre-order until May 12th and then it comes out for foster care awareness month. And then, it will be available everywhere. You can also ask your library if they’ll carry it or talk to your agency worker and see if they could add it to their lending library. I. Amy: And you told us before we were recording that you were doing an audio of it as well. Laura: Yes, There will be an audio narrated by me, that will be out at the same time. And so if you prefer to listen, I wanted to make this information as accessible as possible to anyone that needs it and wants it. Amy: Awesome. I love that. it is such a needed resource. I am honored that I got to read it early. So thank you. And thank you for joining us today. So if you want to learn more from Laura, you can go to Foster dot parenting on Instagram or first time fostering.com. Laura: You got it. I really appreciate it. Thank you for taking the time to chat with me and for doing a pre-read of the book. Amy: I truly enjoyed it so much. So thank you. Laura: Right. Thanks so much for having me. If you wanna learn more about foster care, head over to www.utahfostercare.org.

12 de may de 2026 - 26 min

Ep 68: Mentorship Program

In this episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith sits down with Michelle Ostmark, the Statewide Mentoring Coordinator for Utah Foster Care, to discuss the Utah Foster Care Mentoring Program and why it matters. Michelle explains how the program pairs experienced foster parents with new or existing foster and kinship families to provide guidance, emotional support, and real-life insight throughout the fostering journey. From navigating first placements and court processes to coping with reunification, burnout, and self-care, mentors help ensure families don’t feel alone. The conversation highlights how mentoring builds community, strengthens placements, and improves outcomes for children by supporting the adults who care for them. Michelle also shares how the program began, its statewide growth, success stories, and how former foster parents can continue giving back as mentors—even if they’re no longer licensed. Learn how to request a mentor or become one at: https://utahfostercare.org/foster-parent-resources/mentors/ [https://utahfostercare.org/foster-parent-resources/mentors/] ---------------------------------------- TRANSCRIPT: Welcome to Fostering Conversations. On today’s episode, we’ll be talking about the statewide Utah Foster Care Mentoring Program and its importance to our Utah foster families. Amy: Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Michelle Ostmark, who is the statewide mentoring coordinator for Utah Foster Care. Thanks for joining us, Michelle. Michelle: Thank you for having me. Amy: So we’re excited to talk about the mentoring program. It is part of Utah Foster Care and available to all of our foster families in the state of Utah. Is that correct? Michelle: It’s also available to kinship families that have gone through the licensing process or have started the licensing Amy: which is awesome. I think kinship, all foster families need support, but kinship have an added layer of need of support, so I love that you’ve included that now. Michelle: Yeah. I think it’s important that they also have support for the children that are coming into their home. They have the same. Needs that any other child coming into care have, and they just have an extra dynamic of having a personal relationship with the biological families. Amy: Yeah, absolutely. So let’s just start by what is the mentoring program? Michelle: So the mentoring program is designed to pair a seasoned foster family with a new or existing family that needs additional support, or. Resources in each of their communities. We gear it towards new families just so that as they’re starting their foster care journey, they’re able to have somebody that they can call and gather information from, learn what’s appropriate, what’s not, questions to ask as they’re getting placements in their home, um, when they’re struggling, when there’s. exciting news for a child or their family, they have somebody that they can share those things with. Yeah. So that they’re not feeling alone. Amy: I love that because I think back to when I started fostering and I didn’t know like anything, like you just like you get trained. But then you forget what you’re doing and then a kid shows up and you’re like, wait, what am I doing again? Yeah. Michelle: Yeah. And I think our training is amazing, Amy: It is. It’s beautiful. Michelle: But like during that process, you go through the training and then you wait for your licensing and approval, and oftentimes there’s a few months that pass by. Yeah. And so all of that training that you’ve had, you’re super excited. But once you get that call for that child, all of that training and all of that, just go. Goes right out the window. And so foster families often panic because they don’t know what the next step is. And yeah, what do I do now? Who do I call? Why do these children have all of these appointments? And so having somebody that’s calling in and checking on them and making sure that they, have some. Support and somebody that has actually been down that road before them. They have lived experience that they can offer, advice and support for, and sometimes we have new foster families that have never parented before, so they don’t know who to call for medical appointments, dental appointments. And so having a mentor that is in their area, they’re able to, give them. A list of providers that they can possibly take the children to and just prepare them for what to expect during those Amy: Yeah, No, I think that’s so important to have that access to somebody that knows. And if nothing else, the fostering journey is so unique. You need someone that understands what you are doing and can tell you, yeah, that’s totally normal. Yes, I know. It’s absolutely wild what you’re enduring, but, yep. Sounds about normal. Michelle: Yeah. I think that, when we start this journey as foster adoptive families or kinship families you have a certain idea of what it’s going to be like, but once you step into that role, it’s nothing like that. Nothing like that. And so, just having somebody that you can talk to, that you can vent to is so important. Yeah. Our friends and our families in our personal life, often are very supportive, right when we start this journey. But because of the confidentiality that we have to maintain for the children that are coming into our home, and not just for them but for their biological families, um, we’re not able to share this stuff. Yeah. With. our personal friends and family where a mentor signs a confidentiality form that has been approved through DCFS that allows them to talk to these foster families in depth. They can talk to ’em about their court cases, visitation, anything that’s going on with the children, so that helps them get additional insight and how to best support the families. Amy: Yeah. I think that’s really important for mentors and the families that are getting mentored to know, is that they can talk about that information with each other, Michelle: And mentors can also attend child and family team meetings, because they’re, again, signing another confidentiality form. Their role will be a little bit different because they’re there to support the foster family, so they’re not there to offer insight or ideas or suggestions on the case just to help be a support to the foster family and help them understand. Why some of those things are being put in place for the children or for the families of the children so that they can have a little bit of support as they move forward with the case. think Amy: really valid. I remember as a foster parent, I would, after the family and team meetings, I would talk to the casa that was assigned to my foster child at the time. And it was just so nice to have somebody that knew what was going on. ’cause it was, you just, there’s not very many people who know what’s going on. And so it was just nice to have somebody. That could listen and be there. And yes, she was the advocate for the child, but it was just nice to have another adult to speak with. And so I think that’s what the mentoring program really Michelle: Yeah. It’s offering the support for our families that are providing the care for these children that are coming into the foster care system. They’re getting a ton of support. Their families are getting a ton of support, to help with reunification. But then our foster families are left going, where do I fit into all of this? So mentors also help with, all of those feelings with reunification. Why am I so sad? Why do these children need to go home? Why is the goal reunification? And if reunification doesn’t happen and it moves towards adoption, it’s helping them with that process as well. Yeah. So our mentors are designed to stay with a new family from the time that they are first licensed through their first placement. And then if they need additional support and help and they wanna keep ’em on longer, they can. We also offer it to existing families that are just struggling with like a new case that is really difficult and they just need, some additional support. So our whole goal is to build that village around our foster families so that they have people that can understand exactly what they’re going through, have already been through some of these difficult. Issues and can empathize with them in a way that other people can’t. We work really closely with the resource family consultants as well. Because they’re also a good support for our families. Yeah. But again, unless they’ve lived this right, they don’t have the lived experience to Amy: and they’re also supporting so many families. There’s 10, ish per region probably, and. They’re dealing with a lot of families. So mentors tell us how many families one mentor would take on. Michelle: mentors can take between one and eight families on their caseload. Their goal is to reach out to the family, one to four times a month. answer phone calls from the family to offer support if the family. Needs them. They don’t have to wait for the mentor to call them. Right. They’re able to call the mentor anytime. And in addition to that, if they’re unable to reach their mentor at any time, they also get my contact information. Yeah. And can contact me with questions and then I can guide them through whatever needs to happen in that moment. So Mentors are great for crisis situations. They can help find respite resources in the community, like again, like doctors, dentists, therapists, things like that. Yeah. They mentor each other and I help mentor them as well as a former foster, adoptive mom. And we make sure that, again, they have additional training to help support these families as needs arrive. Amy: I love that. Michelle: Tell Amy: Tell us a little bit about why and how the mentoring program was born. Michelle: So the mentoring program started. Nine years ago, we started researching throughout America what mentoring programs looked like. Most of the information we received were mentors for children. Okay. But we were not seeing a lot. On mentors for foster families. So we researched things for about six months. We came up with some great ideas and how this was gonna look. We reached out to DCFS. They are the ones that actually thought that this would be a great program for our foster families, and had asked for it for several years, and we finally launched it. We started in the Salt Lake region and within eight months we had it statewide. Okay. So currently we have 86 mentors statewide. We’re always in need of mentors who have some experience, and we have mentored 425 families from July, 2025 to the present, Amy: which is amazing when you only have you what said 86 mentors and 4 25 families. So yes, there’s clearly a need for more mentors, Michelle: in every region Amy: it’s also showing like we’re like, if you need a mentor, we’re gonna make it happen. Whether that’s you or someone in your region, ideally you want someone close to them, right? Someone that they could physically get together with if they needed Michelle: Yes. So go Amy: to lunch, grab a coffee, whatever Michelle: it is. Yeah. So our mentors actually. We’ll invite their families over for barbecues. They’ll take ’em, plates of cookies, just welcome stuff. A lot of our mentors use a Marco Polo app. Okay. Yeah. So that they have like, face-to-face interaction. Quite a bit. That’s a great idea. And a lot of families sometimes get a little overwhelmed and they’re like, oh, it’s just one more person I need to have contact, or, What they’re not understanding though, is this is a great support for you. Yeah. And. Our mentors have that lived experience so that, when you’re calling them either in a crisis or when there’s something good happening, they can celebrate with you or they can go through those trenches with you, right? During those difficult things. And I’ve seen mentors literally stop what they’re doing to go help a family in crisis and, offer respite. Just take a meal over or even just meet ’em for, an ice cream or a soda somewhere, just to help them learn how to build, self-rated regulation skills. And also to learn how to do some self-care. ’cause I think with our foster families. When you’re in the middle of all of this, I think we often forget to take care of ourselves. Amy: Oh yeah. You don’t have time. Michelle: Yeah. And so our mentors are really good at reminding our families that you need to do self-care too. Amy: Yeah. Take a little break. Take a little breather. Yeah. I love that. That’s awesome. Are you able to share like, any success stories with us about things that you’ve seen over the years of mentors or mentorees, if that’s what they’re called? Michelle: Yeah. A lot of our mentors and their families that they’re mentoring, become friends. Yeah. Through this process. Who better to understand what your family’s going through? Their kids connect in a different way because they understand, oh, our family isn’t the only one that is doing foster care. And so biological children, adopted children and all of the. Children that are placed in care are often connecting on a different level. Yeah. So I’ve seen a lot of friendships come out of mentoring and also I’ve seen a lot of families that have started, foster care that had a mentor at the beginning of their journey become mentors. And so Amy: they see the Michelle: of it Mm-hmm. Amy: they wanna give back in that way as well. Michelle: well. Yeah. And it just helps them when they had somebody that’s so supportive, they wanna be able to say, Hey, this person really helped me through a lot of, tough times or great times, and I wanna be able to help another family that’s starting out as well. Amy: Yeah. I love that. Yeah, I was thinking Michelle: back Amy: like two weeks ago, we had the Western region mom’s night out. And it was like 50 plus women that come, and I’m not a foster parent anymore, but we actually hosted at my mom’s house, so I still get to go every year. And so it’s so fun for me to get to go see these foster moms, many of who I know well because I was fostering at the same time in them and many new faces that have come on since. But it is amazing to see what that connection and comradery and. Just being able to sit there and chat and listen and totally relate to what each other are doing. And as a foster mom who hasn’t been doing this for the last year or two, I I’ve removed myself from that world in a small way. ’cause I don’t bring kids in on a regular basis. But putting myself back in that environment is just a reminder of like, we need each other and. You need those supports of who knows what this feels like and who can say that is absolutely insane. I can’t believe you did that, but Yep. I’m doing it too. So I just think the mentoring program is a small scale of that, right? We get together once a year for this mom night out, but mentoring can be every day, every week, every month when you need it. Yeah. Michelle: Yeah. I think it reminds us the why. Why do we do this? Yeah. Why do we bring these children into our home? Fostering is not an easy task by any means. You’re opening up your heart, your home, you’re subjecting yourself and your children to often heartache. Yeah. And so it reminds us of the why, like, especially when we. Build those long lasting relationships with foster families. Some of my closest and dearest friends now are families that I met through Amy: Foster. Yeah, absolutely. ’cause Michelle: they can relate to me. I can relate to them, their children can relate to my children, and we’ve become lifelong friends. Yeah. Through this process. And another thing, like you mentioned, you’re no longer a foster parent. I’m no longer a foster parent. One of the ways that families can still stay connected is as long as they’ve left DCFS in good standing and they wanna still remain involved, they can still be mentors. Yeah. Even if they’re not licensed, Amy: I just learned that today, speaking to you before we started the episode. So I think that’s an amazing way to give back. ’cause I was talking to a mom who was like, yeah, I don’t a foster mom. I don’t know how much longer I’m gonna foster, but I still wanna give back after. And I was like, it’s hard. It’s hard to know where you can still give back when you’re used to bringing kids into your home. That feels like the only way. So I think this is an amazing way that. Foster parents can give back that have had that experience, but maybe can’t, can no longer bring kids into their home. So I love that you’re sharing that. ’cause I had no idea. So hopefully we’re educating listeners as well that hey, you can still be a mentor if you’ve been a foster parent and left in good standing, which hopefully you have. Yes. Michelle: Yes. And we are the only state that I’m aware of that we are able to give our mentors a small stipend. It’s not huge, but we do give them a small stipend for their time in making sure that they’re contacting the families and Yeah, and letting us know what their needs are and. As they’re contacting families, they’re reporting back to me so that I can also help with any type of resources that they might need. Also can help connect them with our care communities. I meet with the DCFS, our RFC team, the resource Family consultants on a regular basis, so I can also reach out to them and. Say, Hey, this family is really struggling. These are the services that we have been able to provide for them through Utah Foster care. What can you do to help us wrap some more services around this family? Because at the end of this, we wanna make sure that they’re. Successful and that their placement is successful. Yeah. And they’re not leaving after their first placement saying, this is not what I imagined this would be. And I felt so alone in this process. We wanna make sure our families feel supported and cheered on, and they just have all of these people making sure that their needs are being met. Because if our foster families are feeling supported, the children that are coming into their home also have a much easier time. So, and we can help in that process of reunification or, sending them to kinship. Our kinship families are also facing those same things so that, we’re making sure that they have their village and they have the people that they need to rely on and count on when things get hurt or, yeah, there’s joy. Amy: And I think too when you have people that you can talk to I realized this a few weeks ago at this same mom’s night out, one of the moms was telling all these things, and I did, I text Tammy over at Care Communities and I said, so and so needs a care community. She didn’t ask for one. No, but I decided that she needed one. Yeah. And it was like sometimes as foster parents are the givers, right? We’re the people in the community that are literally stepping in to bring children in, strangers into our home in the middle of the night. Like it’s insanity if you think about it. And so oftentimes we don’t ask for help and sometimes we don’t even know that we need help. ’cause we’re just used to giving. That’s just what Michelle: we 1. And so I think. Amy: Mentoring can also as these parents are talking and chatting with you, there might be ideas like, Hey, they do need a care community, or, Hey, they do need, we need to get them set up with a therapist to talk through all of these really difficult things. Or, Utah Foster Care has the free therapy now and like, there’s just so many ways that people with an outside lens can support. ’cause sometimes you can’t always Michelle: see it when you’re Yeah. And I don’t think our families realize that there, that Utah foster care has so many Amy: supports I agree. Michelle: Yeah. And so we do, we, I get referrals from mentors saying, Hey, this family could really benefit for, extra help with one of our clinicians here at Utah Foster Care. They’re really struggling with reunification and they might need a little extra support and we can offer that to them. Yeah. I contact one of the clinicians, especially in their region. Yeah. And just say, Hey, can you reach out? I always check with the family first and make sure that they know we’re gonna be calling just so don’t catch ’em off guard. Yeah. And same thing with our care communities, we’re able to say. This is a service that we might be able to provide for you. Is this something you’ll be interested in? And if they’re not, we also have, other resources available to our families. We can get some meals delivered to them. We can get, respite situated and make sure that they’re being taken care of in different ways. So, yeah, and mentors do a lot of that too, yeah. They take time to, to do that for the families that they’re mentoring. If they need additional support, like that is what we’re doing for these families, is we’re making sure that we’re surrounding them with as much love and support as we can to make their foster care journey a little less Amy: stressful. Yes. Lighten the load in a small way. Yes. So tell us if somebody is wanting to become a mentor or feels like, Hey, I could really benefit from a mentor, what do they Michelle: do? So they just need to go to our Utah Foster Care website www.utahfostercare.org/mentors. There are a couple of tabs on there. One is a video just explaining the mentoring program just like we did today. Another is. Become a mentor. You would just fill that out. I would get that information, contact you. There’s a brief 20 minute training that we would do over the phone. Just get you prepared for what you would be doing as a mentor, and then we would get you started. If you need a mentor or a family that could benefit from one you just fill out the tab that. Is request a mentor. Okay. And then that, again we try to pair families fairly quickly within a week of them becoming licensed. If I get a request for an existing family, we do the same thing. We try and, get them paired as quickly as we possibly can. And then, the mentor just starts reaching out to them, sets up times to visit with them if that’s needed. And then you just build that friendship and that support as you go. And Amy: so this is a random thought, but what happens if like someone’s not vibing? Michelle: It happens. Okay. Or if the Amy: mentor’s like, actually I hate this. Please get me out of here. Michelle: So, we’ve had some situations where, a family is just like, I don’t think that I, this is the right person for me. Yeah. I just reach out to the mentor and say, Hey, can you gimme some insight on what’s happening? I talk to the family and then we repair them with somebody else. Sometimes they ask me if I’ll be their mentor, which is fine. Yeah. I have no problem helping and supporting families as well. Yeah. But that happens. We’ve had mentors who have had to step back for some time, either for personal reasons, medical reasons. Yeah. Or just they need a break. So they’ll let me know ahead of time, Hey, these are the families that I’m mentoring. Can you pick up for them while I’m on vacation? Or, I have to have surgery, so I need a little bit of, time off. We have mentors who. Have really difficult cases themselves and Yeah. And they just, Amy: just a lot to carry someone else’s load too. Michelle: Yeah. And so, they’ll oftentimes say, Hey, I have six families right now. These two families are really close to, ending their placement for, whether it’s reunification, adoption, or them going to kinship. And they’ll just say, I have these two families and I really think that they could benefit for. With keeping another mentor in place for them. But I need to step back for, yeah, a couple months just to, focus on my own family and my own needs for a while. That happens and, nine times outta 10 they’ll take a few weeks off and then call me and say, okay, I’m ready to come back. Amy: Yeah. Because that’s what foster parents do. We we say we need a break, and then we’re like, just kidding. We’re back. Michelle: Yeah. And I’ve built some great, friendships with the mentors on my team because they’re calling me all the time and just saying, okay, I need to vent. Yeah. And that’s what we do. We listen to each other. And something that we would tell, one of our personal friends, they may not understand, I’ve sure I’ve vented about, personal situations with either a foster placement or my own children. And people are like, why do you keep doing this to Amy: yourself? Exactly. Michelle: And so it’s nice to be able to have somebody that you can vent to and they’re just like, oh, I totally get that. Exactly. What can I do for you to make this situation better for you? And then oftentimes you just need to vent. Yes. And then you’re good. Amy: And I’ve found too that sometimes you just have to cry or laugh together at the total insanity of your life. Yes. And no one really is gonna get that unless they’ve done it or are doing Michelle: it. Yeah. And I’ve seen. F foster families come together during some really critical times for another foster family. Yeah, absolutely. And kinship family. When there’ve been, tragedies in their family, those foster care communities band together to really support, whatever’s happening in that family. And it’s been beautiful to see in a lot of ways. Yes. Looking on it from. Working here at Utah Foster Care, in addition to being a foster adoptive mom. Just seeing the amount of families that just love and care for each other in a different way is just beautiful. Amy: Yeah. Yeah. I agree. No it is. I always say it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever done because it is, it’s so hard and yes, we had to step away to to care for all the kids that we now have, but it’s something that I’m so grateful that I’m part of and so honored to know how difficult and how beautiful it is. So it’s just it truly is an incredible community to get to be a part of. Michelle: Yeah. When you start it, you don’t think you’re gonna end up, with Amy: however Michelle: children. But yeah. I started this journey with three children of my own and ended up with. Eight children of my own Uhhuh. So, and then many more that continue to reach out and yeah, absolutely. Stay in contact. So it’s a great, it’s a great thing to be a part Amy: of. It really is. Thank you so much Michelle: for your time. Amy: and thank you for all of the energy and time that you put into the mentoring program and supporting our Utah foster families. If you wanna learn more, head over to Utah foster care.org. Thanks for joining us.

10 de feb de 2026 - 25 min