30. From People-Pleasing to True Agency

32. What a Healthy Relationship Actually Looks Like

After healing from an abusive relationship and doing years of personal work, I realized something surprising: knowing what isn't healthy doesn't automatically teach you what is. In this episode, I'm breaking down the difference between abusive relationships, unhealthy relationship patterns, and truly healthy, collaborative relationships. I'll share the lessons Brent and I had to learn the hard way about communication, emotional regulation, accountability, repair, and what healthy love actually looks like in everyday life. You'll learn: • Why the absence of abuse doesn't automatically create a healthy relationship • The difference between immature relationship patterns and emotional abuse • What healthy communication sounds like in real conversations • How emotionally mature couples handle conflict and triggers • Why repair is one of the most important relationship skills you can develop • Small signs that you're making real progress in your relationship If you've ever found yourself thinking, "I know what I don't want in a relationship, but what should I be doing instead?" this episode will give you a clearer picture of what healthy, collaborative love looks like and how to start practicing it one conversation at a time. And if you want practical phrases to help you interrupt old relationship patterns, grab my free guide, Phrases That Interrupt the Pattern by clicking HERE [https://www.mynameiscourage.com/phrases-that-interrupt-the-pattern/]

31. Why You're Still Angry at Your Past Self

Have you ever looked back on a past relationship, parenting decision, or mistake and thought, What was I thinking? In this episode, I'm talking about self-forgiveness, healing from shame, and why so many survivors use past mistakes as evidence against themselves. I share my own struggle with carrying shame after an abusive relationship, the powerful lesson that helped me stop judging my younger self, and the difference between guilt and shame in the healing process. We'll discuss: * Why shame becomes identity * How perfectionism blocks growth * Self-forgiveness after abuse * Parenting guilt and regret * How to stop punishing yourself for the past * Why seeing your mistakes differently is evidence of growth The fact that you can see it now isn't proof that you failed. It's proof that you've grown. Interested in attending our Couples Retreat? Find all the details HERE [https://www.mynameiscourage.com/retreat/]

30. From People-Pleasing to True Agency

What if healing isn't compliance... but it isn't defiance either? Many survivors spend years people-asing, staying small, and keeping the peace. Then, as they heal, they swing to the opposite extreme—resisting anything that feels like pressure or control. In this episode, I'm exploring why neither compliance nor defiance is true freedom, and how healing is really about developing agency: the ability to choose based on your values rather than your reactions. You'll learn: • Why people-pleasing and defiance are more similar than they seem • Gabor Maté's concept of counterwill • The difference between boundaries and reactivity • What healthy sacrifice looks like in marriage • How to become a chooser in your own life If you're tired of repeating the same argument in your marriage, grab my free guide, Stop Repeating the Same Argument. Get it HERE [https://www.mynameiscourage.com/phrases-that-interrupt-the-pattern/]. [https://www.mynameiscourage.com/phrases-that-interrupt-the-pattern/] And if this episode resonates with you, I'd be so grateful if you'd leave a rating or review. It helps more survivors find the podcast and the support they're looking for.

29. Why Women End Up in Abusive Relationships

Why are women statistically more likely to end up in abusive relationships? And why do so many survivors continue struggling even after they’ve found a safe, loving partner? In this episode, I unpack the deeper relational patterns beneath abuse — not from a place of blame, but from a place of awareness and healing. I talk about how men and women are often socialized differently around connection, autonomy, emotion, and self-worth, and how those patterns can shape the dynamics inside a relationship. I also share how trauma, attachment wounds, and survival strategies can lead survivors to lose themselves in love — constantly managing, accommodating, shape-shifting, and taking responsibility for things that were never theirs to carry. Inside this conversation, we explore: * Why survivors often believe they are “the problem” * The difference between healthy connection and self-abandonment * How over-functioning and emotional withdrawal create imbalance * Why safe relationships can still feel difficult after abuse * What it looks like to move from survival patterns into true intimacy Healing is not just about leaving a harmful relationship. It’s about learning how to be close to others without losing yourself in the process. If you find yourself struggling to overcome old patterns in your safe relationship, check out www.mynameiscourage.com for resources to support you in your growth.

28. Rebuilding Intimacy After Sexual Trauma

If you trust your partner but still shut down, avoid sex, or feel disconnected during intimacy, this episode will help you understand why. I’m breaking down what’s actually happening when your body responds to sex as if it’s unsafe, even in a loving, secure relationship. This isn’t random, and it’s not a sign that something is wrong with you. We’ll talk about how past sexual trauma shapes your beliefs about your body, your role in sex, and your ability to choose—and how that shows up in patterns like avoiding sex, going along with it, or feeling disconnected during it. I also introduce the concept of sexual agency—what it really means, why it matters, and how it becomes the foundation for rebuilding a healthy, connected sex life on your terms. Inside this episode: * Why your body reacts differently than your logical mind * The 3 common sexual patterns after abuse * How trauma impacts desire, connection, and safety * What sexual agency actually looks like in practice * The shift that makes healing possible This is about moving out of fear, obligation, or avoidance—and into choice. If you want support as you rebuild trust, intimacy, and connection in your relationship, you can find coaching and resources at mynameiscourage.com or join my email list HERE [https://forms.zohopublic.com/mynameiscourage1/form/SubscribetoourNewsletter/formperma/wLrnxxTaj-HpuSAFpKh_lgRPlkki72M-4cPge5Z_Tvg].