Rise: Hope and Healing Podcast

Escaping the Prison of Silence After Sexual Betrayal, with Dr. Kevin Skinner, Rise Season 2, Episode 20 the Prison of Silence After Sexual Betrayal, with Dr. Kevin Skinner, Rise Season 2, Episode 20

In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Dr. Kevin Skinner, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, continue their series on rebuilding life after betrayal trauma by focusing on one of the most essential—and most difficult—parts of healing: connection. After betrayal, many survivors begin questioning not only their relationship, but their entire sense of safety with people. Dr. Skinner shares research showing that betrayal trauma often impacts our perception of trust, causing many to withdraw from friends, family, peers, and support systems. Isolation can feel safer in the short term, but healing rarely happens alone. Together, MaryAnn and Dr. Skinner explore: * Why betrayal trauma often leads to isolation and avoidance * The nervous system’s fear of vulnerability and connection * How secrecy and carrying trauma alone impacts the body and mind * The healing power of support groups and safe relationships * Common fears and barriers people experience when considering group support * Why not all groups feel emotionally safe—and how to find healthy support * The importance of “parking lot conversations” and authentic connection outside formal group time * How healing happens through validation, attachment, and being truly seen * The role of safe relationships in calming PTSD symptoms and rebuilding trust * Attachment wounds, exclusion trauma, and the brain’s response to rejection * How helping and supporting others in recovery also strengthens our own healing Dr. Skinner shares powerful clinical stories illustrating how even one safe relationship can begin to regulate the nervous system and shift long-held beliefs of “I’m alone” into “I matter.” The conversation highlights how group healing is often less about the curriculum and more about the relationships formed through shared vulnerability and understanding. MaryAnn also discusses: * The difference between structured therapy groups and 12-step groups * Why some group formats may feel triggering or invalidating * Reframing harmful “co-addict” or codependency messaging through a trauma-informed lens * The importance of finding people who can witness pain without minimizing it * How collective healing creates growth, insight, and hope This episode is a compassionate reminder that while connection after betrayal can feel terrifying, safe relationships are often one of the most transformative parts of recovery. Key Takeaways * Betrayal trauma frequently disrupts a person’s ability to trust others. * Isolation may feel protective, but long-term healing requires safe connection. * Group support can reduce shame, normalize experiences, and provide emotional regulation. * Being witnessed in pain creates attachment and healing. * One safe, nurturing relationship can profoundly impact recovery. * Healing often happens collectively through shared stories, validation, and support. Resources * Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal by Kevin Skinner * Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller * Secure by Amir Levine * Sue Johnson and attachment-based healing concepts * Patrick Carnes recommendation: attend a group multiple times before deciding if it’s a fit * Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale Survey [https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/GABIS-2] - please consider taking a few minutes to help with our ongoing research.  * Visit Humanintimacy.com [http://humanintimacy.com] for the Rise Companion Course, Courses on Communication, Boundaries and both Individual and Couple Healing.  Listener Invitation If you are navigating betrayal trauma and feeling isolated, this episode encourages you to consider reaching out for support. Whether through therapy, group work, trusted friendships, or community, healing often begins when someone says: “I see you. You matter. You are not alone.”

Finding Yourself After Betrayal: Identity and the 8 C’s of Self with Kris Cristiano (Rise Season 2, Episode 19)

Finding Yourself After Betrayal: Identity and the 8 C’s of Self with Kris Cristiano (Rise Season 2, Episode 19) In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT and Kris Cristiano, LCSW, CSAT, explore one of the deepest and most painful questions betrayal trauma survivors face: “Who am I now?” When betrayal shatters trust, it often disrupts identity, self-concept, confidence, joy, and connection to self. Together, MaryAnn and Kris unpack the healing process of rediscovering your core self while also making space for the ways trauma and life experiences fundamentally change us. Through personal stories, clinical insight, humor, and practical tools, this conversation explores individuation, differentiation, dissociation, nervous system healing, and reconnecting with authenticity after trauma. In This Episode * How betrayal trauma distorts identity and self-concept * Why many survivors feel disconnected from themselves * The difference between survival mode and authentic living * Reconnecting with values, interests, joy, creativity, and play * Why healing is not about “going back” but reconnecting with your core self * The importance of nervous system regulation in trauma recovery * How storytelling helps integrate trauma and rebuild identity * Why fun, laughter, and play are essential parts of healing * Understanding dissociation and compartmentalization during betrayal trauma * Practical grounding exercises to reconnect with yourself Key Themes Discussed Rediscovering Who You Are MaryAnn and Kris discuss how betrayal can cause people to abandon parts of themselves in order to survive, maintain relationships, or keep systems functioning. Healing often involves intentionally reclaiming lost parts of identity — even through small things like favorite foods, hobbies, humor, music, creativity, or values. The Role of Trauma in Identity Trauma changes the brain, nervous system, emotional responses, and worldview. Survivors may struggle with concentration, joy, emotional regulation, or activities they once loved. The episode emphasizes patience, self-compassion, and understanding that healing takes time. Nervous System Healing The conversation explores practices that help regulate the nervous system, including: * Meditation * Yoga * Walking * Singing * Dancing * Play * Safe social connection * Intentionality * Emotional processing Dissociation and Presence MaryAnn shares how betrayal trauma can create a dream-like sense of disconnection from reality and self. The discussion includes practical ways to stay grounded and present while also honoring overwhelming emotions and triggers. Storytelling and Meaning-Making Kris explains how sharing our stories in safe spaces helps the brain integrate trauma, close emotional loops, and rebuild identity over time. The 8 C’s of Self in IFS Drawing from Internal Family Systems (IFS), the episode references the “8 C’s” — qualities associated with the core Self when we are grounded, centered, and not led by fear or trauma parts: * Calm * Clarity * Compassion * Confidence * Courage * Creativity * Connectedness * Curiosity The conversation explores how healing often involves reconnecting with these qualities rather than abandoning who we truly are. Memorable Moments * The story of “watermelon” as a symbol of reclaiming identity after decades of self-abandonment * The “what kind of eggs do you actually like?” metaphor from Runaway Bride * Why “fun is part of recovery” * MaryAnn’s reflections on reconnecting with humor and play after trauma * The reminder that healing is not linear, rushed, or one-dimensional Listener Reflection Questions * Who was I before betrayal? * What parts of myself have I abandoned? * What activities, interests, or values made me feel most alive? * What brings me peace, joy, creativity, or connection today? * What small step could help me reconnect with myself this week? Resources * The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel van der Kolk * Stephen Covey - Start with the End in Mind * The Color Code - Dr. Taylor Hartman * GABIS https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/Grief-scale [https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/Grief-scale] * Boundary Basics https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/boundary-basics * Explore guided support and recovery tools: humanintimacy.com * youtube.com/@human-intimacy

Reconstructing Faith After Betrayal: Finding Meaning in the Messy Middle with Dr. Karen Strange (Rise Season 2, Episode 18)

In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT,  is joined by Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, for a deeply compassionate conversation about what happens when betrayal trauma shakes not only our relationships—but also our faith, identity, and sense of meaning. Together, they explore the often unspoken spiritual impact of betrayal and the painful questions that arise in the “messy middle” of healing, including: Why did this happen? Can I still trust my higher power? What do I believe now? For many betrayed partners, recovery is not just about rebuilding trust with a spouse—it can also involve deconstructing and reconstructing long-held beliefs about God, safety, purpose, and self-worth. This episode holds space for that complexity with gentleness, honesty, and hope. In this episode, you’ll hear: * How betrayal trauma can impact faith and spiritual identity * Why anger at a higher power is a common and valid response * The experience of feeling “betrayed by God” or spiritually abandoned * How trauma can destabilize beliefs about meaning, safety, and self * The role of grief in spiritual deconstruction and reconstruction * Why the “messy middle” of not knowing is part of healing * How clients begin to rebuild their spiritual foundation after betrayal * The connection between truth, lies, and identity after trauma * What it means to find your “why” in the midst of suffering Tools and practices discussed: * Writing a letter to your higher power to express grief, anger, and questions * Allowing and honoring emotions instead of suppressing them * Identifying and challenging internalized “lies” after betrayal * Practicing self-compassion during identity disruption * Reframing painful experiences through meaning-making and reflection * Seeking safe relational support during deconstruction and healing Key themes: * Spiritual deconstruction and reconstruction * Emotional honesty in faith crises * Identity loss and rebuilding after betrayal trauma * Meaning-making in suffering * The importance of safe connection and support * Hope in the “messy middle” of healing MaryAnn and Dr. Strange emphasize that questioning, wrestling, and even feeling anger toward a higher power are not signs of failure—they are often part of a deeply human healing process. Over time, many individuals find that their faith is not necessarily destroyed, but transformed. Healing is not linear, and you are not alone in the questions you are carrying. Resources * "Man's Search For Meaning," Viktor Frankl * GABIS https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/Grief-scale [https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/Grief-scale] * Boundary Basics https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/boundary-basics * Explore guided support and recovery tools: humanintimacy.com * youtube.com/@human-intimacy

You Are Not Your Partner's Mother, Sponsor, or Dumping Ground: Boundaries and Trusting Your Gut with Rhyll Croshaw (Rise Season 2, Episode 17)

You Are Not Your Partner's Mother, Sponsor, or Dumping Ground: Boundaries and Trusting Your Gut with Rhyll Croshaw (Rise Season 2, Episode 17) In this powerful episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT is joined by Rhyll Croshaw, a pioneer in betrayal trauma recovery, author of "What Can I Do About Me?",and co-founder of the SA Lifeline Foundation and SAL12step.org.  Rhyll brings decades of lived experience, professional insight, and grounded wisdom to a conversation that speaks directly to one of the most confusing and painful parts of recovery after betrayal: How do I hold boundaries and learn to trust myself again when I’ve been conditioned to doubt my gut? In this episode, Rhyll shares her story of 53 years of marriage and insights learned from 32 years of betrayal trauma recovery work, including: what happens when betrayed partners find themselves over-functioning in relationships—becoming the emotional regulator, caretaker, or unintended “dumping ground” for their partner’s emotions, recovery work, or instability. At the heart of this conversation is a powerful truth: You are not your partner’s mother. You are not their sponsor. You are not their emotional dumping ground. And learning this boundary distinction is a critical part of healing. In This Episode, We Explore: * Why betrayed partners often lose trust in their own intuition and gut instincts * How external voices (partner, sponsor, family, culture) can override internal knowing * The emotional cost of becoming the “dumping ground” in a relationship * Why boundaries are not rejection—they are role clarification * The difference between supporting someone and over-functioning for them * What it means to practice compassionate detaching * How to recognize when you are carrying emotions that are not yours to hold * Why trusting your gut is a recovery skill, not an automatic ability Key Takeaways: * Your gut is not broken—it has been drowned out by survival and confusion * Boundaries are about identity, roles, and emotional safety * You cannot be someone’s partner, parent, and sponsor all at once * Compassion does not require emotional over-responsibility * Healing includes learning to say: “This is not mine to carry.” Powerful Themes in This Episode: Trusting Your Gut After betrayal, intuition often becomes clouded by fear, doubt, and conflicting messages. Relearning to listen to yourself is central to recovery. Boundaries as Role Clarity Boundaries are not punishment or withdrawal—they define what is and is not yours to hold in a relationship. Compassionate Detaching Detaching does not mean abandoning love. It means staying connected to yourself while releasing responsibility for what belongs to another adult. Emotional Over-Responsibility Many betrayed partners unconsciously become emotional caretakers for their spouse’s recovery or regulation—at great personal cost. Memorable Quotes & Concepts: * “You are not your partner’s sponsor, mother, or dumping ground.” * “Boundaries aren’t rejection—they’re role correction.” * “Your gut still speaks, but too many voices have been louder than it.” * “Detaching with compassion means I care—but I don’t carry what isn’t mine.” Hope & Healing Reminder: Recovery is not just about understanding betrayal—it is about reclaiming yourself. Learning to trust your gut, hold boundaries, and step out of over-responsibility is not selfish. It is foundational to healing, clarity, and emotional safety. Resources & References: * What Can I Do About Me? by Rhyll Croshaw * Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke * SA Lifeline Foundation https://salifeline.org [https://salifeline.org] * SAL 12 Step https://sal12step.org [https://sal12step.org] * The Recovery Puzzle  [https://salifeline.org/the-recovery-puzzle/] * Recovery Circles Model [https://salifeline.org/salifeline-recovery-circle-models/] * Rise online companion course [https://www.humanintimacy.com/link/9yNi7c?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.humanintimacy.com%2Fcourse%2Fhope-and-healing-from-sexual-betrayal]  * Boundary Basics online course [https://www.humanintimacy.com/link/9yNi7c?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.humanintimacy.com%2Fcourse%3Fcourseid%3Dboundary-basics] * Human Intimacy online courses - communication, relationships, The Intimacy Repair Method [https://www.humanintimacy.com/link/9yNi7c] * GABIS - the Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale Survey [https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/GABIS-2] - Contribute to our Resarch!  Share This Episode If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who may be: * second-guessing their intuition * carrying emotional responsibility that isn’t theirs * learning to set or hold boundaries after betrayal

Holding Boundaries Through Discomfort: Emotions, Pushback and Staying Grounded with Dr. Skinner (Rise Season 2, Episode 16)

Holding Boundaries In Discomfort: Emotions, Pushback and Staying Grounded with Dr. Skinner (Rise Season 2, Episode 16) In this episode of Rise: Hope & Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT is joined again by Dr. Kevin Skinner LMFT, CSAT, CPTT to continue the powerful conversation on boundaries—this time focusing on what happens after you set one. Because the truth is… setting a boundary is only the beginning. What happens when your partner pushes back? When fear floods in? When you’re not even sure you can follow through? This episode steps into the emotional reality of holding boundaries—the discomfort, the fear, and the growth required to stay grounded in your values. What You’ll Learn in This Episode: * Why boundaries must be rooted in your personal values (your “why”) * The role of homeostasis—and why change in relationships feels so hard * The difference between rigid vs. flexible boundaries * Why you are allowed to change your mind as you learn and grow * What it really means to follow through on a boundary * How to handle pushback, resistance, or defensiveness * The impact of shame filters in the betraying partner * Why boundaries often trigger fear of loss and abandonment * The importance of differentiation—holding onto yourself in the relationship * How to stay grounded when you feel triggered, anxious, or dysregulated Key Takeaways: * Boundaries are not about control—they are about self-alignment and safety * If a boundary isn’t connected to your values, it will be difficult to maintain * You don’t have to get it perfect—you need to stay aware and adaptable * Discomfort is not a sign you’re doing it wrong—it’s often a sign of growth * You can be both shaky and strong at the same time Emotional Reality Check: Holding boundaries may bring up: * Fear (“Will this end my relationship?”) * Anxiety (“What if I can’t follow through?”) * Confusion (“Am I doing this right?”) * Grief (loss of identity, loss of what was) This is normal. You are learning a new way of being—like writing with your non-dominant hand. 🛠️ Practical Tools Shared: * Define your boundary by asking: “What is my why?” * Communicate clearly: “If X happens, I will respond by doing Y.” * Prepare for resistance—it doesn’t mean the boundary is wrong * Regulate yourself before having the conversation * Build support systems (friends, therapists, safe people) * Give yourself permission to adjust as you learn Final Thought: Boundaries are only as strong as the work you’ve done within yourself. And even when it feels uncomfortable, uncertain, or scary— you are allowed to take up space, have needs, and honor them. 🔗 Resources Mentioned: * Dr. Kevin Skinner’s work on rebuilding after betrayal * Rebuild Your Relationship After Sexual Betrayal * Boundary Course at Human Intimacy: https://www.humanintimacy.com/link/9yNi7c?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.humanintimacy.com%2Fcourse%3Fcourseid%3Dboundary-basics [https://www.humanintimacy.com/link/9yNi7c?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.humanintimacy.com%2Fcourse%3Fcourseid%3Dboundary-basics] * www.youtube.com/human-intimacy [http://www.youtube.com/human-intimacy] * Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/Grief-scale  Like and Share the Podcast If this episode resonated with you, please help us reach others who may need support by liking and sharing it.  You never know who needs to hear that they’re not alone.