Betrayal Didn’t Create All of the Pain—It Exposed Old Wounds: Why Healing Requires More Than Understanding the Betrayal with Dr. Karen Strange Rise Season 2, Episode 22

Betrayal Didn’t Create All of the Pain—It Exposed Old Wounds: Why Healing Requires More Than Understanding the Betrayal with Dr. Karen Strange Rise Season 2, Episode 22

After discovery or disclosure, many betrayed partners find themselves searching for answers. They read books, listen to podcasts, join support groups, and begin learning about betrayal trauma. Yet even with all of that information, many continue to feel overwhelmed, disconnected, and deeply wounded. In this episode of Rise, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, explore the deeper work of betrayal trauma recovery. They discuss how betrayal impacts identity, confidence, self-worth, and attachment, and why healing often requires more than simply understanding what happened. Together, they explore the connection between present pain and earlier life wounds, the role of support groups and therapy, the challenge of integrating head knowledge into heart healing, and the surprising growth that can emerge through recovery. If you have ever wondered why betrayal feels so devastating—or why healing takes more than time—this conversation offers insight, validation, and hope. In This Episode Why Betrayal Trauma Impacts Identity Betrayal often causes people to question who they are. Many betrayed partners experience significant drops in: * Confidence * Self-worth * Self-trust * Sense of identity * Feelings of attractiveness and value MaryAnn and Karen discuss how betrayal can trigger long-standing insecurities and attachment wounds that may have originated years before the relationship. Understanding Core Beliefs After Betrayal Many betrayed partners find themselves asking: * Was I not enough? * Am I too much? * If I were different, would this have happened? The episode explores how betrayal can activate deeply rooted beliefs formed in childhood, adolescence, or previous relationships, and why identifying those beliefs is a critical part of healing. The Disconnect Between What We Know and What We Feel Many individuals understand intellectually that the betrayal was not caused by their shortcomings. Yet emotionally, they continue to feel defective, unwanted, or unworthy. MaryAnn and Karen discuss: * The gap between head knowledge and emotional healing * Why insight alone does not resolve trauma * How therapy can help uncover the roots of persistent self-doubt * The process of transforming beliefs at a deeper level Healing Attachment Wounds and Past Trauma When Betrayal Reopens Old Wounds One of the most powerful aspects of betrayal trauma is its ability to expose unresolved emotional injuries. The pain of betrayal can reactivate experiences from: * Childhood * Family relationships * School experiences * Previous romantic relationships * Earlier attachment injuries While painful, this process can reveal areas that need healing and provide an opportunity for profound personal growth. Trauma-Focused Therapies That May Help Karen discusses the value of working with trained professionals who understand betrayal trauma and attachment injuries. Approaches may include: * EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) * Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) * Attachment-focused therapy * Trauma-informed counseling The Importance of Support in Betrayal Trauma Recovery We Are Wounded in Relationship and Healed in Relationship Healing rarely happens in isolation. Karen emphasizes the importance of: * Betrayal trauma support groups * Trusted friendships * Recovery communities * Healthy therapeutic relationships Supportive relationships can help challenge distorted beliefs and provide encouragement during the healing process. Why Community Matters Many betrayed partners believe they are alone in their experience. In reality, countless others are navigating similar challenges. Being surrounded by people who understand can: * Reduce shame * Increase hope * Provide validation * Create opportunities for growth * Strengthen resilience Learning to Trust Yourself Again One of the most painful consequences of betrayal is the loss of self-trust. Many partners spent years sensing that something was wrong only to be dismissed, denied, or manipulated. MaryAnn and Karen discuss: * Rebuilding confidence in your intuition * Giving yourself the benefit of the doubt * Learning to trust your perceptions again * Strengthening self-awareness and personal boundaries The Role of Self-Care in Recovery A powerful moment in the conversation centers on a simple question: "Who's taking care of you?" For many betrayed partners, self-care has been replaced by caretaking, busyness, and survival. The episode explores: * Why self-care is often neglected * How busyness can become a coping strategy * The importance of addressing your own needs * Creating space for healing and personal growth Growth, Healing, and Hope After Betrayal While no one would choose the pain of betrayal, many people discover unexpected growth through the recovery process. Healing can lead to: * Greater self-awareness * Stronger boundaries * Increased self-trust * Deeper emotional resilience * A clearer sense of identity and purpose Recovery is difficult work, but it can also become a pathway to becoming more grounded, authentic, and connected to yourself. Key Takeaways Betrayal trauma affects much more than the relationship. It can impact identity, confidence, attachment, and self-worth. Healing requires more than information. Understanding betrayal trauma is important, but lasting recovery involves deeper emotional work. Support matters. Therapists, support groups, and trusted relationships can play a vital role in the healing process. Self-trust can be rebuilt. Learning to trust yourself again is one of the most important parts of recovery. Growth is possible. Even in profound pain, healing can lead to greater strength, clarity, and self-understanding. Resources Mentioned Books * The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson Therapeutic Approaches * EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) * Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) Connect With Rise If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who may benefit from this conversation. Healing happens in connection, and no one should have to walk this journey alone.

From Sifting Sand to Bedrock: Rebuilding a Foundation After Sexual Betrayal with Kris Cristiano, Rise Season 2, Episode 21

From Sifting Sand to Bedrock: Rebuilding a Foundation After Sexual Betrayal with Kris Cristiano, Rise Season 2, Episode 21 For many betrayed partners, life after D-Day can feel futile, like grabbing at sand—confusing, unstable, and overwhelming, with every thought, memory, or trigger adding to the emotionally unmanageable mess.  In this episode of Rise, Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, is joined by Kris Cristiano, LCSW, CSAT as they explore what it really feels like to rebuild after sexual betrayal—when your internal world no longer feels stable, predictable, or safe. Together, they unpack what it means to move from emotional instability into grounding, and how to begin rebuilding a foundation that can actually hold weight as they highlight the following topics:    What Happens After Sexual Betrayal (The “Sifting Sand” Experience) Emotional confusion and hypervigilance after disclosure * Why betrayed partners feel like they are constantly “on alert” * The shift from trust to questioning everything * Why the nervous system begins scanning for danger The mental overload of outside opinions * Social media, family, friends, and conflicting advice * Why clarity feels impossible in early recovery * The emotional exhaustion of trying to make sense of it all Why nothing feels stable anymore * The loss of relational safety * The constant search for something solid to hold onto * The “sand vs. rock” internal experience Grounding After Betrayal: How Stability Begins Why confusion is a signal, not a failure * Noticing when the system is overloaded * The importance of stepping back from decision-making in confusion Simple grounding techniques for nervous system regulation * Feet on the ground, posture, breath * Sensory awareness (5-4-3-2-1 technique) * Returning to the present moment through the body Why the body must heal before clarity returns * Trauma stored in the nervous system * Why thinking alone cannot solve emotional overwhelm * Moving from survival brain to regulated brain Rebuilding a Foundation That Can Hold Weight The “emotional backpack” of betrayal trauma * Why life feels suddenly heavier and harder * Energy depletion and trauma load * Why normal functioning becomes exhausting What is and isn’t in your control * Partner’s recovery vs. your own grounding * Reclaiming internal agency in a chaotic season Small steps that rebuild stability * Connection with safe people * Connection with body and senses * Connection with meaning and identity * Moving from Sand to Bedrock Why healing is not linear * Cracks in foundations are part of rebuilding * Progress vs perfection in recovery Reconnecting with identity after betrayal * “Who am I now?” after relational rupture * Rebuilding self outside of crisis response mode Finding what helps you “rise” * What restores energy and regulation * Returning to life with support, not pressure Conclusion Healing after sexual betrayal is not about rushing clarity—it is about rebuilding stability from the inside out. When everything feels like sand, the goal is not to force answers, but to slowly return to grounding, connection, and safety in your own body and life. Resources * Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale Survey [https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/GABIS-2] - please consider taking a few minutes to help with our ongoing research.  * Visit Humanintimacy.com [http://humanintimacy.com/] for the Rise Companion Course, Courses on Communication, Boundaries and both Individual and Couple Healing.

Escaping the Prison of Silence After Sexual Betrayal, with Dr. Kevin Skinner, Rise Season 2, Episode 20 the Prison of Silence After Sexual Betrayal, with Dr. Kevin Skinner, Rise Season 2, Episode 20

In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Dr. Kevin Skinner, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, continue their series on rebuilding life after betrayal trauma by focusing on one of the most essential—and most difficult—parts of healing: connection. After betrayal, many survivors begin questioning not only their relationship, but their entire sense of safety with people. Dr. Skinner shares research showing that betrayal trauma often impacts our perception of trust, causing many to withdraw from friends, family, peers, and support systems. Isolation can feel safer in the short term, but healing rarely happens alone. Together, MaryAnn and Dr. Skinner explore: * Why betrayal trauma often leads to isolation and avoidance * The nervous system’s fear of vulnerability and connection * How secrecy and carrying trauma alone impacts the body and mind * The healing power of support groups and safe relationships * Common fears and barriers people experience when considering group support * Why not all groups feel emotionally safe—and how to find healthy support * The importance of “parking lot conversations” and authentic connection outside formal group time * How healing happens through validation, attachment, and being truly seen * The role of safe relationships in calming PTSD symptoms and rebuilding trust * Attachment wounds, exclusion trauma, and the brain’s response to rejection * How helping and supporting others in recovery also strengthens our own healing Dr. Skinner shares powerful clinical stories illustrating how even one safe relationship can begin to regulate the nervous system and shift long-held beliefs of “I’m alone” into “I matter.” The conversation highlights how group healing is often less about the curriculum and more about the relationships formed through shared vulnerability and understanding. MaryAnn also discusses: * The difference between structured therapy groups and 12-step groups * Why some group formats may feel triggering or invalidating * Reframing harmful “co-addict” or codependency messaging through a trauma-informed lens * The importance of finding people who can witness pain without minimizing it * How collective healing creates growth, insight, and hope This episode is a compassionate reminder that while connection after betrayal can feel terrifying, safe relationships are often one of the most transformative parts of recovery. Key Takeaways * Betrayal trauma frequently disrupts a person’s ability to trust others. * Isolation may feel protective, but long-term healing requires safe connection. * Group support can reduce shame, normalize experiences, and provide emotional regulation. * Being witnessed in pain creates attachment and healing. * One safe, nurturing relationship can profoundly impact recovery. * Healing often happens collectively through shared stories, validation, and support. Resources * Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal by Kevin Skinner * Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller * Secure by Amir Levine * Sue Johnson and attachment-based healing concepts * Patrick Carnes recommendation: attend a group multiple times before deciding if it’s a fit * Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale Survey [https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/GABIS-2] - please consider taking a few minutes to help with our ongoing research.  * Visit Humanintimacy.com [http://humanintimacy.com] for the Rise Companion Course, Courses on Communication, Boundaries and both Individual and Couple Healing.  Listener Invitation If you are navigating betrayal trauma and feeling isolated, this episode encourages you to consider reaching out for support. Whether through therapy, group work, trusted friendships, or community, healing often begins when someone says: “I see you. You matter. You are not alone.”

Finding Yourself After Betrayal: Identity and the 8 C’s of Self with Kris Cristiano (Rise Season 2, Episode 19)

Finding Yourself After Betrayal: Identity and the 8 C’s of Self with Kris Cristiano (Rise Season 2, Episode 19) In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT and Kris Cristiano, LCSW, CSAT, explore one of the deepest and most painful questions betrayal trauma survivors face: “Who am I now?” When betrayal shatters trust, it often disrupts identity, self-concept, confidence, joy, and connection to self. Together, MaryAnn and Kris unpack the healing process of rediscovering your core self while also making space for the ways trauma and life experiences fundamentally change us. Through personal stories, clinical insight, humor, and practical tools, this conversation explores individuation, differentiation, dissociation, nervous system healing, and reconnecting with authenticity after trauma. In This Episode * How betrayal trauma distorts identity and self-concept * Why many survivors feel disconnected from themselves * The difference between survival mode and authentic living * Reconnecting with values, interests, joy, creativity, and play * Why healing is not about “going back” but reconnecting with your core self * The importance of nervous system regulation in trauma recovery * How storytelling helps integrate trauma and rebuild identity * Why fun, laughter, and play are essential parts of healing * Understanding dissociation and compartmentalization during betrayal trauma * Practical grounding exercises to reconnect with yourself Key Themes Discussed Rediscovering Who You Are MaryAnn and Kris discuss how betrayal can cause people to abandon parts of themselves in order to survive, maintain relationships, or keep systems functioning. Healing often involves intentionally reclaiming lost parts of identity — even through small things like favorite foods, hobbies, humor, music, creativity, or values. The Role of Trauma in Identity Trauma changes the brain, nervous system, emotional responses, and worldview. Survivors may struggle with concentration, joy, emotional regulation, or activities they once loved. The episode emphasizes patience, self-compassion, and understanding that healing takes time. Nervous System Healing The conversation explores practices that help regulate the nervous system, including: * Meditation * Yoga * Walking * Singing * Dancing * Play * Safe social connection * Intentionality * Emotional processing Dissociation and Presence MaryAnn shares how betrayal trauma can create a dream-like sense of disconnection from reality and self. The discussion includes practical ways to stay grounded and present while also honoring overwhelming emotions and triggers. Storytelling and Meaning-Making Kris explains how sharing our stories in safe spaces helps the brain integrate trauma, close emotional loops, and rebuild identity over time. The 8 C’s of Self in IFS Drawing from Internal Family Systems (IFS), the episode references the “8 C’s” — qualities associated with the core Self when we are grounded, centered, and not led by fear or trauma parts: * Calm * Clarity * Compassion * Confidence * Courage * Creativity * Connectedness * Curiosity The conversation explores how healing often involves reconnecting with these qualities rather than abandoning who we truly are. Memorable Moments * The story of “watermelon” as a symbol of reclaiming identity after decades of self-abandonment * The “what kind of eggs do you actually like?” metaphor from Runaway Bride * Why “fun is part of recovery” * MaryAnn’s reflections on reconnecting with humor and play after trauma * The reminder that healing is not linear, rushed, or one-dimensional Listener Reflection Questions * Who was I before betrayal? * What parts of myself have I abandoned? * What activities, interests, or values made me feel most alive? * What brings me peace, joy, creativity, or connection today? * What small step could help me reconnect with myself this week? Resources * The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel van der Kolk * Stephen Covey - Start with the End in Mind * The Color Code - Dr. Taylor Hartman * GABIS https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/Grief-scale [https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/Grief-scale] * Boundary Basics https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/boundary-basics * Explore guided support and recovery tools: humanintimacy.com * youtube.com/@human-intimacy

Reconstructing Faith After Betrayal: Finding Meaning in the Messy Middle with Dr. Karen Strange (Rise Season 2, Episode 18)

In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT,  is joined by Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, for a deeply compassionate conversation about what happens when betrayal trauma shakes not only our relationships—but also our faith, identity, and sense of meaning. Together, they explore the often unspoken spiritual impact of betrayal and the painful questions that arise in the “messy middle” of healing, including: Why did this happen? Can I still trust my higher power? What do I believe now? For many betrayed partners, recovery is not just about rebuilding trust with a spouse—it can also involve deconstructing and reconstructing long-held beliefs about God, safety, purpose, and self-worth. This episode holds space for that complexity with gentleness, honesty, and hope. In this episode, you’ll hear: * How betrayal trauma can impact faith and spiritual identity * Why anger at a higher power is a common and valid response * The experience of feeling “betrayed by God” or spiritually abandoned * How trauma can destabilize beliefs about meaning, safety, and self * The role of grief in spiritual deconstruction and reconstruction * Why the “messy middle” of not knowing is part of healing * How clients begin to rebuild their spiritual foundation after betrayal * The connection between truth, lies, and identity after trauma * What it means to find your “why” in the midst of suffering Tools and practices discussed: * Writing a letter to your higher power to express grief, anger, and questions * Allowing and honoring emotions instead of suppressing them * Identifying and challenging internalized “lies” after betrayal * Practicing self-compassion during identity disruption * Reframing painful experiences through meaning-making and reflection * Seeking safe relational support during deconstruction and healing Key themes: * Spiritual deconstruction and reconstruction * Emotional honesty in faith crises * Identity loss and rebuilding after betrayal trauma * Meaning-making in suffering * The importance of safe connection and support * Hope in the “messy middle” of healing MaryAnn and Dr. Strange emphasize that questioning, wrestling, and even feeling anger toward a higher power are not signs of failure—they are often part of a deeply human healing process. Over time, many individuals find that their faith is not necessarily destroyed, but transformed. Healing is not linear, and you are not alone in the questions you are carrying. Resources * "Man's Search For Meaning," Viktor Frankl * GABIS https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/Grief-scale [https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/Grief-scale] * Boundary Basics https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/boundary-basics * Explore guided support and recovery tools: humanintimacy.com * youtube.com/@human-intimacy