How to Be Good to Yourself When You're Hard on Yourself

The weird things we do when we’re lonely (PART ONE: Trying too hard)

In this week's episode, we explore why loneliness can make connecting with others even harder. We'll talk about the "trying too hard" side of the equation: performing likeability with a perma-smile and jazz hands, being so relentlessly appropriate that people can't get close, and filling silence with nervous chatter that backfires. For each pattern, we'll cover a small, low-lift shift to try. The best news? None of this is a character flaw, and if we see ourselves in any of these examples, we're in luck: awareness is already most of the work. Get full access to How to Be Good to Yourself When You're Hard on Yourself at ellenhendriksen.substack.com/subscribe [https://ellenhendriksen.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Good news: You don't have to work so hard to make friends

📢📢📢ANNOUNCEMENT: With the next episode, I'll turn on the paid subscription feature on Substack, but everything stays FREE. No tiers, no paywalled posts. If you'd like to contribute and hold the door open for someone else, come visit at https://ellenhendriksen.substack.com [https://ellenhendriksen.substack.com] 📢📢📢 Making friends as an adult feels harder than it should — but it doesn't have to. In this episode, we explore four circumstances that build closeness without all the logistical labor: repetition, immersion, high obligation, and getting adopted by a connector. Turns out, the right situation can do more for a friendship than any amount of planning. Get full access to How to Be Good to Yourself When You're Hard on Yourself at ellenhendriksen.substack.com/subscribe [https://ellenhendriksen.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Why the people we barely know help us feel connection and belonging (and fulfill needs friends can't)

We hear a lot about friendship—but what about acquaintances? In this week's audio newsletter, we explore the underrated value of the people who float somewhere between strangers and friends: the neighbor you wave to, the regular at your coffee shop, the parent at pickup, the guy you call "Big Dog" at the gym. This week, we'll celebrate the casual, low-pressure connections that matter so much for feeling grounded, connected, and part of a community. Get full access to How to Be Good to Yourself When You're Hard on Yourself at ellenhendriksen.substack.com/subscribe [https://ellenhendriksen.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

What if your social anxiety is fight, not flight?

This week, we’re talking about the 21% of people whose social anxiety comes out not as shyness, but as irritability, criticism, or pushing people away before they can be rejected. Together, we'll explore the lesser-known “fight” response to social anxiety, and why defensiveness and snark are often rooted in fear and a longing for acceptance. We'll cover three practical ways to soften those defenses, including acting as if you’re already liked, using body language to create feelings of openness and safety, and practicing compassion toward others as a pathway to self-compassion. If you’ve ever pushed people away while secretly wanting connection, this episode is for you. Get full access to How to Be Good to Yourself When You're Hard on Yourself at ellenhendriksen.substack.com/subscribe [https://ellenhendriksen.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Getting unstuck when perfectionism hijacks your job search

This week, listener Marissa is navigating the already tough job market with the added challenge of perfectionism whispering that she’s never quite qualified enough. We'll cover practical mindset shifts, like treating job requirements as a flexible wish list, accounting for your “perfectionism handicap,” and zooming out from microscopic self-criticism to a more balanced, big-picture view. Listen to cheer Marissa on and pick up some helpful tips yourself! Get full access to How to Be Good to Yourself When You're Hard on Yourself at ellenhendriksen.substack.com/subscribe [https://ellenhendriksen.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]