How to Trust Yourself in Relationships Using DBT Wise Mind

How to Trust Yourself in Relationships Using DBT Wise Mind

Have you ever looked back on a relationship and wondered: "Why didn't I trust myself?" In this episode of Not So Dumb Blonde, Kaytlyn Gilner, M.A., MSW Candidate, explores one of the most powerful skills from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): Wise Mind. If you've ever struggled with relationship anxiety, overthinking, emotional reactivity, anxious attachment, trauma responses, or trusting your own judgment in relationships, this episode is for you. Many people believe they have to choose between following their emotions or ignoring them and focusing only on the facts. DBT teaches something different. Wise Mind is the integration of both emotion and logic, helping you make healthier relationship decisions without getting stuck in anxiety, black-and-white thinking, or impulsive reactions. In this episode, you'll learn: • The difference between Emotion Mind, Reasonable Mind, and Wise Mind • Why black-and-white thinking can fuel relationship anxiety and emotional spirals • How trauma impacts decision-making and emotional regulation • Practical ways to access Wise Mind during difficult relationship situations • How to stop overreacting without suppressing your emotions • Real-life examples of using Wise Mind when dating and navigating relationship uncertainty Whether you're healing from a breakup, working through attachment wounds, learning to regulate your emotions, or simply trying to build healthier relationships, this DBT skill can help you develop greater self-awareness, emotional balance, and self-trust. Chapters: 00:00 Why We Ignore Red Flags in Relationships 01:05 What Is DBT Wise Mind? 02:15 Emotion Mind vs. Reasonable Mind 04:00 How Trauma Fuels Black-and-White Thinking 05:10 Relationship Example: Someone Cancels Plans Three Times 06:45 How to Access Wise Mind in Real Life 07:40 Anxiety or Red Flag? Learning to Trust Yourself Key Takeaway: Wise Mind isn't about choosing emotion over logic or logic over emotion. It's about learning to integrate both so you can respond effectively instead of reacting impulsively. Resources: 🎁 Free Guide: Anxiety or Red Flag? https://www.therapykay.com/freebie [https://www.therapykay.com/freebie] Connect with Therapy Kay for more content on relationships, attachment styles, trauma recovery, emotional regulation, DBT skills, self-trust, and mental health. Topics Covered: DBT, Wise Mind, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Relationship Anxiety, Attachment Styles, Emotional Regulation, Self-Trust, Trauma Recovery, Healthy Relationships, Relationship Psychology, Dating, Mental Health, Personal Growth, Anxiety, Decision Making

Sasha DiGiulian on Bullying, Body Image & Becoming a Champion

Sasha DiGiulian on Bullying, Body Image & Becoming a Champion What does it take to overcome bullying, recover from an eating disorder, and become one of the world's most accomplished athletes? In this episode of the Not So Dumb Blonde Podcast, I sit down with world champion rock climber, entrepreneur, speaker, and author Sasha DiGiulian to discuss the challenges that shaped her journey—from navigating body image struggles and public criticism to breaking barriers in a male-dominated sport. Sasha shares how she built resilience through adversity, learned to embrace both her femininity and athletic identity, and found the confidence to pursue ambitious goals despite setbacks, injuries, and self-doubt. We also dive into mental health, social media, entrepreneurship, leadership, women supporting women, and what it really means to stay authentic while building a successful career. Whether you're an athlete, entrepreneur, student, or simply navigating your own personal challenges, Sasha's story offers powerful lessons on self-trust, perseverance, and growth. 🎁 FREE GUIDE: Anxiety or Red Flag? Download here: www.therapykay.com/freebie [http://www.therapykay.com/freebie] In this episode: • Overcoming bullying and eating disorders • Building confidence and resilience • Mental health in elite athletics • Women in sports and breaking stereotypes • Recovering from injuries and identity shifts • Social media and public criticism • Entrepreneurship and founding Send Bars • Embracing femininity in competitive spaces • Leadership, authenticity, and personal growth • The importance of community and women supporting women Connect with Sasha: Instagram: @sashadigiulian Send Bars: sendbars.com Connect with Therapy Kay: Instagram: @itstherapykay TikTok: @itstherapykay YouTube: @TherapyKay If you enjoyed this episode, please follow, rate, and share the podcast. Your support helps us continue bringing meaningful conversations about mental health, relationships, personal growth, and resilience to more people.

4 Surprising Signs of Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

Have you ever met someone who seemed incredibly loving, attentive, and all-in at the beginning of a relationship—only to become distant once things got serious? In this episode of Not So Dumb Blonde, Kaytlyn Gilner breaks down four surprising signs of dismissive avoidant attachment that often get missed in dating and relationships. Many people assume avoidant attachment looks like emotional distance from day one. In reality, dismissive avoidants can initially appear affectionate, reassuring, and deeply invested. The challenges often emerge once true emotional intimacy develops and attachment wounds become activated. In this episode, we discuss: • What dismissive avoidant attachment actually is • Why avoidants can seem loving and emotionally available at first • The connection between love bombing and attachment insecurity • How superficial relationships can be a warning sign • The role of work, hobbies, substances, and other distractions in emotional avoidance • Communication red flags that may indicate avoidant attachment patterns • How attachment wounds impact long-term relationship dynamics Whether you're trying to understand your own attachment style, make sense of a past relationship, or learn how to identify healthy relationship patterns, this episode offers practical insights into one of the most misunderstood attachment styles. 🎧 Subscribe for more conversations on attachment styles, relationships, anxiety, trauma recovery, mental health, and personal growth. 💗 FREE GUIDE: Anxiety or Red Flag? Download here: www.therapykay.com/freebie [http://www.therapykay.com/freebie] Connect with Kaytlyn: YouTube: @KaytlynGilner Website: www.therapykay.com [http://www.therapykay.com/]

S2E21 - How to Build Self-Trust When Life Falls Apart | Sarah Beaver on Healing After Divorce, Cancer & Life's Biggest Challenges

How to Build Self-Trust When Life Falls Apart | Sarah Beaver on Healing After Divorce, Cancer & Life's Biggest Challenges How do you trust yourself when life feels like it's falling apart? In this powerful episode of Not So Dumb Blonde, Kaytlyn sits down with cancer survivor, podcaster, and retreat host Sarah Beaver to explore how self-trust becomes the foundation for healing during life's most difficult seasons. After navigating both divorce and a Stage 3 cancer diagnosis, Sarah shares the mindset shifts, daily practices, and emotional resilience tools that helped her move through uncertainty, grief, fear, and major life transitions with greater confidence and self-compassion. Together, they discuss why self-trust isn't something you magically find—it's something you build. Through journaling, meditation, community support, nervous system regulation, and focusing on what you can control, Sarah learned how to navigate adversity without losing herself in the process. Whether you're facing heartbreak, anxiety, illness, loss, uncertainty, or a major life transition, this conversation offers practical tools and hope for rebuilding trust in yourself, even when life doesn't go according to plan. * How to build self-trust during difficult seasons of life * Healing after divorce and major life transitions * Navigating a cancer diagnosis and recovery * Why focusing on what you can control reduces anxiety * Journaling as a tool for emotional healing and self-awareness * Meditation, resilience, and nervous system regulation * How community support helps us navigate hardship * Trusting your intuition during uncertainty * Holding multiple emotions at the same time * Finding meaning and purpose through adversity ✔ Self-trust is built before the storm—and strengthened during it. ✔ Healing doesn't mean avoiding pain; it means learning how to move through it. ✔ Anxiety often decreases when we focus on what we can control. ✔ Journaling and meditation can help strengthen emotional resilience. ✔ Community and connection are essential during life's hardest moments. ✔ Healing is not a destination—it's an ongoing process. "Divorce prepared me for cancer." "Feelings can be complex and dual in nature." "Healing is an ongoing process." Sarah Beaver is a cancer survivor, podcast host, retreat leader, and advocate for personal growth and emotional healing. Through her work, she helps people cultivate resilience, joy, and self-trust while navigating life's inevitable challenges. Connect with Sarah: Guest Resource Page [https://cold-twilight-c82.notion.site/Guest-Resource-Page-8180a57c518c41658c94411f8bbfd9be] Instagram: https://instagram.com/itssarahbeaver [https://instagram.com/sarahbeaver] Free Resources: Anxiety or a Red Flag? A free DBT-informed guide to understanding relationship anxiety, emotional triggers, attachment wounds, intuition, nervous system dysregulation, and emotional safety. https://therapy-kay-2.kit.com/freebie [https://therapy-kay-2.kit.com/freebie] 00:00 Why Self-Trust Matters When Life Falls Apart 01:20 Cancer Diagnosis & Focusing on What You Can Control 02:45 Journaling as a Tool for Healing and Self-Trust 04:45 Meditation, Anxiety & Managing Uncertainty 06:55 Did Divorce Prepare Her for Cancer? 08:15 Sharing Her Cancer Journey Publicly 10:50 The Most Important Emotional Resilience Tools 11:15 Creating Sunshine: Finding Joy During Hard Times 13:40 The Power of Duality & Holding Two Emotions at Once 16:40 What Cancer Taught Her About Suffering 17:45 Helping Children Navigate Grief and Loss 21:00 Discovering Purpose Through Adversity 24:35 Community, Support & Finding Your People 26:50 Signs You're Building Real Self-Trust 30:05 What Healing Looks Like Today 34:00 Where to Find Sarah Beaver #SelfTrust #HealingAfterDivorce #CancerSurvivor #EmotionalResilience #PersonalGrowth #MentalHealthPodcast #GriefHealing #AnxietySupport #HealingJourney #WomensMentalHealth #LifeTransitions #TrustYourself

S2E20-Surviving Columbine: How Trauma Changes the Nervous System and What Healing Really Looks Like | Krista Hanley

Surviving Columbine: How Trauma Changes the Nervous System and What Healing Really Looks Like | Krista Hanley What happens to the nervous system after trauma—and how do you learn to feel safe again? In this powerful episode of Not So Dumb Blonde, Kaytlyn Gilner sits down with Columbine survivor, writer, speaker, and trauma-informed educator Krista Hanley to discuss the lifelong impact of trauma, PTSD, hypervigilance, emotional safety, boundaries, trust, and nervous system healing. Krista shares her experience surviving the Columbine tragedy and offers an honest look at what trauma recovery actually looks like years later. Together, they explore how trauma affects the body, relationships, self-trust, and the ability to feel safe in everyday life. This conversation dives into the realities of living in survival mode, finding the right therapist, rebuilding trust after trauma, somatic healing, self-defense as empowerment, and why healing isn't about becoming fearless—it's about teaching your nervous system that safety, connection, and trust are possible again. Whether you're recovering from trauma, navigating PTSD, struggling with hypervigilance, or supporting someone on their healing journey, this episode offers insight, hope, and practical tools for moving forward. * How trauma impacts the nervous system long after the event is over * PTSD, hypervigilance, and living in survival mode * Why emotional safety is essential for healing * The role of boundaries in trauma recovery * How trauma affects trust and relationships * Somatic healing and reconnecting with the body * Finding the right therapist after trauma * Self-defense, empowerment, and reclaiming your voice * Rebuilding a sense of safety after violence * Post-traumatic growth and resilience ✔ Healing is not about eliminating fear—it's about expanding your capacity for safety. ✔ Trauma lives in both the mind and the body. ✔ Boundaries are a critical part of nervous system healing. ✔ Trust can be rebuilt, even after profound trauma. ✔ Recovery is not linear, but healing is possible. "Healing isn't about becoming fearless." "Your nervous system learns safety through experience." "Boundaries are part of healing." Krista Hanley is a Columbine survivor, writer, speaker, trauma-informed facilitator, and violence prevention educator. She is the co-owner of We Are Safer Together, where she teaches trauma-informed safety, self-defense, empowerment, and violence prevention. Her memoir, How to Survive a Mass Shooting: A Columbine Memoir, explores the long-term impact of trauma, resilience, and recovery after surviving one of the most significant school shootings in American history. Krista Hanley: https://kristahanley.com/ [https://kristahanley.com/] We Are Safer Together: https://wearesafertogether.com/ [https://wearesafertogether.com/] Preorder: How to Survive a Mass Shooting: A Columbine Memoir https://www.motinabooks.com/book/how-to-survive-a-mass-shooting-a-columbine-memoir/ [https://www.motinabooks.com/book/how-to-survive-a-mass-shooting-a-columbine-memoir/] Anxiety or a Red Flag? A free DBT-informed guide to understanding relationship anxiety, attachment wounds, emotional triggers, intuition, nervous system dysregulation, and emotional safety. https://therapy-kay-2.kit.com/freebie [https://therapy-kay-2.kit.com/freebie] 00:00 Introduction to Krista Hanley and Her Work 04:18 The Impact of Columbine on Personal Safety 07:14 PTSD, Hypervigilance, and Survival Mode 10:37 Finding the Right Therapist 14:09 Trust Issues and Relationships After Trauma 18:14 The Role of Boundaries in Healing 25:51 Navigating Relationships and Emotional Safety 26:48 Somatic Healing and Nervous System Recovery 27:51 Yoga, Self-Defense, and Reclaiming Power 29:19 Finding Your Voice After Trauma 31:14 Empowerment Through Self-Defense 34:59 Creating Safe Spaces for Healing 37:46 The Journey of Recovery 38:59 Redefining Safety After Trauma 43:46 Advocating for Yourself in Health and Healing #TraumaRecovery #PTSD #Columbine #NervousSystemHealing #SomaticHealing #EmotionalSafety #MentalHealthPodcast #TraumaHealing #Hypervigilance #Boundaries #WomenMentalHealth #HealingJourney