My Life In Showbusiness

What the Fuck Just Happened?

John Allen brings his finger-wagging internal censor Pal along to try to defeat "what is" by surrendering to it. Yeah right. That's going to fucking happen. Pal tries every trick he knows to get his friend to see that he's lost any resemblance to a real boy and has turned into a bad replica of one. Find out how you too can end up a vassal, mistaking it for love. On sale now — balls at cut-rate prices. Act now or maintain your dignity. John can't stop himself, though. He has not moved on. He doesn't want to, but he does want to call her every single day upon awakening, or when he's wandering around the empty house at 3 a.m., thinking he might sleep and not sleeping, wanting to see her so much that he would give anything—anything—just to laugh with her once more, and is willing to be heartbroken again and again and again because all the pain would be worth it just to hold her hand one more time. But then again, there is always lunch.

Arguing with God

John Allen returns for a return cage match with God hoping that this time he will finally triumph. This fight is to the death and there are no rules. This is heartbreak. Real heartbreak. Not the kind on sitcoms. Nope this is heartbreak without any uplifting moral or any greater meaning other than you fucking lost and you are never going to get back up on your feet. So enjoy it down there on the canvas.You are done. Oh- and John, stop fucking crying. It's embarassing.

And No Birds Sing

John Allen returns to the struggle of saying yes to what is and losing yet again, this time to love. This is not a story about a breakup. It is an elegy for an open wound. traced through memory, music, obsession and the body itself. The heart break is never ending. The stakes are very high. This is the grail wound-a land laid waste where no birds sing- and the only thing that heals it is attention.. There is no advice here .No lesson, No moral. No finger wagging bullshit. There is only witness.

SIT DOWN SON. FUCK OFF, DAD-A LOVE STORY

John Allen brings his son in as backup in his ongoing argument with what is. My son and I discuss the only relevant questions that really count. How do I get more girls and not get cancelled? Is there an age where it's just too creepy to keep hitting on the babes? Are all men misogynist? My answer to that one really pissed off my girlfriend now my ex-girlfriend. So totally worth it. I thought the bit about Jesus looking like a twink would've been the one, but she didn't get that far. Other vital questions covered: Are there any topics a twenty-something adult is allowed to talk about in today's culture? Apparently not — but we worked hard and found a few nonetheless. Like: at what age did my son know I was a dick? What else? Oh yes — my favourite, and very practical these days: how to pick up chicks on the train on the way to Auschwitz? And another vital question: is there a way to say "Into Wim Hof?" to a half-naked Asian girl on the beach without sounding way too creepy? Is being pussy-whipped a good thing? And on that note, is it possible to go out with a woman for longer than 5 years without just doing whatever she wants? Actually, make that one week. Does the fact that a father is talking to his son about how long is just too long to go down on someone — even if you really like doing it — mean we should be institutionalized or just shot like dogs? Does not being able to move your jaw for two days constitute too long? See what this healthy, normal father-son exchange has to say about that thorny tantric issue. Can you be a sex addict and be celibate for five years, or is that just proof you're an addict because you need to be away from the supply? Oh shit — that's in the next episode, where I get my heart broken by the aforementioned girlfriend who, if she thought she was pissed off before over this podcast… well honey (I'm not allowed to call her that now that we're not together, but I am rebelling), you ain't seen nothing yet. Stay tuned for that one. DON'T PICK A FIGHT WITH A MAN WHO BUYS HIS INK BY THE BOTTLE. Just a sweetener for the next episode where I get totally erased by a not-so-very-nice gal… who I fall totally in love with, of course. This was recorded a few years ago. I've been saving it.

Suffering Is Not a Glitch- Part One

John Allen is back to face what is. What am I? Suffering is not a glitch. It's a call to pay attention to what you are having an argument with in reality.With what is. With God. And guess what? You will lose every fuckin' time if you go toe to toe with God. LOL Just saying