The Power of Presence: Building Strong Bonds Between Dads and Daughters

The Power of Presence: Building Strong Bonds Between Dads and Daughters

What does it mean to truly connect with your daughter? That's the central question explored in the latest episode of the "Dad and Daughter Connection" podcast, where Dr. Christopher Lewis [https://www.linkedin.com/in/drchristopherlewis/] welcomes guest Brandon Smith [https://www.linkedin.com/in/brandonsmithtwpt/] for an honest, insightful and at times emotional conversation about fatherhood, mistakes, and building resilient, confident daughters. From the start, Brandon Smith distinguishes between "intended" and "unintended" moments in parenting, emphasizing that the unscripted, everyday experiences often make the deepest impact. Whether it's a trip for just the two of them or sitting quietly in support during a crisis, simply showing up consistently is the anchor of a strong bond. As Brandon Smith shares, "the small moments mattered the most" — a lesson he learned not only in his journey as a dad but also through the advice of other fathers. The episode dives deep into the challenges dads face: resisting the urge to "fix" everything, sitting with difficult emotions, and learning to ask open-ended questions that give daughters the space to vent, reflect, and find their own solutions. Dr. Christopher Lewis and Brandon Smith steer the conversation toward agency, urging fathers to build their daughters' confidence and resilience by empowering them to make decisions — even allowing for failure as an important part of growth. It's not about being perfect. It's about being truly present — listening, apologizing when you get it wrong, and making your child a priority. Brandon Smith reminds listeners that kids are far more forgiving than we think, as long as we're willing to acknowledge our mistakes and keep trying. Traditions, whether as simple as a regular dinner or a unique holiday ritual, also play a role in creating a safe foundation daughters can count on, even as they gain independence. Fathers of daughters — whether your relationship is close or still growing, this episode of "Dad and Daughter Connection" is packed with real advice, vulnerable stories, and practical tips to help you show up as the dad your daughter needs. Ready to deepen your connection? Tune in to the full episode and join Dr. Christopher Lewis and Brandon Smith on the journey to raising strong, independent women. TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week I love that you come back. You come back to learn, to grow and to find new ways to be able to build those intentional connections with your daughter. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]: And it's so important because we have to show up. We've got to show up every day. We've got to learn from the things we do well. We got to learn from the things that we mess up on as well, because there's going to be times that are going to go perfectly and then other times where we'll. They may be an epic fail. And that's okay. That the fact that you do show up, the fact that you do come back and you're willing to, to learn and to hear others stories about their journeys says a lot about you and it says a lot about where you want to be as a father. This podcast is here to give you some help, some perspective, some thoughts on fatherhood. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:42]: Every week I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that have gone through their own fatherhood journey and they're still going through their fatherhood journey. And today we got another great guest. Brandon Smith is with us today and Brandon is a return guest, I'm going to say, in some aspects, not he wasn't a return guest from this podcast, but for those of you that have been listening to me for a while, you know that I had another podcast called Dads with Daughters, and Brandon's a past guest from that show. So if you want to find that episode, go over to fathering together, you can check that out. It's still out there. And he'll add some hot sauce to your fatherhood as well. And I'll leave it at that because and tease that out. But I'm really excited to be able to have Brandon on. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:26]: We're going to be talking about his own journey with his daughter. And I look forward for you to get to know him as well. Brandon, thanks so much for being here today. Brandon Smith [00:02:33]: Chris. I'm thrilled to be on and I love, I love what we're going to be talking about here today. I'm very, very passionate about it. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:38]: You know, one of the things that I love starting off with when I think about fatherhood is all of us as dads want to create those meaningful moments where we, we truly are able to, to connect with our daughters. What's one of the most meaningful moments that you've been able to share with your daughter thus far and what made it so special? Brandon Smith [00:02:58]: So I'm going to answer that in two ways. So there was the intended moments where you get to plan them, but then there's the unintended moments that you, that you don't get to plan them. I would argue the unintended moments are probably more impactful. But let's talk about the intended moments. So I've got three kids. My daughter Abby is my oldest. She's 24. She's graduated, working a full time job. Brandon Smith [00:03:18]: She's doing great. We'll talk more about that then. I have a son who's Noah, who's 21, and then a son Aaron, who's 18. Well, whenever my kids were 12, I would always take them, just me and that kiddo, to Disney World, just me and that one kid. So we could just do whatever they want to do. They didn't have to negotiate rides and restaurants with their siblings. And we just get that time together. And I kind of kept that tradition going with Abby. Brandon Smith [00:03:38]: So when she went off to University of Georgia, she was in a sorority. The nice thing about sororities is they have a lot of planned events. So they've got like parent weekends, but then they have mommy daughter weekend and then they have a daddy daughter weekend. So I did that with her every year. So there was always times I was going there, just me and her for weekends and time together. And then even during her summers when she was doing internships and things, you know, she would, we would find time for just she and I to meet up in the city some where and just kind of explore together. So there was those schedule times which I think were really, really important. I would argue that the most important times were the times when she was in crisis. Brandon Smith [00:04:11]: And I just sat with her. I was just with her, just being present, not trying to solve it, not trying to offer advice, just sit and listen. And that's really hard now to be fair. We haven't Talked much about my background. I have a slightly unfair advantage. I was trained as a clinical therapist, so I do bring that to bear. So I know how to ask questions and listen and do kind of reflective, which does help. But I think those moments were probably the most important, and there were several. Brandon Smith [00:04:38]: There was one where when she was graduating from college and there had been a death in her sorority, it really rattled my daughter. And on top of that, she had broken her leg, and she was a big runner, so she couldn't run. That was her stress relief. Let me tell you, Chris, I'm not sure if I'd want to go relive that weekend with her, but it was an impactful one because I just got to sit there with her while she just kind of raged and vented and just had all those emotions just kind of flood. I once heard somewhere that part of the role of the difference between kind of dads and daughters, or men and women, husbands and wives, and in those dynamics, women are often like the waves of the ocean. They kind of come and go. And sometimes when two. When a wife and a daughter kind of come together, sometimes those waves can create some storms. Brandon Smith [00:05:18]: Men are kind of like the rock wall on the side of the coast, and the water's supposed to kind of hit it, but not move it. So we're kind of almost supposed to be there kind of that steady, steady, consistent force. I don't know why that image has always stood out for me, but I know that there's been moments when I've been that kind of that. That rock wall and just allowed her to just kind of vent and rage and not be overwhelmed by that. The most impactful. So a long answer to your question, my friend. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:41]: Not a problem at all. You know, I have heard what you said earlier about being willing to just sit and listen from many people and not to solve. And that's not an easy thing for dads to always do. It tends to take a little bit of reprogramming in our brains to be able to get to that point. Talk to me about that for yourself. And I know you said you have a unfair advantage, so maybe you can give some advice for dads that are struggling with that in regards to what either you had to do or what you might recommend that dads do, to be able to reprogram their brains, to be able to be more of those quiet listeners versus the solvers. Brandon Smith [00:06:20]: I think the first thing is to recognize that those emotions don't mean that something's broken or something's wrong. So the Things that we want to not do is either jump in and say, no, you must not feel this way. You must feel this way. Trying to change what they're feeling. Not a good idea. That's really bad. Dads and daughters, moms and daughters, not good. You don't want to do that. Brandon Smith [00:06:38]: Second, it's okay to sit in that discomfort. I know it was my own case of. With my father, he was very different. He could not handle any kind of uncomfortable emotion at all. There was if I. If you just got excited and passionate about a topic at dinner, he'd get up and leave the dinner table. He's gonna handle it. And my entire life, if I talked to my dad, he'd stick his hand out in my face, wave it back and forth, and he'd say, stop talking. Brandon Smith [00:06:57]: None of my business. He really just couldn't handle that. So I would encourage dads first to just be okay with sitting there. You don't have to fix it. And. And that negative energy isn't going to hurt you or hurt them. We need to give them a safe space to let it out. So that's first. Brandon Smith [00:07:14]: Second step. How do you help them let it out? It's by asking a lot of questions and just reflecting back. Just. Just by saying things like that sounds really hard. How are you doing with that? And just letting them go or say, wow, that is just. That's a lot. Or one of the great therapist lines, which you can always use in your playbook, works really well in life. Say more about that. Brandon Smith [00:07:32]: You can never go wrong with. Just say more about that. And you can start off by saying that. That guys, that sounds really hard. Say more about that. What's the hardest part? So really sit in it now. Where dads are going to go wrong. Another part where they're going to go wrong is they're going to go, so how do you think we need to fix it? You don't need to do that. Brandon Smith [00:07:46]: You don't need to jump to fixing it. Just let them go. Let them go until that energy really starts to wane. Now, to be fair, my daughter's grown up with me, and she has very good skills like this. So there's times I was doing that with her on that moment, I told you, and she said to me, I know what you're doing. Stop it. So I had to pivot. And one of the ways for my daughter that works really well is when I then get vulnerable, talk about something I'm struggling with in my life, or I get really kind of authentic. Brandon Smith [00:08:12]: She connects really well to that my daughter has never done, she came out this way. She's never done well with people being not performative but, but, but not being real, not really saying what's really going on. She cannot handle that. So she actually does really well with me just kind of being open and honest and just calling things the way they are. That actually settles her down. So just having some more of that honest dialog and just being present and not trying to change it. I think those are, those are the moments. And she'll say today, she'll say, you know, one of the things I'm most proud of, she'll say if Brandon Smith me says he's going to be there, he's going to be there. Brandon Smith [00:08:42]: And as a dad that's really meaningful. I'm feel myself even getting tearing up a little bit just saying that because what dad doesn't want to hear their kiddo say that? So I would say those are probably two good tips. Just learning to be comfortable in that and then learning how to just ask questions to help it release. By helping it release, you're fixing it. So I think that's probably the last thing I'd say. For dads, you don't have to have a plan of action with three steps or five steps or a phone call you're going to make today. It doesn't have to be that clear cut. Just by helping that emotion go, it'll make a difference. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:08]: As our daughters are born, for many years they, they rely so much on us and as they get old they become more and more independent. How did you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence that she needed to be able to grow into the person that she has become? Brandon Smith [00:09:28]: It's a really good question. And this is where we often. So in my professional world, I take a lot of my coaching background and my counseling background and bring it into the workplace and helping leaders get better and those sorts of things. Do a lot of executive coaching kind of work and, and what I think makes this so challenging, it's kind of like leadership is an art and a science. Parenting is an art and a science. I mean every, every K is a little different. Every situation's a little different. There's no one size fits all. Brandon Smith [00:09:51]: Sometimes you got to pivot with your recipe. And so where it's tricky is I'm always trying as a parent, I'm always trying to instill agency. It's my favorite word. If you ask me, my favorite word on this planet is it's agency. And for those of you that don't kind of know the word agency. What we're talking about when we're talking about agency for a person, when you have a sense of agency, it's almost like you tell yourself, I'm enough in the world. I'm not perfect. No one's perfect. Brandon Smith [00:10:13]: But I'm enough. I can get through it. And we have high levels of agency. We have competence and confidence, and we have resilient, and we handle change well. Change doesn't overwhelm us. What we don't have when we have high levels of agency is heightened anxiety. Anxiety is the absence of agency. So if you got a really anxious kiddo, just really fearful, kind of struggling with dealing with life, agency is a great antidote. Brandon Smith [00:10:35]: I'm always trying to instill that. So the way you instill that is you ask a lot of questions. So, wow, that sounds really hard. Well, what do you think you can do about that? What do you. What do you think you need to do? How do you think you can solve that? How can I help you with that? But you're. But you're putting the answers, you're putting the solutioning, you're putting the authorship on that, kiddo. So book I published in 2022 is called the author versus editor dilemma. That's a lot to do with workplaces and leadership and management. Brandon Smith [00:10:57]: But I always do a chapter in every one of my books on parenting, and there's even a chapter in Author editor about that. Like, when should I sit in the author seat and tell them what to do? When should I sit in the editor seat and they tell me what they're going to do and then I can respond to that. So you want them to have that agency, all solutions to problems. That sometimes means they're going to fail, and that is okay. Where we need to kind of watch closely is we don't want the failure to be catastrophic. Failures are good. That's when you learn. We learn the most in times of failure. Brandon Smith [00:11:22]: My midd kiddo, he just went through the college internship process this year. It's been really tough on college students and interns to find internships this year. It's a tougher cycle. He had a couple lined up. He waited too long. The offers exploded on him and he had to scramble. And my wife and I were thinking how we could help him. Well, he ended up coming up with an internship on his own. Brandon Smith [00:11:40]: He found one, and he's loving it. And I think the fact he recovered on his own, I mean, that's really what you want. You Want that level of agency. So all that to say, you know, you're trying to equip them to solve problems on their own. You're going to support them. And even when my kids were little, they come home and say, oh, the teacher's being me. The teacher's bullying me. It triggers that inner parenting instinct. Brandon Smith [00:11:58]: You want to jump in and say, talk to that teacher. I always stopped myself and said, I'm not going to do that. And I would say, what conversation do you think you need to have? I know you can do it. I believe in you. And I said, I've got your back. I've got air cover for you. It doesn't go well, you can call dad. Dad will jump in. Brandon Smith [00:12:12]: Dad will fix it, but why don't you take the first crack? I did it with all my kids. I never had to have a conversation with the teacher. They would go back and they had it on their own because I was trying to again equip them to the agency. And also, those are great skills. You're gonna have to have a conversation with your boss one day. Why don't you learn that now? So then when you have to neg negotiate your salary or say you can't work on the weekend, you learn how to do that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:30]: Those are great examples. And I think, you know, I've. I feel like I'm going through a lot of those myself with my daughter that's in college right now and figuring out, okay, where do I push, where do I pull, where do I just sit back? And that as you kind of talked about the author role or not. And so that's always a challenge. And I think it always continues to be a challenge as you sit back and you're like, I've been there. I've done that. You can learn from me, but you may need to make these mistakes yourself. And I get that too now, talking about intentional things and thinking in my head of what you just said. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:04]: Some of the things that we do are very intentional. What are some intentional ways that you've worked throughout your daughter's life to be able to strengthen that bond that you had with her, especially during those challenging times. Brandon Smith [00:13:16]: So my daughter's a lot like a cat. You have to let her come to you. If you try and go to her too quickly, it's not going to go very well. So being intentional, I think, is really important. I will say this. I think going back to the word agency, I often joke with my wife. My daughter kind of came out of the womb just frustrated because she didn't have any agency because she's 4 and she wants to do stuff. She's 8 and she wants to do stuff. Brandon Smith [00:13:36]: She's 12 and she wants to do stuff, and she can't. And it got frustrated. Well, now she's 24 and she works for a consulting firm, and she can do all the stuff. So I think that's helped a lot. But I will say the hardest time for us was probably those high school years where it was the most pressure. And every year she went off to college, her feelings towards us improved, her connection towards us improved on her own, she made those things happen because I think she was just seeing her friends and some of their dynamics with their parents, and she realized we're not so bad. And every time she called, we always made that time for her. So she calls my wife every day. Brandon Smith [00:14:10]: She talks to my wife every day. But she knows she can call me and I will drop whatever I'm doing if she calls me. So I think part of it is just being present with her, not being too pushy, but, you know, letting her come to me. The other thing was I always schedule time with her, and I always tell her, you are one of the most important people and most important relationships in my life. I really want to make sure we get to spend time together. And I find things that my kids like. My daughter likes to go to nice restaurants. She likes to try new food. Brandon Smith [00:14:32]: So we'll go try the local Portuguese restaurant, or we'll try the Persian restaurant or whatever happens to be. And so now that she's on her own and she's figuring out career stuff and life stuff, we try to do quarterly dinners. So we'll do quarterly dinner. She's still in Atlanta. I live in Atlanta. So we'll meet up for dinner somewhere and just have a nice dinner and just talk about life, Talk about her career, her boyfriend, all the other things. I think it's a little bit of both. It's always kind of being there when they want to come to you. Brandon Smith [00:14:57]: That's an intention and making them a priority. So that's kind of more of a firefighter on call kind of intention. When the phone rings, I answer it. But there's also keeping that connected. And I think when you plan something with someone, you're signaling to them that they're a priority. So when I tell my daughter, you mean a lot to me, and our relationship is very meaningful. I want to spend time with you. I'd love to take you out to dinner. Brandon Smith [00:15:15]: She never turns me down. So those are Some examples. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:18]: I love those examples. And I try to have similar things with my own daughters. And I know that it makes a difference. Sometimes they say it, sometimes they don't. And you have to know that. That you just have to realize that even if they don't say it, it still matters. Now, none of us are perfect. We all make m mistakes. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:37]: What's a mistake that you've made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection with your daughter? Brandon Smith [00:15:44]: Oh, goodness. I'm going through my very large inventory of mistakes, Chris. So if I'm pausing, it's because, wow, kind of a lot. Well, I would say I've done the opposite of a lot of things I've said. Like, I pushed on her too hard, pushed on solutions, pushed, pushed on answers, pushed for answers. That doesn't go well with her. So that's not good. But on the flip side, sometimes I don't come to her when she's upset. Brandon Smith [00:16:06]: That gets her really mad. So if she's upset, upset, and she's sending all the signals that she's upset, and I'm not going to her saying, hey, you seem upset. And maybe I just don't want to deal with it. I'm going to be honest. Maybe it's just one of those times where I'm really tired. I don't have much in the tank. Like, I can't deal with her just, you know, her upsetness today, that makes her more angry because I'm not coming to her and acknowledging how she's feeling. So I think there's a lot around those things. Brandon Smith [00:16:27]: Yeah, it's tricky. Parenting is such a startup experience. Fail fast or fail forward. You're always trying to adjust. So, you know, I can tell you another great example, like when she was in high school and applying to colleges and she wasn't getting the SAT score she wanted and she had one last shot, I mean, take the sat and like, I think it was October of your junior year last time. She could really take it and have it count. And she was procrastinating on studying for that, studying for that, studying for that. And whether this was good or bad to me, I'm not sure. Brandon Smith [00:16:52]: But I finally told her, I said, look, you don't have to study for it. You can keep your same SAT scores, and then you're going to go to this slate of colleges and they're all perfectly fine. But if you want to go to this slate of colleges, you're going to need to get that SAT score up. So you're going to make a choice. And I said, if you want to go here, you're going to have to do some studying, which means you can't go off doing brunches on the weekend with your friends. You can't do that. You got studying to do. You're running out of time. Brandon Smith [00:17:12]: Time. Well, she went off. She said she wanted to do that. She wanted the other schools. She wanted a better score, but she kept doing the brunches. So finally, I had to go in one day and say, I'm sorry, Abby. I hate to do this. I'm your dad. Brandon Smith [00:17:22]: I want to honor your request of what you want. I'm grounding you for the next two weeks. You're going nowhere. You can study. That's what you can do. Now, I don't know if that was the right decision or not. She did end up getting the score that she needed at the end of the day, so just barely by the skin of her teeth, but she got that score. But that was an example where I had to step in and ground her on something that she said she wanted, but she wasn't living up to her own expectations of herself. Brandon Smith [00:17:45]: So. I don't know. Plenty of times I've lost my temper with my kids. But I will say this. One of the big things I did learn in life is your kids really want to have a relationship with you. They are actually way more forgiving than we give them credit for. But they will not be forgiving if you don't apologize. You have to be the first one to go say, I'm sorry. Brandon Smith [00:18:02]: Dad screwed up. I shouldn't have handled it the way I did. I promise I'm not going to do that again going forward. And she. And she had a moment with me a few years ago. It was Christmas, and my wife and I were kind of in a little bit of a spat. And it was happening on Christmas Day, and my daughter was not happy about that. And so she came over to me and she pulled me aside, and she's like, what's going on? She was really upset, and I committed to her. Brandon Smith [00:18:20]: I said, I'm sorry. You're right. This shouldn't be happening on Christmas Day. I'm going to fix it. It's not going to happen again. And that's what I did. But you got to be willing to say you're sorry, and you're got to be willing to adjust. And if you do that, our kids aren't expecting perfect from us. Brandon Smith [00:18:31]: They're expecting, like, that effort that we're trying so when you say you're going to make a change, you make the change. But they don't expect perfect. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:37]: And what do you do intentionally to make your daughter feel valued and heard? Brandon Smith [00:18:43]: I saw an interview with Reese Wither Witherspoon at some point and she, she made a comment and dad, the words that a dad says to their daughter, it's like permanent marker on their brain. And so I always want to feed her in that way. My daughter, you know, she doesn't have a lot of money, but she likes to kind of get good fashion. So there's like you could all these services, you rent clothes and she'll run clothes, she'll come downstairs and she'll be wearing a new dress. And I'll say, oh Abby, that dress is beautiful on you. You look absolutely just beautiful. And she's like, oh, thanks dad. But I know that's, I know that's feeding into her self conscious and her level of confidence about herself or self talk. Brandon Smith [00:19:15]: I always tell her, you've got great skills, you've got great intuition on people. So I really look, lift up and reinforce her strengths. So not only does she feel kind of seen, but I'm also trying to tell her, you've got some great things, don't lose those. So those are things I really try to be intentional about in my talk with her and also trying to give her support and guidance. Now sometimes it also means not answering her questions. So the recent one she was doing was she's got a boyfriend who she really likes and we really like. And she's asking me, she's saying, dad, I mean, what do you think? I mean really, what do you think? I mean, do you think he's a good fit for me? I mean, and we like him. And she had a particular thing she was asking about. Brandon Smith [00:19:49]: I said, you know, Abby, that's not my answer. That's not for me to answer. It's a question for you to answer. And I laid out some scenarios and things for her. I said, but it's not for me. She kept pushing on me, pushing on, trying to get me. I wouldn't answer. I wouldn't, wouldn't answer. Brandon Smith [00:20:00]: A few days later she came to my wife and she said, tell dad I'm sorry for pushing him so hard. I was having a, it's one of the phrases that you probably heard your daughter say recently. She's like, I was having a crash out and I was pushing dad a little too hard and I, I shouldn't have been telling actually everything's okay. I'm fine with my boyfriend. So I think knowing sometimes when not to insert your opinions is also important. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]: You don't want to have those insert foot in mouth moments as you're talking to your daughters and, or having to backpedal. So sometimes being silent or as you said, kind of pushing back and allowing for them to work it through probably makes a lot of sense. Brandon Smith [00:20:36]: It reminds me there was a Seinfeld episode where, you know, I think, I can't remember, maybe Kramer had a girlfriend that no one liked. And so they all told him he broke up and we're like, oh, we don't like your girlfriend. And then they got back together. Then now it was awkward because they told Kramer we don't like your girlfriend. But now he's back with her girlfriend. So I think there's times when you just have to some things or for them to figure out. And frankly, if she's happy, that's, I mean, that's one of the things we're going for. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:00]: And how did you support your daughter in pursuing her passion and dreams? Brandon Smith [00:21:04]: It's a challenging one. So in high school, she would come at my wife and me and she'd say, you guys put high expectations on me. You hold me an unfair standard. And it's funny, Chris, we never did. We never did. We never did. My wife and I are little, a little Gen X in how we raise our kids. We're a little, wouldn't say feral, but a little more. Brandon Smith [00:21:23]: More like that in this way. We Never had life, 360 on any of our kids. We didn't track them where they go. We never, once they got into high school, we never looked at the report cards again. Now I've never seen a report card for my kids in high school or college because what I told them was I said, your grades are your grades. And my expectation is you work hard and own and be proud of whatever grade you get. If you got a C and you didn't work hard, then decide to make an adjustment. But if you got a C and you gave it everything you got, that's great. Brandon Smith [00:21:47]: So I think part of it is setting that, pushing kind of that ownership and agency properly on them. It's your life. Your grades are the beginning of that, but it's just going to evolve into more decisions that are yours. I think the second thing is I'm always trying to remind her and reinforce to her what her natural gifts are, what her natural gifts and talents. I think so hard she's trying to fit herself into a box. Like when she was in high school, she took a lot of computer science classes because she thought, oh, I'm a girl, I should take computer science classes because it'll round me out. It was not her love language. It's not her love language and she would tell you that. Brandon Smith [00:22:17]: But she has a lot of great love languages that she's really passionate about. And I'm always trying to remind her of that because she's in this early part of her career where she's trying to figure out what does she want her career to look like. And so I'm trying to encourage her to pursue those areas where she says more natural strengths and passions because it will. It'll play out in a much, much more fulfilling way for her. So I think it's just lifting those things up. That doesn't always mean that she hears it in the moment. I think that's another important thing too. Like, if dads are looking for kind of, I do this and I get an immediate kind of response. Brandon Smith [00:22:47]: It's not, it's not like that. I often, I'll chat in my author editor book and you want to talk to my clients when they're like, doing too much for their teams. I'll say to them, are you trying to win an mvp? Are you trying to win a world championship? Because are two very different muscles. And I think sometimes as dads, we're trying to win MVPs, like, we want the immediate hug and the gratification in the moment, like we just scored a touchdown. And really we should probably be thinking about more like winning a world championship because, like, those are lag indicators. You don't really know how well you're doing until you start to get further into the season. Then you got to get in the playoffs. So touchdowns don't. Brandon Smith [00:23:18]: The touchdown itself doesn't really matter. So I'm getting more of the payoff way after the fact from her. Not in the moment. And sometimes she'll dismiss my comments in the moment. But I know I'm planting seeds. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:27]: What's one way you show your daughter that she can always count on you? Brandon Smith [00:23:31]: I would say the simple answer is if she knows. And she's very respectful of this. She knows if she calls me during the day, I'm going to answer as quickly as I can. If I have to call her back, I will. And I will then clear my calendar to whenever she wants to talk. I will cancel other business calls that I have to make that time for her. Now she does, she does not abuse that. She's very, very respectful of that and sometimes I'll tell her I'm tied up, I can't have a public, let's talk tonight. Brandon Smith [00:23:55]: But I always try and make her a priority when she needs to talk. And so I think that's the number one way. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:00]: And when you think back to relationship with your daughter in the past now, what's a tradition or routine that you've created together that really strengthens your bond? Brandon Smith [00:24:12]: I think there's a couple, one for sure is are just going out to dinner together. We love to do that and traveling together. When my daughter and I did our 12 year old trip to Disney, we stayed at a different kind of Disney hotel. And we just walked around all the hotels one night and she picked out what she's like, oh, I love this one. We should stay here from now on as a family. And sure enough, that's what we started doing. So I think finding things that your daughter likes that you can share with her is really good. And that can be a variety of things. Brandon Smith [00:24:36]: My daughter, she likes sporting events because she likes to sit with people that she cares about and have conversations, but she doesn't actually care about the event itself. But she'll go because she likes to have that time together. I think finding those things that we can do, I think are definitely one. And then we have other traditions that we've always done as a family, which she actually appreciates. We always try to have dinner together as a family as much as we could. We thought this was normal. Apparently it's weird. We live in Atlanta, so we live in the Southeast, but every Christmas Eve after church we go to Waffle House. Brandon Smith [00:25:02]: Waffle Houses are Christmas Eve tradition. And just things like that that she really likes, I think it provides a lot of that stability. I'll also say, like as I mentioned to you before, my daughter was never very touchy feely. Like she was never like daddy's little girl in the sense that she just worshiped me and always wanted to spend time with me. But that has gotten more and more as she's gotten older. Last time she was over to her house, she gave me probably three hugs before she left the house. And so I do think that, you know, it's definitely a marathon and a long race, more like trying to win a world championship than it is winning an mvp. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:31]: Now we always finish our interview with what I like to call our dad connection. Six, six more questions that delve into you as a dad. Are you ready? What's one word that describes your relationship with your daughter? Brandon Smith [00:25:42]: And this isn't Meant to be creepy, but I really like this word. It's intimate. We cover the can. I'm open and honest and things I'm kind of working through. She's open and honest with things she's working through. So there's just a commitment, openness with sharing. Kind of our. We're very authentic. Brandon Smith [00:25:54]: We're vulnerable. We share needs and wants. We just, we're just have a very open relationship. So I would say that what's the Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:59]: best piece of dad advice that you've ever received? Brandon Smith [00:26:04]: I would say the best piece of d. Bad advice I ever received actually came from a client of mine. And it was because he had worked a very long career with a big company. It's a privately held company. He wasn't going to get the CEO job. He was right below it. So he decided to retire and he traveled all the time. And one day his kids told him and he made it a point. Brandon Smith [00:26:22]: He was like, I was always going to be there for the big events. I'm always going to be there for the soccer matches and the award ceremonies. And he would fly back in town, he'd go to those events and he thought like, ah, being a great dad. And then his son one day said to him, he said, dad, you were always there for the big moments, but you were never there for the small ones. And the small ones mattered the most. O so I do think the soccer matches really don't matter. They really don't. The dining room table, that matters more. Brandon Smith [00:26:45]: The being able to like go in your kids room when they're sad and crying and just sit with them. That matters way more than seeing their baseball tournament or their dance recital. I'm not saying those things are bad. I'm not saying you should dismiss them. But it's not the same thing because frankly we over index on that stuff. We're like, ah, I was with them. Dance recital. You were sitting in an Auditorium. Brandon Smith [00:27:03]: Auditorium 20ft away from your kid. You weren't talking to them, they weren't talking to you. They were doing something and you were watching. It's not much different than watching your kid play video games. It's really not any different. It's not connected. But we tend to think it's some kind of connection. So I think those small moments are the key. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:17]: What's one activity that you and your daughter love doing together? Brandon Smith [00:27:21]: Definitely restaurants. That's an easy one to plug in. Travel. She's always game for travel. So if I said let's go to a city and then I'll and I let her plan it, and we go around and do things. Things, that's great. So I think those are things that she loves to do that I like to do, too. So those are the two big ones. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:34]: If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be? Brandon Smith [00:27:39]: Be true to yourself. It's probably cliche, but what that really means is understand how you're hardwired and find a swim lane that honors that. Life's much easier and more fulfilling. If you go in the direction of the current, you're already wired to go down. If you try and force it and fake it and go down another path, you're not going to be happy. If you try and chase other things, you're also not going to be happy. So I think just finding, really get a good understanding of who you are, figure out, plug that into the world, you're going to feel a lot, a lot better. And I think that's hard for daughters today because there's a lot of pressure. Brandon Smith [00:28:06]: You should be a career woman, and you should put off having kids. And that is a choice for some women. They can do that. But some women might decide, I want to have a family. And there's not as, maybe as much discussion and balanced conversation on different options for women. So I think today, ironically, it's kind of like almost gone the other way. It's like, you got to have a career, you got to make as much money as possible. And I know she's felt pressured to do that, and she's adjusting what she wants, so being able to help in that process. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:30]: And what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? Brandon Smith [00:28:38]: Two quick ones. So first I would say tell them that. Tell them that I want to build a relationship with you. You are one of the most important people in my life. I would love to explore what that might look like or how we could do that. So I think that's one second that I mentioned earlier. The secret sauce to all this is being able to apologize. That's the equivalent of fail fast in the entrepreneurial world or fail forward. Brandon Smith [00:28:56]: Apologize dies quickly. When you make a mistake, go in quickly and be like, I screwed up. Dad screwed up. I'm sorry. Here's why it happened. But it's not going to happen again. They will quickly forgive you. But if you don't do that, that emotion will see them fester. Brandon Smith [00:29:08]: And then that's when you get World War iii. And daughters are good at waging World War iii. If necessary so you can avoid that with a quick apology. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:16]: Now, if people want to find out more about you, where should they go? Brandon Smith [00:29:20]: Yeah, the simplest place is just Google the workplace therapist. That's my handle. So you can Google the workplace therapist. I'm the only one. Well, there's one other person in Australia now, but I'm the only other one. So you'll look for the guy not in Australia and you'll find me. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:34]: Well, Brandon, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here and thank you for sharing this journey that you've been on with your daughter. I know it's not over, it's definitely going to just continue. But I truly want to say thank you for sharing this and I wish you all the best. Brandon Smith [00:29:49]: Thank you. Thank you for all the great work you do for dads out there trying to be better. So thank you for having me. That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:06]: It's about being present. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:09]: If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time. Keep showing up, keep connecting and and keep being the dad she needs. Musical Performer We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents? Bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast? The time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world to them Be the best, best dad you can be? Be the best dad you can be.

Building Lasting Bonds: Intentional Fatherhood with Adam Angel

In this powerful episode of the "Dad and Daughter Connection" podcast, host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes Adam Angel, father, therapist, and founder of the Dads with Wisdom community. Together, they explore what it really means to show up for your daughter—not just as a parent but as a vulnerable, intentional human being. A recurring theme in their conversation is intentionality. Adam Angel shares touching stories about helping his daughter face challenges, like her anxiety before a swim test and building confidence in new activities like basketball and jiu jitsu. Instead of forcing outcomes, he strives to give her the safety and encouragement to try, fail, and choose for herself. As Adam Angel reveals, "I want you to see what it could look like...I'll show you, and you can tell me if you want to do it after you try." The episode delves deeply into supporting your child through difficult moments, embracing open conversations about emotions, and being honest with your kids about your own struggles. Adam Angel reflects on the need for dads to be "open-hearted and willing to not just be wrong, but to be able to learn from her, and also grieve or struggle through something with her." These moments of honesty, he suggests, build trust and teach kids about resilience and empathy. Another core lesson: connection isn't always about grand gestures; it's often found in the consistent, day-to-day presence—whether it's attending basketball games, settling in for bedtime, or making one-on-one smoothie dates. Adam Angel emphasizes that just "showing up and being there" in both small and big ways tells your daughter she can count on you. This episode doesn't shy away from tough realities, either—like how admitting mistakes and apologizing as a parent strengthens bonds, or the challenges of allowing your child independence in a world that sometimes feels unsafe. Lastly, the conversation highlights the importance of community and vulnerability for dads. Through his Dads with Wisdom groups, Adam Angel sees firsthand the transformative impact of men supporting each other, breaking cycles of isolation, and learning together. If you're a dad—or anyone invested in raising confident, emotionally healthy daughters—this episode offers a wealth of practical wisdom and heartfelt encouragement. Listen now and be inspired to connect more deeply, both with your child and yourself. TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have an opportunity to be able to work on those relationships that we want to have with our daughters one day at a time. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:03]: I love being able to have you here every week because it is an opportunity. It's an opportunity for you and I to be able to learn and grow together. You know, I've got two daughters, you have daughters, and you're here. And I applaud you for that. Because by showing up, that's saying something. Because that means that you do want to create a stronger, more lasting relationship with your daughter. And that's why this podcast is here. This podcast is here to help you, to give you some tips, some tricks, some tools for your toolbox to help you to be that dad that you want to be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:37]: I love being able to introduce you to different people, different people with different experiences that can give you some help along the way, give you some perspective about things that might have worked, maybe they didn't work, but it will help you to be able to frame how do you want to show up for your daughter. So I am really excited because we are having a brand new guest here today. Adam angel is with us. And Adam is a father of two. He's got a. He's got a son and a daughter, and we're going to be talking about his daughter, of course, but we're also going to be talking about a community that he has been building over a number of years called Dads With Wisdom. And it's an. It's a community that you might want to check out yourself, so we'll learn a little bit more about that as well. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:22]: Adam, thanks so much for being here today. Adam Angel [00:02:24]: Thanks for having me. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:25]: I'm really excited to be able to have you. And for full transparency to everyone. Adam has been on a previous podcast with me. So my old in my past podcast, the Dads with Daughters podcast, Adam was on four years ago, so we're moving forward in time. And now his daughter is nine years old. And I'm really excited to be able to delve a little bit deeper into what's happened over those years and what's happened up till now. And I guess to start off today, one question that I, Adam, is, as you think about the relationship with your daughter, what's one of the most meaningful moments that you've shared with your daughter and what made it so special? Adam Angel [00:03:02]: One of the most meaningful moments was when she was trying to pass the swim test right before the swim team. This was after we last talked. And I think in terms of being more active and trying to find a thing that she could do physically, that wasn't something that came automatically to her. There was a lot of anxiety around sort of that or idea that it wasn't good for her, meaning, like, didn't fit her. And so really what I was navigating on my end was trying to figure out how much to push and how much to support and sort of leave it to her. And this was like a moment I'll never forget, because as we had been doing swimming classes, I could see that she was, you know, getting some confidence, and she had. We ended up with this wonderful teacher who I started the training, and then I could see that she needed something from someone else and that had been really good and progressed. And then there was this moment where she wanted to pass a swim test and was really afraid. Adam Angel [00:03:56]: And we had set up the swim tester. You know, there was like, some date to do it, and if you passed that, then you had a chance at the swim team, which she could. I could definitely tell she was interested in, she expressed interest in. So anyway, so we're driving there, and she started to get nervous, and she said, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to do a swim test. And I said, you don't have to do it. We're already in the car. We're already halfway there. Adam Angel [00:04:21]: You're in your swimsuit. Let's go there. We'll be there. We'll stand there. And if. If you don't want to do it when you get there, we don't have to do it, but I want to just go. And she said she agreed. She didn't really say much, but she didn't protest. Adam Angel [00:04:32]: And she can protest. She doesn't have a problem with that. So we get there, and at the pool, we're Standing there and she. They call for kids her age and she looks over and she's about to say something to me. I see her shed one or two tears and I said, I just looked at her, I'm like, you good? And she just kind of nodded and she would just jump right in. And then she passed the test, which was just awesome. And honestly, right after she passed the test, she just jumped in, like with her friends, and then she started playing the rest of the afternoon in the pool. It was just like a lot of relief on both sides, I think, for both of us. Adam Angel [00:05:09]: And I was just appreciating what I took from that. And by the way, she. So she joined the swim team, and then the next summer she was on the swim team as well. And then she did during the year. So just seeing how this progressed. And I'm happy to share more about that, but that moment for me was a lesson for myself on how much to push, to not want it for anything, but for her, but also to not let her sort of go in the house, you know what I mean? And just not see what she might be missing. So, like, you know, here's what it could be. I don't need to push you any further than this. Adam Angel [00:05:39]: And it was a, it was a great moment. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:41]: Now you just talked about the fact about pushing and trying to help your daughter to be able to achieve kind of those, those passions, those dreams that she has for herself, the things that she wants to accomplish. Talk to me about how you go about that support and what do you do to be able to support your daughter in pursuing those passions and dreams. Adam Angel [00:06:02]: What I've come to understand is like, I can help her through some low level skill building, meaning, like, you know, she wants to join something more serious. We're going to give her that opportunity, structure. But first I need to support her in understanding that everyone has fear, everyone has these barriers. And then I show her how this has happened to me and I support her in getting her in front of these situations. Like, like an example was the pool. But later she. She ended up trying basketball and she ended up loving it. But the reason she loved it is she ended up doing a summer camp for a week, which was really high intensity, which I was a little worried that could send her the other way. Adam Angel [00:06:44]: But I always give her the opportunity to say, like, hey, like, you can try this and you could step away from it, but I want to just show you what it looks like, you know, what it could look like. My dad used to say to me, better to Be the tail of the lion than the head of the wolves. And I've shared that with my kids and they both like it. They enjoy that. They notice that. And last week was the first week that she. And I'll tell you how that came about, but she decided she wanted to try jiu jitsu and so she did it and she enjoyed it. Whether she stayed with it or not, I'm not sure. Adam Angel [00:07:12]: But she stayed with basketball and she loves her neighborhood basketball team now too. So just to think of her last time we talked when she was 5, doing these different activities and just building this kind of confidence in ourself is just quite a progression. And I think ultimately it was, this is what it looks like. I'm here to support you through it. This is what it could look like at the very basic level. I'll show you and you could tell me if you want to do it after you try it or even in the middle. If you want to give up, that's okay. But I want you to see. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:41]: I love the intention that you're giving to that. And I guess one of the things that comes to mind are thinking about the intentional ways in which you're working with your daughter and helping her to be able to not only see you as a real person and understand your background and what made you who you are, but also helping her through those, those fears, those anxieties and more. Talk to me more about some of those intentional ways that you have worked to strengthen your bond with your daughter, especially during challenging times. Because we all know that it's not always easy, but there are challenging times too. Adam Angel [00:08:17]: So right around Covid hit, this was a really hard obviously for so many people. And we. She was four and she was three and a half and. Or three and a few months. And my son was just being born, which was crazy, 10 days in. And that was really hard moment. And I think of it as maybe the hardest moment for her and having to not let her go back to her pre K which was such a great place and so like everything from there and before that. But I've just like understood that, you know, there is just when you can't do something, you have to grieve with your kids sometimes. Adam Angel [00:08:51]: And at that time I think I was just not equipped with the level of connection to myself and open heartedness for my own grief of what was happening. And I remember she held for a little bit a lot of shame at that time because I was like, you can't go to school. And she was like basically telling Me, oh, I'm going to school. I mean, she fought me like it was the. I was the worst thing in the world and I was breaking my heart. I remember she, I think she bit me like that. She had never bitten me before, but she felt like that was very bad about that. But I told her, like, that's what, first of all, that's what, you know, she. Adam Angel [00:09:23]: Even years later, that's what kids do and we work through it. And I wasn't shaming her for that. And at some point, you know, sort of as she got older, she and many kids, you know, can hold shame around what they do or how they feel and so on, and just making it more and more open by having these conversations, especially while driving at night in these moments of like, intimacy and just being honest about how it was hard for me and what was hard for me and how I'm open to whatever is going on for her. And so it's been wonderful to sort of be able to be that person for her. And I've grown and learned so much from her about my necessity of being open hearted and willing to not just be wrong, but just like be able to learn from her, but also to grieve, as I said, with her or struggle through something with her. And I think that honesty, you know, doesn't mean that I'm giving up my authority and my, you know, being able to tell her, hey, this is what we need to do. Sometimes it just means that there's a softness that's available to her. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:24]: And your daughter's getting older, not yet a preteen. We're getting close into those tween years. How have you found that you are balancing guiding your daughter while still giving her that independence to grow into the person that she's becoming? Adam Angel [00:10:39]: I had a moment where my wife and I keep having this conversation over and over. Like, there's some friends that have phones and then I've told her she's not having a phone and I'm not giving her any data when she will. Like, it's just not on the table and I've told her why. And then at one point she was really, you know, pushing and I said, okay, I'm gonna explain again. And I gave her like in depth about how this either essentially she's could be connected to many things that actually might scare her that people that I don't know, there's no checks and so on. And you know, that's a bit high, high level for a nine year old. But she understood to some degree and Then that same day I said, you know, I wanted me and my wife and I talking about it, but I just decided to go for it because I wasn't necessarily comfortable with it. But I was thinking this is the opposite way, to provide some opportunity for her to have freedom. Adam Angel [00:11:32]: And I sent her out with her brother without us on bikes. So he's six, she's nine. And I feel that she's much more, even much more responsible, more than she already is, especially when he's around and she's in charge. I think that's useful. Then it's just like, guys go. And she like looked at me like, are you serious? And I'm like, I was like, this is the way that you can go and explore as opposed to on the phone. And I'm not going to come with you. I'll be, I'll be out there in 30 minutes or something. Adam Angel [00:11:58]: And I told her the perimeter, which was about a mile, we have like a park not too far from us, like a, both a school park and a community park. It's a good amount of green, plus sidewalks. You know, she doesn't have to cross many streets at all. And I said, told her she knows the route. Go, that's where you can go. And I went out there 30 minutes later when my wife was like, can you go right? And I'm like, okay. And when I went out there and they were fine, they were fine. But I just like trying to juxtapose those two for her and for me, because it was hard, you know, it's, it's, it's worrisome, but it was fine. Adam Angel [00:12:31]: It was totally fine. And I hope that it will continue to be fine when I send her out every day. So to kind of trust the people that we put her in hands, including Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:39]: her own, you know, that brings up so much. I mean, and I think back to my own childhood and the way in which I was really a free range child in the sense that in my generation, I think our parents were like, yeah, go outside, go and come back. You need to be back by this time and we'll see you later. We didn't have phones, we didn't have any of that. But, but I think that there definitely is a difference in the way in which we are. There's a fear in a lot of parents to do that in the safety of our kids and, and whether we should be doing that. And there's some reality to that as well. And I guess one thing that comes to mind as I hear you say that is that you're providing your daughter with the ability for her to see that you trust her and that you are listening to her and that you want her to feel valued, heard, and also that you trust her to make good decisions. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:32]: And I guess as you think about that, what are some of the things that you're doing intentionally to make your daughter feel valued and heard? Adam Angel [00:13:40]: These are day to day things as opposed to like the big story. It's like I thinking about having conversations about her friendships, little things, these conflicts that seemingly we would might say like what's really this about this is not important or whatever but. But they're very important. These are conversations about being enough, knowing that you're, you're okay to be different, to set it something as simple as she likes fashion set a trend as opposed to having to follow other people rebutting people or the boys in her class are like characterizing all girls in one way or mistreating her another classmate is so just hearing the story and being like, you know, that's asking her how she feels about it, what maybe her frustration with it or and so on and then, and then pushing her to know that she's okay regardless of others view of her, that it's most important, it's her own view. And that can seem trite, but it really is so central to her experience because that's a lot of our hours of her day are with peers. And we make a point, my wife and I make a point of when we're together, we're together and like being connected, connected to them and like we do a lot of camping. So now she wears that and I bring that into the situation because I think that gives us space to be connected in a different way and have like her voice heard around different topics and just being with it and not so peer oriented because so much of her life can be because of school. And so like you know, it doesn't mean they don't do play dates. Adam Angel [00:15:06]: There'd be plenty of that and so on, but just kind of coming back to it and helping her understand herself and how she really feels and so she can rebut other people's ideas around her with her own. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:18]: I love that now none of us as dads are infallible. We're humans, we make mistakes. What's a mistake that you've made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering positive communication? Adam Angel [00:15:31]: Maybe it's good to use the day to day so that it feels more normal for people that are hearing it. Because I think when there's moments where I move to anger, you know, with either one of the kids and sometimes or misunderstand because I made a judgment and about what they were doing and so on, or how they were speaking or so and so forth, it's like, essentially what I'm doing is the opposite of what I just talked about, which is that I'm not waiting to listen. I'm not seeing my daughter as. There's an idea in, like, the psychotherapy world that we. That I, like, trained in, this is my. As my profession, that we can see others at times and different moments as objects in our life as opposed to subjects in our shared life. And I think essentially objectify her. I see her as like, okay, she's just someone in my life, and I can just say or do what I please. Adam Angel [00:16:19]: And like, it doesn't. Again, doesn't mean that I can't have my authority of being okay, like, I'm the adult here. But it does mean that in those moments when I made mistakes and I think that they're frequent enough and I can say, like, these moments, I just sort of like, this is how I. What I want to happen, and it's not happening the way I want it to happen. And so how I characterize this, essentially, many times we have a parallel process between our kids and us. And like, in these moments, I'm like, I don't want this. I want this to work this way. And she's like, well, I want us to have this. Adam Angel [00:16:49]: And essentially we're both having an experience of wanting something and then not be able to get what we want and then having a tantrum of, like, loss around it. Right? Like, I want this. And really what we both need to do on some level, and us first being the adult, is to accept that this is. May not going to work the way we wanted it to. And that sucks maybe for us, depending on situation. And then we can be with their grief if it's not working out for them either. Or maybe we're able to accommodate a certain situation. But the point is, is that there are a number of these mistakes. Adam Angel [00:17:21]: I don't think it's useful just say one big one. I think those happen frequent enough where I just like, oh, yeah, right. I just may not get what I want here. So. And then I maybe act out on my. My daughter by saying, you need to do this or you this. And maybe it comes out in anger. So. Adam Angel [00:17:35]: And I have to come back and apologize and then say, like, I didn't see you in that moment. Or that was hard for me too. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:40]: And what's one way that you show your daughter that she can always count on you? Adam Angel [00:17:44]: This is a do not say type of thing. Just showing up and being there. Basketball games, those are the more regular big moments. And then the other ones are like putting her to bed, getting her up in the morning, taking her to school. I think just like the regularity, the frequency, the explanations when you can't, showing that you've been thinking about them, willingness to listen to them first, I think knowing when I'm going to be there for you, and so on. I think also, like, maybe moments with others where other people are objectifying your kids and you're like, no, I'm on your side. And it doesn't mean that. Again, like, I'm like, you need to be respectful of your teachers, for example. Adam Angel [00:18:19]: But if the teacher is acting out on your kid in the sense that they're not seeing them as a whole person and they're just kind of treating them, again, like just whoever there will step in and have a conversation with them. But again, I'm also talking like a student conversation today. She may struggle with a particular class. And I ask her, like, is this. Is there anything in this that you could do for yourself to improve the situation? Because, like, it seems like maybe you could have done something here, but it doesn't mean that you're not wrong if you're in your protest. And I got you, I'm on your side here, but, like, look at your side a little bit too. So I'm holding both lenses and. But I think she knows that I'm coming from a place ultimately that I have her back. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:01]: And what's the tradition or routine that you've created together that strengthens your bond? Adam Angel [00:19:07]: There was a period of time that was quite hard when she was younger, where it was she. She went to a different school first. And I like, my funny story was that she's like, went to a school and then she went into like, the public school. And it was really. She really struggled with it. And I said, I told her, like, if you want to go somewhere else, she said, what she said is, they don't know how to teach. She's like five telling me this, like, six weeks into her school. I'm like, oh, my God, this is crazy. Adam Angel [00:19:39]: So then I'm like, but I think there's. What she's saying was, I don't want to sit and do worksheets. That's what she's saying. I don't blame her. So Anyway, we ended up trying a different school. But I told her, if you really want to do that, you have to go and do these like tours and stuff. And she did it. So we ended up going somewhere else. Adam Angel [00:19:55]: But during that period of time, you know, at the other school, I started this tradition. I took off work on a particular day early. And so when I picked her up on Mondays, we would go just one on one and pick a place and have a smoothie or something. And then we don't do that every week now like we did, but we do do something else now. For example, right now we're Wednesdays, we go to Jiu Jitsu. Right? That's what we're going to do now. But before was did a practice a day that we did practice basketball one on one. And I do that with my son too. Adam Angel [00:20:24]: Like just making that one on one time. And like, this is just for you, me and you connect. But especially when you realize it's like a season for challenge. Like, more like this month has been really struggling. The intervention is almost always best. Intervention is one on one time and making sure they know that you're putting them first. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:40]: So I mentioned the fact that you have a site called Dads with Wisdom. And one of the things that I wanted to kind of first start with is that not everybody knows what that is. They may never have heard of it. So bring me back to the beginning and talk to me about the inception of Dads with Wisdom and why did you decide that you needed something like Dads with Wisdom and that other dads needed something like Dads with Wisdom? Adam Angel [00:21:07]: Yeah. So my son was born 10 days after Covid. We went home. The doctor said nobody can come and visit for like 60 days. We happen to live near our family on both sides. We were like, why did we do this? Now it's like, this sucks. So we're just all alone and just really struggling. I was in the nonprofit world before I went to private practice. Adam Angel [00:21:25]: And that was a lot to. And it was there I kind of like decided that just like I'm gonna go and go leave my job and took some time to do it. But then I had more time with my son and that process. I was thinking, oh man, this has got to be a really hard time for fathers. And what came next is I reached out to a few people in my area, Washington, D.C. area, just like practitioners that are also private practice. Like anyone running a group for dads. And nobody was. Adam Angel [00:21:51]: There was one person who was a woman who's who ran at one time and, and I had a nice conversation with her about how she did that. Then I put out emails around it and I got like a ton of responses, but all of them from women, mostly practitioners and many wives asking for this to work. And I was like, okay, I'm not messaging this well or to the right audiences. So I spent some time, created this website and I got in touch with a local called the Breastfeeding center of Greater Washington. And it's basically like they do classes for mostly moms and couples, but nothing for dads. And so I, you know, we had a good conversation about it. I essentially became like a partner affiliation and we started running them and then it filled up very quickly and I don't charge that much for these group. And it's 10 sessions. Adam Angel [00:22:40]: I just read all I could read in terms of books and et cetera. And then I just created like this semi structured group where I like, I didn't know what I was doing. I was like, I think this is like a little bit after this. I was talking to you about this not too much longer after. And what I was doing when I knew enough, what I didn't know was like, what do men really want? Because I think they were telling me one thing and maybe they wanted something slightly different. But I was like, maybe more emphasizing the topics and such and like kind of like the educational sort of aspect. And then I, I think what really they wanted was a space to discuss this stuff. And it was good to have those topics and structure, but also really important to stay attuned to what they really were wanting that day. Adam Angel [00:23:20]: And so what I've come to do is like those 10 sessions still exist. I still have those about three times a year. So that's 30 weeks of the year. And these guys are basically getting more space before at the beginning and the end of these sessions to kind of just say what's going on for them, but also getting some topic based discussion and also like if they want resources, different topics of new parenthood. These are all for fathers that are first time fathers and new kids. And maybe we meet one time in person now as well. The rest are virtual because I have guys coming from Baltimore all the way to like Virginia Beach. So those are the three areas of my licensing. Adam Angel [00:23:58]: But you know, I even have guys sometimes come from outside of the area because this is not really therapy. This is not therapy. It's like peer based support. So that's what propelled me to do it and how it started. And now it's like what surprised me with all These groups that are now actually what would be called psychotherapy groups. And I have multiple of these running and there's six or so guys in each one and they love it. And I'm better at it than I was five years by a lot. I think a lot of it is my own internal growth. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:27]: And then sometimes there's a stigma to being in a group of individuals talking about things that make you vulnerable in that way. So for a dad who's hesitant to join something that's like this, what would you say to help him take that first step? Adam Angel [00:24:41]: Well, first of all, I usually send them a podcast. Sometimes it's the best way to get and just to receive it as opposed to having to read. I think normalization obviously is the biggest one. Right. It's like we all go through this. It's. And I think when having somebody else that's going through the exact same thing or very similar at the exact same time is just worth so much. And that's even before I add anything. Adam Angel [00:25:04]: Right. It's just that. And so just I always tell people like, hey, the kind of person that would be in this group is someone like you, who also is thinking, I don't know if this works out for me. But I think this person's committed to being a better father and a better partner maybe and a better. And so on. So that's who's going to be there. And when you go there, it's got its own process. So you don't have to jump right in. Adam Angel [00:25:25]: You may. And many times these people do. And so it really depends on the kind of group. But I think that's why I like talk to people for like 15 minutes before trying to maybe longer, 20 minutes, 30 minutes just to see like, what do you really want here? And people have come and gone in the groups and actually gone to different groups. So like I do like an hour for right before birth for free for people if they want to just like think about how they're feeling and like prepare for what will happen at the birth and then like the first days of postpartum experience. So like that's like a free hour. Then people then tend to sign up for the 10 week new dads and then many times a little later, these, they're men that just like, hey, I just want a more depth oriented conversation with other guys. And that's the sort of dads 2.0 groups that we're doing. Adam Angel [00:26:07]: I've been creating some other groups as well, dads that have lost in like, you know, early infancy or in late pregnancy. I have group for them and also for them if they're parenting after that loss and like, you know, so they can have a space for being which, which has its own unique thing things to it. So I would say to them like, they're like you. And there's, there's this huge value in having that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:29]: There truly is value in that. And I think it is important to be able to put yourself out there and be able to. And I've said this before, to be vulnerable not only with other men, but with your kids in many different ways. I guess as you look at the groups that you've created, the ability for people to come together, what's one story, and I'm not asking you to break confidentiality, that really captures the impact that you've seen for dads that have taken part in these groups. Adam Angel [00:26:58]: This happened yesterday, I'm not kidding in this sweet group. This like conversation was just very. This is a dad's 2.0 group and the dad was talking about one dad was basically struggling as newer to the group. I am not the preferred parent. It's really hard for me. I'm not sure, you know, sort of essentially the level of I'm not at the level of connection I would like with my kids. And other guys were like, first of all, this is a normal pattern that goes up and down. Sometimes times you preferred, sometimes you're not. Adam Angel [00:27:25]: And this guy basically said like. I don't think he was trying to speak about his, the impact, but I think it was obvious to me. He was like, basically in the last six months that he's been in the group for about a year and some. And he said I'm the preferred person parent. And I used to get, you know, essentially like overwhelmed and dealing with my kids. And I would essentially, I don't know his reactions to that, but ultimately now they come to me. They're all over me all the time. And that's hard, but it's a lot better, it's a lot different than it was where they didn't know that I was kind of like that connection and depth of relationship just wasn't where it is now. Adam Angel [00:28:02]: So that's one that just came to me off the top of my head. But I was just like, just appreciating how much he cares, how much he's worked to be that for his kids. And that took a lot of reflection and self determination. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:17]: So one of the other things that comes to mind when I was thinking about this was when we're talking about Vulnerability and men being willing to connect with other men. Why do you think it's so hard for men to build authentic community and, and how does that impact their parenting or their ability to be the father that they want to be. Adam Angel [00:28:39]: Yeah, actually that. To bring this up when in previous answer. So I appreciate you asking it because I think that's also how I sometimes. So the group I said like, I mean, people tell me and you can tell me if it's true. For years I'll say to someone that they have close friends, but they still don't have these kind of conversations they need to have where they can actually say what they're really feeling around life, parenting and their experience as a husband after kids and so on and so forth. And usually the guys will not be like, yeah, I have close friends, or I don't really have this kind of relationship with friends, but I still can't have this conversation. And the guys will say like, especially when they're leaving. And like, I have them like, kind of like just people like say really kind things to them as if someone's leading a group or something and the dad's 2.0. Adam Angel [00:29:20]: And they'll say something like that, like, like this has been a different place where I can actually say like, hey, you know, today I didn't feel like wanting to be a parent. I just, I was mad about being a dad and I didn't like it. I don't want to be like. And that's a really hard thing to say. If I say that somewhere else, someone's going to judge me. And all the other guys in the group, like, not usually we know what you're talking about. Because they also know that they're committed. Just because they're having a protest has nothing to do with their love. Adam Angel [00:29:42]: Those two are not incongruent. And so just naming the frustration and difficulty has nothing to do with the level of care and knowing that the people around you are not going to judge you and know that that is what vulnerability is. I had this wonderful quote from my. One of my mentors in my training institute that I do on a regular basis. And he says there's a difference between transparency and vulnerability, but only you will know it because it's an internal experience. I can be transparent with you, Chris, and I can also, I can tell you about my life, but if I don't feel the vulnerability, then it's not vulnerable. And usually the vulnerability requires a little bit of worry that this could be harmful to me if you use this against. And that Fear that around that is like, that's actually. Adam Angel [00:30:29]: Well, we of course can explore it. But the bottom line is that's a risk and you're taking it. And you're taking it. Your willingness to take it is its own bond between the guys. And everyone knows it when you're doing it. You know it first and they know it usually second. And so that's been something that I've actually said as a part of our conversations and times with the guys. And there's a good response to that. Adam Angel [00:30:51]: And they're able to engage in another level of vulnerability. So I don't know if I answered all the question if it was like why it's hard. I think is like. I think the answer is that it's scary and that we've been hurt in a lot of ways to taught not to do that. That's the real world. Like. And you shouldn't be vulnerable to every single person because it can be. There are people that have unfortunately not the best intentions but. Adam Angel [00:31:12]: But there are plenty that you can. And you can navigate that by just by figuring it out as you go through the relationship. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:18]: When I think some of that goes back to trauma in regards to what individuals have experienced in their own life. And there's many men that have generational trauma or patterns that they experienced growing up. And I'm sure you've seen that in groups in different ways. How would you say that dads can begin to break those cycles for themselves? Adam Angel [00:31:40]: Yeah, I mean this is my work. So like when I'm not doing groups, I'm doing individual therapy. And my focus of training has been in complex trauma. And what that really means essentially is we adjust ourselves as all people do. And even when we're wonderful dads that we are, Chris, our kids, we're not going to be perfect for them and therefore they will have to adjust. And there's. It just is part of life. And that adjustment means that we're going to create strategies to protect ourselves. Adam Angel [00:32:03]: And we had to do that as kids. And so when I work with people individually and in the group, we notice what they're really wanting for themselves, which is this intention that we're going to state together. So for example, I would like to have greater self confidence or some state or experience in myself or maybe I want to have more capacity to be vulnerable. But that is where we're coming from, from the adult side of what we want. Now when we are engaged in relationships, it's very easy to fall into the strategies that worked for us at one point. Or at least attempted to work for us as a young person in a life where we don't have any agency as a child, you don't. Ultimately you're worried about your, the people that care for you, caregivers and the culture around you. And it has rules. Adam Angel [00:32:47]: And you realize those rules. You're very quick to learn that as a kid until you keep yourself safe through this process. And those strategies, they need to be confronted and addressed. And the way that you do that is by sitting with someone else who cares and has, can support you. And when you do that, working out, for example, in therapy, you get something where you can notice with the person, deepen into the emotions of what has happened, but more importantly, what's coming up for you now and how you might be allowing in these same things. And I see that allowing with a lot of compassion doesn't mean we're intentionally doing it, but allowing in old strategies which are determining things in your life you no longer want. And when you can be that with that, with that, in this kind of process, we can interrupt generational, cultural, all the things trauma that you've been through. And again, I'm using that word lightly because I know sometimes people talk about trauma, but it's, it's just your experiences or you were limited to what you could do and be and who you could be. Adam Angel [00:33:47]: And we're trying to just say if you want to be something else, you can, but you gotta address it and be with it. And you have to do it with someone who also has this and other people and in the group, other people that are committed to doing the same. So that that's where the growth can happen. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:01]: Now if people want to find out more about dads with wisdom, where should they go? Adam Angel [00:34:05]: Yeah, so website is dadswithwisdom.com and that's where the groups are mostly. And if there's anyone who's experienced loss in parenting, you know, early life, you know, early pregnancy or late pregnancy loss, I do those groups too. But I keep that off the website and go to Adamodulotherapy.com for. That's for the individual work and also therapy group. Because I just, it can be really intense for someone who's lost to see those pictures of babies that are sort of on the Dads of Wisdom website. I also am doing a retreat in the fall. It's the first time I've ever done that. And this is sort of listening. Adam Angel [00:34:38]: I went to a men's retreat myself, was profound and very thoughtful, pushed me further. And so I was like you know, I could do this. So I'm going to be doing something in the Shenandoah area and it's going to be exciting. So that's also happening now. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:52]: I always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 6. Six more questions to delve a little bit more into you as a dad. Are you ready? I don't know. What's one word that describes your relationship with your daughter? Adam Angel [00:35:04]: Maybe an easy one. Loving, caring, Something like that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:07]: What's the best piece of dad advice you've ever received? Adam Angel [00:35:11]: I'm not sure if it's the best, but it's true. This too shall pass. It'll change again. It's okay. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:17]: What's one activity that you and your daughter love doing together? Adam Angel [00:35:20]: Sometimes it's just sitting and having a nice snack at this, like, particular place that we like, have like good little drinks and we just kind of like look out the window. We have a good conversation. So I think that's one of the big ones. I think I mentioned other, other ones earlier. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:33]: If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be? Adam Angel [00:35:38]: You're enough. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:39]: What's one thing that you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad? Adam Angel [00:35:42]: I want to be silly with it and say I'm enough. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:46]: And what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? Adam Angel [00:35:54]: I think what we're talking about here is obviously don't give up stuff. You're going to be okay. All these things that we're just mentioning. But you need, you need. If you want to be a rock, you need a mountain, you need and to sit on. And I think that's. That's the men that can support you. And so you doing it alone is. Adam Angel [00:36:10]: It's the start to do not really possible in the same way or it's going to be really detrimental to do it. So you need to be the person that you want to be, the dad that you want to be. You need other men to support you. You'll get where you want to be that way much easier. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:36:24]: Well, Adam, I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for being here today for the work that you're doing with dads with wisdom and for sharing the journey that you've been on with your daughter up till now. It's still keep going to keep going, and you're going to keep learning and it's going to be an amazing journey along the way. But I truly want to say thank you for being here and I wish you all the best. Adam Angel [00:36:44]: Thank you so much for having me. Appreciate it. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:36:46]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged, engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs. Musical Performer [00:37:17]: We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can be.

Redefining Fatherhood: Building Strong Bonds With Your Daughter

Fatherhood comes with its own set of joys, challenges, and constant learning curves—especially when raising daughters. If you're a dad looking to deepen your connection with your daughter and help her become a confident, independent woman, the latest episode of Dad and Daughter Connection is an absolute must-listen. Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, the podcast's mission is clear: to provide real stories, expert advice, and practical tips so fathers can show up as the dads their daughters need. In this episode, Dr. Christopher Lewis [https://www.linkedin.com/in/drchristopherlewis/] sits down with Michael Mirza [https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-mirza/], a father of two, to revisit his parenting journey since he last appeared on the show four years ago. As both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Michael Mirza share, the parenting landscape is always shifting, and what worked yesterday may need to be reimagined for the children we love today. The Power of Presence and Pause A central theme is the importance of being present. Michael Mirza recounts a recent moment with his daughter at a quiet park, where they simply paused to enjoy nature and each other's company. He shares how his daughter's insight—"it's really nice to just pause and be quiet sometimes"—reminded him of the value in stepping back from the busyness of life and savoring stillness and connection. These simple acts, often unplanned, create the foundation for deep and lasting bonds. Embracing Neurodiversity The episode dives deeply into Michael Mirza's and his daughter's shared experience with ADHD. He discusses how receiving a diagnosis became an opportunity to empower his daughter, framing ADHD as a unique superpower rather than a setback. The family's approach—open conversations, focusing on strengths, and using creative analogies (like referencing Elsa's powers from Frozen)—drives home the message that differences can be celebrated, not shamed. Nurturing Independence and Repairing Connection Another important discussion centers on balancing guidance with independence. Michael Mirza talks about giving his daughter room to grow, whether it's letting her walk to a friend's house or manage her own routines. He stresses that letting go of control so children can rise to the occasion fosters confidence and trust. Crucially, the practice of apologizing and intentionally repairing after conflict is highlighted. Michael Mirza emphasizes humility, admitting when he's made mistakes, and always reaffirming his love—no matter the frustrations or tantrums. Final Takeaways From outdoor "treasure hunts" to creative home projects, this episode is filled with real-life examples of building strong, resilient relationships. Michael Mirza's core advice to dads? Meet your daughter fully in her world, free of self-consciousness and stereotypes—paint her nails, dance, and never be afraid that vulnerability will compromise your strength as a father. Whether you're a new dad or have years of parenting under your belt, this episode of Dad and Daughter Connection offers wisdom, encouragement, and the firm reminder that being present and authentic is what matters most. Tune in and let these stories inspire you to build an even stronger bond with your own daughter. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey [https://bit.ly/daddaughtersurvey] to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter [https://bit.ly/ddcneweletter] to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/DrChristopherLewis], Facebook Group [https://www.facebook.com/groups/dadanddaughterconnections], Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/dadofdivas], LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/drchristopherlewis/], X [https://www.x.com/dadofdivas]. TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. I'm your host, Dr. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:54]: Christopher Lewis, and I'm really excited that you're back again this week, because every week I love the opportunities that we have to be able to learn and grow together. I've said this many times, but you know that I've got two daughters myself, and this podcast came out of the fact that I wanted to be able to talk to other dads about what they were learning along the way. And I knew that dads are not always the best at asking questions. They're not always the best at reaching out. And when you have a daughter, that relationship is an important one, and we've got to show up. We've gotta be willing to do what we have to do to be able to be the dads that our daughters need, and that's why this podcast exists. The conversations that we have lead to deeper connections with our daughters, and it's an opportunity for you to be able to roll up your sleeves, to be able to learn, to grow and to take some things out of every episode. My hope is that at the end of every episode, you've got something, whether it's one thing, whether it's 10 things that you have taken away from the episode, some tools for your toolbox that will allow for you to be able to be just that little bit better. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:05]: And every week, I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that have been doing this fatherhood thing in their own way, and they're bringing some perspectives to you. Doesn't mean that it's going to work for you. It could. It might not, but you're going to still learn something new. Today we got another great guest. Michael Mirza is with us today, and Michael is a father of two. He's got both a son and a daughter. His daughter is 8, and we're going to be talking about his relationship with his daughter. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:36]: And for full transparency, Michael was a guest on my past podcast called Dads with Daughters about four years ago. And so this is a great opportunity for me to be able to reconnect with him and an opportunity for you to get to meet him and to learn from him today. Michael, thanks so much for being here today. Michael Mirza [00:02:54]: Thank you so much. It's an honor to be back, Christopher, and I am really grateful for the ways you have kept this conversation going and the depth and wisdom you bring to it and the intentionality. So thank you so much for having me. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:05]: You know, I really appreciate you being back. And as we were talking before we started, things have changed a lot in four years, and not only in the sense of your daughter being where she's at today, and you're in a very different point in your own fatherhood and parenting. And I guess my first question for you is, as you look back at the eight years that you've had with your daughter, what's one of the most meaningful moments that you've been able to share with your daughter thus far and what made it so special? Michael Mirza [00:03:33]: Mm, I love that. Well, first of all, I just thought, wow, eight years. And we chatted four years ago, so it has literally been double her lifetime since we last talked. Like, in the scheme of things, like, she is truly a completely different person, and I am in a lot of ways as well. The first thing that came to mind when you asked that was actually a fairly recent moment. So I don't know if it's the most meaningful of all, but it's one that is. Just came to mind right away with all the craziness of life. We were recently at a park, and it was a pretty quiet day at the park, and there was, like, almost nobody else around, so I was there with my two kids. Michael Mirza [00:04:13]: We played on the playground a little bit. Then we were just kind of strolling around the park. At one point, we ended over by the baseball diamond, and my son was drawing with a stick in the dirt, and my daughter and I were just sitting on the bleachers watching him. And there was sort of a natural pause, and she. In. In an unprovoked way, she was just noticing, like, the birds and the clouds gently passing over just in a totally, like, unsolicited way was just like, it's really nice to just pause and be quiet sometimes and just listen. And that meant a lot to me because I think it's a good reminder to me and a good word for me and we've been talking a lot lately about the importance of nature, as in taking care of nature and learning from nature and also trying to get out and spend time in nature where in the area we live in. We're grateful to have a lot of forest preserves close by where we live. Michael Mirza [00:05:03]: But to have her sort of reflect that without me sort of prompting like, hey, isn't this nice? And she was just like, wow, sitting and listening to the birds. Pretty cool. That was a really special moment for me. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:15]: I love that. And you're right, I mean, sometimes those quiet moments, those opportunities to be able to just be, are so important because so many times in our lives, life gets in the way. The busyness of life gets in the way. And you don't sit down and just reflect or you don't sit down and just allow for the world around you to be able to just be. Michael Mirza [00:05:42]: It's something that for me, I have adhd. And that's another thing my daughter and I now share is we both share diagnosed adhd. But so for me, like just with the noise and you know, so much of my life is on screens, those moments of pause, I haven't fully dabbled into meditation, probably as much as I should, and yet sometimes it's my daughter is the one reminding me was a real gift. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:03]: So talk to me about that diagnosis that you both share and what that has meant not only for her, but for you. And sharing that, but also what have you been able to do to be able to help her, to be able to better understand what she is going through and what you've gone through. Michael Mirza [00:06:21]: And it's actually pretty recent for her. So I was diagnosed with ADHD in middle school. I tried a bunch of different medications and didn't like the side effects for various reasons. And so my parents and I decided together. I honestly don't fully remember the details of the conversation, but actually decided to forego medication. And I made it through my life okay. My academic career and in my professional career. However, I look back at my career and I can think, I can see a lot of places where I probably struggled a lot more than I needed to. Michael Mirza [00:06:53]: So actually just for myself, just about two years ago, I went and got formally assessed again as an adult and got my own ADHD diagnosis again. This is. That means I had gone roughly 30 years ish, without medication and not on any sort of high horse, like good reason. I just like for whatever reason didn't want to. And then I quickly saw the difference it made in my life. Meanwhile, with my Daughter. We were seeing some. A lot of the signs that there may have been adhd. Michael Mirza [00:07:22]: And it is a. You know, it has genetic components to it, and my mom has it as well. So she's incredibly creative, brilliant, and also can struggle with regulating her emotions and slowing down to make decisions, but so creative and capable of leaning into, like, the hyper focus that is characteristic of adhd. So we just got her assessed and we finally got the results from the therapist who worked with her just a week ago. So this is super, super fresh. So the next step is actually to go meet with a psychiatrist and work with the psychiatrist and pediatrician to get medication. And so it's all. We haven't even gone that far. Michael Mirza [00:08:01]: But simply having the diagnosis has been so helpful. I can already see so much of myself in her and the strengths she has, the challenges she has. So much of it I can relate to on a very personal level. And now to have the diagnosis and the language about her experience has already created opportunities, even before we start her on medication, to start talking about her in a way that builds her up and, but also helps her understand. This is your unique body and the way you've been built. So the way we've been talking about it with her is you have this brain that has this superpower where you can make amazing things and you can really, really focus on the things that excite you. And kind of like we referenced, you remember in the movie Frozen, Elsa has these amazing ice powers, but when her emotions are dysregulated, her powers can do damage and her powers can get out of control and do things that she doesn't actually want them to do. And so we referenced that and kind of explaining like, you have these amazing powers in your brain and sometimes you need a little bit of help to be able to know how to use your powers to do amazing things and make beautiful things. Michael Mirza [00:09:05]: And she really resonated with that and found it to be a very edifying way of talking. And she feels excited about it. And she's been telling her friends and telling her teachers, like, I have adhd. It's a superpower. And I think that's the language that I'm trying to impart from her and learning from my own experiences of shame at times of feeling shame when I felt that I didn't create work or perform in a way that I knew I was capable of. And it is a mental brain diagnosis. It is a medical thing in that sense. It just is a unique makeup of the body. Michael Mirza [00:09:40]: But to not treat it as so much as being. I'm hesitant to call it a disability, and I'm not as well versed as I should be in making sure that I'm avoiding ableist language. And so I'm cautious to say that I'm not wanting to use the term disability in any disparaging way. And yet, just the way we're framing this diagnosis for my daughter, we're really trying to build it as a superpower and not focus on the negative aspects. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:04]: As now, you know, one of the things that I'd be interested in hearing a little bit about is your daughter is getting older. As I. As I said at the beginning, we talked about four years ago, and a lot changes in four years. How do you find yourself balancing guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into the person she's becoming? Michael Mirza [00:10:24]: You know, honestly, I mean, that goes hand in hand with the diagnosis as well, is that there have been places where I believe my wife and I have asserted a lot of control more than we needed to. Being like, well, we should probably still keep brushing her teeth for her, even though she's not, because she doesn't always do well at the dentist. So if we brush her teeth for her, well, then therefore, then she'll have less trouble at the dentist. And we've realized over the years of seeing that, like, you have to let go, because otherwise, if the goal is to raise a healthy, functioning adult, I have to trust her more. And what we have found is that when we release control and trust her more, she will rise to the occasion. And it is scary and vulnerable to release control. But, for example, taking a bath, taking a shower. It used to be like we're kind of hovering and giving instructions on next step by step, and trying to guide her through it. Michael Mirza [00:11:18]: Well, she's heard the instructions enough times that now we give the instructions and we leave the room and we let her do her thing. And then we'll check in. We'll open the door, check in. Hey, did you do this step? Did you do the next step? Great. You did it. Awesome. Here's the next step, and then we just leave. And the more we've been doing that, where we just give the instructions and leave, sometimes we still have to do reminders, of course, but she has been really rising to the occasion and demonstrating without even saying it, I can handle this. Michael Mirza [00:11:42]: I can do this. And it's honestly been more my work and my wife's work for us to release control. And I think the other area with the independence that we're just starting to get into is. I think a lot of folks that I talk to, my age and older, have a memory of childhood in which there was this freedom in roaming the neighborhood and, you know, the. The quintessential staying out till the lights till dark and then coming. And I think over time, there's been a shift in that there's a lot less independence giving to kids in the way that they play. And that's another area where we're trying to give more independence. So one of my daughter's best friends lives right down the block, Just has to cross one not very busy street, and she can walk there. Michael Mirza [00:12:25]: So just in the last month, as it's been getting warmer, we have been saying, like, we'll kind of text with the parents just to make sure, but we've been saying, like, go ahead, walk down the street. Knock on the door. Can you play? And she was really nervous at first, but getting her to the point where she's getting more comfortable walking out the house, down. Down the street by herself. And again, the parents are still doing a little bit of coordinating to know, like, this is going to relatively work, but we want to do more and more of that, too. And we see in our neighborhood, like, kids who are 10, 11, 12, riding their bikes by themselves or in little groups. And so we're trying to get. Get her moving in that way as well. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:04]: What are some intentional ways that you've worked to strengthen your bond with your daughter, especially during those challenging times? Michael Mirza [00:13:11]: We try very hard when there's an argument or a disagreement about what needs to be done next to validate what she may be experiencing and to say, hey, I understand you want to do this. I understand that you're really focused on this thing right now. We have to pivot and get ready for the next thing for this reason. And there are times in there where validating it isn't enough. And there's still frustration and emotions that will. That will come. I've had to be really intentional also about apologizing when I am feeling frustrated myself. And I add a lot of hurry sometimes, and sometimes that, I mean, she doesn't respond well to being rushed and hurried. Michael Mirza [00:13:51]: And I have had to apologize a lot, not only sometimes for the ways I'm getting frustrated and my own emotions are coming up, but that I've also recognizing. Hmm. A lot of the reason we're rushing is because I wasn't managing my time well, and now I'm not. I'm kind of rushing at the last minute and imposing that rush and urgency onto you. And that's why there's a tantrum and a breakdown that's happening when in reality, if I had managed my time better and started the get ready to leave process 20 minutes earlier, then we could be in a more relaxed and flexible space. So I've had to do a lot of recognizing and apologizing for my own ways in which I am adding to the stress of the environment that has taken an ongoing effort of humility that some. Sometimes I'm able to recognize in the moment, sometimes it takes a little while longer to recognize. But I think that that's, I would say, as a baseline, I know I'm going to make mistakes, but it's a hard and fast rule for me to always apologize. Michael Mirza [00:14:50]: Everyone makes mistakes. Not everyone apologizes for their mistakes. And I think the apology, as almost a discipline has been important for us and building trust. And I think it has created the opportunity that even when we have a tantrum that ends with, you know, some frustration and big emotions, that we are always able to come back to an embrace and. And reconnection moment. And me being able to articulate I love you no matter what, there's nothing that will ever cause me to stop loving you. And even when we have disagreements, even when we have fights, I will always love you no matter what. And I have to manage my emotions and not let my anger get in the way of. Michael Mirza [00:15:27]: Of my love for you as well. So I think that at a. Really, that that's been one of the ways that we have done that. And then other than that, I think we connecting over nature and art and lately music as well have all been ways that we are able to strengthen our connection in those more peaceful times. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:42]: How do you support your daughter as you identify those passions, those dreams that she has? What are you doing to support her in those? Michael Mirza [00:15:51]: So I've noticed that she's really. She's quite creative. She specifically has a real knack for organizing and arranging things. So one of her favorite ways to play is she has lots of little trinkets, and it's a mix of, like, Barbie things and other things from all sorts of, like, mishmash of a bunch of different types of toys. She really likes to arrange them. And so first of all, just verbally affirming her and saying, like, oh, you have a real eye for design. That's really cool. She doesn't think of herself as a designer yet, but the way that she likes to arrange, it's sort of an editorial form of creativity. Michael Mirza [00:16:25]: But that has also meant sometimes that sometimes the arrangements that she's created in the little museum displays she's building around the house. Some of that means allowing those things to stay where they are, perhaps longer than I or my wife might like them to stay put, because we want to honor the creativity that she and the hard work she put into these little displays that she has created. And sometimes I'm just like, oh, yeah, this is so amazing. We actually need to use the kitchen table to eat. However, this is so beautiful. Beautiful. And it's not always at the kitchen table, but maybe it's like, in the middle of the living room and other places. And my wife's preference, and mine too, but I think my wife is particularly values having a serenity in the home, especially at the end of the night. Michael Mirza [00:17:07]: So kind of our nightly rhythm is as soon as bedtime goes, is done, we kind of, like, clean the house, do just a little tidying so that we feel like we can kind of rest and breathe the rest of the night. But sometimes that means honoring my daughter's creativity by saying, we're going to intentionally choose to leave this display that she has created, even if it might mean the house feels a little less tidy than we might like. And so we'll let that go. And then after a couple days being like, all right, are you okay with taking this down? Usually she's more okay with it at that point. And then we'll often take a picture of what she has created before we clean it all up. That way, it's like, okay, we've got a record of this cool display that you made. The real fun of it, at least for me, as a creative. And I think my daughter, she wouldn't admit this, but I would. Michael Mirza [00:17:51]: I think it's true for her, too. The joy is actually more in the creating than it is in the leaving it out once it's created. The joy. She got her money's worth from that experience, figuratively speaking. So trying to guide her and be. Yes, it's sad to take down this thing that you worked hard on, but it actually just means you get to make a new arrangement next. So just like, little ways of trying to nuance and support her creativity in that way. I think she is a very talented designer and artist, and who knows what she'll. Michael Mirza [00:18:17]: How she may choose to use that in her life and what the creative landscape will look like by time. She's an adult, which I guess is only like 10 years away, but still, who knows? But we want to continue to affirm and nuance her creativity and her hard work, while also recognizing that the context of her creations may be fluid. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:34]: One of the things that I think that all of us try to do is we try to show our daughters that they can count on us, that we're here for them, that we show up for them. What's one way that you show your daughter that she can always count on you? Michael Mirza [00:18:47]: I'm thinking of relevant to some of when she has had really big emotions and whether it's been that there's a change of plans or asking her to stop something she's working on so that we can move on to getting ready for the day or getting ready for bed or whatever it is. And in those moments when she has a kind of a meltdown of sorts or, and as she gets older, this gets less common. But I think it's still something that plays into the ADHD thing. One of the ways that I think we try really hard to show up for her is this posture of always being willing to embrace and not hold bitterness towards. Even when sometimes like her dysregulation may cause her to say things we know she doesn't mean or lash out. Trying really, really hard to not take that personally. And it's amazing how the words of an 8 year old can still hurt. But trying really hard to demonstrate that we're still here, that talking in that way is not kind and it's not something we're okay with. Michael Mirza [00:19:45]: But we're still here and we will be here with you. We're going to guide you and help you and understand that it's not okay to talk to people that way. And we're not going to leave you. We're not going to punish you with isolation or shame in those moments. But I think that that's part of the reason why we are always able to reconcile in the way that we are is because of this posture of showing that even when sometimes it's like, I need you to take a. I need you to take a few minutes to just calm down in your room and then when you play with your fidgets, do a little drawing when you're calm, I'm going to go take some time for me to be calm. Let's come back together in a couple minutes and let's talk about that. Even in those moments, making sure that she is understanding that I'm not like shutting the door and walking away and we're done with this. Michael Mirza [00:20:32]: We're moving on to making it clear like, I'm still here, but we both need a little space right now. Let's take some space. Let's come back and demonstrating that consistently that she is never going to be abandoned as part of her any sort of consequence for anything that might happen. Maybe that's still a little too abstract, but that's sort of her high level. But that's where my mind went. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:53]: Completely understand. And it's definitely a journey. We talked about it being a journey, but it's going to evolve, it's going to change. And you have to change with it as your daughter changes as well, and as you get to better understand how you need to be there for and be able to allow for her, as we talked about earlier, become the person that she's becoming. What's a tradition that or a routine that you and your daughter do together, that you either create together or do together that strengthens the bond that you have together. Michael Mirza [00:21:24]: When we were talking about nature earlier, one of our ways that we like to do is we try to get out in the forest preserve once a month, which might not sound that hard, but you'd be surprised with the way schedules fill up just to like carve out a day. And we like to carry little buckets when we go into the woods and look for treasures. And I've been using some kind of found objects in nature for my own artwork as well. I've been exploring pattern design as a. As a medium lately. And so my daughter already liked this process of finding treasures, which may be anything from a pine cone to a mushroom to, you name it, just found objects in nature. We try to. Our rule is that you've got to either find it on the ground or got to be able to pluck it in a way that's not going to damage the rest of the plants or the organism, whatever it is. Michael Mirza [00:22:12]: But as I have been exploring my art medium and using found objects in that the focus of our treasure hunting has changed a little bit, in which now she is ecstatic about the idea of finding treasures that I can use in my art. And it's fun because she has also been like, taking these things beyond just the fun of finding and starting to do some kind of creativity of her own with nature. So she's been doing like little sketches of mushrooms and pinecones that she'll find. And then she likes to kind of put like little faces and turn them into little characters. That's been a really kind of a fun thing we've been doing for a long time of trying to being intentional about going outside and going in the woods and treasure hunting. And it's fun that now it sort of has this added layer of making art and sort of practicality to it in a way that is really, really fun. So I think that that's something that I would, I hope, you know, as we get older that our exploration of nature and treasure hunting evolves and we're able to do more in depth hiking. And I, I am hopeful about the idea of growing older and that even as my daughter is living on her own someday, that getting back together to go into nature together is something I hope we will continue to do for as long as we can. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:25]: Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 6. Six more questions that delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready? Michael Mirza [00:23:33]: Let's do it. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:33]: What's one word that describes your relationship with your daughter? Michael Mirza [00:23:38]: Mirroring. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:39]: What's the best piece of dad advice you've ever received? Michael Mirza [00:23:43]: Go to therapy. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:44]: What's one activity that you and your daughter love doing together? Michael Mirza [00:23:47]: In addition to what? Everything else that I would say is dancing. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:50]: If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be? Michael Mirza [00:23:55]: Slow down and appreciate all the goodness around you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:57]: What's one thing you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad? Michael Mirza [00:24:01]: It's good to do less. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:02]: And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? Michael Mirza [00:24:10]: There is nothing that you could do with your daughter that compromises your masculinity in any way. And you will have a more fulfilled and enriched relationship with your daughter by entering fully into her world and not caring what anyone else thinks about whether or not what you're doing is fatherly in any sort of way. So do her hair, paint her nails, paint your nails. Meet her there. And you are actually more fulfilled as a father and as a man when you meet her fully there and aren't concerned about how that might come off, about how you are perceived. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:41]: Well, Michael, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing the journey that you're on with your daughter and it's going to continue, it's going to evolve, it's going to change. But I truly appreciate you being here for sharing and for coming back into this conversation. And I look forward to hearing more about how things evolve as time goes by. And I wish you all the best. Michael Mirza [00:25:04]: Thank you so much, Dr. Lewis. It's been a delight. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:06]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect, it's about being present. If you enjoy enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs. Musical Outro Performer [00:25:36]: We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast? The time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world to now Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Building Father-Daughter Connections Through Presence and Support

Are you a dad striving to forge a deeper, lasting relationship with your daughter? The latest episode of the "Dad and Daughter Connection" podcast is a must-listen. Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis [https://www.linkedin.com/in/drchristopherlewis/], this heartfelt conversation with guest Craig Parks [https://www.linkedin.com/in/craig-parks-6038756/] spills over with practical wisdom, real-life stories, and a focus on the small moments that truly matter in father-daughter relationships. A central theme in this episode is the extraordinary power of being present. Craig Parks reflects on the transition from seeking only "big moments" to cherishing the everyday interactions—whether it's sharing a chat during the drive to school, game nights, or the simple rituals at bedtime. These small but consistent acts of presence, he argues, lay the foundation for trust and connection that daughters carry into adulthood. As the episode unfolds, the conversation shifts to the challenges and joys of raising daughters through their tween years. Craig Parks emphasizes the importance of balancing guidance with allowing independence. He shares, with refreshing honesty, the natural struggles of parenting—highlighting the need for self-reflection, giving space for children to assert themselves, and not taking it personally when daughters begin to assert their own identities. Another powerful takeaway is the value of supporting your child's passions and dreams. Craig Parks's support for his daughter's love of music and theater—showing up for rehearsals, being her biggest cheerleader, and even creating a "Daddy Daughter Duo"—serves as a model for embracing who your child truly is, not who you expect them to be. The podcast doesn't shy away from the tough stuff either. Craig Parks candidly shares a parenting mistake, underlining the importance of apologizing and repairing relationships. This humility and willingness to grow set the tone for authentic connection. Rounding out the episode, Dr. Christopher Lewis and Craig Parks discuss actionable tips, from fostering safe communication to managing your own well-being as a dad. Ready for more heartfelt advice and stories that inspire? Tune in to this episode of "Dad and Daughter Connection." You'll come away equipped and encouraged, with fresh ideas to nurture the most important relationship in your—and your daughter's—life. Listen now and start building those everyday moments that last a lifetime! If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey [https://bit.ly/daddaughtersurvey] to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter [https://bit.ly/ddcneweletter] to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/DrChristopherLewis], Facebook Group [https://www.facebook.com/groups/dadanddaughterconnections], Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/dadofdivas], LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/drchristopherlewis/], X [https://www.x.com/dadofdivas]. TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to connect with one another, working toward building those strong relationships that we want to have with our daughters one day at a time. And it is so important that you show up, because every day that you show up shows your daughters that you care, shows your daughters that you're in it to be able to be the dad that they want and that you want to be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:18]: And that's why this podcast is here. It is here to be able to give you some tools for your toolbox, to provide you some perspective and allow for you to learn from some other people that have gone through different experiences that can give you some different perspective that can help you to be the dad that you want to be. Today, we've got a great guest. Craig Parks is with us. And Craig is someone I've known for a few years. He's a past guest on my other podcast, Dads With Daughters, that I did for many years. And I asked him to come back to talk about where we are today, because the last time we chatted was about. About five years ago, I think. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:56]: And things are definitely different. Kids are older, and life is different in many different ways. So I'm excited to be able to talk to him, especially about his relationship with his daughter, and to be able to share him with you. Craig, thanks so much for being here today. Craig Parks [00:02:09]: It's an honor. Thank you, Christopher. I appreciate it. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:11]: Well, I really appreciate you being here today and for sharing this journey that you've been on with your daughter. And I know she's in those tween years, so we'll be. We'll. We'll talk a little bit about that, too. But one of the things that I love talking about first is that each of us as a dad, really want to create those moments, those moments that Our kids will remember. And I guess for you, as you think about your relationship with your daughter, what's one of the most meaningful moments that you've been able to share with your daughter and what made it so special? Craig Parks [00:02:39]: For me, we often will think about kind of the really big moments, and certainly those are going to happen. But to be honest with you, my focus is less on the big moments and understanding that most of parenthood is actually made up of the everyday small moments and really trying to be present for those. Right. Whether it's like when I'm driving her to school every day, am I present, am I with her, are we sharing something in the evening when we're hanging out, am I on my phone, or am I like, really with her? You know, are we playing games, are we talking, are we. And if she's going through any kind of struggle, like at bedtime, when she opens up a little bit more, am I listening in a way that will make her want to continue to. To open up and see me as a trusted source of support? So there's some just amazing moments of watching her on stage, she's in musical theater, or just playing Rummy Cube with her often, or she's also a musician. And so for me, like, what's really special is when she sits down at the piano and we're starting to put together a little thing called the Daddy Daughter Duo. And our dream is to go out and gig together. Craig Parks [00:03:40]: So anytime we play any music and harmonize together, those moments are so incredible. But I don't look towards, like, the big moments I want to soak in because I just know how fast it goes. I know that in a matter of six years can be out of the house. And it's like I just want to make the most of the tiny moments each bedtime that she still wants me there every time she gives me a hug and wants to hug me. And as you mentioned, she's in her tween years now, so I don't want to make it sound like it's all roses either, because she is in her individuation process, which is a natural process. Right. So there are some really hard moments to too, where she's very defiant and she's bumping up against those boundaries and that's her job as well. So that's really kind of what's in my heart around that. Craig Parks [00:04:22]: I mean, it's a good question. And I know that we will look back and I, you know, when I look back on her 11 years already, I mean, the pandemic was actually a really huge one, honestly. And that's where we created part two, Party Central. We did a weekly interactive show together to kind of get us through the pandemic and help others get through the pandemic. And we created this amazing interactive family variety show for people. So that's a memory that's like, wow, that's really huge. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:46]: Now, with your daughter getting into those tween years, there is a point in time where your daughter goes from the daughter that is still holding your hand and wants you there and has those stars in their eyes as they're looking at you and being its dad. Now, they still say it's dad, but they're looking at that independence, and they want that independence. How do you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into the person she's becoming? Craig Parks [00:05:11]: Such a great, great question. And, you know, I think when we listen to podcasts or it's easy to think of, like, oh, there's an expert on. And they have it all together. And, you know, and I just want to be really honest. I think that, first of all, it is a great question. It's an important question. And I think it's important for us parents to remember that. That we're never going to be perfect. Craig Parks [00:05:31]: And so that balance between fostering her independence and when she was like, oh, I want my daddy, but there's that part of her that's like, you are embarrassing me. You are gross, and get away from me. For me, I just do my best to, one, not take it personally when things get really, really hard. And two, to actually understand development, I think, is really important for us dads as well to know what is actually natural. Like, for them to start breaking away is actually natural. And if we're hoping that they're going to be continue to look at us like, oh, Daddy, you want to hold our hands when they're 15 and 16 and 17, that's actually not inv their best interests. I'll share this with you. I was nervous, and I think when we spoke many years ago on the podcast, I shared this, too. Craig Parks [00:06:12]: I was actually quite scared to have a daughter. As somebody who's worked with children of all ages for over three decades, and it wasn't because I was afraid I was going to love my daughter. It was because I think my knowledge of what. What girls and women go through, it's like, wow, that's tough. And. And so when I found out I was having a daughter, it's like, okay, I want to do everything I can to help my daughter own every bit of her power. And. And so I created a mantra for her even when she was in utero. Craig Parks [00:06:39]: And her mantra is, I am powerful and creative. And it is something I just. She is. I just shared with her almost every single day of her life. And what's great is she's actually really internalized it. And yet the irony is that when she owns that power and that creativity and uses it, quote, unquote, against me, I have to take a step back, not take it personally, and realize, okay, she actually is asserting her independence. And. And I want her to be. Craig Parks [00:07:03]: I want her to be strong, and I don't want her to just follow the crowd. I don't want her if even in her dating life, if she's feeling a little bit weird internally, I want her to trust her intuition. I want her to trust and feel confident. Say, this doesn't feel right. So I'm not looking for a daughter who's just going to obey me and be completely obedient. No, I want. I want a daughter who's going to be able to question me when she feels like something is not fair or just or right. I want to foster that in her so that I know that when she's out in the world, she has the confidence to do that and know that that's. Craig Parks [00:07:35]: That's actually a good thing, that that's a really wonderful thing to do. So there's tension in that. Right? Because of course, who doesn't want the sweet, loving daughter, right, that's just going to want to hug us all the time. But I think it's important to know that that's actually not in their best interest, that it's. That they do need to break away. They need to actually go up against the boundaries. And it's our job as parents to one continually question, are these boundaries still developmentally appropriate and are they fair? And if they are, it's our job to, even against their resistance, to hold firm and be okay with them hating us in that moment because they're going to say some things that if we could take personally, but I think our job is to not take personally and stay calm, as calm as we can, and loving and. And have some grace for ourselves as well. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:19]: You know, a little bit earlier you talked about that your daughter's into musical theater, that you can tell that she has some true pass, that you're wanting to do some gigs with her and to try to get out into the world to showcase what you both have together. And those go into the passions and the dreams that our kids have. And as fathers, we do whatever we can to be able to support those. How do you support your daughter in pursuing her passion and dreams? Craig Parks [00:08:44]: Well, I think a lot of it is just like taking her to all the rehearsals, picking her up, and also being there, just being present. My dad was such a hard working dad, just trying to support the family. He missed a lot of my childhood. I think a lot of what I do and what I chose to do as a profession, working with kids, and certainly as a dad, I think was largely driven by a lot of that pain of like wishing that my dad had been kind of more present. I understand. I mean, he, it wasn't for a bad reason. He was working his tail off trying to support the family. Right. Craig Parks [00:09:14]: But I knew I wanted to design a different kind of life for myself as a dad. And so I think the way we support our kids and our daughters is by understanding who they are. So like, my daughter is really into music and musical theater and she never got that into sports and that's fine. So it's like trying to understand, like, what are their true gifts, what are their true passions and trying to let them become who they actually are rather than mold them into who we want to be. I mean, look, I wish I was out gigging last year with her already because she could do that. But I also don't want to be the, the parents, be like, no, we're going to practice this way and have it be some. I want it to be joyful and connecting. So for me it's just being present. Craig Parks [00:09:50]: When she has rehearsals, I work it out with, with my wife so that who's going to drive her, who's going to pick her up? And she sees that dad is often the one doing those things. Every performance I'm there. On the very rare occasions where I can't make something, I see she's bummed about it. And for me as a kid, it was just the norm. So the fact that I know my kid is disappointed and can show that to me is actually another beautiful thing that reflects the, the connection that we have, that she can actually express her sadness and disappointment and I can too. But just being there, being present, seeing what they're into, seeing what they're passionate about and supporting it, I think is one of the best ways that we can really support our daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:26]: The other thing that I think a lot of us as dads want to do is be able to show our kids that we believe in them, that we value them. And I guess for you as a dad, what do you do to intentionally make your daughter feel both valued and heard? Craig Parks [00:10:42]: We talked about kind of the small moments of each day. I think it happens in the tiniest of moments. Each. Each moment when she's speaking, don't be looking at your phone. And I'm guilty of that. And so. But in terms of my intention, that's what I want to make sure is when she's speaking, presence, am I present? Am I actually hearing and understanding what she is saying, and am I asking questions that she could tell I'm really thinking about what she's saying and can I do it without judgment? And that's tricky for us parents, too, because of course, we're going to have our judgments about things. But. Craig Parks [00:11:11]: And then the other thing is. And this could be hard for us parents, too, is letting them fail, letting them make mistakes, let them learn from those mistakes, giving them space to be able to fail, to not rescue them and. But let them know, like, we're here, we see you, and we believe in you. This is something I was actually conscious of from really day one, especially with a daughter. I did not want a daughter to learn that she was just helpless. I wanted her to know I believed in her. So I guess a little kid, you know, she. She'd fall off the play equipment or she. Craig Parks [00:11:40]: She'd scrape her knee or whatever. And. And I wasn't just, like, running to her like, are you okay? You know, I was like, get on up. You got this. You know, just letting her know, like, I'm here. I see you. I believe in you. You can get up. Craig Parks [00:11:50]: You got it. And obviously, if she was really, really her, I. Obviously, I'd be nurturing and take care of her, but, you know, just let her know, like, whatever it is, like, we can learn from them and we can grow. And so to not get upset if they fail, if they, you know, they don't do something, they don't do a chore, it's like, okay, well, you're not going to get this until it's done. But with no anger in the voice of, like, cool. This is the way it is. I think the more us parents can understand our boundaries and understand how to set up kind of natural consequences, it's easier for us to not lose our cool. And especially as dads, it could be really scary for kids when us dads can lose our cool and lose our temper. Craig Parks [00:12:25]: Our. I think our biggest job is really to just work on our own presence and our own being so that our kids just feel safe. Around us to be whatever they need to be. And I know that's a high bar, but for me, that's what I'm really Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:37]: conscious of as a dad now. None of us as dads are perfect. We all make mistakes, and we have to live with those mistakes and learn from those mistakes. What's a mistake that you've made as a father, and what did you learn from it regarding fostering a positive communication with your daughter? Craig Parks [00:12:55]: So there's one memory that. And this happened a lot of years ago. You know, I don't know how old she was. It was. She was maybe 5 or 6 years old, and it was, like, three days in a row. She kept spilling water in the backseat of the car. And there was one day where, really I lost it. And I grabbed whatever I could. Craig Parks [00:13:14]: It turned out to be her artwork. And I used it to, like, dry up the back seat. And Christopher. I felt like such garbage. I felt so bad. Like, I took her creation, I took her art, and in anger, right up the seat, and she was crying. She was really upset. And later that night, you know, when I got calm at bedtime, I really debriefed the whole thing and took full responsibility. Craig Parks [00:13:37]: And I apologized. And I think it's important for our kids to hear us apologize when we make mistakes, if we want them to be able to do that, too, make repairs. And I asked her, too. I told her. I was like, there was no part of that that was right for me to do, and that I felt terrible. And I apologize. And I. And I asked her, I'm like, and I really hope that you'll forgive me. Craig Parks [00:13:55]: And, you know, and she said that she did. And the reason I bring this up is because she still, to this day, will bring that up to give me a hard time. She's like, dad, you took my art. And, you know, and the fact that, like, that that's the one that she goes to after all these years, that she doesn't have, like, 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 of those terrible memories to go to, to me, is, like, a really beautiful thing. It shows that I've done a pretty good job of staying pretty calm and peaceful and connected and loving. It doesn't mean that I haven't had moments where I haven't had to apologize to her in all these years. I don't. I don't want to set that up. Craig Parks [00:14:30]: But what that showed me is that one certainly repairing, repairing, repairing when there is a disconnect, when we have not been our best, repairing that moment revisiting that moment, letting them know that we've thought about it and that we were not proud of our moments when we're. When we're not at our best and to let them see a vulnerable side of us, that we're actually thoughtful, we're reflective, that we care about the relationship. That, I think is one of the biggest, biggest lessons that no matter what goes down, because we will never be perfect, we shouldn't be perfect. We'll never, you know, and so when we have those moments, repair, repair, repair. And if we could do that, we keep our relationship strong and we keep that trust. When they see that we've reflected and we've owned where we have not been our best. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:17]: Now, one of the things that I know that you've done in the past and that you're working on right now is you started a site called parentingharmony.com and I guess I want to go back to the beginning of this and bring me back to the inception of the idea. And what made you decide that you wanted to venture into this space and start this journey? And what needs were you trying to fill? Craig Parks [00:15:44]: So I'm in San Diego, California, and I've started two summer camps, and I ran summer camps for about 30 years, and I've worked with kids of all ages. And I'm also a professional musician. So I've done music with a lot of children, done parents, and taught classes, and there's a lot of things I've done with kids and then having my own. I ended up writing a lot of music, and I wrote a lot of music just in the natural flow of being with my kids. Kids. And I ended up recording an album of music that I wrote with my kids that ended up. And. And when I first released, I thought, oh, I kind of want to be the next Raffy, you know, and, like, just be out there doing this kids album. Craig Parks [00:16:19]: But the more I thought about it, and as I was trying to get it out there, I realized, wait a minute. These songs are not just kid songs. These are actually parenting moments. So it was songs like Dancing on Daddy's Shoulders, where I would actually have my daughter up on my shoulders, and we would sing this song and dance together every day. When she was young, during bath time, I wrote a song for bath time. I wrote a lullaby for my son. I have all these songs that were parenting experiences. And then I thought, wait a minute. Craig Parks [00:16:45]: Okay. I have these songs that turn everyday moments into actually positive, beautiful memories. And I've also taught so many people how to work with kids. And I actually want to share all of this wisdom so that parents one can be present one they're not going to look back at their child childhood in regret. Like, oh my God, I missed it in the blink of an eye because I didn't make the most out of bedtime. The things that happen every day, that's most of parenting. Because Christopher, you asked about the big moments, right? And we can take our kids to Disneyland and that will be a memorable moment. But most of parenting isn't that. Craig Parks [00:17:19]: Most of parenting is the wake them up, make sure they're fed, make sure that they're bathed, make sure that they go to bed at a reasonable hour. All these things that we have to do every day. And so what for me it was like, oh, I feel like I've kind of really have something to show parents of how to make the most of the mundane and make up connecting fun. So I created the parenting A to E philosophy. And A stands for our affect, right? I've talked about presence, I talked about being common and our affect in our body and in our voice will create the E the effectiveness of the kind of relationship we want. And so, and this is what I taught all the people I trained to work with kids is how do we use our body and how do we use our voice to create connection in a way that's memorable. And so my parenting aide course teaches parents how to use their body, their voice. It has the 14 songs for that and then there's 10 games as well that they can do to use the affect that are just really fun, really connecting, that are screen free. Craig Parks [00:18:15]: And then there's bonus material like bedtime rituals and bathtime rituals. So this is to help parents and amazing like and they've told me like it has made such a difference and things that they just don't think about because maybe they've never worked with kids, right? Something as simple as lower your body and get down on their eye level. Can you imagine being, you know, if everybody in your world was 10 foot 6 inches and you walked out the door and Everybody was like 2ft taller than you, like how intimidating that world would be. And we forget that that's the world that our little children are in every day of their lives. And so the simple act of lowering our our bodies and getting eye level creates trust safety. So those are the powerful kind of techniques that I teach in my parenting A to E course. And then the songs are easy, they're for non musicians that are very, very simple melodies but are super fun and connecting and when you do these as a ritual every day for bedtime, the lullaby or washing hands or bath time or whatever it is, our children will look back on their childhood and they'll remember, oh, my gosh. Oh, yeah. Craig Parks [00:19:13]: I remember we used to sing this song when dad would wake me up. It was the wake up song. So there's all these different things, and music is one of the most powerful ways to create memories. So I just wanted to share all these things that I had learned and done and created so that there's more love, more joy and connection that parents have access to. And that for the parents who've used this course, that's what they've done. And then I also created out of the Parks Party Central show, every episode had activities that parents could do with their kids. And so I look back on our episodes and I created the Parks Party Central parent child activity book. And it's 25 screen free activities that parents can do with their kids that are silly. Craig Parks [00:19:48]: They're really fun. And so I have different ways and offerings that parents can take advantage of if they really want to have more fun, more connection, and more joy. That's what parenting harmony is all about. And you can find these@parentingharmony.com now. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:00]: We always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 66 more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready? Craig Parks [00:20:07]: Let's do it. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:08]: What's one word that describes your relationship with your daughter? Craig Parks [00:20:12]: Joyful. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:13]: What's the best piece of dad advice that you've ever received? Craig Parks [00:20:17]: Take care of your own well, being first so that you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]: It's the old adage of the airlines and putting your mask on before you help your child. Craig Parks [00:20:27]: We're stressed and we're hungry and we're just a ball of nerves all the time. Like, we just. We can't be our best. So I meditate every single day. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:35]: What's one activity that you and your daughter love doing together? Craig Parks [00:20:38]: Playing music. Oh, and I'm going to throw in a bonus one. We are really into Rummy Cube right now. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:43]: It's a fun game. Craig Parks [00:20:44]: Yeah, it's great. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:45]: If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be? Craig Parks [00:20:49]: Take on the mindset of owning your power to create no matter the circumstances. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:55]: And what's one thing you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad? Craig Parks [00:20:58]: My heart and capacity to love is much bigger than I even realized. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:04]: And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters. Craig Parks [00:21:11]: The most important thing, I think, is being there, is being present as much as possible. And I know that we have to work right and we have to do different things, but as much as possible, when we are able to be there, be there with an open mind, an open heart, and with curiosity and with love being the foundation of it all. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:30]: Well, Craig, I just want to say thank you. I really appreciate you being back and sharing your journey with your daughter. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go? Craig Parks [00:21:39]: They can go to parentingharmony.com and they can write to me at Craig Parks parentingharmony.com and I also want to. If anybody's made it this far and they're actually interested, I want to offer this to your listeners. If you write to me and you want the parenting Harmony, the parenting ate digital course, I will take $200 off the course. That's way more than 50%. So just write to me and say that you heard me on this podcast and I will get you. I'll get you that discount. Because if that's something you want, I also guarantee that if you do this course, you will have more laughter, you will have more joy, and you will have more confidence in your parenting. And. Craig Parks [00:22:15]: And ultimately what I want is that for you, more love, more joy, more connection, because that is what will ripple out into a more peaceful world for all of our kids. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:23]: Well, Craig, thank you. Thank you not only for that wonderful gift for us, but also for sharing your story today. And I truly wish you all the best. Craig Parks [00:22:32]: Thank you, Chris, for always a pleasure to be with you. Musical Outro Performer [00:22:35]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs. Musical Outro Performer [00:23:05]: We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game. Cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can.

Listening, Laughing, Loving: How to Be the Dad She Really Needs

Building a strong, lasting relationship with your daughter is a journey—one filled with challenges, humor, and countless meaningful moments. In the latest episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection, host Dr. Christopher Lewis [https://www.linkedin.com/in/drchristopherlewis/] sits down with dedicated father Charlie Davis and his tween daughter, Harper, to explore what it really takes to foster connection, confidence, and independence in young women. This week Charlie Davis shares how creating traditions—like their annual "Daddy Daughter Dance" outings—has become a cornerstone in their relationship. These shared rituals become "core memories," strengthening their bond year after year. Navigating the tween years brings new challenges. Charlie Davis talks openly about balancing guidance with granting independence, highlighting the importance of giving daughters space to make decisions and learn from them. He reflects on the need for gentle communication, admitting that a softer approach encourages frank discussions and helps avoid misunderstandings. Supporting individual passions emerged as another vital theme. For Harper, a love of animals is front and center, and her parents actively support her interests—arranging shadow days at the local veterinary clinic and fostering her involvement in horseback riding. This affirmation and encouragement empower her to pursue her dreams. What truly shines in this episode is the warmth and humor that permeates Charlie Davis and Harper's relationship. Whether it's inside jokes ("be careful!" before bed), binge-watching favorite shows, or simply running errands together, these small moments add up to a profound sense of closeness and trust. The advice offered is relatable and actionable for dads everywhere: Be present, listen actively, don't take yourself too seriously, and never underestimate the power of laughter. Most of all, remember that daughters are always listening, so choose your words and actions with care. If you're a dad looking for inspiration to deepen your connection with your daughter, tune in to this heartfelt episode. Full of personal stories and practical gems, it's a must-listen for anyone striving to "be the dad she needs." Listen now at dadanddaughterconnection.com and keep building those lifelong bonds! TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started because being a great dad isn't just about being there, it's about truly connecting. Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to connect with one another, to work with one another and, and for you to be able to take something tangible, something tangible out of every episode so that you have an opportunity to be able to build some tools for your toolbox. Learning from others and finding some things that might allow you to build that type of relationship that you want to have with your daughter. That's why I love that you're here every week, because every week you are showing up. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:21]: You're showing up to be able to learn, to grow and you are doing what you have to do to be able to build on those relationships. We don't always do it right. There's going to be times when we trip. That's okay. What's important is that you do keep showing up and that's why this show exists. This show exists to help you to be able to do just that. I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that will provide you with some of their own experiences, some that might work for you and some might not. But it's good to be able to hear and experience and learn from other people in that way. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:55]: Today we got another great guest. Charlie Davis is with us today. Charlie is a father of a daughter. He has almost 12 year old daughter and we're going to be. And she may pop her head in, in just a little bit and, and talk to us a little bit as well. But I'm really excited to be able to have Charlie on today and to introduce him to you. Charlie, thanks so much for being here today. Charlie Davis [00:02:13]: Absolutely. Glad to be here. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:14]: You know, first and foremost, Charlie, I guess one of the questions that I want to be able to start with is that every one of us as fathers love to be able to create those moments, those meaningful moments that are Ones that our daughters remember and allow for us to build those bonds. What is one of the most meaningful moments that you've shared with your daughter thus far and what made it so special? Charlie Davis [00:02:36]: I'd say it's kind of a repeat moment, but we try to do it annually. We try to take. We try to take the time to make sure that, you know, we spend some individual time together. But she had, you know, with her older brother and their mom and everything. But every year, there's a particular moment where we try to attend the annual Daddy Daughter Dance. And that is something that we have kind of made a tradition. She hasn't grown out of it yet. She actually still enjoys going with me. Charlie Davis [00:03:01]: So that part's great. It's an evening that we can just take to ourselves and just her and myself and we'll go out to dinner. Usually it's the same place. We have a particular restaurant we like to go to. It's an Italian place, particularly for the overly large piece of chocolate cake that we have every time that we go each year. And it's just a memory, kind of a core memory that sticks, that, you know, she brings up from occasion and even reminds me to make sure that I look to see when the next dance is coming up. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:26]: It's always important when you have those type of moments. I remember going to the dances with my own daughters, and it was always so fun to be able to share those times and to have those special moments in that regard. And your daughter is now getting into those tween years, and there is going to be that inevitable push to get more independence. How do you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into the person she's becoming? Charlie Davis [00:03:51]: Well, to tell you the truth, with her in particular, it's been a little easier than I expected. I don't expect it to always be that way. But she's had a sense of independence for a while anyway. She's not one that runs around in large crowds, you know, all the time, wants to be away from the house a lot. She's very much into reading. She actually prefers to do that with her free time most of the time. But the biggest balance is me being able to take a step back and let her live basically like you. Let her make some choices on her own, you know, within reason, and just kind of see how she does with those choices now to kind of evaluate how she may approach certain larger decisions later in life. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:30]: None of us as dads are perfect. We are fallible. We're humans. We make Mistakes. What's a mistake you made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive communication with your daughter? Charlie Davis [00:04:41]: Well, I learned very quickly that I have to speak and approach her very differently than her older brother. I could be a little more firm with him than I can with her. I can still be firm to a degree with her when need be, but for the most part with her it is. I've learned that I need to approach it with a gentler tone a lot of the times, just to kind of step back, kind of lower the tone basically and approach her in a more conversational manner so that she can actually be calm in her response back to me. And we can actually foster communication that way as opposed to it just being an argument or one sided. And we actually accomplish a lot more that way than we do by just a one sided, angry parent coming at you, telling you what to do. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:22]: And what do you do to intentionally make your daughter feel valued and heard? Charlie Davis [00:05:29]: Well, we definitely have had to try to work. I know our whole family is guilty of this on occasion, but especially whenever they have something, you know, we're having a group conversation as a family and they start to speak and you make sure you don't speak over them. You don't interrupt and cut it off because you know you've got a particular point that you're trying to make. You just make sure that they're literally heard in, in those moments. Let them finish their thoughts and then actively engage in whatever comment that they made, you know, whatever your feedback may be to that to let them know that you're engaged in the conversation and that they are heard. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:00]: And I know we talked beforehand about some of the things that she really likes when we were chatting about you coming on the show. And all of our daughters have their own passions, their own dreams, the things that light them up. You talked about her reading. How do you support your daughter in pursuing her passion and dreams? Charlie Davis [00:06:17]: Well, actually for the most part right now. Besides, I mean, reading is definitely one of her favorite hobbies. But as far as a passion, she is all about animals, all things animals. She has a love for every animal that exists. And there's a shadow day coming up for, you know, particular careers and things like that. And we have a good relationship with our veterinarian and she's probably going to end up going shadowing there and working with the animals for the day. We have been out to the, the animal shelter several times for a particular dog that we saved a couple years ago to go visit and she's also involved in horseback riding, which, you know, another completely different animal. Literally. Charlie Davis [00:06:56]: But anything that involves animals that she can actually do something positive with or make an impact, we make sure to get her there, let her know about those upcoming events so she can participate. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:06]: Hello. Well, Harper, thanks so much for being on the show. I really appreciate you sharing your voice. Can you share a favorite memory with your dad that's really made you feel close to him? Speaker D [00:07:17]: I played basketball with him this weekend. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:20]: It sounds like fun. Sounds like a lot of fun. I heard you love reading books. And has your dad done anything to be able to help you, kind of to foster that reading in you over the years? Speaker D [00:07:30]: Well, he buys. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:32]: I love it. What's one thing that your dad does that helps you to feel that you can be confident in who you are and who you want to be? Speaker D [00:07:42]: Maybe, like, whenever he tells me, like, stuff before, like a quiz or something, like, I had a math EOG today. Charlie Davis [00:07:48]: They may not know what EOGs are. That's end of grade testing. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:51]: Okay. Charlie Davis [00:07:51]: But usually before any tests or anything like that, she does go over a lot of stuff with her mom as well, to review things and then kind of follows up with me on subjects that I'm particularly proficient in just to make sure she's on the right track. And I let her know that she is. And if she's not, then we make sure that she is before the test actually starts. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:07]: Harper, is there anything that your dad does that really shows you that you can always count on him? Speaker D [00:08:12]: You always get very protective when I talk about boys. I mean, I bet you I could call you and you'd be like, oh, yeah, I'm going to pick you up. Sure, yeah, yeah. Charlie Davis [00:08:20]: If you called me from anywhere, I would come pick you up. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:22]: Let's flip that around to you there, Charlie. What's one way that you think that you try to show Harper that she can always count on you? Charlie Davis [00:08:29]: Well, I mean, I'm not exactly one of the dads that tries to avoid too many conversations when the girls are speaking. I like to let her know that if she does want to talk to me about something, whether it is a boy or not, that if she has something she wants to know or something she's trying to figure out, I'm still going to help answer. I mean, at least to the best of my ability. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:48]: And what's a tradition or a routine that both of you have created together that really allows for you to be able to create that strong bond together, something that you share? Charlie Davis [00:08:58]: I'd say A lot of times, because, you know, with traveling, with work every now and then, and her mom does as well. And especially whenever a mom is out of town and, you know, just dad in charge, we tend to stay up a little later than we should. We have a couple of shows every now and then that, you know, we will binge watch together and just kind of stay up and talk in between each episode. And it's just something that we typically always do anytime that the free time is allowed. It's just something that we always kind of look forward to whenever we have the opportunity. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:25]: Anything else you want to share, Harper? Speaker D [00:09:27]: Well, like, whenever he says good night Charlie Davis [00:09:29]: to me, it's like saying good night to you. Speaker D [00:09:31]: Yeah. Charlie Davis [00:09:31]: Every night. Yeah. No. Okay. Yeah. We're just making sure that I do have the. The good night and I love you. Every single night before she goes to bed and not skipping that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:40]: That's always important. Speaker D [00:09:41]: And for some reason you say, be careful. Like, what am I gonna do? Like, hit my head on the bed? Charlie Davis [00:09:45]: Yes. We do have a saying that's been around since she was very, very little. You know, every time we leave the house, we always tell each other, hey, you know, be careful. Just kind of a thing, you know, besides, I love you too. And she did not know that that was mainly for leaving the house when she was younger. And she repeated that back to me one night before she was going to bed and said, be careful. So it was a laugh. We laughed about it. Charlie Davis [00:10:06]: And I want to say she was not much more than two, maybe three, and kind of an ongoing inside joke that every night it's be careful. Love you, night, night, get some sleep. And so the be careful makes no sense to anyone else but us, but it's just an inside joke that we've had before she goes to bed. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:24]: It's always important to have those inside jokes, something that the two of you that are special for the two of you, something that's meaningful, that definitely creates those bonds and allows you to be able to strengthen them and be able to always have something that's just your own. I love it. Now, I always finish our interviews, what I like to call our dad connection. 6. And usually I ask the dads, only the dads, these questions. But, Harper, I'm going to ask you too. So you have to do your best and see what you can answer. Harper, I'll start with you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:48]: What's one word that describes your relationship with your dad? Speaker D [00:10:52]: Humorous. Charlie Davis [00:10:53]: And, Charlie, I was actually going to go along the same lines as funny. Humorous. There are always Jokes. He did. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:59]: Harper, what's the best piece of advice your dad ever gave you? Speaker D [00:11:02]: Well, there's a few, but I can't say them. Charlie Davis [00:11:04]: Okay, well, I know. Do as I say, not as I do. Oh, okay. Speaker D [00:11:08]: Don't do what your brother does. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:11]: And, Charlie, what's the best piece of dad advice you ever received? Charlie Davis [00:11:15]: Do not get too complacent. There's always someone out there working just as hard, if not harder than you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:21]: And, Harper, what's one activity that you and your dad love doing together? Speaker D [00:11:26]: I mean, sometimes we just, like, drive places. Like, I go with them to go places and stuff. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:30]: And, Charlie, what would you say to that? Charlie Davis [00:11:32]: Typically, if I have to make a trip to the grocery store or run an errand to do anything, I just ask if she wants to go with me, just because that's. That's a lot of the times whenever we will actually be in the car together, just us. And if we're not singing some goofy song together or making up our own words of that song, then that's a lot of times when our conversations are actually sparked because there. There's no outside interference. It's just her and I. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:53]: Okay, next two questions are just for you, Charlie. If you could give Harper one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be? Charlie Davis [00:12:01]: Never doubt yourself and that your support system is always here for you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:06]: And what's one thing you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad? Charlie Davis [00:12:10]: Always doubt yourself before you approach a situation. When it comes to having a daughter, reevaluate the way that you're going to approach it first, especially if you've learned through having a son first and then completely recalculate everything. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:23]: And, Harper, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? Speaker D [00:12:32]: Well, you kind of got to be careful with what you say because, well, the daughters always eavesdrop. So you got to be like, you got to think it over all the time. Charlie Davis [00:12:40]: They're always listening, always listening. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:43]: What about you, Charlie? Charlie Davis [00:12:44]: Don't be so serious all the time. Make sure that you know, that you're approachable, that, you know, smile. I mean, laugh with your daughter. Make jokes about things. Don't be so rigid that you can't have a conversation, that you can't enjoy each other. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:57]: Well, Charlie Harper, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing your story. And I know it's not over. There's definitely going to be more things coming as life goes on. But I really appreciate you taking some time today to share your relationship with us and for taking some time to be able to reflect back and to help other dads. And I wish you both the best. Charlie Davis [00:13:18]: Well, it was an honor being on here. I really appreciate you having us and I hope you have a great one and hope that we can speak again soon. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:25]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confidence, confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect, it's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs. Musical Performer [00:13:56]: We're all in the same boat and it's full full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite glass calling Astronauts and firemen Carpenters and musclemen and get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can be.