The Autistic VOICE Project

Episode 46: Autistic Grief, Co-Regulation, and the People Who Keep Us Human

Matt and Erin are back for another mailbag episode — and this one gets deeply personal. From losing an “anchor person” to navigating autistic grief, relationships, PDA parenting, and co-regulation, this episode explores what happens when the people who help hold our world together are suddenly gone or overwhelmed. It’s vulnerable, funny, heartbreaking, and very, very autistic. We cover: * Why autistic grief can feel like losing your “internal compass” — not just a loved one * How partners, friends, and safe people often function as essential disability supports * The fear, disorientation, and loneliness that can come after losing an “anchor person” * Matt and Erin’s personal experiences with divorce, loss, burnout, and rebuilding stability * PDA parenting, “dueling gremlins,” and how co-regulation creates room for flexibility * Why autistic love is often rooted in safety, routine, and nervous system relief * Transformers, Doctor Who, fountains, art galaxies, chicken nuggets, and the sacred role of biscuits and gravy Also: the loneliest whale in the ocean, emotional support toast, “people…” as a replacement swear word, and Matt casually admitting he’d probably make a good spicy audiobook narrator.

Episode 45: Nintendo Fidgets, Neutrality, and the Nervous System We Forgot About

Matt, Erin, and guest Nyck Walsh are here this week — and this episode turns into a really good conversation about somatic therapy, autistic processing, nervous systems, sensory joy, and why neutrality can feel radical when your body has spent years stuck in survival mode. We talk about: * Rocks, Nintendo buttons, foodgasms, hypervigilance, and the very real experience of trying to exist in a world that keeps demanding “normal” * Nyck explains “VAST” (Variable Attention Stimulus Trait) as a more affirming alternative to ADHD language * Why a lot of somatic therapy can accidentally become ableist when interoception differences aren’t considered * The autistic processing pause: looking away, slowing down, and needing time to actually build an accurate response * Using rocks, pets, blankets, textures, fidgets, and sensory anchors to ground in the present moment * The difference between sympathetic overdrive and parasympathetic rest — and why many autistic people rarely get to experience neutrality * How pleasure, sensory joy, and “stopping to smell the roses” can become survival tools instead of luxuries * Cats, Caprese omelets, NES controller fidgets, and the very important concept of the food dance * Nyck’s new book Neurodivergent Somatics and Therapy and the upcoming audiobook narrated by Nyck themself Also: Erin accidentally inventing “somagic,” Tuck the adventure cat making emotional drive-bys, and a surprisingly deep discussion about how touching a really good rock can help keep your nervous system online. This is a ride. We’re glad you’re here.

Episode 44: Perimenopause, Medical Gaslighting, and Figuring It Out Without a Map

This episode gets into perimenopause through an autistic lens—what it actually feels like, why it hits differently in autistic bodies, and how little real guidance exists. Matt, Erin, and Eleda talk through the biology, the lived experience, and the frustration of trying to make sense of something that affects so many people but still isn’t well understood—especially when you add autism into the mix. We cover: * How sensory differences can amplify menopause symptoms (hot flashes, sweat, fatigue, migraines) into something much more intense * The overlap between hormones, histamines, and autoimmune conditions—and why everything can spike at once * The lack of research, missed diagnoses, and why so many autistic people are left figuring this out on their own * Real, often overlooked symptoms (phantom smells, joint pain, anxiety surges) and what it’s like not knowing what’s happening to your body * What it takes to advocate for care, find informed providers, and experiment with supports like HRT There’s no clean roadmap here. Just real talk, shared experience, and a starting point for conversations we should’ve been having a long time ago.

Episode 43: Special Interests, Safe Spaces, and Saying No to Shame

Matt, Erin, and Eleda get into special interests, collections, and what it means to have a space where Autistic joy isn’t hidden—it’s the whole point. This one’s about building community through the things we love, and why that matters more than most people realize. We cover: * Turning a business into a place where people come to connect—not just buy things * Why collections matter (and what happens to them when we’re gone) * The shame people are taught to feel about joy—and why we reject that * Autistic joy, special interests, and being “too much” for other people * Finding your people—whether that’s a shop, a hobby group, or this podcast Also: unicorn collections, tiny horse economies, estate herds, and the real work of building (and protecting) a personal museum of the things you love.

Episode 42: Horses, Hyperfocus, and the Accidental Autistic Gathering Place

Matt and Erin are joined by Eleda Towle, an Autistic store owner whose lifelong focus on model horses turned into a business—and a gathering place for other Autistic people. This one moves the way Autistic conversations often do: tangents, deep dives, and a lot of “wait, that connects to this.” It’s about discovery, community, and what happens when people finally find their thing—and their people. We cover: * Eleda’s late autism discovery at 52—and the moment everything started to make sense * Building a business around monotropic focus (yes, plastic horses) and accidentally creating Autistic community space * Why Autistic conversations “maze” instead of staying linear—and why that’s not a problem to fix * The deep (and very real) Autistic roots of toy culture—from model horses to My Little Pony lore * Intrinsic motivation, PDA, and why “just try harder” doesn’t work for Autistic people * Self-directed learning, reward systems, and a nonprofit using play to support neurodivergent kids Side note: yes, we go from horses → Ninja Turtles → Brainspotting → electric towers → taxes → government frustration… and it all makes sense if you’re following the thread. That’s the point. This is what it sounds like when autistic people talk to each other. A little chaotic. Very real. And honestly, kind of the best way to understand how our brains actually work.